It is a myth that because a woman is married…she has found her BOAZ! Some folks are just married to who they settled for. You will know when a woman is being loved to her full potential…even her smile will say…QUEEN?? #roadtoboaz #flashbackfriday ~KJM
Archives for September 2016
Today I’m starting a monthly series called “Awaiting BOAZ.” At least once a month, I will write my future BOAZ. Now I don’t know how long GOD has me waiting so I could be writing him for months, a year, or years. I may even give up at times…but don’t you dare give up on me. This journey will not be an easy one but I’m worth it! If you are single (as in non married) please follow this series on my self hosted site (www.kingstonjaelmichaels.com) or at my Kingston Jael Michaels Facebook page. Even if you are married and want to lend your support, please also follow along closely. Now for those of you who are not familiar with BOAZ, I’ve copied and pasted the Wiki Summary to get you all up to speed: “Son of Rahab and Salmon, Boaz was a wealthy landowner of Bethlehem, and kinsman of Elimelech, Naomi’s late husband. He noticed Ruth, the widowed Moabite daughter-in-law of Naomi, a relative of his (see family tree), gleaning grain in his fields. He soon learns of the difficult circumstances her family is in and Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi. In response, Boaz invites her to eat with him and his workers, as well as deliberately leaving grain for her to claim while keeping a protective eye on her. Ruth approaches Boaz and asks him to exercise his right of kinship and marry her. Boaz accepts, provided that another with a superior claim declines. Since the first son of Ruth and a kinsman of her late husband would be deemed the legal offspring of the decedent and heir to Elimelech, the other kinsman defers to Boaz. In marrying Ruth, Boaz revives Elimelech’s lineage, and the patrimony is secured to Naomi’s family. For those substituting, redeeming factors, Ruth’s husband is considered by some Christians to be a type of Jesus. Their son was Obed, father of Jesse, and grandfather of David. Boaz is mentioned in both the Gospel of Matthew and the Gospel of Luke as an ancestor of Jesus.“ Now even if you are not a religious/spiritual person…the wait for BOAZ (or the female version for the men) can still be a significant one! I consider this journey to be a personal AND spiritual one. If you feel lost in the dating world or feel like you are dating the wrong person…await BOAZ with me!!! I definitely cannot do this journey by myself so let’s walk hand in hand. Please feel free to write me publicly or privately about your own journeys! Now to how I got here…in 2016, two guys told me they loved me: Elijah in January and the Ex Factor in May. I don’t think either one has a clue what true and everlasting love is about and I’m not even mad. I easily let them go because I knew they were not BOAZ! And with doing that, I’ve freed myself up for my BOAZ! Meeting a man has never been an issue for me and finding one that wants to marry me has been easy. You see I’ve never been the type of woman easily moved by a man’s words. A man…is just a man. I’m never hot and bothered for one. With that being said, why has BOAZ escaped me in my 20 years of dating? Here are 4 reasons I believe BOAZ has not found me: 4. BOAZ was not initially part of my life plan. I’ve been living in a me, myself, and I world until I turned 34. 3. While I believe in marriage, I’ve never really believed it was the path for me. Getting myself ready for BOAZ means taking a firm stand on this issue. I cannot somewhat be a wife. Either it’s what I want or what I don’t! The Good Lord did not create me to just be a girlfriend or even worse…an afterthought.?? 2. While I’ve taken years off of dating and/or sex (2 years in graduate school, most of 2013, and all of 2014 come to mind), I did not do so awaiting BOAZ. I did so hiding from more pain and more false love. In essence, those years off did not prepare me for much because I was avoiding living my personal life and keeping my feelings “safe.” Great love, I believe, takes great risk! Awaiting BOAZ is about faith, love, hope, risks, and trusting in GOD to guide us. 1. I was NOT ready for BOAZ! Yes I believe we have to get ready while we await God’s blessings! So that’s where I’m at…getting ready as I await BOAZ. Now I have no clue who he is but I do believe he will feel like my best friend before he feels like my lover. He will speak to my spirit before even speaking to my body. I do not picture BOAZ to be of a certain race. I’m open to God’s plan for me. Though I hope and pray he will be over 6 ft as I love a tall man! My heels! My heels! I live in heels! Guess I’m just making a special request to GOD to make my BOAZ tall. Lol. I’m still a work in progress. I picture my BOAZ to be patient…a man ready to teach me certain things while learning from me. He won’t be into games and will encourage me to follow his lead. He will know where we are headed! He will know I AM HIS ONE and will need no convincing! My BOAZ will be a leader and not a follower unless he’s following the teachings of Jesus! ?? He will support my work ethics and my dreams! He will appreciate the pain and struggles I’ve been through to get myself right for him. Other than that, all that BOAZ can be…only God knows!?? Before I go, I want to give you guys one of the Bible passages about BOAZ from Ruth 2: “Ruth Meets Boaz in the Grain Field Now Naomi had a relative on her husband’s side, a man of standing from the clan of Elimelek, whose name was Boaz. And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor.” Naomi said to her, “Go ahead, my daughter.” So she went out, entered a field and began to glean behind the harvesters. As it turned out, she was working in a field belonging to Boaz, who was from the clan of Elimelek. Just then Boaz arrived from Bethlehem and greeted the harvesters, “The Lord be with you!” “The Lord bless you!” they answered. Boaz asked the overseer of his harvesters, “Who does that young woman belong to?” The overseer replied, “She is the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi. She said, ‘Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.’ She came into the field and has remained here from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter.” So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.” At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She asked him, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?” Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.” “May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,” she said. “You have put me at ease by speaking kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servants.” At mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar.” When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, “Let her gather among the sheaves and don’t reprimand her. Even pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her.” So Ruth gleaned in the field until evening. Then she threshed the barley she had gathered, and it amounted to about an ephah. She carried it back to town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gathered. Ruth also brought out and gave her what she had left over after she had eaten enough. Her mother-in-law asked her, “Where did you glean today? Where did you work? Blessed be the man who took notice of you!” Then Ruth told her mother-in-law about the one at whose place she had been working. “The name of the man I worked with today is Boaz,” she said. “The Lord bless him!” Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. “He has not stopped showing his kindness to the living and the dead.” She added, “That man is our close relative; he is one of our guardian-redeemers.” Then Ruth the Moabite said, “He even said to me, ‘Stay with my workers until they finish harvesting all my grain.’” Naomi said to Ruth her daughter-in-law, “It will be good for you, my daughter, to go with the women who work for him, because in someone else’s field you might be harmed.” So Ruth stayed close to the women of Boaz to glean until the barley and wheat harvests were finished. And she lived with her mother-in-law.“ And so the journey begins…stay tuned~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying I’m super excited about this journey!?
Happy Hump Day! Today I want to cover a topic I have personally never experienced but have had the “joy” of hearing about over the years…the dick pic! ? When smart phones became a huge thing…I don’t think Apple nor Droid intended to promote this little number! But low and behold…smart phones made it easy for some asshole guy to send some unsuspecting woman…a picture of his grotesque penis! I call it grotesque because I’ve never personally known a woman who welcomed receiving this little package in their inbox! For some crazy reason, guys tend to send dick pics at the beginning of dating a woman. But like why? Did she request to see it? If so, I’m sure she meant in person cause like what is the picture going to do for her?! Is this a form of free ADVERTISING? Or even worse…false advertising if said guy isn’t sending a picture of his actual penis but some other man’s? Hear me out…while that sounds creepy…the only way we are going to know if it’s really your penis is if we have already seen it or we match it up! But like who wants to play connect the dots with a penis? ? Does this shit get you guys laid faster? I am really trying to understand the origins of the dick pic. Like when did it start popping up? Prior to emails and picture messages, did guys just draw the penis and leave it on a girl’s desk?! Oh the horror!? What about you assholes who send dick pics to women you aren’t even sleeping with and/or dating? I have a female friend who use to receive a dick pic from a “strictly” male friend every time he got drunk! She would be so embarrassed for him but make the excuse that he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. And yea…from what I know…he never got within 50 feet of her pussy! Epic fail!? This is a great time to shout out all my male friends and the guys I’ve dated for never sending me a dick pic! ?? I think they all know I’m just not that chick and they bet not try it! But who is that chick? I have female friends of all races and ages and have never heard one of them say…yo I just received a great dick pic!? I would go as far as to say the only women that welcome a picture of a random cock are women doing life in prison! News flash….Women are not visual creatures like men so a dick pic is wasted on us. We are like…what the fuck? Why would he send this? This is gross! Wait…is that shit crooked? Who wants a crooked penis?! I apologize to any guy who suffers from a physical crooked dick disability! Here at Kingston Expressions, I take disabilities very seriously! However, I won’t apologize to those guys who have a crooked dick mental disability! Get fucking help! No one wants to see that shit! As a matter of fact, while no one wanted to see your cock…we women sure will put you on blast and circulate the dick pic amongst our friends…especially the ones that know your ass!? Yea so if I were you, I wouldn’t send out dick pics to any women…but especially not to those who work with you! Every day you will wake up feeling small while collecting an even smaller paycheck! There’s got to be a dick pic unemployment line! Virtually of course…Lol. ? Seriously though, I want to hear from the guys! Have you ever sent a dick pic? Did it lead to you getting laid? I’m gonna tell you a little secret…if a woman (not in prison) tells you she loved your dick pic…that woman probably doesn’t mean it but does have real feelings for you. She’s trying to spare your manhood. As I said, we women aren’t as visual as you men but we are active creatures. So a dick pic to me is like sending a picture of a carrot when a woman is on a diet…irritating because like what the fuck can we do with a picture of something we probably don’t find tasty?! It wasn’t like a picture of a chocolate cake….it was a fucking carrot! No one ordered that shit! And worst of all…even if we are hungry enough to substitute the chocolate cake we really desire with the dry ass carrot….you just got shit started that you are not currently in the position to finish! ?~KJM on Hump Day saying miss me with the dick pics! I’m good! Matter of fact…thanks to Elijah and the Ex Factor…if I don’t see dick for a long time (even in person) I’m good!✌?️ No craving here…libido totally fell onto 95N, got run over by a bus, and rolled under the tires of a MAC truck! Ouch!?
It’s Temptation Tuesday and here at Kingston Expressions, I get tempted to be really ignorant on these Tuesdays! Welp…today is no different! Get your pen and pad ready because we are heading to “What The Fuck?” land. ? Many times, I feel like we singles have it so bad in dealing with the current state of dating but every now and then I read some shit from a wife that stops me dead in my tracks! Recently, I read an Essence advice column where a wife was seeking advice. She was on her second marriage (two kids from the previous marriage and two kids from the current marriage), her current husband cheated for years with the children’s nanny, got caught, claimed to stop the affair if his wife got freakier in bed, and then….wait for it….continued cheating with the ex nanny and now wanted the wife and the ex nanny to have a threesome! He wanted them all to be a family so that he could have the wife he desired and the sex he desired too! Did you just follow that fucking mess?! Like are these real people?! Why is she even writing in for advice? She’s in hell in a hand basket and she’s not even driving herself!!!! Her husband is leading her! I’m pretty sure this is not what the Good Lord meant by letting your husband be king! Unless it’s king dirty ding a ling! I mean I don’t know much about this topic…but this is MARRIAGE we are talking about?! My single’s eyes were red with fire as I read each disgusting word! The Essence advice columnist basically told her to RUN because she was in an abusive relationship! She recommended the wife get a good lawyer, family therapist for her and her children, and a good family member/friend to help her move out of her situation! I’m still clutching my imaginary pearls in disbelief! This is a WIFE’s story?! I’m mortified for her. What was even more scary was she was writing in because she took her “vows” seriously and didn’t want to be divorced twice! Now I can’t speak on the marriage vows part (though I believe she misinterpreted them…don’t think they include a husband pimping his wife out ??) but I will speak on what I felt was secretly rearing its head in that cry for help letter…the case of the ride or die syndrome! I’ve heard it time and time again from wives and girlfriends…the I must hold him down through thick and thin…even if he’s burying my ass speech! Now I’m not the best with sticking with a man when things get hard (hence why I’m not married)…I AM STILL MY MAIN FOCUS! But there are certain things that we women put up with that hurt me to my core and make me wonder….what the fuck were they thinking?! Here are 5 Ride Or Die Claims that hurt my soul and are really signs of being in a toxic/abusive relationship: 5. SUPPORTING YOUR MAN’S LIFE OF CRIME/DOING TIME FOR HIM! Now this isn’t an episode of “Empire!” There are real life women who weren’t into a life of crime but met a man (who claimed to love them) and that same “loving” man introduced them to crime. There are women in prison right now doing life in prison for their men! Baby girl, while you riding for him…who is riding for you?!?? 4. HAVING THREESOMES/FOURSOMES/GANG BANG PARTIES TO KEEP A MAN! If you naturally into freaky shit with multiple partners during one sexual occurrence…power to you! But to let a boyfriend or husband force you into that life?! That’s modern day sex slavery whether you get paid for your services or not! I started to see this behavior in college…girls doing anything to keep an athlete or fraternity guy!? Now the only person that’s suppose to be clocking your pussy mileage is you…but baby girl if you letting him pimp you out…what will be left of you when he’s done?! ?? 3. DOING A PRISON “BID” WITH A MAN LOCKED UP! Now let me tread lightly on this one…fuck it…I’m gonna go there! Unless your man is in prison on some “Nelson Mandela” shit aka fighting racial oppression…I’m not understanding why a woman would dedicate her life fully to a man doing life in prison or on death row! Now I know some of y’all don’t mind doing 5 to 7 and saving yourselves for this man in prison but answer me this…if the shoe was on the other foot…would he wait for you?! ?? 2. WORKING AND RAISING CHILDREN BY YOURSELF WHEN THERE IS A GROWN ABLED BODIED MAN IN THE HOUSE THAT DOES NOT HELP WITH THE KIDS NOR THE BILLS?! Now this one is truly puzzling! If you have to do everything anyways…why call yourself having a man?! What is his purpose in life? To provide dick?! Last I checked, dick does not pay rent, car notes, nor put food on the table. Not to mention by supporting that dead beat man the way you do…you have now given birth to another child…and a grown one at that! This is just a mess. I’m not sure where you went wrong but you need to back track ASAP and get yourself right! In my culture…if a man don’t work…he doesn’t eat! Kingston women, in particular, are notorious for not taking care of their men like they are children! Trust me I know….I was raised by the Kingston Queen herself…MAMA MICHAELS! And that shit works! Papa Michaels is as self sufficient as they come! He provided financially AND helped raise us kids! Some of y’all chicks just playing. If you got to go through life alone…you might as well be ALONE!?? 1. MAKING EXCUSES WHEN HE REPEATEDLY CHEATS AND ALWAYS TAKING HIM BACK! I’ve seen women make a million excuses for a habitual cheater. He had mama issues. He has stressful baby mama drama. He wasn’t raised with love in his life. He just needs to mature some more. And the list goes on and on. Well damn…aren’t there a lot of men who also had a terrible upbringing but are still great faithful husbands?! Some of you ladies make excuses for them because y’all somehow think your love can cure it all! Girl bye! Some folks still broken because they want to be AND because some of us aid and abet their behavior. I’m not riding for any man that is risking my life on a daily basis!✌?️ Time for these boys to grow the fuck up…and the girls in grown women bodies who are accepting this behavior…need a class in maturity too! ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday saying learn the difference between standing by someone who is worth it and standing by someone whose only goal is to deplete your mind, body, and spirit!??
I tried to be perfect for him even though he never attempted to be perfect for me! I tried never to complain. I tried to pretend I was always happy…that he made me happy. I tried and I tried…always coming up short. Always feeling less than. Always trying to not be tired…of trying! TIRED and TRIED are spelt with the same letters yet I always felt one letter off when I used the word TRIED instead of TIRED. There I was looking in at myself and…at him. Exhausted and disgusted! I’m exhausted from trying to be perfect all the time yet never meaning more to him. And I’m disgusted that I even tried to be perfect for him….when I always knew I was enough! Yet there I was…in the midst of a sad existence…smiling…as I perfectly disappeared… ~KJM on Charm School Monday
Once…I believed I wasn’t enough. Maybe if I was more beautiful, had the waistline the width of my hand, a huge video vixen bootie, and was younger than I am…life would be so great! Then “reality” tv exploded and there were chicks going under the knife for a perfect look and even after receiving it….lived a very sad existence! Even celebrities have huge moments of self doubt and watch their lives fall apart…no matter how much money they have!?No set of perfect looks and skills will guarantee that our lives will always go well. Perfection is a MYTH! So how did our society get so obsessed with it? It’s because somewhere along the line someone or something told us we weren’t enough. It may have been our parents, friends, society, our relationship experiences, a broken heart, or….ourselves! How ever we got here…we are here…a place where we stopped thinking we were enough to be happy and live a blessed life! ?? And so the list of what it would take to make us “perfect” grows longer and longer…as we step further and further away from who our Higher power intended us to be. Out of everyone I’ve ever dated…Julio and the Ex Factor were the two guys who always made me feel like I wasn’t enough for them! ?I didn’t buy into this theory when Julio tried to sell it for the last 19 years! I knew I WAS ACTUALLY TOO MUCH FOR HIM and we’ve both agreed that Julio never deserved me!!! I will give him that…he will say it in a heartbeat and accept he f*cked up! What he couldn’t get pass is the fact that in the last 7 years…I’ve been over him. Now the Ex Factor came along at one of the worst times in my life. I got out of graduate school at the height of the economic depression (2009) and couldn’t even find a retail job! If it wasn’t for my family holding me down through the dark ages (May 2009-April 2013), great friends, and meeting the Ex Factor I may have lost my mind! My ability to take care of myself is the essence of who I am. So I fell into a sort of depressive state where I lost faith in myself, put on like 40lbs since graduate school, and even started to doubt God! So when the Ex Factor started to tell me I wasn’t enough…I ALMOST bought into it. The things that kept me grounded were God and my father, Papa Michaels. While the Ex Factor would spend 6 years inserting himself into my life while yelling that as long as he had his boys and his family…he didn’t need me…my DADDY would spend everyday saying that nothing in this world was worth experiencing without ME!?? Thank you for this Daddy! My father told me in words and deeds that I AM ENOUGH and reenforced the great self esteem I was raised with! I AM A F*CKING QUEEN and can’t nobody tell me different! There will come a day when I will meet a man strong enough to support my drive for life and my serious work ethics! Cause you see when someone tells you that you aren’t enough…whether in words and/or actions…what they are really saying is THEY ARE NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU and they know you deserve better! Yes Queens! You deserve better! This obsession with perfection is just something to distract us from our full potentials! What GOD has for you…is for you! Never allow anyone to tell you that you are not perfect for only GOD is perfect and we were made in HIS image and likeness and were never meant to be perfect. It’s in the midst of our imperfections that GOD loves us anyways…AS IS! ?? Stay healthy and focused but stop telling yourself that if only you lost 10lbs…he wouldn’t cheat! Or if only you were more fun and/or athletic he would find you more interesting. Or even worse…if you were her…he would love you! Just STOP!?? You are who you are meant to be. Any improvements should be made because YOU want to for your own betterment. Look at Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, J Lo, and Ambrose! Perfection and freakiness never made them happy! Not that I think they were selling perfection but in many of our eyes they were the quintessential women! Our imperfections are what makes us unique and in the end…I believe the true love of those imperfections (from ourselves and others) are how we will all find peace and happiness! ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying that you are all perfect to me! ?
Happy Flashback Friday Queens! We are in the second day of a new season (literally and figuratively). Time to take stock of our lives and claim our power. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the twist and turns I made in my last season. There are some things I definitely wish I had done differently. However, I’ve made peace with my mistakes the best I can and am ready to move forward….educated, refreshed, and focused! It’s been a while since I’ve done a countdown so let’s try one today. Here are 5 Truths of The Never Mrs that I’ve recently come to terms with: 5. I AM UNMARRIED BY CHOICE AND HAPPY WITH THAT CHOICE: Sometimes I’m in the midst of a conversation with one of my female friends or a complete stranger (as strangers love to randomly share Too Much Information with me) and that woman will make some assumptions about my single state of mind. I’ve heard time and time again that when I meet the right one…I will know. They are assuming, of course, that I believe there is a right “one.” I cannot say if this piece of advice is actually true as I clearly haven’t semi met the right one. But I do feel like there are great loves that may be right for us in a certain season of our lives or never right for us at all. If you know me personally then you know that every goal I have set for myself…I go out of my way to achieve…and I do achieve it no matter how long it takes. Thus, being married or even in a permanent long term relationship was never part of my young adult plan. I purposely kept my head in the books and advanced my education. None of it was done accidentally. If I wanted to be married…I would be. And if you have been following this blog, you already know that when I speak of marriage…I speak of it being a smart financial option more than the best thing to do morally. I do not believe that a woman should leave herself unprotected (sexually nor financially) when it comes to a man. Fall in love but protect those current and future coins. Don’t help him build his empire without building yours and/or stamping your name on his IF your blood, sweat, and tears went into it…so that if you guys break up…you are not assed out! Now this doesn’t mean I will never marry. It just means that I’m aware it’s still not a priority. MY truth: I AM A NEVER MRS. BY CHOICE! 4. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ROMANTICALLY LOVED IN A WAY MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL FELT SAFE AND SECURE: While my younger self never thought about a life long partner, I never thought that by the age of 35 I would never have experienced a great love! The Ex Factor is the strongest love I have experienced thus far but most of the time it feels like unrequited love…so it doesn’t add up to a great love in my book. At least not at this chapter in my life. It sucks that I have not experienced the thing that most people say is the greatest feeling ever but when I look at the divorce rates from the last 10 years…I’m beginning to think I’m not alone. Some folks may think they found that great love but really haven’t! Welp….we all make mistakes. Does that great love really exist?! Or great loves? Not sure. For those who say it does exist…y’all talk to me when you’ve celebrated at least 30 years of being together (whether you guys chose to marry or just be life partners). Everything feels good in the NOW but only time will tell! MY truth: Never really been loved romantically where the essence of who I am came alive but neither have most folks! ?? I am just real about mines!? While romantic love evades me, I am my father’s world! And for that I will forever be blessed! No man should dare propose marriage to me without being able to protect and care for me at least 60% of the way my daddy has!✌?️ 3. I DO NOT LIKE GOOD RELATIONSHIP GUYS: Now you know I have to speak my truth. I’ve some amazing male friends who are wonderful husbands! I never chose to date not one of them because they are relationship guys! All the moving around I’ve done in the last 17 years for school and career…a relationship guy would have been hit me with an ultimatum because even he would have gotten tired of following my roaming ass! MY truth: I LOVE those selfish non relationship guys who can’t even say the word LOVE! Emotionally unavailable?!! Yasss boo….send me your digits! Yup…that’s my type AND is still my type. Hence the Ex Factor! If you are about a family life and love…I’m gonna dump you but not right away. First, I will get excited, then I will feel boxed in, and then I will get bored and lawd only knows what I will do next. Yes…I am the ultimate bachelorette!?? 2. TO THE ONCE WAS MRS: I have a few friends that are now on their second marriages AND happy so don’t give up hope if you thought you found the person for you and it didn’t work out. LOVE is still on the way! Keep the faith and take all the learned lessons with you while being open to a new love! MY truth: I’m glad I waited. I’m in no rush! ? 1. SINGLE IS A POWERFUL STATE OF MIND: I know it’s hard starting over in love and life BUT it’s worth it. I know some women (and men for that matter) who settled just because they felt the love they received is all they could get, they were lonely, or they just plain gave up on life….this is simply no way to live. As a single woman (with no children), I can easily walk away from anything that does not positively serve my spirit! We all have choices in life (whether we realize it or not) but a single person’s choice generally just affects us. I have the FREEDOM to start again…breathe again…love again! As long as we are living, the story is not over! The problem is most women are focused on a time line and end up not giving a damn who they share that time line with until some huge mistakes are made. A lot of men, on the other hand, screw over the women that truly love them and end up settling for “Miss She Just Happens To Be Here When I Am Ready To Be Serious” or “Miss I Just Knocked Her Up!” Even a ready to settle down man is still thinking with his little brain and not the big one!? I’m making a lot of generalizations right now but just hear me out. These are the common mistakes I’ve seen amongst the men and women I’ve known in this lifetime. If we all looked at the SINGLE state of mind as a powerful one…we could avoid so much hurt! Now even I get tired of “THE WAIT” but I won’t dare give up on myself, my possible future family, and love just because I’m tired! My ass is tired at work too but I put my back into that shit! Personal life should be no different! Be real with yourselves and be real with what you are currently looking for and praying for. Stay in that SINGLE state of mind empowered, not bitter, and open to the lessons along the way. I don’t know what the future holds but I know all good things blossom from self love, patience, God, and doing the WORK!!!?? MY truth: I am worth the wait! ?~KJM on Flashback Friday leaving you guys with some inspiring words from the late great Luther Vandross: “For me to get the love That I’d been missing Sometimes love takes a long time Wait for love And you’re gonna to get the chance to love Wait for love, wait for love oh, my”???Wait For Love by Luther Vandross. In loving memory of Michele Monique Johnson who would have been celebrating her birthday today. Miss you dearly?
It’s with heavy heart that I write this foolishness today…get ready because the level of fuckery we are about to get into is insane! The other day the writer, Zane, posed the questions: who hasn’t been on a date in 2016 and if so, is it by choice? Many women wrote in their personal experiences but one in particular stuck out to me. There was a woman who had been happily married for 25 years until her husband passed. She said she had not dated since because….wait for it…MEN IN THEIR 50s AND 60s PLAY GAMES!!! Say what?! Wait a fucking minute! I know guys in their 20s and 30s play games but now it’s the 50s and 60s too? I mean…they knocking on death’s door and still playing games?! I’m gonna need someone to explain that to me because I’m fucking baffled? Should I just give up and become a born again lesbian? I know you guys are side eyeing me for this one but I don’t care! This woman’s testimony isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this mess. If you recall, I met a widower (probably in her 80s) a few months ago at the nail salon and she shared a similar story with me. She said that all the men in their 50s wanted to do was sex her and live off of her (she and her deceased husband owned multiple properties)! Nana say it ain’t so?! Grandpa only interested in sex?!? I just passed out! With hearing this news, what hope do we young women have? Do we accept a life of solitude or embrace learnt lesbianism…no disrespect to my lesbians…but where the fuck are we to go? At this point if I aimed to meet a 90 year old geriatric…he’s still going to be focused on coping a feel?! I’m disgusted but even more than that I’m pissed! When the fuck do guys grow up?! I learned from Elijah that the late 30s/early 40s ain’t got shit to offer…at least for me! So what now…look to the 70s and older crew? Lawd a mercy!? Passing out again! Even Grandpa want to Netflix and Chill?! And not because his ass is too old to move but because he’s still a dirty dog…even in his decapitating state?! I just fainted…somebody pass me a church hat! Wave it over my face, wake me up, and have the pastor bring me back to life with a deep scripture. Matter of fact…let’s get to modern day pastors while we at it! Some of them slinging more pussy than your favorite rapper!? Nothing touches a woman nor awakens the flesh more like a good scripture!?? I know I’m on one today and trust me I wish I wasn’t. But seriously, what are we women to do? Where to go? Who to seek? Do I aim to be in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights like Jesus did and pray on it? But won’t the temptation of a worthless man only wanting sex still be there?! I need someone to answer me because I’m at a lost for words! I thought the “snap chat me that pussy” aka the younger generation was bad but now grandpa and his crew?! Not to mention…they are not part of the “snap chat me that pussy” generation so where the fuck did they get this behavior from?! Are we women (single AND married because some of y’all married to unreformed dogs) forever doomed? I still believe in men and know there are good ones out there. My brother, Junior, is one and my best friend, Zack, along with most of my close male friends are great husbands (from what I can see). I refuse to believe that a dirty dog is all there is left in life for women of ALL ages to date. I feel it for grandma and them’s generation but I’m even more worried and disheartened for my generation…~KJM on Hump Day saying Viagra’s stock must be fucking rising! ? Disclaimer: Papa Michaels could not (more like would not) be reached for a quote on men in his generation!?
Okay this another one of those blogs that is going to get me side eyes, rolled eyes, and maybe a downright middle finger! But it’s Charm School Monday and I refuse to not learn a damn thing today! Now let me start off with a few disclaimers since lately folks have been up in arms thinking that I’m writing about them: 1. Reading articles, other blogs, and letters sent anonymously to the writer Zane inspired today’s post and 2. I am by far not perfect and have too been a fool for love. With that said, let’s get to tackling this foolishness! Since I’m deep into Life Style blogging I’m always reading stories on other women. In the last couple of weeks, a few common themes have been popping up that baffle the fuck out of me…even with my 20 years of dating experience. Here are the Top 4 Where The Fuck Do They Do That At…Awww Hell Naws: 4. WOMEN FIGHTING/KILLING OTHER WOMEN OVER A MAN! Girlfriend, where is your mama? Was she actively in your life because one of the first lessons she should have laid into your ass when you hit the dating phase is that NO MAN is worth losing your freedom nor your life!?? I will never understand why women blame other women (who don’t know them) for their man cheating! The man made you promises and/or took vows…not the side chick or new woman in his life! I cannot express this enough…if she is not your family or friend…that woman owes you nothing!!! CHECK YOUR MAN! I’ve been cheated on many times and never dared to have any conversation with another woman. My foot went up my man’s ass!!! Figuratively speaking of course but I’m hoping with that visual…you feel me! When I see a woman trying to fight or kill another woman over a man…I begin to think she got to have a mental illness!!! Like I need to see her diagnosed with something (not that I think that’s a good excuse as there are many mentally ill people who don’t hurt others). But it’s still hard for me to believe that a SANE woman (of any age) would be out in these cold and deadly streets trying to fight/kill over a man!!! I know being dicked whipped is a thing…SEE all my blogs about my college lover Crazy but even with Crazy sleeping with half of Penn State’s female population (while we were dating….I’m sure) I ain’t never step to no chick about him! Now some did step to me but he quickly put them in check! No real man would want to put his woman in harms way…even some dirty dogs got their limits! Ladies, get your shit together! And just go get you a new man! With that being said, Rest In Peace Kendra…another senseless act that made national headlines! Jesus be a fence for her child, family, and friends!?? 3. FINANCIALLY SUPPORTING A MAN…INDEFINITELY! Now let me say that I do not believe in financially supporting a boyfriend under almost any circumstances but I’m sure there’s some good exceptions out there. For me to hand over my hard earned coins to a man…he better be related to me or be my husband who has had my back through thick and thin! Some women love to baby their men to the point they cutting up his meat at dinner and buying the draws he wears! When y’all going to learn to let a man be a man? Then these same crazy and controlling women get mad…years later…when that same man is too lazy to work, take care of his children, AND fuck them! Well what did you expect? You were raising a boy and you shouldn’t have been raising anyone!!! If my man is temporarily on his face and he’s working hard to get back on his feet then I got him but I’m not going to be no damn ATM permanently for him nor am I going to keep making excuses for him when he isn’t willingly pulling his weight! Hold onto your hats for this one…some women even support their man’s cheating habits!!! Seriously, where the fuck do they do that at?! If he ain’t got no job, lives with you, and got time to cheat…guess who is footing the bill for all of that fuckery?!!! YOU! Just go SAT down somewhere because you are really embarrassing the female gender right now! Making it look like we don’t know a cock from a hole!!!! 2. MOVING A MAN INTO YOUR PLACE! Now I would never marry a man who I didn’t live with first! However, if I was seriously dating a man, we already talked about marriage, and we now decided the time was right to move in together…we would have to find OUR place. If either one of us already owned property, this may end up being a different scenario because in this current housing market, depending on where you live, selling a house isn’t easy much less the stress of buying another one. And if he’s a home owner…chances are you are dealing with an independent man. I’m not speaking about those men. I’m talking about the ones that just left their mama’s house or their last girlfriend’s house AND have never lived alone! A man should always be a man and have his own. He should have learned to pay bills and balance his checkbook long before you move in with him! If a man has never been independent…then living off of you will be easy! Now I’m not saying there aren’t things we as women will still have to teach men…but if you shacked up with one that can’t teach you a damn thing….you really living with your SON! ??1. HAVING BABIES IN HOPES OF KEEPING A MAN! Now this one really blows my fucking mind! It’s 2016 and there are still women out there who think having a child for a man will guarantee he will be theirs forever?! Where do they really do that at?! I try not to judge but when I see a woman with 4, 5, or more different baby daddies…I stop in my tracks! Or even if you have the same father for all the kids…you on baby number 6 for him…yet he never even took care of baby number 1?! Y’all must think I’m stuck on stupid! One child equals one mistake for a man that’s a deadbeat! Newsflash…a baby is one of the fastest ways to lose a man…not that a woman’s sole purpose in life should be keeping a man. What I’m learning from the current state of reality tv is you could be the “baddest bitch” and have cum coming out your ears while you go front ways and side ways with every chick your man suggests…and his ass will still cheat and/or leave you! What makes a man love and respect a woman…only that man knows. No level of freakiness nor a baby is going to force him to stay! What kills me is when these same women throw shade on Father’s Day knowing damn well from the jump they were laying with a deadbeat!!!! “Y’all gon make me lose my mind up in here!” ~KJM on Charm School Monday dropping knowledge! And don’t think all of these hell naws apply to only young women! I know some grown ass women about this life and then some! Smdh!??
Remember that you cannot take everyone into your new season! Some are meant to get left behind and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. That’s growth! They have served their purpose in a past season and now life must go on. To get to a higher elevation you cannot think nor act like you did when you were at sea level! Soar into your new season!?? ~KJM dropping you a little line of inspiration on what is now Serenity Sundays❤️