Archives for September 2016

Today I’m starting a monthly series called “Awaiting BOAZ.” At least once a month, I will write my future BOAZ. Now I don’t know how long GOD has me waiting so I could be writing him for months, a year, or years. I may even give up at times…but don’t you dare give up on me. This journey will not be an easy one but I’m worth it! If you are single (as in non married) please follow this series on my self hosted site (www.kingstonjaelmichaels.com) or at my Kingston Jael Michaels Facebook page. Even if you are married and want to lend your support, please also follow along closely. Now for those of you who are not familiar with BOAZ, I’ve copied and pasted the Wiki Summary to get you all up to speed: “Son of Rahab and Salmon, Boaz was a wealthy landowner of Bethlehem, and kinsman of Elimelech, Naomi’s late husband. He noticed Ruth, the widowed Moabite daughter-in-law of Naomi, a relative of his (see family tree), gleaning grain in his fields. He soon learns of the difficult circumstances her family is in and Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi. In response, Boaz invites her to eat with him and his workers, as well as deliberately leaving grain for her to claim while keeping a protective eye on her. Ruth approaches Boaz and asks him to exercise his right of kinship and marry her. Boaz accepts, provided that another with a superior claim declines. Since the first son of Ruth and a kinsman of her late husband would be deemed the legal offspring of the decedent and heir to Elimelech, the other kinsman defers to Boaz. In marrying Ruth, Boaz revives Elimelech’s lineage, and the patrimony is secured to Naomi’s family. For those substituting, redeeming factors, Ruth’s husband is considered by some Christians to be a type of Jesus. Their son was Obed, father of Jesse, and grandfather of David. Boaz is mentioned in both the Gospel of Matthew and the Gospel of Luke as an ancestor of Jesus.“ Now even if you are not a religious/spiritual person…the wait for BOAZ (or the female version for the men) can still be a significant one! I consider this journey to be a personal AND spiritual one. If you feel lost in the dating world or feel like you are dating the wrong person…await BOAZ with me!!! I definitely cannot do this journey by myself so let’s walk hand in hand. Please feel free to write me publicly or privately about your own journeys! Now to how I got here…in 2016, two guys told me they loved me: Elijah in January and the Ex Factor in May. I don’t think either one has a clue what true and everlasting love is about and I’m not even mad. I easily let them go because I knew they were not BOAZ! And with doing that, I’ve freed myself up for my BOAZ! Meeting a man has never been an issue for me and finding one that wants to marry me has been easy. You see I’ve never been the type of woman easily moved by a man’s words. A man…is just a man. I’m never hot and bothered for one. With that being said, why has BOAZ escaped me in my 20 years of dating? Here are 4 reasons I believe BOAZ has not found me: 4. BOAZ was not initially part of my life plan. I’ve been living in a me, myself, and I world until I turned 34. 3. While I believe in marriage, I’ve never really believed it was the path for me. Getting myself ready for BOAZ means taking a firm stand on this issue. I cannot somewhat be a wife. Either it’s what I want or what I don’t! The Good Lord did not create me to just be a girlfriend or even worse…an afterthought.?? 2. While I’ve taken years off of dating and/or sex (2 years in graduate school, most of 2013, and all of 2014 come to mind), I did not do so awaiting BOAZ. I did so hiding from more pain and more false love. In essence, those years off did not prepare me for much because I was avoiding living my personal life and keeping my feelings “safe.” Great love, I believe, takes great risk! Awaiting BOAZ is about faith, love, hope, risks, and trusting in GOD to guide us. 1. I was NOT ready for BOAZ! Yes I believe we have to get ready while we await God’s blessings! So that’s where I’m at…getting ready as I await BOAZ. Now I have no clue who he is but I do believe he will feel like my best friend before he feels like my lover. He will speak to my spirit before even speaking to my body. I do not picture BOAZ to be of a certain race. I’m open to God’s plan for me. Though I hope and pray he will be over 6 ft as I love a tall man! My heels! My heels! I live in heels! Guess I’m just making a special request to GOD to make my BOAZ tall. Lol. I’m still a work in progress. I picture my BOAZ to be patient…a man ready to teach me certain things while learning from me. He won’t be into games and will encourage me to follow his lead. He will know where we are headed! He will know I AM HIS ONE and will need no convincing! My BOAZ will be a leader and not a follower unless he’s following the teachings of Jesus! ?? He will support my work ethics and my dreams! He will appreciate the pain and struggles I’ve been through to get myself right for him. Other than that, all that BOAZ can be…only God knows!?? Before I go, I want to give you guys one of the Bible passages about BOAZ from Ruth 2: “Ruth Meets Boaz in the Grain Field Now Naomi had a relative on her husband’s side, a man of standing from the clan of Elimelek, whose name was Boaz. And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor.” Naomi said to her, “Go ahead, my daughter.” So she went out, entered a field and began to glean behind the harvesters. As it turned out, she was working in a field belonging to Boaz, who was from the clan of Elimelek. Just then Boaz arrived from Bethlehem and greeted the harvesters, “The Lord be with you!” “The Lord bless you!” they answered. Boaz asked the overseer of his harvesters, “Who does that young woman belong to?” The overseer replied, “She is the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi. She said, ‘Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.’ She came into the field and has remained here from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter.” So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.” At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She asked him, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?” Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.” “May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,” she said. “You have put me at ease by speaking kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servants.” At mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar.” When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, “Let her gather among the sheaves and don’t reprimand her. Even pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her.” So Ruth gleaned in the field until evening. Then she threshed the barley she had gathered, and it amounted to about an ephah. She carried it back to town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gathered. Ruth also brought out and gave her what she had left over after she had eaten enough. Her mother-in-law asked her, “Where did you glean today? Where did you work? Blessed be the man who took notice of you!” Then Ruth told her mother-in-law about the one at whose place she had been working. “The name of the man I worked with today is Boaz,” she said. “The Lord bless him!” Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. “He has not stopped showing his kindness to the living and the dead.” She added, “That man is our close relative; he is one of our guardian-redeemers.” Then Ruth the Moabite said, “He even said to me, ‘Stay with my workers until they finish harvesting all my grain.’” Naomi said to Ruth her daughter-in-law, “It will be good for you, my daughter, to go with the women who work for him, because in someone else’s field you might be harmed.” So Ruth stayed close to the women of Boaz to glean until the barley and wheat harvests were finished. And she lived with her mother-in-law.“ And so the journey begins…stay tuned~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying I’m super excited about this journey!? 

I tried to be perfect for him even though he never attempted to be perfect for me! I tried never to complain. I tried to pretend I was always happy…that he made me happy. I tried and I tried…always coming up short. Always feeling less than. Always trying to not be tired…of trying! TIRED and TRIED are spelt with the same letters yet I always felt one letter off when I used the word TRIED instead of TIRED. There I was looking in at myself and…at him. Exhausted and disgusted! I’m exhausted from trying to be perfect all the time yet never meaning more to him. And I’m disgusted that I even tried to be perfect for him….when I always knew I was enough! Yet there I was…in the midst of a sad existence…smiling…as I perfectly disappeared… ~KJM on Charm School Monday 

Once…I believed I wasn’t enough. Maybe if I was more beautiful, had the waistline the width of my hand, a huge video vixen bootie, and was younger than I am…life would be so great! Then “reality” tv exploded and there were chicks going under the knife for a perfect look and even after receiving it….lived a very sad existence! Even celebrities have huge moments of self doubt and watch their lives fall apart…no matter how much money they have!?No set of perfect looks and skills will guarantee that our lives will always go well. Perfection is a MYTH! So how did our society get so obsessed with it? It’s because somewhere along the line someone or something told us we weren’t enough. It may have been our parents, friends, society, our relationship experiences, a broken heart, or….ourselves! How ever we got here…we are here…a place where we stopped thinking we were enough to be happy and live a blessed life! ?? And so the list of what it would take to make us “perfect” grows longer and longer…as we step further and further away from who our Higher power intended us to be. Out of everyone I’ve ever dated…Julio and the Ex Factor were the two guys who always made me feel like I wasn’t enough for them! ?I didn’t buy into this theory when Julio tried to sell it for the last 19 years! I knew I WAS ACTUALLY TOO MUCH FOR HIM and we’ve both agreed that Julio never deserved me!!! I will give him that…he will say it in a heartbeat and accept he f*cked up! What he couldn’t get pass is the fact that in the last 7 years…I’ve been over him. Now the Ex Factor came along at one of the worst times in my life. I got out of graduate school at the height of the economic depression (2009) and couldn’t even find a retail job! If it wasn’t for my family holding me down through the dark ages (May 2009-April 2013), great friends, and meeting the Ex Factor I may have lost my mind! My ability to take care of myself is the essence of who I am. So I fell into a sort of depressive state where I lost faith in myself, put on like 40lbs since graduate school, and even started to doubt God! So when the Ex Factor started to tell me I wasn’t enough…I ALMOST bought into it. The things that kept me grounded were God and my father, Papa Michaels. While the Ex Factor would spend 6 years inserting himself into my life while yelling that as long as he had his boys and his family…he didn’t need me…my DADDY would spend everyday saying that nothing in this world was worth experiencing without ME!?? Thank you for this Daddy! My father told me in words and deeds that I AM ENOUGH and reenforced the great self esteem I was raised with! I AM A F*CKING QUEEN and can’t nobody tell me different! There will come a day when I will meet a man strong enough to support my drive for life and my serious work ethics! Cause you see when someone tells you that you aren’t enough…whether in words and/or actions…what they are really saying is THEY ARE NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU and they know you deserve better! Yes Queens! You deserve better! This obsession with perfection is just something to distract us from our full potentials! What GOD has for you…is for you! Never allow anyone to tell you that you are not perfect for only GOD is perfect and we were made in HIS image and likeness and were never meant to be perfect. It’s in the midst of our imperfections that GOD loves us anyways…AS IS! ?? Stay healthy and focused but stop telling yourself that if only you lost 10lbs…he wouldn’t cheat! Or if only you were more fun and/or athletic he would find you more interesting. Or even worse…if you were her…he would love you! Just STOP!?? You are who you are meant to be. Any improvements should be made because YOU want to for your own betterment. Look at Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, J Lo, and Ambrose! Perfection and freakiness never made them happy! Not that I think they were selling perfection but in many of our eyes they were the quintessential women! Our imperfections are what makes us unique and in the end…I believe the true love of those imperfections (from ourselves and others) are how we will all find peace and happiness! ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying that you are all perfect to me! ? 

Happy Flashback Friday Queens! We are in the second day of a new season (literally and figuratively). Time to take stock of our lives and claim our power. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on the twist and turns I made in my last season. There are some things I definitely wish I had done differently. However, I’ve made peace with my mistakes the best I can and am ready to move forward….educated, refreshed, and focused! It’s been a while since I’ve done a countdown so let’s try one today. Here are 5 Truths of The Never Mrs that I’ve recently come to terms with: 5. I AM UNMARRIED BY CHOICE AND HAPPY WITH THAT CHOICE: Sometimes I’m in the midst of a conversation with one of my female friends or a complete stranger (as strangers love to randomly share Too Much Information with me) and that woman will make some assumptions about my single state of mind. I’ve heard time and time again that when I meet the right one…I will know. They are assuming, of course, that I believe there is a right “one.” I cannot say if this piece of advice is actually true as I clearly haven’t semi met the right one. But I do feel like there are great loves that may be right for us in a certain season of our lives or never right for us at all. If you know me personally then you know that every goal I have set for myself…I go out of my way to achieve…and I do achieve it no matter how long it takes. Thus, being married or even in a permanent long term relationship was never part of my young adult plan. I purposely kept my head in the books and advanced my education. None of it was done accidentally. If I wanted to be married…I would be. And if you have been following this blog, you already know that when I speak of marriage…I speak of it being a smart financial option more than the best thing to do morally. I do not believe that a woman should leave herself unprotected (sexually nor financially) when it comes to a man. Fall in love but protect those current and future coins. Don’t help him build his empire without building yours and/or stamping your name on his IF your blood, sweat, and tears went into it…so that if you guys break up…you are not assed out! Now this doesn’t mean I will never marry. It just means that I’m aware it’s still not a priority. MY truth: I AM A NEVER MRS. BY CHOICE! 4. I HAVE NEVER BEEN ROMANTICALLY LOVED IN A WAY MY MIND, BODY, AND SOUL FELT SAFE AND SECURE: While my younger self never thought about a life long partner, I never thought that by the age of 35 I would never have experienced a great love! The Ex Factor is the strongest love I have experienced thus far but most of the time it feels like unrequited love…so it doesn’t add up to a great love in my book. At least not at this chapter in my life. It sucks that I have not experienced the thing that most people say is the greatest feeling ever but when I look at the divorce rates from the last 10 years…I’m beginning to think I’m not alone. Some folks may think they found that great love but really haven’t! Welp….we all make mistakes. Does that great love really exist?! Or great loves? Not sure. For those who say it does exist…y’all talk to me when you’ve celebrated at least 30 years of being together (whether you guys chose to marry or just be life partners). Everything feels good in the NOW but only time will tell! MY truth: Never really been loved romantically where the essence of who I am came alive but neither have most folks! ?? I am just real about mines!? While romantic love evades me, I am my father’s world! And for that I will forever be blessed! No man should dare propose marriage to me without being able to protect and care for me at least 60% of the way my daddy has!✌?️ 3. I DO NOT LIKE GOOD RELATIONSHIP GUYS: Now you know I have to speak my truth. I’ve some amazing male friends who are wonderful husbands! I never chose to date not one of them because they are relationship guys! All the moving around I’ve done in the last 17 years for school and career…a relationship guy would have been hit me with an ultimatum because even he would have gotten tired of following my roaming ass! MY truth: I LOVE those selfish non relationship guys who can’t even say the word LOVE! Emotionally unavailable?!! Yasss boo….send me your digits! Yup…that’s my type AND is still my type. Hence the Ex Factor! If you are about a family life and love…I’m gonna dump you but not right away. First, I will get excited, then I will feel boxed in, and then I will get bored and lawd only knows what I will do next. Yes…I am the ultimate bachelorette!?? 2. TO THE ONCE WAS MRS: I have a few friends that are now on their second marriages AND happy so don’t give up hope if you thought you found the person for you and it didn’t work out. LOVE is still on the way! Keep the faith and take all the learned lessons with you while being open to a new love! MY truth: I’m glad I waited. I’m in no rush! ? 1. SINGLE IS A POWERFUL STATE OF MIND: I know it’s hard starting over in love and life BUT it’s worth it. I know some women (and men for that matter) who settled just because they felt the love they received is all they could get, they were lonely, or they just plain gave up on life….this is simply no way to live. As a single woman (with no children), I can easily walk away from anything that does not positively serve my spirit! We all have choices in life (whether we realize it or not) but a single person’s choice generally just affects us. I have the FREEDOM to start again…breathe again…love again! As long as we are living, the story is not over! The problem is most women are focused on a time line and end up not giving a damn who they share that time line with until some huge mistakes are made. A lot of men, on the other hand, screw over the women that truly love them and end up settling for “Miss She Just Happens To Be Here When I Am Ready To Be Serious” or “Miss I Just Knocked Her Up!” Even a ready to settle down man is still thinking with his little brain and not the big one!? I’m making a lot of generalizations right now but just hear me out. These are the common mistakes I’ve seen amongst the men and women I’ve known in this lifetime. If we all looked at the SINGLE state of mind as a powerful one…we could avoid so much hurt! Now even I get tired of “THE WAIT” but I won’t dare give up on myself, my possible future family, and love just because I’m tired! My ass is tired at work too but I put my back into that shit! Personal life should be no different! Be real with yourselves and be real with what you are currently looking for and praying for. Stay in that SINGLE state of mind empowered, not bitter, and open to the lessons along the way. I don’t know what the future holds but I know all good things blossom from self love, patience, God, and doing the WORK!!!?? MY truth: I am worth the wait! ?~KJM on Flashback Friday leaving you guys with some inspiring words from the late great Luther Vandross: “For me to get the love That I’d been missing Sometimes love takes a long time Wait for love And you’re gonna to get the chance to love Wait for love, wait for love oh, my”???Wait For Love by Luther Vandross. In loving memory of Michele Monique Johnson who would have been celebrating her birthday today. Miss you dearly? 

Remember that you cannot take everyone into your new season! Some are meant to get left behind and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. That’s growth! They have served their purpose in a past season and now life must go on. To get to a higher elevation you cannot think nor act like you did when you were at sea level! Soar into your new season!?? ~KJM dropping you a little line of inspiration on what is now Serenity Sundays❤️