It’s time to go…I heard a voice say. I stood there…frozen in time…but I was not numb. There were tears rolling down my cheeks. I…was feeling…this moment. Could not escape it by heading to the land of numbness. I had to be aware of it so that I fully understood where and why I was leaving. Time to go…I heard the voice say once again. And so I began to cry. Why now…I wondered. There were so many other times I had prepared myself for it. Now this moment was swallowing me up…silently. My tears flew freely but no sound could found from my voice. I stood there…still frozen in time. Asking God why me and why now? Then the voice spoke again…‘No happiness can be found here. He will never understand nor appreciate how special you are!’ I cried and cried…not because I had to leave the place I had fought so hard for in the last six and half years…but because I knew deep down inside that it was true. Around October 2012, the Ex Factor lost his ability to make me happy. Sure there would be temporary glimpses of happiness over the next few years but nothing to sustain my heart. I would briefly smile and then find myself running off to cry. He…would essentially…be the memory of sorrow for me. I…would remember…and cry. Mourn how hard I tried and he always left me feeling less than. Deep down inside, I know that how people treat other people is more of a reflection of how they feel about themselves…and less about the person they are trying to break into two. But my heart could not help but feel abandoned. I had walked away so many times…only to end up right back where I left off. And to add insult to injury…I have been lonely. The only loneliness I have ever known…is not when I am truly alone (that’s my comfort zone)…it’s when I love a man who does not treat me with the utmost respect and care that I deserve. Julio and the Ex Factor were by far the worst for my self esteem. My other men may have not been right for me but I was always treated like a queen by them…all except for the two I actually loved. So here I am…still frozen in time…only now I feel like the air is thin and I cannot breathe. I feel stuck…trapped and so unhappy. Truth be told, these last two months that I have not seen the Ex Factor in person has been the happiest I have been in the last two years. We speak almost daily but I do not have to fear him breaking my heart again for I have kept him at a distance…where I can truly see him as he is. I fell in love with the man he never was. The uniqueness I had once seen in his eyes…has become quite common. In his mind, he was happiness but my mind, body, and spirit knew different…he can never be anything but misery. ‘Time to go,’ the voice said again. I slowly gathered my things and stopped crying. No idea where I am headed next but had finally accepted that…the Ex Factor will never be able to prove to me…that he is happiness. And so I start my journey…a little bruised and a little broken…but with hope in my heart. You see…I believe GOD IS ABLE and HE and ONLY HE can turn any situation around. The thing is…I don’t believe HE wants to. Perhaps I was suppose to take the hard road to true love so that I will never look back at what could have been. I know what was. It was filled with tears and misery and that’s how I would remember it. And so now more than ever…I await BOAZ… As my soulmate, I will never have to ask BOAZ to prove to me that he is happiness…because it will be felt in just the way he looks at me…the way he holds me. BOAZ won’t be buying time with me until he gets to where he is going. I will be everything to BOAZ and he will be everything to me. And if you are wondering what I have held on to that I have given no other man…that will be just for BOAZ…it’s an everlasting love and trust that I have never known any other man to deserve. He will be MY FIRST and MY ONLY for so many things. BOAZ will be all that and more….because that’s GOD’s promise to me. And HE IS AN ON TIME GOD! ?? So I start my journey…hoping to never look back. And I faithfully await BOAZ…hoping he is preparing for me as I am preparing for him… ~KJM is keeping the FAITH on Charm School Monday❤ With the Ex Factor and I…you never really know when the real end will come. However, there is something so profound about where we are right now….that my happiness is at its highest when he is not around…and I want to stay happy! ??
Archives for January 2017
One of my 2017 goals for this blog is to start consulting women on how they can effectively say no in their personal and professional lives without feeling like a bitch. In one of my previous blogs, I spoke about how women are lagging way behind men (career wise) because we do not negotiate for ourselves like men do. There are also many other factors that contribute to why men are still making more than us but when we fail to demand what we are worth…we are cut short even if we are in a position to make more. Listen up because today’s blog will be very helpful! Society tells a man that he must demand respect and go after what he wants. When we women do it…we are called aggressive bitches! First thing we have to do is drop the stigma that because we are going after what we want assertively…that we are bad people! Growing up, I watched my mom over extend her mind, body, spirit, and money to her side of the family and her tacky ass never having a good job (or any job) friends! ? I vowed never to try to please anyone to my detriment except myself…and pleasing myself will rarely lead to my detriment! ?? If someone does not like how I handle a situation…tough for them because I’m going to always do me! This is exactly why my favorite word is NO! I do not hesitate to put folks in their place when they are imposing unreasonable demands on me…professionally and personally! Yes I have been called aggressive my entire life but I’ve learned to see that as a compliment! Because I stand up for myself…I am aggressive?! ✌? That sure sounds better than being a doormat! I have no desire to please anyone but myself and it shows…even in my walk! ?? So why do many women have a hard time saying no to those around them? 1. Society tells us we should be polite and by polite they mean…always put others first before ourselves! Oh hell naw! ?2. Our nature is to nurture…everyone but ourselves! 3. We have a fear of not being liked! And 4. It makes us uncomfortable to be so confrontational! This is why many of us have the men in our lives negotiate and handle sticky situations for us! ?I am sure each woman also has some unique reasons for not wanting to say no to others but those 4 are the most common themes I have seen. Ladies, this year we have to do better! 2017 is the YEAR OF NO to anything that does not serve a positive purpose in our lives! We have to stand up for ourselves! And I promise you the more you assert yourselves…is the more the universe will deliver what you demand! ?? If I haven’t convinced you to make a change yet…here’s an example of what too many YESes will do to your lives! We bought our first house when I was 14 years old! I hated living in an apartment as a child and was so excited for the positive change! Well my mama ruined that experience for us all by taking in every stray relative and friend! ? Some of them even robbed us on the way out! I am still surprised we have our kitchen sink! ? Bumb bitches (girls and guys not doing a thing with their lives) don’t give a fuck! They will wear your draws, not say thank you, rob you, and then diss you to everyone they know! ? No matter how my immediate family suffered…my mother would keep helping people who would never lift a hand to help her if she was in need…pissing my father off every step of the way. ? We all could not understand her motive! We could see the users from a mile away…yet she would choose only to look for the good in them…even if they robbed her last time! ? Do not be Mama Michaels!!! Yo if you are on your face and I have a couple of extra bucks…I will send it to you but you cannot come live with me and my family! That’s my family and my house is the place I am the most vulnerable at!!! Their happiness means way more to me than anyone else’s happiness! I won’t jeopardize that peace and tranquility for others…don’t give a fuck who you are! You cannot live off of me! ?? You better take this here 5 dollars and beat it…never expecting more! Leeches! But I digress! ? What are some situations where you find it difficult to say no? Please let me know and as the year goes on…I will address how I would effectively turn down offers that drain my mind, body, and spirit! ~KJM blogging on the subway on this Flashback Friday! One NO can start you on a new life track!?? Assert yourselves…don’t lose yourselves!
It’s been awhile since we strolled the beat! Yes get your lotion out and hit those ashy ankles up because it’s time for today’s pimp lesson! It’s going to be quick and dirty! Today, I will put you on to a special type of toxic coworker! As I mentioned on my last post, my day job is currently exhausting. Not complaining…just stating a fact. I work 12 hours a day with a 3 hours commute! My current work environment is okay but it does have its bad points. I currently work with a lady I shall name Ivy…as in poison ivy! She’s much older than me and you can tell it by the 8 million dents she has in her face!!!! Ivy smiles all the time but I can tell she does not like me. Now pay attention! ??She is always asking me questions and can run down my schedule better than I can. I can tell right off the bat Ivy has no man nor woman waiting at home for her. Her demeanor says she’s bitter…the world swallowed her up and it shows! Instead of getting her life together, she focused on being jealous of other people. How do I know this? Because everything I say…she challenges and puts a negative spin on. For example, I mentioned that I just got my wisdom teeth pulled and she immediately says that some folks love the pain medications because they are addicted to them. I reply…I didn’t take 60% of my pain medications and opted for the pain because my body does not like the feel of pain medications like Percocet and Vicodin! I am no drug addict lady! ✌?Then I said I love going to Vegas and she immediately questions whether I gamble too much! Nope…old hag…I’m not addicted to gambling…don’t even like it. ✌?The most I typically gamble in Vegas is 6 bucks my entire trip! That shocked Ivy. I think it irks her that I carry myself well and I don’t doubt myself. Now you may think I’m jumping to assumptions but if you do not take anything else away from this blog…take this….TRUST YOUR GUT! My intuition tells me that Ivy gets off on playing mind games and thrives off of thinking she is outsmarting everyone. She hangs on to my every word yet discloses very little about herself. As a matter of fact, my other coworker (that sits next to us) avoids speaking with Ivy at all costs. My gut tells me that Ivy is miserable and likes to make others feel the same. The thing that makes her so dangerous is…she does everything with a nasty witch smile! ? I have decided that in the next couple of months, I will limit my interactions with her. And if she does manage to suck me into her negativity…I will simply smile and turn the questions to her (as if I really care about her life lol). Moral of the story is…on the way to pimp street (being a boss or owning your own business) there is no honor among hoes! Most folks have the crab mentality and will try to drag you down! Do not let them encourage you to doubt your work and your life! Keep being confident! No time for poison ivy! ✌???✌?Put that crab where she belongs…at the bottom of the barrel…the place where she earned her position best! ~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying…never get too comfortable in the land of pimps and hoes. No matter how much they smile…remember…it’s a jungle out there! ?
This morning I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed! My day job is going to be very demanding for the next two months….that means I start my day at 4:15am and end it anywhere from 8:30pm to 10pm! ?I AM A WOMAN ON THE EDGE! ?So since I’m running late and already had to cuss someone out on the bus…I figured I would bless y’all with my sunshiny personality! ? As a single woman, I count down the days between the holidays and February 15! After February 14, single folks can spend the rest of the year celebrating their singleness! No Hallmark holiday to shame me for not having a man! I can just BREATHE! ?? As I count down to my emancipation day…I cannot help but think about some of the best and worst Valentine’s Days I have ever had! ? My best was with MR. TOSS SALAD…he spent 4 days whining and dining me in Atlanta. You know the ugly ones got to do that! ? Everything was about me and the best part of it was….I wasn’t expecting it. He even got some of our family and friends together to celebrate the weekend. No man had ever done that for me…I can give him that. I woke up every day with a gift at my feet! ? MR TOSS SALAD and I were not even dating! He had been trying to get at me since freshman year of college and now that I was broken-hearted from the Ex Factor…he saw his chance. From the Alvin Ailey Dance Company to the spa to the strip club…Valentine’s Day 2013 was everything! ?? Typically, all I want to do for that day is be with the man I love. I don’t need much but a true, everlasting, and securing love. The Ex Factor and I spent a portion of Valentines Day 2011 together and then I had dinner with my dad. We also spent a full Valentine’s Day weekend together in 2015. That was my most loved filled Valentine’s Day…because I was with the man I truly loved! ??? It had its beautiful moments but he also made me cry. He did all that I requested that weekend but complained about some things and introduced me to one of his associates as a “friend.” Granted we had not seriously dated since 2012 and he had not seen me since December 2013 but that shit still hurt. ? I cried in the bathroom of the movie theater, cussed his ass out a few times, and then got over it. ?That brings me to why I’m writing today. The Ex Factor does not have a romantic bone in his body. Not a one! ? In the beginning, the small sweet things he use to do for me and his need to make me happy every day…equaled romance but as the years went on…those things stopped. ? I grew up seeing my dad plan everything for my mom…even if he was upset with her. So I know romantic macho men do exist! For the most part, only my ugly rebound men with money were romantic….and that’s probably because their ugly asses knew they needed to kick mad game to get me AND keep me! ?My other men are pretty emotionless and believe romance is corny. Elijah, the oldest of the bunch, was emotionless and cheap so when Vday rolled around (February 2016), I bar/lounge hopped with my sister and my cousin. Had a great time and definitely recommend that for all my singles! Shit…I think I’ve gotten a little off track. ?People are who they are. The Ex Factor isn’t romantic so if we ever got serious or even got married…I should expect the same inconsiderate and emotionless man I dated! Lol. This does not mean that I can’t set standards for my needs to be tended to but it does mean…loving someone unconditionally means you cannot force what is not in them. Forcing a man to be romantic who knows nothing about romance is setting everyone up for failure! Got to be real with yourselves. People only change because they want to. So my suggestion for those who have an unromantic man…by Hallmark’s terms ???, is to find little ways that he can make you happy…that he’s capable of accomplishing. Perhaps he can watch the kids for an entire weekend so you can have a girl’s weekend or he can do more chores than he normally does to give you a break! Romance is what you both make it. I don’t need flowers or candy…I just want to feel LOVED! And if your man is from the “Netflix and Chill” generation, like the Ex Factor, you will have even more work than usual trying to explain to him why you want to feel loved year round! ? Everything in this current generation needs to be quick and easy…including sex…so romance is not dead for them…it never existed. ??? Good luck to all the couples who celebrate Valentine’s Day! And to my Singles…let’s synchronize our watches to 12:01am on February 15, 2017! Emancipation day is on its way! Let the countdown begin! ?? ~KJM blogging on the subway…on this very crazy Hump Day! Lord, please let me make it to work on time! ??????
I rarely get political on this page but since I VOTED and I MARCHED in the Women’s March in NYC…I had to respond to Azealia Banks…please check out the picture in this blog that will show you her post and MY response. ~KJM is a Black Feminist on Charm School Monday!
This week has been filled with a world wind of emotions for America and our international communities! As we went from bittersweet memories of OUR beloved President (Obama #forever44) to anger about our current state of the union…we were on a grieving and fearful emotional roller coaster. Some where in the midst of this chaos, I found another aspect of my truth. I have been happier in these first 21 days in 2017 than I was in all of 2016. The Ex Factor and I speak…almost every day…but I haven’t seen him since November 30. While I know he misses me (and I miss him too)…I am not ready to see him nor spend time with him. My main focus is myself right now and if he’s bringing something to the table…it has to come in the form of ACTIONS and NOT WORDS! Since our beginning (well 3 months in is when he told me he wasn’t ready for a serious commitment and to be honest I wasn’t sure what I was ready for as I had never been serious about anyone) we agreed that if we weren’t happy and wanted to see other people we would let the other person know. I think all relationships should be this way. To me…we weren’t in an open relationship…we were just being honest about his age and my lack of knowledge of what I could give since I was always moving to other states for my own professional and personal development. No one wanted to be boxed in…but I did know I loved him so I asked for what I thought I could handle at that time…monogamy and honesty. Monogamy wasn’t ever an issue. We both needed that. When I first fell for the Ex Factor, I put him on the highest pedestal. ?Never had I done that for any other guy (and haven’t since). In my mind, he was as honest as they came and so open…heart was so open…ready for the taking. I remember waking up for the first two years (even in difficult times) feeling so in love and so blessed to have him in my life. I had never had a honeymoon period with a guy before…he was my first…and it lasted for two beautiful years! But I guess all good things do come to an end. ? Now to the thing I haven’t let go of…in October 2012, the Ex Factor’s behavior got so strange. He started canceling dates or just not having time to take me out. I immediately knew what was up…another woman. I was raised by a P.I.M.P. who taught me not only how to be one but that game must recognize game. The Ex Factor claims to this day that he never slept with her but my issue is deeper than sex. I believe he never slept with her…don’t think I ever doubted that. But as he was pulling away and they were becoming more emotionally connected…I felt so betrayed. Where a man’s heart goes is the ultimate betrayal because where the heart goes…everything else will follow. Sex I could fight but if he was falling in love with her or was in love with her…there wasn’t much I could do. I asked him for two months if he was seeing someone else and he said no. He did in fact lie to me. I can be shady as fuck but I’m pretty honest with it. During this time, Phoenix was there for me but I didn’t want to lean on him. He had spent years cleaning up my messes. I needed to stand on my own two feet. She was pulling him…taking him away…and I felt it. The day after Christmas (2012), I decided to cut the Ex Factor off with no explanation. From there my personal life spiraled out of control and that’s how I ended up in Atlanta in 2013…almost losing my life. It was the most broken I had been!!! If it weren’t for God and good friends…plus me moving to Richmond, VA for two years…I don’t think I would have ever gotten it together. I cried from the streets of NYC to Atlanta to Vegas and then in Richmond. The thing about it all is I’ve dated shady guys before and when they started creeping I wasn’t ever surprised nor upset. I either played the same game or cut them loose. Now it’s 2017 and the Ex Factor and I are still hanging on BUT to be honest, I never forgave him for lying to me. He fell from the highest pedestal to just one of those sneaky dudes who can never be trusted. This incident lets me know that I’m not the type of woman who can forgive infidelity. I sleep with it and it stays in the back of my mind. ? I grew up around so much cheating that you would think I would be use to it. What hit me hard with the Ex Factor wasn’t even the other woman…it was the fact that I held him to such a high esteem and never thought he was one of those dudes. When a person is capable of something you never thought…that’s a deep awakening of betrayal that does not easily go away. The Ex Factor wasn’t who I thought he was and I have taken that with me since October 2012. I don’t trust him…I don’t think I ever will. That’s how I know he is not BOAZ. I won’t have a reason to doubt BOAZ…. In the Ex Factor’s mind, he did nothing wrong so as we would continuously reunite over the years and talk about this incident…he would do nothing to secure me and to earn back my trust. He thinks he’s honest and if I don’t take him at his word that’s my problem. ? I never doubt my intuition. While he was saying he was happy with me…he was hitting her in the DM! After that, I always assumed someone replaced her. So I did me. Phoenix has been with us this whole time. And no matter how broken I felt…when I showed up at his door…he always made me feel wanted. Sex with Phoenix and I (mostly happening on the breaks the Ex Factor and I took) suffered because emotionally I wasn’t there. But you see…Phoenix is only one of two men I’ve been sexually, physically, and mentally attracted to! Just his mind alone…is reason enough to be around him. But that dude is a Scorpio and sneaky as fuck. That’s why I could never fall for him…I KNOW PHOENIX and he knows me. We do our dirt together…baby mama or no baby mama…Phoenix will be there when I need him. But I’m trying to be a different woman. Trying not to rely on him opening my mind and then my legs. Phoenix is that good fuck…every woman needs in her back pocket before she settles down. Even though I haven’t seen him since September 2014, he stands by me like a really good friend. He expects nothing from me and he listens to my needs…well a jump off has to or how else can he guarantee I will be back? Shout out to him! ?? And if you are wondering…Phoenix has always been with us. Once the Ex Factor wouldn’t commit…I was smart enough to not let my best recruit go! ? What’s the difference between what the Ex Factor did and what I did? (1) I told him from the jump about Phoenix…whether he was listening or not was on him and (2) Phoenix is no one I could ever fall in love with. He could never steal me away from the Ex Factor. Any time I was at Phoenix’s door was because the Ex Factor sent me there…emotionally of course! ?? For anyone wondering, “getting even” with the Ex Factor over the years didn’t make things better but it left me feeling empowered. I’m not some weak woman crying and waiting on my man to love me and recognize my worth…NO NOT ME! At the end of the day though…when you truly love someone…every spiteful thing you have ever done to them comes back to haunt you. I’m paying for my sins now with the Ex Factor. 2016 was our worst year…made 2012 seem like a cake walk! ? And there’s still no trust between the both of us. So I’m waiting for BOAZ while actively working on myself. I want to be a better woman by the time he arrives. ? So I keep the Ex Factor at bay…he can’t warm my bed again unless he has a solid plan but…that leaves me to wonder if that will even fix anything. Trust is gone…These are my confessions. Sick as fuck…yes this I know! ? However, Serenity is being honest about your emotions and setting your boundaries accordingly. ~KJM saying I am a work in progress on Serenity Saturday. ?
Mariah Carey is a legend in her own right! Despite her recent performance scandal on NYE in NYC…I still love her! Besides her beautiful voice, Mariah has some words of wisdom for us. Over the years, when asked about negative things other celebrities said about her…Mariah would simply say “I don’t know her and I don’t know her either” especially when referring to JLo, Demi Lovato, and Ariana Grande. Now I have to admit I don’t know much about Demi and Ariana (except that they can really sing despite the pop crap they put out) but it’s hilarious that Mariah would always be quoted as saying she doesn’t know who JLo is! ???While the media has titled her “Queen of Shade,” I offer you another perspective. Often times toxic people come into our lives with drama! My sister, Brenda, would probably suggest that you rise above it! However, Mariah is telling you…do not even acknowledge it! ?? Of course….I love Mariah’s take on things! Why even let the drama into your life?! Like I’m not having this shit today nor any other day! STEP✌?with all that mess! If I don’t know you…that means you do not exist…and I can continue being my fabulous self! Yasss Mariah! Yasss! ? While I feel kind of late in the game when it comes to adopting this life motto…I plan on utilizing it in 2017 and actually already have…TWICE so far! ??One particular instance will pique your interest…that damn ELIJAH! Yesterday he what’s app me. I’m getting sick and tired of telling him to hop up off my phone number. Like how many times do I have to tell him that I don’t want him. To date, I have told him this April 1, 2016 when I broke things off, August 2016 after months of him texting me with no response from me in sight, and October 2016 where I explicitly told him I love the Ex Factor and no matter what we go through…it’s him or someone new but no other cock roach from my past…including Elijah! From what I can get from Elijah’s behavior, he does not respect me nor what I say. Sure I didn’t get recruited in cuffing season and the Ex Factor has been placed in the Friend Only Zone…but I have never been hard up over penis. Penis is fucking overrated especially when it comes with stress! And just like with Julio….I’m no longer attracted to Elijah either! ? Sometimes I just want to send him the Kingston Expressions’ podcast Episode 9 so he could understand how fucking disgusted with him I am. Now I know what you are thinking…I’m being mean but come on! ? I cordially ended things and have maintained a strictly professional relationship with him. There has been no drama on my end! So why can’t he respect what I said? Soon it’s going to be a year since I cut him off…what the fuck more does he want? He hasn’t even seen my kitty cat since November 2015! Only the Ex Factor has been getting some of my goodies and even he’s on hold right now. 2017 won’t be about these dudes unless it’s for comic relief. The Ex Factor is kind of like my Baby Daddy (a permanent fixture that I sometimes regret dealing with but our bond is strong and long lasting…even if it’s just as platonic friends)…he is always close by and not going anywhere! Elijah had a few short months to convince he was a better man than the Ex Factor and he failed! ??Elijah’s balls came out smaller and I only got time to roll with the big dogs! ? And lets not forget that EXTRA HOLE Elijah put in my asshole November 2015! ??????Wait!!!! The more I think about this….Elijah really got extra tiny balls to even be texting me! If I were him…I would go hide somewhere after that performance! ✌???? Because speaking to Elijah like he is an adult does not appear to work…I am just going to take Queen Mariah’s advice and let Elijah know….I DON’T KNOW YOU! YOU FUCKING DON’T KNOW ME EITHER…if anyone asks! lol. STEP! ?? Elijah has been the first victim of the 2017 BLOCK LIST! ?~KJM on Hump Day saying iPhone thank you for making it easy to use the block feature! ??
Fashion is not my life yet with the correct styling…fashion gives me a whole new lease on life. Lately, I’ve been looking good and feeling good! Yasss?? Today, I want to share 7 of my Fashion 2017 MUST HAVES in hopes that it will inspire you ladies to be bold with your colors and choices! 7. SPANX WITH THE CROTCH CUT OUT! My spanx is right up there with my credit card and birth control…I don’t leave home without it! Until I get my snap back body (from life…no baby lol), my favorite pair of spanx gives me that snatch back look! ?? Yasss child. But up until recently, those bad boys use to seal off my pussy! Poor thing in the summer…just can’t catch a break and get some air unless I leave my spanx and underwear at home. ? Reminiscing right now about some of the hot summer date nights the Ex Factor and I use to share! ? But I digress. Someone must have finally sent Spanx the memo that their customers are fighting off vaginal infections while wearing their products…because the next time I went to buy my favorite pair…THE CROTCH WAS CUT OUT! Spanx, my vagina and GYN thanks you! ? Snatch my waist…not my pussy hairs! Yasss lawd…I’m feeling free! ?? 6. GOLD IS BACK (EXCEPT FOR ENGAGEMENT RINGS?)! When I was on my way to San Francisco, I boldly decided to switch up my almost 100% silver jewelry collection (well I really only wear earrings) for some gold! My favorite were these gigantic gold heart earrings! Had me feeling totally 90s! Yass?? Couldn’t tell me anything in those earrings! And surprisingly…I glow in them! So yasss gold is back! Even though it’s like sexy…it never really left! ?5. HOOP EARRINGS! Now to me these never went out of style! A nice hoop lets me get my Jersey girl on easily! I feel sexy in them and ready to take on the world! Stop being modest and get ready to be bold! 4. EYELASHES! Now I’m not talking about those bad clown ones some women are wearing…I’m talking about the tastefully done ones…with a bit of drama! I tried my very first semi permanent pair before I left for San Francisco and I LOVE THEM! Lately, I’ve been wearing minimal makeup (MAC’s concealer, brown eyebrow pencil, a little shimmering glow from MAC on my cheeks, and a NYX Velvet Matte lipstick called Duchess Duchess) and everyone is going crazy over this look on me! It’s the lashes people! ? That’s what’s making my look pop! Try getting semi permanent lashes that fit your features and don’t be afraid to turn up the drama! 3. COFFIN NAILS/SHAPE! I use to wear my real nails in a square pattern. It’s been around forever! Well for my first trip to California…the same old same old just wouldn’t do! I had my nail tech file my nails into the coffin nails’ shape and I absolutely adore it! Never have my nails looked sexier! ? 2. A NEW HAIR STYLE! Once again, for my San Francisco trip…I wanted dramatic change so I gave my hairdresser permission to do a new hair style! And boy did she hit the nail on the dot! I got the drama and the change I so desperately needed! Now…I’m not that big on change but I know when it’s time for it…at least fashion wise. I have these deep bangs that are cut in an edgy manner and every day I wake up feeling like Angela Bassett’s cousin! Yass hunni! She did that! ?? 1. A NEW ATTITUDE! Society always preys on girls and women…leaving us feeling self conscious but I’ve noticed it gets even worse once a woman approaches her 30s…especially if she’s a mother. I hear women say…I’m too old for this or I’m too tired for this. Well um…no disrespect…but y’all look it! Even though I was much smaller in my 20s…I did not know the meaning of SEXY until I entered my 30s! ?? Now I kill it. 30s taught me what being seductive is about! I’ve taken more risks in this decade than any other thus far! Hell I’ve been fucking a man 9 years MY JUNIOR for 6.5 years! ???How the fuck you think I bring him to his knees (sexually of course)?! Them young girls ain’t taking their vitamins like they use to! Lol. 30s (and up) should equal CONFIDENCE! ?? Yass…hail to my 30s! It gave birth to a BOSS CHICK on all levels. So if you let your age define and restrict you…you will look it. One of the things I learned from Mama Michaels is that each decade is an opportunity to redefine yourself…not lose yourself. And trust…she’s a bad chick in her own right! I don’t know too many people who have a mother that looks like mine…at any age! ?? So kick that I’m too old and I’m just going to do this one style for the rest of my life view! That thought process is tired and it looks it! ~KJM dropping some fashion tips on Temptation Tuesday! ?
I DID NOT LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH IN 2016. That is the cold…hard…truth. There were moments I let myself down. Moments I accepted less than I was worth. Moments I was barely hanging on…to the ME I have come to know and love. Yes…I did not love myself enough! I’m sure we have all had moments like these. It does not mean we suffer from low self esteem…and even if we did…it doesn’t mean we can’t find our way back to self love. Facing my truth has given me the strength to forgive myself…for I’m only human. Typically, I would beat myself up over my mistakes in the new year but not in 2017! Being angry at myself and the one who hurt me…never got me anywhere in all the other years…so why not practice self forgiveness now? I loved a man and it just didn’t work out. It happens. And the minute I accepted the fact that he is who he is and that he isn’t going to change…AND that it is okay that I loved him and tried to make it work even when it was detrimental to my mental and emotional health…I FREED MYSELF! ?? I loved…that’s what counts. And I AM STILL STANDING! Not angry at him and not angry at myself. Serenity is acceptance! I cannot fight what isn’t meant to be. I love him but I love myself more. While I cannot be sure…I think I freed myself from the burden of it all…the exact moment that I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge. It was freezing but it was beautiful! Wind in my hair and bruise on my left arm from me climbing the top of the tour bus to take pictures of my moment…I freed myself from the expectation of being perfect! I AM IMPERFECT! But the name of the game should never be perfection…it should be loving and growing in my imperfect skin! ?? And I can start again in 2017! I can love and respect myself more! I can demand my worth from the world. And I certainly can be brave enough to love again! All is not lost! And if I have moments of regrets and sadness about the mistakes I made…I will tell myself to remember the times when I would open my eyes and see a good morning text from him. Remember the days when he use to look at me like I was the only woman in the world. Remember the times he was the last person I spoke with at night. Remember when he use to surprise me in tiny loving ways. Remember the moment I knew I was in love with him. Remember our first night together. Remember when I felt like my heart was living outside of my body. Yes I will remember…and those memories will be my comfort…for I did not love myself enough during these last 6.5 years but at some point….I was in love and being loved back. I did not turn myself into a fool for nothing. Once there was something great….something I’ve yet to see in any other man’s eyes. Yes there was something MAGICAL and I LOVED and LIVED it the best I could! ~KJM on Serenity Saturday saying be kind to yourselves…especially at times when others are not kind to you! ?
I meant to write this ignorant mess yesterday! Of course, I got sidetracked with tech issues for my webpage. A few weeks ago, I thought I had solved all single women’s dating issues by writing “2017 Resolution: Date Ugly Men With Money (The Pretty Men Take Too Much Work Edition)!” It’s no secret that I have a thing for young hot guys! Shout out to the Ex Factor!? Even when my men were my age, they were pretty UNLESS I was dating on the rebound of a long situationship where my heart got broken…then I date fucking ugly guys with money! Well…more like they find me! ? After laying down the pros of dating an ugly man with money…one of my readers/listeners (and good friend) informed me that ugly men now think they are cute! ??? So back to the drawing board I went…in hopes of finding a new dating resolution for single women in 2017. As luck would have it…a few days later Bravo had a “Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills” marathon. Enter Erika Girardi aka Erika Jayne! ?? Erika’s husband is 32 years her senior (they married when she was 27 years old) and have been happily married for 17 years! As I watched each episode, I could tell Erika’s very RICH AND MATURE husband, Thomas, really loves and appreciates her! And suddenly the light bulb went on and I just knew this was the answer for single women all over the world! Forget pretty men who know they are fucking pretty and use it against us! ✌?Off to the more mature WITH MONEY! And when I say mature I’m not talking 10 years or less….I’m talking 32 years older than you…to be almost exact! Yup! Time to peruse “Our Time” for our life partners! Forget “Match” or “Tinder” and on to something with more financial stability and not afraid of commitment! ?? Now before you get skeptical about my new dating resolution…let me propose 11 Possible Benefits To Dating And Marrying A Man 32 Years Your Senior:
11. HOT YOUNG GUYS OR GUYS YOUR AGE SEX CAN GET OLD FAST! Penis! Penis! Penis! It’s always on the menu! Hot guys serve it up easily and for those who can lay the pipe too (yum?) we climax and then what? There’s no substance there! Hot guys can barely carry on a conversation! Penis! Penis! Penis! That’s all we have left to briefly talk about before we hit the sheets! Great sex is important in a relationship but it is certainly not everything! Bills need to be paid! Real companionship is needed! Penis cannot do all of that! Penis’ only goal is to satisfy itself and that can leave some of us women with a drying after effect!
10. AT 32 YEARS YOUR SENIOR DEATH IS NEAR SO COMMITMENT BETTER BE HIS MIDDLE NAME (WITH JESUS BEING HIS FIRST)?! Just dating a few years older may still get you a man interested in playing the field. But at 35 years old…I expect that dating a man 32 years older than me (67 years old to be exact….ugh way older than my parents?)….I better find a man financially secure and done with his dick traveling from pussy to pussy! Serious commitment better be this man’s focus! If he is 67 with commitment issues…I may as well bury his ass now! Ain’t nobody got time for him to find himself! I’m hoping dick has a serious retirement plan at 67 years old. If it looks like games…I’m out! ✌? I don’t have time to play games with grandpa…Pretty Ricky already wasted so much of my time! ✌?✌?✌?
9. YOUR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK SHOULD BE FREE OF PRESSURE! Unless trying to produce a legitimate heir, dating a man 32 years your senior should free you of pressure to have children! Most likely this man would have been married already, divorced, and has grown children! Whew! I won’t need to go get my biological clock from under the MAC truck it rolled under on I95! ?? I can rest if I want to. And since his children should be grown…there should be minimal baby mama drama and I shouldn’t have to be helping to raise someone else’s children! ?? It’s a win win!
8. FINANCIAL SECURITY! Now I’m a chick that has my own but it sure wouldn’t hurt to marry a man who could pay off my student loans with one check! Yassss lawd! ?? This would free me up to send Sallie Mae pictures of my butt cheeks to kiss in repayment of their years of adding on unnecessary interests to my loans! ??????Thank you to my mature lover! ? FYI… if you are dating someone 32 years older than you and he isn’t financial set…what is the point? Unless he is already your soulmate. But just think…what would Erika Jayne do?! ?
7. WHERE VIAGRA CANNOT TAKE HIM…HE WON’T BE ABLE TO GO! Cheating should be less of an issue unless he’s an old dog. Hot young guys have lots of options so they are more tempted to cheat! It’s a pussy fest in their 20s and 30s! When the wind blows…a hot young guys dick gets hard! Let’s hope this isn’t the same with pop pop! ?
6. LOVE! At 32 years my senior, my older man should not be afraid of showing love and saying he loves me! He should already know what it can cost him to be so prideful. Affection should be the name of the game! It’s clear Erika and her hubby, Thomas, really do love each other! It’s just the look he gives her that lets me know…there’s something there that money did not buy! ❤
5. COMMUNICATION! I’m hoping that life experience will make my mature lover a better communicator! Or at least smart enough to know when we are in trouble so we can get counseling. I’m praying he won’t be stuck in his ways like Pretty Ricky was and that my mature lover will let me into his heart easily! Also, if he’s 67 years old…I can almost bet money that 99% of our communication will not be through fucking text messages! Damn that Pretty Ricky! ???
4. VACATIONS! A mature man should easily be able to plan surprise vacations for you! Vacations are the key to my heart! I have yet to date a well traveled man. I’m hoping that at 32 years my senior, he will love to travel and even more so…he will love to travel with me…watching my eyes get larger in awe of all the new things I’m seeing! ?
3. HIS GOAL SHOULD BE TO MAKE ME HAPPY! While I’m not thrilled about the idea of being a second or third wife…I’m hoping that a 67 year old man will have enough relationship experience to now value his marriage! I want us to focus on making ourselves happy first so that we can make each other happy! My mature lover should have the strength and courage to fight for me when things get difficult…knowing that I am truly the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He’s roamed the world, fucked many women but can still pass all STD tests, married, divorced but has a good coparenting relationship with his ex, had children and is an amazing father, and through it all…learned so much that he can share with me! It’s even better if he never married but to be honest with such a huge age gap…it’s hard to believe he wouldn’t have had a life before me!
2. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A PRETTY YOUNG THANG (PYT) TO HIM! Because he’s so much older, you are always going to be a sex kitten! All the self doubt that guys our age or younger guys can cause when they are running after the next hot thing…SHOULD perish in this relationship! You are forever his pretty young thang! ?
1. HE WILL SUPPORT MY ENTREPRENEURSHIP AND NOT BE THREATENED BY IT! None of my “men” have ever really supported how hard I work and how much I want to build my empire. Some of them verbally supported me but their actions said otherwise! Others outright bashed me for my ambitions. It would be nice to be with a man who loves what he does and is secure in himself….so much so that he can cheer my dreams on! ~KJM already perusing the “Our Time” dating sites on Throwback Thursday in search for my 67 year old billionaire! ??? With a man like that…time is definitely of the essence! ?