Writer, Editor, & Lifestyle Blogger: Sex, Lust, Love, Celibacy & More 🥰 A woman not afraid to walk in her truth....in style of course 👠 💄
Well you knew it was coming…me combining two of my favorite things…wigs and sex! During yesterday’s Hump Day video, I gave tips on how you can flawlessly wear your wigs while having some of the best sex ever! No need to worry about that wig falling off during your best doggy style! I got you! ~KJM 😉
In this thought provoking video, I tackle wanting to be fashionable in our new normal mask wearing world! I put on liquid matte lipsticks from “Too Faced Cosmetics” up against liquid matte lipsticks from the black owned “The Crayon Case!” This was the ultimate lipstick brand battle! Stay tuned to see who the winner was! ~KJM
Inspired by the fourth season finale of the brilliant HBO show “Insecure,” I run down some tips on how not to get pregnant or how not to get someone pregnant for everyone! ~KJM is saying y’all better be wrapping it up especially if you are sleeping with someone you barely know and do not love! Safe sex is the best sex! 🙌🏽
During our quarantine, I took up wearing wigs. Hair salons were closed but not my sense of style and fashion. In this YouTube video about wigs and equality….I debunk some popular myths about wearing wigs! Stay tuned for makeup and hair tips as we maneuver our way through this pandemic! Also, please subscribe to my YouTube page!~KJM 💜
I fall asleep at night feeling defeated. So much around me is changing. We are in a pandemic. So many permanent goodbyes yet all that surrounds me at night is my broken heart. Do you know what it is like to dream with a broken heart? “When you are dreaming with a broken heart” ….John Mayer was right….”The waking up is the hardest part.” Just as I awaken, for a split second, I feel like everything is okay. That the Ex Factor will always physically be near me. My dreams tell me it will be okay and that God is still in control. But I awaken and for that split second, I don’t remember that I have a broken heart. I don’t have the guilt of wasted times and wasted break ups. My heart is not filled with regrets…and I am smiling. The moment my eyes open I just know the day is going to be filled with love and no sorrows. That is how sweet my dreams are. Then I remember and my heart gets so heavy. So heavy that there feels like there is a building on my chest. And suddenly it is hard to breathe. Tears start rolling down my face. Then I get sad that I was awakened out of my sleep. My beautiful sleep. We sometimes make love in my dreams. We appreciate and respect each other so much more in my dreams. Most importantly, nothing can separate us in my dreams. We are together. We are happy. And we even have a family. A family. One of the key things 5 year old me nor 28 year old me could never envision. I feel like he’s taking all of me with him. I know many of you may think I’m being super dramatic but have you ever truly met a woman that never wanted to get married and/or have children? The universe has to do so much work to get her uterus to even do a little dance. She yearns for everything unconventional and wants nothing that is conventional. Her whole life is most likely planned with solo travels and dreams of visiting every continent. She does not hear the “pitter patter” of little feet unless she simultaneously hears the voice of God. Her soul is open to so much yet closed off to so much. She can attend a million weddings and hold a million babies and never say…’I am next.’ She just doesn’t operate that way. So for my dreams to be so vivid for the last ten years, for my soul to open up a bit, and for me to even admit that I love….even if it’s in the most toxic form…. is HUGE. To me, it’s nothing short of an act of God. GOD! And where is HE in all of this?! The Ex Factor cannot confirm nor deny that HE exists but I can. For weeks, I have been so angry with them both. I cannot get around this feeling. I have to go through it and y’all know how much I hate going THROUGH something. I always want to skirt around the feeling or the emotion. I want to dance around it but I can’t. Stuck with my broken heart. And where is GOD?! Why does HE allow me to dream such beautiful dreams if HE is only going to awaken me from them. Separate me from them. Leave me in a sea of pain. Where is GOD?! I think this is the first time in a long while that I question HIM. And not just about what’s going on with the Ex Factor but also for all the loss myself, my loved ones, and the world has endured due to this pandemic. Why now? Why us? Where are YOU? I ask yet nothing feels answered. I pray everyday starting with two scriptures: one for love (1 Corinthians 13) and one for protection (currently Psalm 91). Praying as soon as I wake is a habit. So even on my angry days I pray but I don’t feel like a faithful Christian. I feel challenged. I feel sad. I feel angry. And most of the time, I am at such a loss for words that tears are streaming down my face. Throughout the day, I talk with HIM. I imagine HIM walking with me. Lord, I am trying to trust your vision even when I cannot see where it may lead. There’s just so much more I want to say about this but my questioning GOD is not really what this blog is about. I am still dreaming with a broken heart. Tears are falling as I write this. I have to believe that GOD is in control because I really have no choice. Relying on my own mind and heart has always landed me in a sea of guilt and regret. Ironically, Summer 2007, when Julio broke up with me…I don’t remember being angry with GOD. I was angry with Julio and only with Julio. He had pulled the rug from up under me and even in my state of sadness I never ever thought he left me for another woman. I just thought he left me when I needed him the most. He was not patient, he was not kind. Julio was none of the things to me that was written in 1 Corinthians 13 about love. Not one of them. I think that is why I was not angry with God. I had no choice but to trust HIS plan because it was clear the one I was kind of just going along with was not for me. I am only bringing up Summer 2007 because it’s really the only thing I can remember about my relationship with Julio. The pain of getting through that summer. It is like the Good Lord erased the rest of the ten years I had spent with him. My memory is sharp yet I have little memory of what it felt like to be with him. I only remember the final hurt. The thing is…back then I was sleeping with a broken heart….I was not dreaming with one. To my recollection, I never had one dream of marriage or a family. So l slept with my broken heart…only to years later…almost three years to the exact date of Julio and my breakup…learn to not only love again but to dream with an open heart. That is what Summer 2010 did for me. It took Summer 2020 to make me realize that. Holding onto the Ex Factor for ten years was not wrong. No matter what happens in life…if you meet a person that awakens dreams in you that you never thought were possible or you thought were dead long ago…you get into the passenger side of their car and you guys follow the road where ever it may go. That is exactly what I did. Took this pandemic to make me realize that the Ex Factor is right…I have always been the glue that has kept us together. I am the reason we know each other for more than a summer. Without me, we would never have gotten this far. I made some mistakes. We made some mistakes. He was not ready and still is not ready. But I’m gonna tell you something most women would NOT admit to themselves nor anyone else…I was not ready either. Just started to get ready (naturally) about five years ago. Still not fully there yet. I still have so much work to do on myself. I am a late bloomer in matters of the romantic heart. And my ego has played a huge role in my delay. Pride and ego. Erase them from your vocabulary if you truly want to grow. Trust that self love will be the shield that protects and guides you during your journey to romantic love. And breathe through it all. Trusting your steps. Trusting HIS vision. Trusting your heart. Breathe through it all. Can you do that for me? I pray so. Because if you don’t…you may end up like me…dreaming with a broken heart. “When you are dreaming with a broken heart…the waking up is the hardest part. When you are dreaming with a broken heart”….John Mayer was right….”The giving up is the hardest part.” ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday💙
I think about her sometimes. Is she okay? Has she eaten? What is her life like now? I still think about her sometimes…. Who is she? The woman that changed the direction of what could have been my forever. The woman Julio left me for in Summer 2007. I know. I know…it is so odd to think about a woman that lead to one of my greatest heartbreaks but I do. You see….out of every guy I have ever dated…I trusted Julio completely. This is why I never suspected anything when he suddenly dumped that crazy ultimatum on me…the summer after my first year of graduate school. Julio said it was either a family with him now (and maybe I could go back to school in a few years) or nothing. I chose my education. No regrets there. What’s for me will always be for me!!! Yet I think about her sometimes. It is not like she haunts me. That’s not how I think about her. To me, she’s like an associate from the past that I have never ever met. Matter of fact, I did not know of her existence for sure until October 2009, the Fall after I graduated from graduate school in NC. I graduated Spring of 2009. Not the best time to graduate after an economic recession but “still I rose.” Julio confirmed her existence when he resurfaced in October 2009. If memory serves me correct, they were just breaking up and he was in the process of moving out of her house. What her? The woman he left me for. The summer he broke my heart, Summer 2007, I never thought it was because of another woman. That is how much I trusted Julio! I thought….he has always wanted marriage and a family….and I never did (in all the years we dated). We knew this when I was 15 and he was 16. It also never occurred to me that Julio gave me such a horrible ultimatum because he knew me well enough to know what my answer would be! Julio knew how important my education was to me. How important it was for me to always find my own way. Listen to my own voice. He knew…so he did the cowardly thing and lied to me….instead of saying…hey I met someone at work here in NJ and I think our ideals are more aligned. That shit would have hurt twice as much as his ultimatum but at least the truth would have set me free. I probably would have cried less over him because you cannot make a man stay anywhere he does not want to. Matter of fact, same goes for strong women! You cannot hold us down. Sad truth is…even a weak man chooses himself while it takes a strong woman to choose herself! Madness! Yet I think about her sometimes. Why? From what Julio told me, she was an older woman. They fell in love and tried to have children. She had several miscarriages until she gave birth to a stillborn baby. I do not remember the baby’s gender. I cannot remember if Julio shared that piece of information with me. But he shared enough. Enough for me to be devastated more so for her than him. From what I could gather, Julio left her because she could not have children. Maybe there was more to the story. But when I heard that…my 28 year old heart sank for that woman. What a cruel reason to leave her. If it was true love, he should have stuck it out. Yes I was campaigning for the woman who encouraged Julio to break my heart. We women have to stick together! Plus she had to have loved him deeply to continuously try to give him children that she ultimately could not bare! My heart breaks every time I think of all she endured! I mean living through my grief in Summer 2007 was no easy task but even with all the crying and giant Hershey bar eating…I survived that shit. I AM STILL STANDING! Julio shattered my heart but he did not break me. I completed my education and right under his nose I fell deeply in love with someone else, the Ex Factor. That was Summer 2010. It was a defining summer. Three years later after Summer 2007, I would love again. I would hope again. And for the first damn time in my entire life…I would continuously dream of my son’s face. None of that could have happened without this woman. She changed the trajectory of my life. She saved me from entering marriage and family life BY FORCE. Without her, I would never have dreamt of having a family. A dream I never ever thought was possible with Julio!!!! And just that dream alone is worth the heartbreak I went through in Summer 2007! Up until almost three years ago, when Julio was still trying to come back into my life, I told him that that lady was most likely the love of his life and he should have never ever left her because she cannot have children. The fucking children he STILL DOES NOT have to this day! What a fucking mess that Julio is. Last I checked, more like he checked, Julio was still sadly unmarried with no children. I truly hope that has changed for him though a huge part of me instinctively knows that it has not. Julio is probably still the same selfish and self centered motherfucker he has always been!!!!! Yet I think about HER sometimes. I hope she has found happiness. Found someone to love her as is. Maybe even finally had children of her own whether they are biologically hers or not. I hope Sis really found that kind of eternal love that would not abandon her ever again! Yes! Yes! Yes! I know I’m special for thinking so positively about a woman that did me so much harm. But I look at it like she freed me at a time I could not free myself. I look at it like she exposed the real Julio. If there was no her, I would not have experienced half the good (AND bad) I have experienced in love and dating since Summer 2007. She freed me and I am forever grateful but don’t go thinking I’m a saint. No…I am not because while I think about her sometimes…sometimes my thoughts are ‘I don’t know the bitch, never met the bitch, but I sure wish that bitch a better life than the one she stole from me!’ Lol! Hey…I am only human. Lol. ~KJM reminiscing on Flashback Friday. One love!
The world has gone mad in a million different ways. Covid is sweeping the globe…trailing slowly behind systematic racism. Most of us are locked up in our homes. I am locked up in my home. When it rains…it pours. And I am just standing there without a damn umbrella. My family and I have had a couple of losses due to COVID 19. As if the grime weeper chilling near by was not enough….the world is finally starting to see that Black Lives Matter. With all that is going on, I feel I have no right to write this blog but I must write it. This past weekend I got some news that rocked my world. Not fully ready to share it because in the grand scheme of things…it may be a small loss to most people…but for me…it is fucking major. The floor from under me has just collapsed and I have no one to catch me! The world has truly gone mad and I am all alone in my feelings. This is not the first nor second time I have been here. SUMMER 2007 (See blog post with same title) and the first FIVE months in 2013, it felt like I lost my fucking mind. There I was…broken-hearted and in a sea of fucking pain by myself. Not eating, not moving, crying, and wrapped up in all my feelings. It felt like I was going insane! But each time, I had friends and family to support me. This time…it seems like everyone is hurting. Everyone has their own shit going on and I am just left to lay in all my filthy feelings….that I feel guilty for even having. I mean there are people out there protesting and risking their lives so that my life can matter. There is unemployment. There is poverty. There are injustices. Yet I, KJM, dare to lay here in all my filthy feelings and do what?! FUCKING FEEL MY FEELINGS! Do you know what it is like to really feel a feeling. And no I am not talking about happiness! Most of us would gladly revel in that type of emotion! I am talking about the shit you try to avoid when you are awake but haunts you when you are sleeping! THAT SHIT! YES! FEEL…IT! I can honestly understand why some folks turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, or any unhealthy addiction to get numb! Fortunately, I have great skin, a small budget that focuses on travel, hair, and makeup, and a huge food budget that loves brownies and cookies…thus, I really do not have the time nor the funds to develop such addictions. I suggest you also avoid unhealthy addictions!!! Once thing I have learned from loved ones who buried their feelings in addiction is that they now had two demons to battle….their addiction and the initial feeling they were trying to run away from! That’s fucking right! Bury the feeling and the shit becomes an even bigger problem! So what are we going to do….we are going to sit with out shit, roll around in it, and make peace with the stench!!! That is really the only way to tackle our feelings. Deal with that motherfucker head on! So it’s SUMMER FUCKING 2020 and I’m heartbroken….laying in my shit, trying to navigate it, hoping to handle it better than I did in Summer 2007 and the first 5 months of 2013. Only each time I was younger, had things to look forward to, and a had a support system of strong people who loved me enough to hold me up. People to get me out of bed. People to force me to eat anything….even if it is only a GIANT Hershey bar (Summer 2007) or Pilsbury chocolate chip cookies (my mom knows that’s really the only thing I will eat when I am depressed…so she has made sure my fridge has been stacked with Pilsbury tubs from BJs so far through this pandemic). I have cried to my parents, my siblings, my aunty P, Nicole, Harmony, and Grace. I wake up heavy hearted each morning…struggling to get out of bed. I want to be numb yet I know from those other two experiences that I have to FEEL MY FEELINGS even if doing so feels like it will destroy me. And this time…it really does feel like it will destroy me for I am trapped in my apartment, alone, and laying in my filthy feelings. I should be crying about poverty. I should be crying about unarmed black people being gunned down by racists. I should be crying about the state of our economy and its effects on marginalized communities. I should be…I should be…I should be feeling something more deeper than a broken fucking heart. The thing is….the bigger world issues can really swallow us up if we are not careful. These are atrocities that no one person can solve. It’s a unity thing. We have to unite together to battle racial injustices, climate change, and poverty. Yet the state of our hearts can set a lot of these things in motion. Like are we angry or are we in love? Are we open? Or are we closed off? Are we accepting? Or are we judgmental? It is crazy how the state of ones heart and mind can have a ripple effect into the world. Am I choosing to speak love to all around me or am I hiding from it? It…is….all…so….personal. Here I am….feeling my feelings and wondering if it will truly set me free. What is the IT I am referring to? Like if I had the guts to say from day one you have been my person. I don’t like to admit it nor show it. You have been my rock over the last 10 years as much as you have been my heartache. I do not see you in a perfect light. I fell in love with you on an imperfect July 2010 day. Sun showers. Right there overlooking the Tappan Zee Bridge. You are my person. What in the ever loving fuck does that mean? It means that even on our darkest days and in our longest separations….there is no one else I would want to call husband and the father of my children (that I never planned on having til I laid eyes on you). YOU ARE MY PERSON. No one knows what the next chapter holds for us and I am not good at the things most women are. I do not know how to vocalize what I feel…I can only hope that in the moments we have left (hopefully more years to come even with all the obstacles), that you feel it. My touch says it. My frustrations say it. You are my person. And if I was being truly honest with myself….there was never any other man that could come close to you. ~KJM is feeling the feeling on Throwback Thursday. Shout out to all the people I reached out to that are doing their best to support me…even though they have their own shit going on. One Love 💙
I recently read that “forgiveness is a conscious choice we must make everyday until we are free from hurt.” Definitely paraphrasing a meme and really do not remember who wrote that quote. Forgive me. We are still in the midst of the pandemic and so much suffering has occurred. Death is real and close. It’s a crazy time and my mind just cannot hold water most days. The last two years, I have barely written a blog. Not because I have writer’s block but simply because I have been suffering on so many levels. Starting with one of my brothers (not Junior) getting unexpectedly locked up in January 2018. And he’s still locked up. He has never been in trouble and here we are two years later….devastated. It is like he took the wind out of my sail on a beautiful sunny day as he broke my heart. Within two months of him being arrested, I gained 20lbs that to this day I have to fight to keep off. I’m currently practicing YOGA (for one year and two months now) and PIYO (just one week now) to help keep my weight down and keep my mind stable. Stable?! This pandemic moves different than anything I have experienced in my lifetime. I am confused. I am sad. I am mourning….yet I shall keep going. I have to. We all have to. From inside of our homes, we have to keep going. But I digress. Forgiveness! If you have been reading this blog over the years, you know I struggle with it…especially on a romantic level. I have never seen my parents forgive each other for shit! They just kept sweeping dirt under the rug until it exploded all through their dirty ass house. Filth (meaning this emotionally because both my parents keep a clean house/apartment) between two lovers is all I have ever seen up close and personal. My dad still talks about 1979 like it was just yesterday (and not in a good way…SEE blog about 1979) and my mother is as delusional as ever. Married almost 37 years this December and separated almost 11 years this November…these two are more than lost. But can the lost find their way? Hell….if I know. I have always heard that you can have a bad couple of years with someone you love but you have to fight (together) to get on the other side of it because there is so much good on the other side. But what if this is not true in all situations? What if that is not true for my locked up brother? And what if that is not true for me and the Ex Factor? In the pandemic, I feel….the Ex Factor and I are stronger than we were outside of it! What in the ever loving fuck?! What does it say about us that we are trying a little harder to listen to each other and be there for each other as we are surrounded by sickness and death?! Matter of fact…we were going to separate for good right as the pandemic hit! When the world went completely mad, I did something I have rarely done since I have known him….I made a conscious choice to reach out to him. There goes that phrase again….CONSCIOUS CHOICE. Can an unconscious person make a conscious choice?! Because who in the hell is conscious during this global pandemic?! Anyways….I do not think I could do this pandemic without the Ex Factor. And God bless my family for supporting me during this time. I know for a fact I could not go through the pandemic without them. My parents have done a lot to keep me safe and make sure I have all the essentials. That…I am grateful for. But ah yes…forgiveness. How soon we forget that it is not an easy process (maybe for some of us…maybe for all of us). Some days….nothing that I know of will go wrong yet I will replay every terrible thing the Ex Factor has said to me in the last 5 years. Our bad 5 years. He has said stupid shit the first 5 years too but most of that I chucked up to growing pains. These last 5 years have been horrible. Some small good moments and huge bad ones. Hmmm….I just had a thought. Does he replay the dumb shit I have said to him over the last 10 years?! Shit…I hope not. My mouth is reckless and takes prisoners almost on a monthly basis. Use to be on daily basis but I have grown so much. Lol. Now I only cuss folks out like they grand mama stole something from me when deeply provoked. Y’all can thank YOGA for that growth in me. I cannot be namaste-ing and cussing everyone the fuck out. My spirit just do not roll that way anymore. Lol. I want and need peace in my life. I want and need love in my life. But once again…what if there really isn’t any good on the other side of all I have been through with the Ex Factor?! What if this is it?! Just hell on earth? I am so far removed from when I went through it with Julio that I cannot remember what it felt like…except for the one time he broke up with me at the end of my first year of graduate school. I still remember all the crying I did in Summer 2007. (SEE Summer 2007 blog) Other than that….it’s all a distant memory. My love for Julio and my out of love for Julio. All of it…gone now. But…I do remember this…Julio and I never made it to the other side of the bad. Things never got better. And one day I was completely out of love AND attraction for him. Just like that…all the pain was gone but so was the love too. Proof of that would be that I have not nor have I wanted to lay eyes on him over the last 10 years. The minute my gaze met the Ex Factor’s gaze…it was like Julio never existed. Gone. All of it…gone. Maybe that’s how things will end with the Ex Factor too…with him being a distant memory compared to a new love. Or maybe I will be one of the lucky ones and finally get to the other side of pain with someone I love. In sickness and in health. And until death does us part…. ~KJM feeling the feeling on Hump Day. My friend/sister Nicole has been the biggest supporter of this blog from day one. She has been encouraging me to write more and to vlog more. Nicole, thank you for believing in me. I am trying to get back to me as soon as possible. To Nicole and all of my readers…do not give up on me. One Love 💙
It is raining hard here. A dark and dreary Monday…much like how I imagine the night Edgar Allen Poe described in the poem “The Raven.” Only it is morning…a dark and dreary morning filled with unexpected twists and turns in an unexpected world. I have been social distancing for weeks…solo. I video chat and FaceTime my family and friends as much as I can but there is something so isolating when social distancing by oneself. I mean…I am blessed to have my own place….yet I miss the human touch. Well…one particular human touch. The wind is howling and it’s just me around my dining room table. I need to start my day yet something is calling me. I started to write a blog a month and a half ago. A very personal blog but some how…I’m either not ready to share or I just do not feel the story is over. So right now as the winds pick up and visibility is low from my big beautiful living room windows…I want to tell you a story. May be fiction. May be reality. Who the fuck knows? I’ve been by myself for so long that the lines are blurring between fiction and reality. I am not crazy. I am just feeling something. Maybe it’s the weather? Maybe it’s the fact that globally the world is on lock down. All of our lives changed in a moment’s notice and now I am just trying to deal. Are you ready for a tale of two lovers in a world on the brink of madness?! I am just waiting for the lightning to appear now. A storm is brewing. I can feel it? Can you feel it? Well…let me take you there so you too can feel it… That morning I awoke unsure of what the day would bring. I have an impossible need. The need to be touched by my lover but I understand why we have to be separated. My phone screensaver has a picture of us. I never do shit like that. It’s so fucking girly….but these are unusual times. We text everyday and exchange “I miss you’s.” Because we are in the middle of a pandemic, I don’t have time to second guess us. I don’t have time to over think. The what are we doing and the where are we going questions don’t seem to matter now as we are prisoners in our homes. Shit that typically haunts me escapes me now. People are out there dying and it seems the universe is signaling that now is not the time for me to feed into my ego. Don’t believe me? Okay…I’m gonna back it up for you for a brief second before I continue my tale. The last time I saw the Ex Factor was on the morning of February 29. Leap day! Only it felt like we leaped into another fucking dimension. We made love in the wee hours of the early morning but once the sun rose…my ego started a conversation that would end up leading us to the worst argument we have ever had….once his unsure ego had awoken to answer mine!!!! If you recall, in the almost 10 years I have known the Ex Factor, we barely argue in person. This is really only the second time I can remember arguing while staring him in the face. To add insult to injury, somewhere in that conversation, I did something I have NEVER done in front of a lover before….I started crying. I could say more but it would just change the tone of the tale I’m telling. I am in the mood to write about passion….not pain. I am in a place where I desire to ride the blurry lines of reality verses fiction. I am in a zone where I want to take YOU…my readers…to complete ecstasy. Let me get on the ride and we can address the rest at another place and time. I just need to be touched. Studies have shown the importance of a single touch from the moment a baby’s born and up until a person takes their last breath. Touch matters. Keeping this in mind, I get in the shower and lather up. My lover is going to try and come see me. I don’t typically wear makeup when I spend alone time with him because I like our bodies to be one…nothing in between us. Just us in our nakedness. My lover is coming. I’ve had this deep desire for him. Not the type of desire a couple who lives together that may take each other for granted on a regular basis has….but the kind of desire that feels like he had been deployed to a war zone and he is finally coming home. So I prepare. I put makeup on and I slide into one of my sexiest see through dresses. The netted kind….for the best way to lay a trap is to have a net present. I want to captivate my lover’s mind, body, and soul on arrival! The Ex Factor is officially on his way! My heart starts to beat fast. My vagina is moist. I have no clue what we will say to each other but it’s clear time is short and there is so much life to live in these tiny moments. And I JUST WANT TO LIVE LIFE!!! The minute we went on lockdown, I felt like I was no longer living life. I have just been existing. I am so sick of just existing!!! He has arrived! We both have our masks on. First thing we do is lay down and hold hands. I know…it’s forbidden but I need to be touched. It had been weeks since I had been in the presence of a human being that was not my food delivery guy. It’s been JUST ME! So we hold hands. I want to kiss him. I want to take my mask off….he told me he would keep his on if I felt uncomfortable in mine. Truth be told….I’m nervous and my mask is uncomfortable…the Ex Factor has to actually tie another mask for me. So yes this is risky and yes it’s uncomfortable but I would be lying if I said I was not intrigued by the thought of us fucking with masks on! I know! I know! What a weird fucking fantasy to have! It’s a new one and clearly this is the first time we are testing it out. The Ex Factor is already hard…just from us holding hands! It’s agreed upon that best sexual position to execute in a time of corona virus is me being the rider. Actually….let me correct that statement! The best thing to do is NOT do what we are doing but I digress! Thanks to all those back bends I’ve learned in yoga….I definitely think this was the best way to go. I am not the best with measurements but I assure you…this was some freaky shit…linking our sensual parts….while giving us as much space as possible to maneuver. Masks still on. Interesting note about the masks…is you exert so much more energy as you execute each position. Felt like I had just showed up to a damn fitness bootcamp…with just enough energy to get the job done…before passing out! Because we had not had sex in over a month and a half and had been social distancing during that time…I did not expect much from our sexual encounter. I mean we’ve been masturbating our way through this self quarantine that I did not expect it to be a long ride…much less one I would climax in. I mean I was just happy to hold his hands! Out of the corner of my eyes….during one of my back bends, I see the Ex Factor looking at my closet mirror that’s on the right side of us. This dude is definitely having the same fantasy I’m having….only he just took it up a notch. I mean…I was not watching us. Kind of hard to…the way I am positioned! But he’s into it so now I’m even more engaged. Breathlessly riding him from every back bend position I can think of and that my body will allow. Digging my un-manicured nails into his flesh. We are both so turned on. Wait….how the fuck are we so turned on during such a stressful time! I wish I could kiss him. I wish I could whisper naughty stuff in his ears. I wish we did not have all of these confinements. I wish we were free. But I’m grateful for the fantasies we create together. We are still going. My bed sounds like it’s going to break. I’m warning him that we cannot break my bed! Mid ride, I start to fantasize about some of the things we use to do when we were not restricted. I speak those fantasies out loud. He chimes in. We are in sync. The Ex Factor whispers something to me that I always love to hear. It feeds into my need to control what happens in our bedroom and for now…it still stays between us. I think that’s one of the reasons why I have loved him like no other man….because this one thing…he’s the only one that’s given it to me. I’m starting to shake but I’m still focusing on him. He’s concentrating hard…. How could I have missed it?! The Ex Factor is on a similar mission! My body is convulsing and I feel like I can barely breathe with this damn mask on. I’m shaking and sweating. I’m starting to have an out of body experience. My poor fucking bed. We really bout to break this shit. My neighbors are probably cussing me the fuck out. Yet I cannot focus on any of that. He’s going to take me there before I take him there. I cannot believe this shit! I’m focused on his pleasure and he was focused on mine. All of a sudden my body starts to speak in tongues and I’m cuming. My entire body is trembling but like a good jockey, I’m still holding on for dear life until we both cross the finish line! Thank goodness babe was right behind me because I don’t think I could have held on any longer! Fuck! I’m still shaking….aftershocks. And I’m also thinking….what the fuck just happened here?! I…was…not…ready….for the depth of passion we shared on this particular evening. I am still just laying there…mask on…sweating…and shaking. ~KJM reporting on passion in a time of Corona. Maybe this shit happened. Maybe it didn’t. The lines are so blurry between reality and fiction. But never question why I love that man. 💙 I hope you are all being good to yourselves. Love, touch, feel, and fuck (from a social distance or once quarantine is over) when you can because life is so short and true passion is unique. DISCLAIMER: This blog is for entertainment purposes only! Do not try anything in it! Continue to practice social distancing as recommended by the CDC. One love❤️
