Kingston Expressions

Writer, Editor, & Lifestyle Blogger: Sex, Lust, Love, Celibacy & More 🥰 A woman not afraid to walk in her truth....in style of course 👠 💄

Archives for December 2015

You Thought You Did It Up In 2015 But You Didn’t: A Charm School Remedial Course (Fashion)

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The end of the year is upon us and I just can’t let some of y’all go into 2016 without this remedial course. Some of you thought you were doing it up in 2015 but you um…weren’t. Before I get into this infamous count down, I want to let you know that (a) I love and support women and (b) I’m a black woman so most of this list will apply to black women but some will apply to all women. Lastly, if you love how you look skip this course but if you don’t…think of me as that good friend who has been hesitant to say a word to you but wants the best for you. Don’t shoot the messenger! Here is a list of things you thought you nailed but you actually failed:

9. FAKE EYE LASHES! It’s one thing if you are purposely trying to look like a drag queen but if you aren’t…baby girl I can’t see your eyes because your fake lashes are covering them. The big bird look is so yesterday. Try lashes that fit your face and look natural. If the drag queen look is what you are trying to achieve, aim to slay like Ru Paul!

8. BLEACH BLONDE HAIR! I wish everyone from Beyoncé to Heather Locklear could give the hair color blonde a rest especially when they go all the way to bleach blonde. Very few women, despite the race (that’s right even white women in my opinion), can wear the color blonde. I know male society sold women the idea that this was the ideal color to be attractive but that’s simply not true! Not to mention, bleach blonde eats hair out no matter the race! If you want to have blonde bald spots one day…keep letting this trend eat away at you! For those of you wigging it…I will get back to you shortly! Whomever said blondes have more fun was wrong! I love my brunettes and redheads! “Variety is the spice of life!”

7. RED LIPSTICK! Now I personally am not a fan of red lipstick. I love purple but that’s me. For women of all races, there is a red lipstick that matches your complexion and the shape of your face…go find it! Don’t just pick a shade because you think it looks pretty and wear it! It has to look PRETTY ON YOU! That’s right…you! So stop channeling “homie the clown” from the 90s show “In Living Color.” Great show but definitely not meant to be a fashion guide.

6. COLORED CONTACTS! Some of you are so obsessed with changing your eye color that you can’t see that these cheap contacts are burning off your eyeballs! Now I’m not talking to the folks who need to wear contacts for their vision and opted for something fashionable (but be careful here…still select a color that doesn’t make you look like an abandoned ally cat)!

5. NATURAL HAIR! I know I’m going to get some shit for this but sistas not everyone does natural well. Some women (and men for that matter) think natural means never having to wash, comb, nor oil their hair. I don’t want to see fuzz balls in your dreads. Not to mention, natural hair styles much like short cuts, take a lot of maintenance! I’ve actually been natural, since 2004, but don’t wear my natural hair out. I don’t know how to comb any type of hair, work very long hours, and don’t have time to be at the hair salon every other week. Also, much of the natural styles I admire would not look right for me. FYI my hair salon actually specializes in both natural hair and weaves. Hence why my mane has grown so full, thick, and healthy! Shout out to my salon! The natural movement is a beautiful one! And I support those that show off their beautiful natural mane! But please oh please don’t set the movement back by not caring for your hair!

4. WEAVES/FRONT LACE WIGS! Now let me start off by saying that I wear weaves. But I do not think every style fits me and I invest in good quality hair. I hate going to the bathroom at my day job and seeing clumps of synthetic hair on the floor. As a fellow weave wearer, I always feel like I’ve to clean up behind the cheap hair in fear someone will think it’s my hair shedding. Not to mention some of y’all are still getting weaves sewn in as if they were done in the 80s (and not in a good way)! There is no way I should still be seeing a circle in the middle of your head! *Lawd a mercy!* Please go to a professional stylist! Also don’t wear your weaves for a year! Contrary to popular belief, weave wearers can have their edges! I damn sure do and I’ve been wearing weaves for over 10years. This is why it’s important to get a stylist that specializes in growing your hair as well as styling your weaves! Now to the front lace people. I’ve personally never worn one but I’ve women in my family that wear front laces (mostly because of health issues) and slay at it! I know we all can’t afford a BeyoncĂ© front lace but let’s at least attempt to give the $1.99 looking ones a break! Last but not least in this area, with both weaves and front laces, ask yourself this….can you wear color? I see so many people in blonde (see #6 of this list) and cannot maintain the color. The lighter the color hair (also true for your real hair that’s dyed), the more care you will have to use. It will get brittle and dried out quickly. For the weave and wig wearers, this means the front of your hair may be laid but the back will look like a knotted bush. Actually it will look like your weave just got into a cat fight….and lost.

3. THAT OUTFIT THAT LOOKS GOOD ON YOUR FRIEND! True female friendships are a beautiful thing. It’s nice when you and a close friend naturally compliment each other. However, some of y’all go up in your BFFs closet and put on a outfit she slayed in at the club last month. Y’all are two different sizes…all over…and because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings she lets you borrow and wear the outfit out. Now bless her heart but she should have stopped you! Friends are not meant to look alike. Just because she looked great in it doesn’t mean you will! Be you boo and style yourself in a way that makes you look and feel beautiful. It’s ok to say your friend looks great and still be comfortable with you!

2. YOU LET HER WEAR THAT? Now to the BFF in number 3, I’m calling you out! I never ever want to put another woman down but if my friend doesn’t look right in an outfit and she’s asks me about it…I will nicely tell her the truth. For example, I was in Vegas last month celebrating my brother Junior’s 30th. While we were waiting on our VIP line, I see a group of women get on a line to my left…four women, three of which were big women and one anorexic looking one. The tiny one had on a white mini dress with granny panties and wait for it….A BIG MAXI PAD printing out of the back of her dress! Yes it was her time of the month and we all could tell! Ironically, one of my male cousins pointed it out and started to laugh as we all looked on mortified!!!! Now to her friends…why y’all do her like that and in VEGAS! Jesus be a fence! Why didn’t anyone say…girl that’s not going to work. You need tampons! Either they weren’t really her friends or they were trying not to hurt her feelings like the glow in the dark lights sure did inside the club! Why oh why?!

1. THINKING THAT EVERYONE SHOULD DRESS LIKE YOU BUT YOU AIN’T GOT NO STYLE! A few months ago I went on a weekend trip with a friend of mine and her two cousins. Throughout the trip they kept critiquing my friend and I. One told me I’m too old to wear lip gloss and have it have style. Neither one, in my opinion, had any kind of style! I’m all about uplifting women so generally I do not make a comment about how any of my friends style themselves unless they ask! Not to mention all my female friends (of many different cultures and races) have different styles that work for them. We encourage each other. My friend’s cousins were just two unhappy not stylish mean girls. To those mean girls and all the others around the world, stop thinking you are on the cover of Vogue and know everything about style. Work on your own self esteem to the point where you don’t have to put others down! You ladies are the biggest fashion faux pas! As I’ve heard time and time again…“there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women!” ~KJM dropping some end of the year knowledge on Hump Day aka the second to last day of 2015!

36 Year Old Penis And Up

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Dating a younger guy just for fun is cool. I recommend every grown woman to do it before she gets married. The sex alone will blow your mind! Some of y’all will actually marry your Pretty Young Thangs. I tip my hat off to you?? As for where I am currently in my life, if the penis isn’t 36 and older…it won’t pique my interest. I’m going through a grown man phase…36 years old and up with his shit together?? Don’t step to me if you don’t have the initial credentials✌?️

Charm School Monday (Kindness)

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Sometimes you have to treat people with the kindness that they never gave you. It’s called being the bigger person which sometimes suck but is necessary for growth! ~KJM dropping knowledge on Charm School Monday

Charm School Monday (Parenting)

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To all the parents who had a fucked up childhood….now is your chance to be the parent you never received. You will have to try harder than other parents who never experienced abuse and heartbreak in their childhood. FYI your trying harder isn’t something your children need to be grateful for. It’s something you should be humbled to do. You have a chance to not repeat the cycle! ~KJM on Charm School Monday

From “The Mirror Has Two Faces”

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From “The Mirror Has Two Faces”

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When we fall in love, we hear Puccini in our heads

Abusive Parents (A Guide)

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One of the most challenging things about blogging is to be able to tell my truth without hurting anyone. Unfortunately, some truths can only be told in a painful manner. I never hide that I grew up in a very abusive family. Despite it all, most of us have turned out pretty well. But never let the product fool you. Looks can be very deceiving. The places people have to travel to and from to escape their family history and their own personal past, can be very dark and ugly. This blog will give you some idea of what an abusive parent is. I hope and pray none of you are experiencing these things in your lives. If you are, I hope that this blog brings about a positive change whether you are the abusive parent or the child of an abusive parent. The list below contains things either myself or someone in my family (immediate or extended) has experienced.

 

  1. Being Jealous Of Your Children. This sounds absolutely crazy but there are some parents who do not want their children to prosper and will do anything in their power to stop them. My aunt, on my father’s side, once told my grandmother that she wanted to become a dentist. My grandmother told her that she better just keep working at McDonalds. Heartbroken and discouraged, my aunt still works at McDonalds to this day.

 

  1. Calling Your Children Out Their Name. From birth, we give our children names with our hopes and dreams attached to it. Never was that name “bitch” or “whore.” Yet some parents feel it’s ok when having a dispute with their children to use such language. Picture this….calling a 5 year old child a whore?! This has happened. Do not be surprised that if you constantly verbally abuse your children that when they get older they will speak to you in a disrespectful manner. Respect should be taught in the homes. If you cannot control your degrading language, you should have never had children.

 

  1. Trying To Control Your Child’s Every Move. Much like domestic violence in a romantic relationship, abusive parents feel the need to control every aspect of their children’s lives no matter their age. Now I am not talking about protecting them from harm. I am referring to parents who will try to harm their children (even when their child is an adult) when they do not do exactly as they say. For example, Mama Michaels’ father helped her buy her first car. When he saw her driving in it with Papa Michaels, who was already her husband, my grandfather took the car back and left my mom walking. Fathom that!

 

  1. Making Your Children Emotionally Responsible For All Of Your Losses. I have an aunt who constantly reminds my cousin that had she not given birth to my cousin she would have been a lawyer! My cousin is 24 now and my aunt still repeats this mess. Last I checked, plenty of single moms found a way to attend professional school against all odds. My cousin has spent 24 years being my aunt’s greatest regret. Through God’s grace, my cousin is a wonderful woman. She has just attained her Master’s Degree! God is good!

 

  1. Having Your Older Children Raise Your Younger Ones. I never really had a childhood. My mother had to raise her 5 brothers and sisters in Jamaica and when we came to the U.S. she passed the legacy down to me. For 6 years I took care of Brenda (from birth) and Junior 24 hours a day. I was not allowed to play sports or do much after school activities because I had to be there to get them off the bus and take care of them. And no, this was NOT babysitting. Even when my mother was home, the children were still my full time responsibility. I had a lot of anger about this and vowed never to do this to my children (if I ever have any). Very few people ever gave me a break from the kids. I am forever grateful to my dad and a family friend for helping me out during these years. I am even more grateful that through this stressful process, I learned that I LOVE CHILDREN. However, I am cool with being Auntie Kingston.

 

  1. Controlling The Finances Of Your Children (Even When Adults). Mama Michaels’ parents are the absolute worst! My grandmother brought us to this country to work and give her all our paychecks. My mother actually did this until she was in her 40s! Parents that never fed nor clothed her made her feel financially indebted to them. She grew up in intense poverty in Jamaica. I do not know how they managed to have such control over her but it damn near ruined the Michaels family!

 

  1. Allowing Other People To Abuse Your Children. I have an aunt, on my father’s side of family, who has 4 children. Three out of the four (that I know of) have been raped, beaten, and verbally abused on her watch and approval. Even at church, people would hit them because they knew she did not give a damn about their well being! I hated visiting their apartment and visiting their “church.” Some of my cousins are drugged out now because of a lifetime of abuse. Jesus be a fence! So much more I could say but the tears would just get in the way.

 

  1. Wishing Your Children Harm/Not Protecting Them From Harm. There are parents out there who feel their children should suffer the way they did in their childhood/adulthood. They are desensitized to the level of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse they dish out. To them, abuse is normal and everyone should experience it. I want to throw up just writing that.

 

  1. Beating Your Children For No Reason. Now let me be clear, I am not anti-spanking. I believe in disciplining children when they are bad and time out, in my opinion, just does not work. However, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN BEATING CHILDREN TO A PULP SENSELESSLY OR AT ALL. The aunt in number 4 would use telephones, telephone cords, belts, and just about anything she could find to beat my cousins when she had a bad day. I wish I could say she was on drugs or something but I just think some people are inherently evil. My aunt clearly should have never had one child. I am disgusted just writing this.

 

  1. Sexual Abuse. There are several people in my family who were raped by family members and/or close family friends. Sad to say, even when their mothers became aware, the abuse continued. This is simply heartbreaking. Some parents just do not care about their children.

 

~KJM hoping that this blog wakes some parents up and encourages them to change. Abuse comes in so many different shapes and sizes. Hence why this list has some subtle ones that some parents may not think is a form of abuse. Also, I am hoping that the children of abuse have the courage to escape it and NOT REPEAT THE CYCLE. Be blessed on this very cloudy Sunday!

Don’t Have Children

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There’s so many people who have children and should not have. People are in love with babies but some actually have no intention of raising them. Don’t have children if you have no intentions of doing the work! And if you do have them and abuse them, remember those same children will grow up. You reap what you sow. If you never watered them, don’t be surprised that you now have a garden of weeds. ~KJM saying that some folks should have skipped parenthood. 

He Knew I Was The One

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I want a man who takes one look at me and knows that I AM THE ONE! He will know at first glance that I’m going to take a lot of work but I will be worth all the work he puts in. I no longer have time to entertain boys who want to keep me on hold in case nothing better comes along! I AM THE ONE! No hold button here! Just press play and be ready to fight for true and everlasting love. This is my prayer! ~KJM

The Condition Of My Heart On Christmas

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I want to start off by thanking God for the Michaels family. Without them, I am truly nothing.

Even with all the love and support I’ve around me, there is still a hole in my heart. Since our separation, Thanksgiving, his birthday (December 3), and Christmas are the only days I’ve truly missed the ex factor. I imagine that New Year’s Eve and New Years will be the hardest. Watching the seasons change and the holidays pass me by reminds me of what never was but could have been. They remind me of the love I once tried to fight for.

I want so much to be able to wish the man I’ve loved the most some Christmas cheer. It’s a terrible thing to not be able to reach out but there is so much pain there. I don’t know how I will ever get over the pain. Oh my aching heart. I miss the days I believed in him and us. I miss falling asleep with him and waking up to him. If there’s one thing my heart really wants to say to him it’s…I loved you, still love you, and probably to some extent there will always be a part of me that loves you. But due to the condition of my heart, I continue to move forward. I’m praying 2016 will be the year I will flourish without you. Wishing you nothing but the best. Wishing you find the life you gave up on us to live.

For anyone suffering from a broken heart this Christmas…KJM is right there with you. Let’s move forward together…one day at a time. May 2016 bring true love and prosperity! ~KJM on this Flashback Friday Christmas.

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