Kingston Expressions

Writer, Editor, & Lifestyle Blogger: Sex, Lust, Love, Celibacy & More 🥰 A woman not afraid to walk in her truth....in style of course 👠 💄

The Delta, The Lambda, and The Delta Plus (Passionate First Kiss Pandemic Edition)

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I am about to tell you an ignorant tale but before I start…let me make some things crystal clear. 1. The pandemic is no fucking joke. No matter how much satire I pour into this story….please take it seriously. 2. Even smart people do dumb shit sometimes. And 3. DO NOT TRY ANY OF THIS SHIT EVER!!! Now that I have gotten my disclaimers out the way….it is probably wise for me to point out that I am a writer not a blogger. I write when it’s pouring out of me. So it’s been awhile…..NYE to be exact…since I dropped a “blog.” I would say please forgive me but it’s pointless. I am out here trying to survive in these unprecedented times….just like you. My sanity is scarce. It is probably stuck at the nearest TJ Maxx or the candy aisle of my local supermarket. Yea….so I am kind of writing you from my lair…also known as a sanity optional spot. The world is on fire! From the pandemic to the wild fires to the flooding. The world is burning. And where am I at in all of this? Sitting on a United flight to hell…also known as Florida. I snuck out of my home state like a woman that was now “on the lam” from the mob. The mob here is probably referring to any person I know with a sound voice of reason. Why listen to reasoning when I have already claimed temporary insanity and boarded a flight to a state that has some of the highest new COVID cases. I am pretty sure the new variants of the virus (The Delta, The Lambda, and The Delta Plus) are doing the one two step down in Florida and here I am doing the electric slide into that bitch! Why?! It’s for a very bizarre reason. A KISS! I’m in seat 32A and the plane hasn’t even taken off…what the fuck is it that I hear?! Cough! Cough! Cough! Somebody’s preteen kid right behind me…coughing like she French kissing….THE DELTA! This may be a fine time to mention that I was never good with Greek letters. For all I know….that chick is barking out THE LAMBDA! I am trying my best to stay calm. Why are her and her family on this flight if she is that sick? I know I can’t throat punch her…for many reasons…but mainly because it may spew out the venom of the pandemic and I am right in its path. FML. The cabin door closes and I consider putting a condom over my mask! I need my shit sealed off…completely. This may not be a safe sex scenario but I am desperate. I have a moment of clarity and then I double mask up. Oxygen is limited. So limited that it makes giving a blow job look like easy work. At least then I can come up for air. Take breaths. Pace my fucking self! And breathe bitch breathe! But no….not with the double mask. I am sealed in….gazing out the window…seeing some of my state. Like I’m looking at buildings. Wait…we been up in the air for at least fifteen minutes now. My ass should be seeing some CLOUDS! This is take off….not landing! Did my pilot forget?! Cough! Cough! Cough! That’s all I hear. Still no fucking clouds in sight. Ok…finally we are in and then over the fluffy clouds. I am flying! Traveling for not just a kiss but THE KISS! May have been more romantic if I was traveling by way of The Nina, The Pinta, and the fucking Santa Maria but for obvious reasons…they and their cousins (also known as cruise ships) were currently unavailable. I am sure passengers from the above ships were no strangers to plagues. Sigh…. Cough! Cough! Cough! That’s all I hear. 33A ain’t letting up. Mask or no mask….those coughs felt like they were piercing through my seat! And so I continue to do the electric slide to Florida….via air. On the plane, all I can think of is how I am smuggling myself into this God forsaken state! But why?! All for a kiss?! (Fun fact, I had been celibate for one year and 30 days at the time of this self imposed human trafficking event….also known as my United flight with the possible variants. FML. I am so not bright.) Yet sex is NOT what is on my mind! It is the kiss….his kiss. THE EX FACTOR’S KISS! FML. Please do not judge. Lol. If you have been following this blog since September 2015…you will remember that the Ex Factor is my weakness. He is and will probably always be my home. My happy and my sad place….all at the same damn time. And no I still do not know why. It just is. I had not kissed him since leap day February 29, 2020 and we had not made love since June 30, 2020. So much mistrust had occurred last year…but after a year and 30 days apart, I finally agreed to see him. But we both had to step outside of our comfort zones. So I am on flight The Delta, The Lambda, and The Delta Plus…nonstop to a fiery hell! The world is on fire but my love for him has held strong….to my surprise. If you recall, in one of our very heated conversations over the last year….I told the Ex Factor that I would fuck the mailman AND the milkman before I would ever consider him again…. A funny thing happened though…no mailman nor milkman could hold my attention. I found myself deep into my celibacy. Working out, praying, and meditating. I dove deeper into myself in ways I never thought possible. And I did not do it for him….I actually never thought I would ever see him again…after all the shit from Summer 2020. He cut me deep but if we are at the end of days….I can’t imagine my last moments without him. I still want to breathe him…touch him…look into his eyes….and resist the temptation to slap the piss out of him. Lol. Hey…I am human and my healing is still ongoing. I am not in a place of total forgiveness. I am, however, vacationing in a place of total insanity. Insane for him and only him. So I boarded that flight to a burning hell and risked it all for HIS KISS. It happened at the most random moment….watching “Finding Dory.” I love that movie so much. It makes me feel so vulnerable because Dory is disabled and all I want to do is protect her. I know this sounds odd….but I cannot keep myself guarded when watching something that invokes so many emotions…especially bravery. So there I was in his arms and right around the time that Dory finds her parents…I move in for the thing….I had traveled so far for….his kiss. I think he was surprised too. Don’t think he had any expectations of the weekend. We were both excited to see each other. That was enough. The world was burning yet we were still connected. I don’t have anything figured out but when I felt his lips softly press against mine….I knew dancing around The Delta, The Lambda, and The Delta Plus was worth it. I…was…home. Now it is time to Cha Cha Slide into the rest of my life. ~KJM hitting y’all with that Do Not Disturb on this Temptation Tuesday. I have no clue if I will write about the rest of the weekend. It feels good to just leave some things just between us….but it also feels good to explore one of the best weekends of my life….in my writings. Stay tuned💙

Two Tumors (The Knowing Part 2 Chapter Four Edition)

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Ah yes….here we are at chapter 4….the conclusion: It wasn’t until I publicly PRAYED for his safe travels (via Facebook) and he arrived in Miami (in August) that I confronted the Ex Factor. He seemed surprised that I knew without anyone….not even my sister….telling me. I know the signs of a disloyal dick that blows in the wind. Things got really ugly from here. We had two arguments over the phone. It was the last one that burns in my brain. That’s when the Ex Factor told me that Heather is girlfriend and wife material. She is someone he would consider marrying. He called her “WHOLESOME”….I’m guessing that’s what her pussy spelt out when she handed it to him on a platter….as he said she made the first move. He didn’t know he was gonna fuck her. I really need to get a T-shirt made that says “Wholesome Pussies Matter Too” as I forget them bitches exist until they open up like weapons of mass destruction to hurt another woman that’s never done nothing to them. Fuck! I’m not saying I was the best to the Ex Factor but I never did him like that. When I needed a break to date others….I told him BEFORE I fuck them dudes. I followed the rules of engagement because as we all know…men don’t forgive the way women do. So if you are a woman….creep right….move like a Virgin….and take your nasty deeds to your grave. That’s what I did with Elijah in 2015. I broke things off with the Ex Factor on the Friday and started seeing Elijah on the following Monday. Elijah had been after me for a while but I didn’t disgrace the Ex Factor when I was exiting. I didn’t reshare stories and post shit. If he ain’t a husband or a homie….no non related dude is getting posted on my page. At least….I’ve never done it. I’m like the IRS and God….I only recognize marriages. And I was not marred. So I went after my possible happiness with Elijah peacefully and in silence. My Daddy taught me the game. You get more loyal hoes with honesty. I expected the same….total honesty…and if you can’t do that….don’t ever publicly embarrass me. Damn! The Ex Factor said he was going to tell me he fucked Heather when we met in person but I never allowed the meeting to take place because I ALREADY KNEW. It was 2012 again (see first blog called The Knowing) but this time he fucked her. It wasn’t the act….we were just about over…it’s how he did me. A woman who loved him imperfectly for 10 years. After our second argument in August, I slipped into a depression. Faced head on with my health issues…I had a very painful procedure with NO PAIN MEDS in my doctor’s office. They looked for cancer, polyps, and any abnormalities around my tumors. I was still unemployed as medical bills piled up. And then the Ex Factor fucked Heather! It was a low point…but by the Grace of God….I got up. Nicole stayed on the phone with me for MONTHS so I wouldn’t be alone. Her and my bro, Junior, took turns listening to hours of crying. I felt like I was losing my damn mind! My friends and family rallied around me and I got up….just in time to have a surgery in October to shrink my fibroids. I had a complication so they weren’t able to shrink both. My symptoms did not subside after my surgery….so in 2021 I will have to go to a specialist who can remove the tumors but preserve or repair my uterine lining if something goes wrong in surgery. Fuck! What a year! Nicole kept me visual and working on my insta and YouTube pages. She pushed to stay visual even in my darkest hours….for 12 days in August I felt like I was dying….inside and out. I didn’t think I could do it but I did!!!! I have two tumors growing in my body and I just got done speaking with the Ex Factor. ~KJM on December 31, 2020. Happy NYE 2021 and TBT! My only goal in these conversations is to let go of all the anger. If you are reading this and you think you are the man for me…..I’m working on healing. Just love on me and come whole. Let God guide us. I have two tumors growing in my body….but in 2021 this will hopefully not be the case. I’m preserving my womb best I can. Don’t ever attempt to plant a seed if you don’t intend on building something with me. I use to be a bit disloyal but 5 years ago…I reformed myself. Even on our breaks….I have never even kissed a man that wasn’t the Ex Factor (in the last 5 years). I can love and love hard but I cannot fall in love through sex. Love my heart first, find my mind sexy, support me, and build me up so that everything in this blog feels like a novel I once read. One from the past….a best seller at that….representing a time where I stopped loving myself….until I fell in love with me again. To the Ex Factor, this blog is based on my point of view. I have no clue why this all happened. I hurt. I heal. I smile. Life goes on. We are toxic to each other. I really hope she brought you happiness. If not….you really fucked up! Still….there will always be a part of me that loves you. Always gonna refer to you as my baby daddy. One love💙 “I got a story to tell!”~ Biggie Smalls

Two Tumors (The Knowing Part 2 Chapter Three Edition)

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I could feel the Ex Factor pulling away as he nervously waited for his very delayed unemployment to kick in. Mid June I was laid off too. That’s when SHE SPOKE IN TONGUES. My body needed me to hear her. Finally doctors were allowed to see patients. I met with my GYN for my annual and briefly mentioned my symptoms. He was alarmed. And so 7 months of testing, bloodwork, physicals, procedures, and surgery began. My entire life, I’ve always been healthy. For 38 years, every doctor appointment I’ve ever attended ended with a perfect bill of health. Never even broke a bone. The most exciting thing that’s ever happened to me was getting all four of my wisdom teeth pulled in December 2016. But on my 39th trip around the sun, my body spoke and I listened. My very first transvaginal pelvic ultrasound revealed….not that I was pregnant but that my body had been housing two small benign tumors. TUMORS. I can’t tell you what it does to a woman….even a woman like myself….who was not planning on ever conceiving….to see tumors on my very first ultrasound. TUMORS. I had two tumors growing in my body as he slipped away. It felt like he was abandoning me at a time I NEEDED HIM. To top it off….the Ex Factor was distant while living 40 minutes from me. I had two tumors growing in my body and that’s….that’s …that’s when he chose to sleep with his sister’s friend! Let’s call her…Heather. Heather owed me nothing….but him and his sister….they hurt me. I felt betrayed. The Ex Factor was moving. The universe was separating us. I accepted that. But I had two tumors growing in my body when I watched his insta stories…the ones he reshared from Heather’s page. I knew he was fucking her….I know how he looks after sex. I can probably tell you the day it occurred. The Ex Factor held Heather out as if she was his girlfriend….while I had two tumors growing in my body. He was so wrapped up in his own pain that he either didn’t see my pain or didn’t want to see my pain. Somehow God gave me the strength to go to every doctor’s appointment. I put my health first as he fucked Heather. And a basic bitch she was. Trust I would say if she was a bad one. Looks are not everything but if you gonna play me out…let me see Angela Bassett or Halle Berry up under you. What I saw was one of those “pick me bitches” who waits until a man is low to offer him pussy. Of course this is how I saw it. I am sure his version is very different. Heather looked like one of those women he would have had to repeatedly tell that she isn’t basic. The Ex Factor would have to tell her she’s pretty….every day of her fucking life…for her to really believe it. And I’m sure in return she made him feel like a King. Still…I had two tumors growing in my body. Bleeding out every month. Crying for pain. Yet people fucked through my pain. That’s how I felt. Let me be clear about something….Heather is not my family member nor friend so she owes me nothing but she is friends with MY sister and the Ex Factor’s sister. Yikes. Close to fucking home it was. I felt humiliated. Why couldn’t he have waited until he got to Miami?! I could give a damn then who he would have been screwing. Unfortunately, I watched the stories and saw the posts. Enter me into their bedroom antics. It will take the Ex Factor years to realize….he wanted me to know he was fucking Heather. We had rules about these kinds of things. Give me a heads up…..don’t have me find out on social network. Yet I held all my pain in and focused in on my two tumors. EXIT CHAPTER THREE

Two Tumors (The Knowing Part 2 Chapter Two Edition)

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We had had a horrible argument in February where I did something I had NEVER done before with a romantic partner my entire dating life. I began to cry. At the drop of the first tear….in front of him….I locked myself in my bathroom and demanded he leave. And leave he did. I did not know how to be the type of woman who weeps in a man’s arms. No one had ever taught me how to do that. It use to bother Julio, my first boyfriend, so much that he has known me for so long (23.5 years to be exact) and he had never seen me cry….for ANY reason. I learned from my father how to master my emotions until I am alone and prior to 2020, I was damn good at it. Even my friends are surprised when they hear me crying on the phone. It’s like my tears escaped everyone but me. I suffer through anger…not tears. And if tears ever fall….anger is right behind it. I don’t want to ever be weak. 2020 made me realize….tears are not weak. Each tear drop takes strength….the strength to expose our vulnerabilities….never knowing if we will be loved or rejected. Tears still bravely fall even if no one welcomes them. They exist on their own terms. Tears are freeing bad asses….that never get credit for being such a force. Tears can clear a path that mortal man often fear to tackle. Tears are God’s way of saying….”let no weapon formed against you prosper.” At least….that’s how I now view my tears. Back to this shit show. As the Ex Factor exited, he whispered that “this did not feel like closure.” This I could hear clearly through my bathroom walls and my quiet muffled cries. It was Leap Day 2020. By March, COVID-19 was on the scene and of course I reached out to the Ex Factor. We clung to each other despite all our issues. We fought again around my birthday in May. By the first weekend in June, our lives were completely unrecognizable. He had gotten laid off and was now moving to Miami with some of his friends. I felt devastated….silly me thinking June 06, 2020, the day he announced he was moving, was one of the worst days of my life. I didn’t know WORST. 2020 was just starting to hand me my ass. I lost a close childhood friend, Charles Burke, due to COVID-19, my body was still speaking to me, pandemic blues had set in, and now I was losing the Ex Factor. My spirit was leaving my body. My spiritual retrograde was just beginning. I was struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically. Damn this blog is gonna be long. Sorry Nicole…(my biggest supporter) but I got a story to tell. I want to be swift about it but my spirit is floating over my body. EXIT CHAPTER TWO

Two Tumors (The Knowing Part 2 Chapter One Edition)

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I have two benign tumors growing in my body. There is a part of me that wanted to tell this story when I’m stronger…happier but here we are on the very last day of 2020 and I just want to bury it and leave it all here. With 90s music playing in the background and all the positive vibes I can muster up….I will aim to tell this story….swiftly….truthfully as I know it and feel it. I loved as hard as I could and I lost. By now you probably figured out I lost…after all….you haven’t heard from me since July. I took these last 5 months to properly fall apart and put myself back together. I don’t want this blog to be long because I don’t want to lose my courage….I don’t want to lose my way. 2020 has stolen so much from us collectively….across the globe. Yes I have two small benign tumors growing in my uterine lining. This is where it all began. Don’t feel sorry for me….I lived and loved. I fell apart….yet I am still here to tell the story. So let me do just that before I lose you. My body started to feel like it wasn’t mine in November 2019. I knew something was off but I did not think that it could be serious. Many of my female friends told me that certain symptoms were occurring because we are getting older. I accepted this as truth until I could speak to my GYN in person. I lived, I loved, I bled, and I fought with the Ex Factor. Then the pandemic hit and the world began to spin. There was no time to listen to my body yet she spoke. She spoke volumes to me….even in pandemic lock down. The months past and the walls of my apartment saw me crying, saw me bleeding out, and felt the electric currents of pain sweeping through my body. No pain meds in sight. Just me…loving and living the best I could. I decided that if this year may have been our last days on this earth (pandemic thoughts here)….I did not want to spend a moment without the Ex Factor. So I reached for him and held on tightly. So tight, he may have felt like my hostage. We are locked in. We are in masks. We are unsure. He was my only real visitor until I had my surgery in October… but wait. I am not there yet. EXIT CHAPTER ONE

SIGNS

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It is rare that I debate for an entire week whether to write a blog or not but here I am. I am trying to decide how far I let you guys in. Why? What I am going to write about is embarrassing, heartbreaking, and even tragic to me. Some of you will question my self esteem. Can I stop you right there? Please know this…it is possible to have great self esteem and find yourself in a bad situation. Anyone (man or woman) who tells you they have never dealt with bullshit in their personal lives are LIARS! It is a HUMAN (not only woman) thing to want the person you love to change. I have a long list of men that waited for years for me to change…yet I didn’t until I was ready. And I changed for ME and only ME. The only difference with women and men on this topic is women are vocal about it….while men, on the other hand, will hide from everyone when they are selling their souls to be with a woman. It’s an ego thing….but trust it is also a human thing. Okay! Okay! Enough of that. I am sure you are wondering where the hell am I going with this. The beginning of last week, I had a discussion with an older family member that I will call, Tina. She and I have recently gotten close in 2020. Speaking to my older family members about life and love is something I do often…only typically I am interviewing the man whores in my family. Tina was a refreshing change from the man whores. The topic of our discussion was SIGNS or as some of you like to call it, RED FLAGS. Tina was very young, a teenager, when she first married so I skipped asking about her first marriage. We dug in deep when we talked about her second marriage. Tina’s second marriage is a source of pain and trauma for her. Just the mention of her ex husband sends shock waves through the phone. By now, they had been divorced almost a decade but there was some lingering hurt and pain there for a bunch of reasons that I don’t have time to get into. Let’s get to the meat of this blog. Right smack in the middle of the conversation, I asked Tina if she had missed the signs that her second husband had always been a terrible person….even prior to them marrying?! Every woman in my family that has/had a bad marriage had SIGNS of who they were marrying before they got married. It was a matter of did they pay attention or did they ignore them? I have a theory. 90% of people show you who they are ALMOST right away. Only 10% (I don’t have the math down to a science….just spitting out numbers) of people (serial killers, sociopaths, intelligent people with personality disorders etc.) are capable of completely hiding who they are to people who are close to them…and even then I would say there are still tiny signs in those circumstances….you know…like that nagging feeling we have but we just don’t know what is wrong. That is your gut…baby girl…. Your intuition is trying to tell you something. That what you see isn’t real but what you feel is sending you smoke signals. Don’t believe me? Okay….let’s attack the subject of Domestic Violence (DV). Most (not all) of the women in my family were being beaten by their spouses before marriage whether they were a teenager or in their 30s getting married! Meaning they weren’t just undergoing emotional, mental, financial, and psychological abuse….the ones that are harder for people to acknowledge….they were straight up getting their asses beat and still married these men. Now I know DV has bigger components than I am discussing here…such as the “Battered Woman Syndrome,”….but in this blog, I am just using it as an example of signs/red flags that appeared before marriage. On to another sign, most of them had also been cheated on by that spouse before they married as well! SIGNS! They are usually there. However, the interesting thing about signs/red flags is the sign you receive may not indicate the direct trauma you are about to experience. For example, let’s say your boyfriend constantly lies about everything. Those lies may not say exactly that you will be dealing with a cheater down the line…but they are signs that you are dealing with a person you cannot trust! And even if he does not turn out to be a cheating husband….he could be hiding an addiction. I am just pointing this out to let you know that signs are red flags that something is off. Sometimes they indicate the exact thing and sometimes they indicate that even if you cannot put your finger on it….you need to get the hell out of there and RUN! Okay now that that is settled….back to Tina. I asked her about possible signs that her second husband wasn’t shit specifically because they dated AND lived together for about 7 or 8 years before they married! Since I was a teenager, I always thought the mistake most women in my family made was marrying very young. As I grew up, I realized that even the women who married in their 30s made the same or worst mistakes than my family members who were teenage brides! FML! I use to think as long as I don’t marry my first boyfriend, first love, and the first guy to take my virginity….which for me all equals ONE guy, Julio,…..then I would beat the generational curse. FML! The 30 some year olds in my family broke this theory over and over again. Ugh…I am just so exhausted! This is one of the main reasons why I lean on the NO MARRIAGE side. Not one living person in my family had a good marriage. The women were abused and the men were abusers/womanizers! Only my great grandmother, Alice, I am told….had a great marriage with my great grandfather, DADA. I can believe this because while Dada died when I was very young, I got to experience the love and care from Alice. She was an extraordinary woman! I can only see her as having the best that life had to offer. Miss you grandma, Alice. Now back to the signs. According to Tina, she did not see any signs while dating her second husband but she does admit she was working so much to put her child through college that it is possible she missed them. Now here’s where things get tricky. I am not doubting that Tina believes this to be her experience but I have a big problem with it. Remember that 10% that can hide themselves better than anyone else? Yea…Tina’s second husband was NOT that bright. And OMG was he ugly. Lol. Just had to point that out because while they were married for almost a decade….I don’t think I can pick him out of a line up…but I know his ass was UGLY inside and out! Anytime I was over their house having dinner with other family members…her second husband was rude. I am really having a hard time believing that that toad was ever charming! Dead ass! Since Tina either had a memory lapse or is delusional, I asked her to describe what their dating life was like for those 7 or 8 years prior to marriage. From there, I pointed out what I saw as SIGNS…. Maybe not signs that he would be an abusive cheater but signs he was not a good man. Each sign, I presented, Tina made an excuse for how she saw it. Now her voice is high and shaking. I am not trying to upset her…trust that I am not. I am trying to get her to see that there were in fact signs! Tina disagreed with me. And that’s her truth as she knows it. I cannot argue with her about her life but in a bigger picture sense….there’s a larger demon to tackle. If we don’t admit to ourselves that there were signs/red flags….we forever stay the victim! If we missed the signs the first time around and don’t admit to doing so….we now go through life thinking bad stuff just happens to us and that we can never control any of it. Yikes! I don’t want to go through life not taking responsibility in the demise of my own heart! And I need to try something different from the women in my family because I want a better life! Not judging them….just trying to break this generational curse. Now to the embarrassing part. If I am going to examine Tina, I am going to examine my damn self too but in more detail because I am the master of my own destiny and my pain will not set me back. My truth, as I know it, will set me free. The Ex Factor is the guy I’ve loved the most and he is also the most toxic guy to enter my life. He knows this. I say it often. When we met in Summer 2010, it was only to date for the summer before we BOTH went back to our first loves. I fell in love within in month and he fell in lust. Plus his first love turned out to be a whore who slept with one of his best friends! For me, once I knew I had feelings for the Ex Factor, Julio no longer existed. I had stopped being attracted to Julio back in January 2010 so falling out of complete love with him….made it that I permanently left him alone. I don’t know what drew me to the Ex Factor. He was 20 and I was 29. I really thought Julio, by default, was the only guy I would have real feelings for in my entire lifetime. Up until the Ex Factor, I considered myself REAL LOVE proof. Dated many guys and somewhat cared about most of them but never really loved! It caught me by fucking surprise and to this day I don’t understand why him. Why did I fall for the Ex Factor? Ten years later and I still don’t understand why I fell for him! But here’s the kicker….I got my first sign that I was in a toxic situation about 3.5 months into dating him. You have to understand that I was in denial about falling in love with him for YEARS. A deep denial. And maybe to this day it isn’t real love on my part…maybe it only disguised itself as such. My love is nothing like what is described in 1Corinthians13. I am not sure who can really love like that except God. And I am not sure if I can ever love a man like that. Just taking responsibility for my shit. Back to SIGNS! The Ex Factor had a BBQ Labor Day weekend in 2010. 3.5 months into us dating. Also, this was what I thought would be my final weekend in NJ before accepting a job in D.C. The Ex Factor invited me only because I invited him to my family’s block party back in July but he and his family were out of town that weekend. His invitation to me was one that said he didn’t really want me around his family….but he was just inviting me because I invited him. To this day, I only know his sister, and I met him through her and my sister! I never went to his family BBQ. The Ex Factor has always kept me at a distance. And so for the last ten years, I returned the favor….he only knows my siblings. Never invited him to a single family gathering after that summer. Another red flag is up until that point we were joined by the hip. I knew his friend circle well. Now I don’t know a single person he hangs out with. He can say the same for me of course. Lastly, Labor Day weekend in 2010, is when he told me he was not into doing long distance relationships and that he was not ready for a serious relationship. Up until I got my job in D.C., the Ex Factor moved like Casanova! But I guess that was because he was in lust and this was only suppose to be a summer thing! I should have left him for good that weekend….that’s been one of my biggest regrets that only a Labor Day Weekend in Vegas can cure. The anniversary of that weekend I should have left him….right when I got my signs….use to depress me so. But I digress. For the span of a decade, I would leave the Ex Factor at least once a year….except for 2016-2018 I think. It was a toxic cycle. I would leave, be sad for a little, and then carry on with my life until he popped up again. And yes I would always take him back! Once again, I was in denial about how deep I was in this mess! I had never been in a cycle such as this. Julio and the Ex Factor are the only two guys I’ve ever taken back! With Julio though, I would leave him because I wanted to date other guys…see what else was out there. We were just too young to be so serious. And he always knew he wanted to be married with children one day. I wanted none of that….turns out…with him. Julio spent years trying to “tame the shrew.” I just wanted to get my education, travel, and explore different guys. Good thing too or I would be bad in bed! Lol. Julio and I lost our virginities to each other…we needed to go learn from others before even attempting to settle down. At least….that was my theory. For 20 years, Julio would come back hoping we could work it out. I’ve known him now for 23 years. Despite his flaws, he deserves someone who wants him…not just someone settling for him. If you are still reading this…you have earned these confessions. Try not to judge me. After Labor Day Weekend 2010, there would always be signs that the Ex Factor was not good for me. Here are some of the big signs. In 2016, after we reconciled for like the millionth time, I asked him for a deeper commitment (right around the time I found out my dad had cancer). The Ex Factor said no. That’s when I should have exited stage left for good. 2015 is the last time he’s taken me on a date, 2016 he said no to a deeper commitment (as mentioned up above), 2017…the day before my Dad’s cancer removal surgery the Ex Factor took back his one “I love you”….said he doesn’t think he has ever been in love with anyone, 2018 I can’t think of what damaging thing he has done but I know he did some shit….just can’t remember, 2019 he told me I can date other guys (prior to….for years I had been telling him that he can leave me alone and go fuck other girls…my shop is closed….figured I would hold myself accountable here), and February 29, 2020, leap day, took the fucking cake! He had the nerve to tell me that he is only doing certain shit for his wife (clearly that ain’t me) and that I’m the one that has been chasing him for a decade! This is particularly hurtful because in June 2013, I accidentally moved to Richmond VA, to get away from the Ex Factor! I moved 340 miles to get away from him…yet I was chasing him?! He was on full block for 2014 until he left me a blocked voicemail! The fucking nerve! February 29, 2020 was our second in person fight and the worst fight we ever had! I started crying and then locked myself in the bathroom while I told him to get out!!! Up until that point, I HAD NEVER EVER CRIED IN FRONT OF A ROMANTIC PARTNER….not even Julio who has known me since I was 15 years old! He use to get so pissed at the that fact that he had never seen me cry! Welp Julio…I finally cried. Hence the dramatic movement of locking myself in my fucking bathroom! What a mess! So yes there were fucking signs! I could see them clear as day but I was in too deep! I know at this point you are probably questioning my sanity…shit I am questioning myself! The thing I’ve learned from this is…it is so much easier to walk away from someone when you don’t love them. Also, love can be blind or it can be painfully obvious and we still choose to stay! The one thing the Ex Factor got right was none of this would have been possible if I hadn’t kept taking him back. The woman does control the situationship/relationship. No matter what these jokers make you think….no one can continuously do shit to you (absent abuse, imprisonment etc.) unless you allow it. So why did I allow it? Karma! I’ve done so much shit to so many guys purposely and accidentally it ain’t even funny! Part of it is because I grew up around DV and learned that if you ever let a man control your world…you may end up severely injured or DEAD! Another part of it is, I have never ever seen healthy relationships in my family. Lastly, I’m immature as fuck and didn’t start growing up (in my personal life) until FIVE YEARS ago! And it was not because of the Ex Factor….my growth isn’t really about him. I just got tired of being the old emotionally cheating/sometimes physically cheating me that I had been since I was 15! I don’t know how the OG man whores in my family keep up their whoring well into their 60s! Whoa Chile! That sounds exhausting! Now I’m not saying I’m a whore….I am far from it….but what I am saying is I had an issue with fidelity and loyalty. I learned from the men in my family to always have a side piece waiting. That brings me to another point. Most men don’t cheat out of opportunity…anyone can make the opportunity to cheat because you cannot be with your spouse 24/7….they cheat out of insecurity! I learned that from interviewing the OGs and from myself. The insecure me always needs Phoenix waiting. Haven’t seen him in 6 years by the way. The insecure me always needed guys to be like shoes…in pairs. If I’m not getting what I want from the main guy…then my side guy provides. I stopped that shit, accidentally, in November 2015…after Elijah gave me that asshole rip! FML. So this November 2020 will make it 5 years that I’ve ever been physically, mentally, and emotionally loyal to a man….the Ex Factor! I did that shit for me. Even though the Ex Factor does not deserve me…I needed to stop these side entanglements (lol) because they were a waste of time with guys I didn’t even like nor care about. Phoenix is the exception out of all my side dudes. I will always have mad respect for him and be grateful for him. He took me through a lot of situations and was always there when I needed him. That’s a true friend right there. I only broke things off with him because he had a shot at keeping his family together and I wanted that for him. I want Phoenix to be happy! And I pray that he is. One more thing….ugh I know this blog is so long…my apologies for that….but I have to say this. I accept responsibility for the mess I’ve been in for the last 10 years. The end is near on that….I think. But I do have to admit some things. I have not always been kind to the Ex Factor. I don’t respect him as a man. He is not the type of man I want to introduce to my father. Most of the time I feel like I hate him more than love him. I speak to him in such a disrespectful way that I have never ever spoken to any other guy (while dating them). The Ex Factor has hurt me the most. I long for the day when that pain goes away because I don’t want to stay traumatized like so many women I know. I say this all to really say….we have been toxic to each other but I am only concerned with my healing. He is responsible for his own healing. I can only do the work for me. One day, I hope and pray I can recognize, appreciate, and love a good man. Kind of done thinking the Ex Factor and I can grow to be better people to each other. He’s in lust….and I’m not quite sure why I stayed so long. He was right…this ain’t love. Maybe it’s OBSESSION…NOT BY CALVIN KLEIN?! Whatever it is…I still feel it deeply. FML! ~KJM on Manic Monday. I know that was a lot. Digest and tell me how you feel. No matter what…. I still believe in love. Only God can take love away. Not man. 💙

Dreaming With A Broken Heart (The John Mayer Was Right Edition)

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I fall asleep at night feeling defeated. So much around me is changing. We are in a pandemic. So many permanent goodbyes yet all that surrounds me at night is my broken heart. Do you know what it is like to dream with a broken heart? “When you are dreaming with a broken heart” ….John Mayer was right….”The waking up is the hardest part.” Just as I awaken, for a split second, I feel like everything is okay. That the Ex Factor will always physically be near me. My dreams tell me it will be okay and that God is still in control. But I awaken and for that split second, I don’t remember that I have a broken heart. I don’t have the guilt of wasted times and wasted break ups. My heart is not filled with regrets…and I am smiling. The moment my eyes open I just know the day is going to be filled with love and no sorrows. That is how sweet my dreams are. Then I remember and my heart gets so heavy. So heavy that there feels like there is a building on my chest. And suddenly it is hard to breathe. Tears start rolling down my face. Then I get sad that I was awakened out of my sleep. My beautiful sleep. We sometimes make love in my dreams. We appreciate and respect each other so much more in my dreams. Most importantly, nothing can separate us in my dreams. We are together. We are happy. And we even have a family. A family. One of the key things 5 year old me nor 28 year old me could never envision. I feel like he’s taking all of me with him. I know many of you may think I’m being super dramatic but have you ever truly met a woman that never wanted to get married and/or have children? The universe has to do so much work to get her uterus to even do a little dance. She yearns for everything unconventional and wants nothing that is conventional. Her whole life is most likely planned with solo travels and dreams of visiting every continent. She does not hear the “pitter patter” of little feet unless she simultaneously hears the voice of God. Her soul is open to so much yet closed off to so much. She can attend a million weddings and hold a million babies and never say…’I am next.’ She just doesn’t operate that way. So for my dreams to be so vivid for the last ten years, for my soul to open up a bit, and for me to even admit that I love….even if it’s in the most toxic form…. is HUGE. To me, it’s nothing short of an act of God. GOD! And where is HE in all of this?! The Ex Factor cannot confirm nor deny that HE exists but I can. For weeks, I have been so angry with them both. I cannot get around this feeling. I have to go through it and y’all know how much I hate going THROUGH something. I always want to skirt around the feeling or the emotion. I want to dance around it but I can’t. Stuck with my broken heart. And where is GOD?! Why does HE allow me to dream such beautiful dreams if HE is only going to awaken me from them. Separate me from them. Leave me in a sea of pain. Where is GOD?! I think this is the first time in a long while that I question HIM. And not just about what’s going on with the Ex Factor but also for all the loss myself, my loved ones, and the world has endured due to this pandemic. Why now? Why us? Where are YOU? I ask yet nothing feels answered. I pray everyday starting with two scriptures: one for love (1 Corinthians 13) and one for protection (currently Psalm 91). Praying as soon as I wake is a habit. So even on my angry days I pray but I don’t feel like a faithful Christian. I feel challenged. I feel sad. I feel angry. And most of the time, I am at such a loss for words that tears are streaming down my face. Throughout the day, I talk with HIM. I imagine HIM walking with me. Lord, I am trying to trust your vision even when I cannot see where it may lead. There’s just so much more I want to say about this but my questioning GOD is not really what this blog is about. I am still dreaming with a broken heart. Tears are falling as I write this. I have to believe that GOD is in control because I really have no choice. Relying on my own mind and heart has always landed me in a sea of guilt and regret. Ironically, Summer 2007, when Julio broke up with me…I don’t remember being angry with GOD. I was angry with Julio and only with Julio. He had pulled the rug from up under me and even in my state of sadness I never ever thought he left me for another woman. I just thought he left me when I needed him the most. He was not patient, he was not kind. Julio was none of the things to me that was written in 1 Corinthians 13 about love. Not one of them. I think that is why I was not angry with God. I had no choice but to trust HIS plan because it was clear the one I was kind of just going along with was not for me. I am only bringing up Summer 2007 because it’s really the only thing I can remember about my relationship with Julio. The pain of getting through that summer. It is like the Good Lord erased the rest of the ten years I had spent with him. My memory is sharp yet I have little memory of what it felt like to be with him. I only remember the final hurt. The thing is…back then I was sleeping with a broken heart….I was not dreaming with one. To my recollection, I never had one dream of marriage or a family. So l slept with my broken heart…only to years later…almost three years to the exact date of Julio and my breakup…learn to not only love again but to dream with an open heart. That is what Summer 2010 did for me. It took Summer 2020 to make me realize that. Holding onto the Ex Factor for ten years was not wrong. No matter what happens in life…if you meet a person that awakens dreams in you that you never thought were possible or you thought were dead long ago…you get into the passenger side of their car and you guys follow the road where ever it may go. That is exactly what I did. Took this pandemic to make me realize that the Ex Factor is right…I have always been the glue that has kept us together. I am the reason we know each other for more than a summer. Without me, we would never have gotten this far. I made some mistakes. We made some mistakes. He was not ready and still is not ready. But I’m gonna tell you something most women would NOT admit to themselves nor anyone else…I was not ready either. Just started to get ready (naturally) about five years ago. Still not fully there yet. I still have so much work to do on myself. I am a late bloomer in matters of the romantic heart. And my ego has played a huge role in my delay. Pride and ego. Erase them from your vocabulary if you truly want to grow. Trust that self love will be the shield that protects and guides you during your journey to romantic love. And breathe through it all. Trusting your steps. Trusting HIS vision. Trusting your heart. Breathe through it all. Can you do that for me? I pray so. Because if you don’t…you may end up like me…dreaming with a broken heart. “When you are dreaming with a broken heart…the waking up is the hardest part. When you are dreaming with a broken heart”….John Mayer was right….”The giving up is the hardest part.” ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday💙

Summer 2020 (The FEEL The Feelings Edition)

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The world has gone mad in a million different ways. Covid is sweeping the globe…trailing slowly behind systematic racism. Most of us are locked up in our homes. I am locked up in my home. When it rains…it pours. And I am just standing there without a damn umbrella. My family and I have had a couple of losses due to COVID 19. As if the grime weeper chilling near by was not enough….the world is finally starting to see that Black Lives Matter. With all that is going on, I feel I have no right to write this blog but I must write it. This past weekend I got some news that rocked my world. Not fully ready to share it because in the grand scheme of things…it may be a small loss to most people…but for me…it is fucking major. The floor from under me has just collapsed and I have no one to catch me! The world has truly gone mad and I am all alone in my feelings. This is not the first nor second time I have been here. SUMMER 2007 (See blog post with same title) and the first FIVE months in 2013, it felt like I lost my fucking mind. There I was…broken-hearted and in a sea of fucking pain by myself. Not eating, not moving, crying, and wrapped up in all my feelings. It felt like I was going insane! But each time, I had friends and family to support me. This time…it seems like everyone is hurting. Everyone has their own shit going on and I am just left to lay in all my filthy feelings….that I feel guilty for even having. I mean there are people out there protesting and risking their lives so that my life can matter. There is unemployment. There is poverty. There are injustices. Yet I, KJM, dare to lay here in all my filthy feelings and do what?! FUCKING FEEL MY FEELINGS! Do you know what it is like to really feel a feeling. And no I am not talking about happiness! Most of us would gladly revel in that type of emotion! I am talking about the shit you try to avoid when you are awake but haunts you when you are sleeping! THAT SHIT! YES! FEEL…IT! I can honestly understand why some folks turn to drugs, alcohol, sex, or any unhealthy addiction to get numb! Fortunately, I have great skin, a small budget that focuses on travel, hair, and makeup, and a huge food budget that loves brownies and cookies…thus, I really do not have the time nor the funds to develop such addictions. I suggest you also avoid unhealthy addictions!!! Once thing I have learned from loved ones who buried their feelings in addiction is that they now had two demons to battle….their addiction and the initial feeling they were trying to run away from! That’s fucking right! Bury the feeling and the shit becomes an even bigger problem! So what are we going to do….we are going to sit with out shit, roll around in it, and make peace with the stench!!! That is really the only way to tackle our feelings. Deal with that motherfucker head on! So it’s SUMMER FUCKING 2020 and I’m heartbroken….laying in my shit, trying to navigate it, hoping to handle it better than I did in Summer 2007 and the first 5 months of 2013. Only each time I was younger, had things to look forward to, and a had a support system of strong people who loved me enough to hold me up. People to get me out of bed. People to force me to eat anything….even if it is only a GIANT Hershey bar (Summer 2007) or Pilsbury chocolate chip cookies (my mom knows that’s really the only thing I will eat when I am depressed…so she has made sure my fridge has been stacked with Pilsbury tubs from BJs so far through this pandemic). I have cried to my parents, my siblings, my aunty P, Nicole, Harmony, and Grace. I wake up heavy hearted each morning…struggling to get out of bed. I want to be numb yet I know from those other two experiences that I have to FEEL MY FEELINGS even if doing so feels like it will destroy me. And this time…it really does feel like it will destroy me for I am trapped in my apartment, alone, and laying in my filthy feelings. I should be crying about poverty. I should be crying about unarmed black people being gunned down by racists. I should be crying about the state of our economy and its effects on marginalized communities. I should be…I should be…I should be feeling something more deeper than a broken fucking heart. The thing is….the bigger world issues can really swallow us up if we are not careful. These are atrocities that no one person can solve. It’s a unity thing. We have to unite together to battle racial injustices, climate change, and poverty. Yet the state of our hearts can set a lot of these things in motion. Like are we angry or are we in love? Are we open? Or are we closed off? Are we accepting? Or are we judgmental? It is crazy how the state of ones heart and mind can have a ripple effect into the world. Am I choosing to speak love to all around me or am I hiding from it? It…is….all…so….personal. Here I am….feeling my feelings and wondering if it will truly set me free. What is the IT I am referring to? Like if I had the guts to say from day one you have been my person. I don’t like to admit it nor show it. You have been my rock over the last 10 years as much as you have been my heartache. I do not see you in a perfect light. I fell in love with you on an imperfect July 2010 day. Sun showers. Right there overlooking the Tappan Zee Bridge. You are my person. What in the ever loving fuck does that mean? It means that even on our darkest days and in our longest separations….there is no one else I would want to call husband and the father of my children (that I never planned on having til I laid eyes on you). YOU ARE MY PERSON. No one knows what the next chapter holds for us and I am not good at the things most women are. I do not know how to vocalize what I feel…I can only hope that in the moments we have left (hopefully more years to come even with all the obstacles), that you feel it. My touch says it. My frustrations say it. You are my person. And if I was being truly honest with myself….there was never any other man that could come close to you. ~KJM is feeling the feeling on Throwback Thursday. Shout out to all the people I reached out to that are doing their best to support me…even though they have their own shit going on. One Love 💙

Passion In A Time Of Corona

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It is raining hard here. A dark and dreary Monday…much like how I imagine the night Edgar Allen Poe described in the poem “The Raven.” Only it is morning…a dark and dreary morning filled with unexpected twists and turns in an unexpected world. I have been social distancing for weeks…solo. I video chat and FaceTime my family and friends as much as I can but there is something so isolating when social distancing by oneself. I mean…I am blessed to have my own place….yet I miss the human touch. Well…one particular human touch. The wind is howling and it’s just me around my dining room table. I need to start my day yet something is calling me. I started to write a blog a month and a half ago. A very personal blog but some how…I’m either not ready to share or I just do not feel the story is over. So right now as the winds pick up and visibility is low from my big beautiful living room windows…I want to tell you a story. May be fiction. May be reality. Who the fuck knows? I’ve been by myself for so long that the lines are blurring between fiction and reality. I am not crazy. I am just feeling something. Maybe it’s the weather? Maybe it’s the fact that globally the world is on lock down. All of our lives changed in a moment’s notice and now I am just trying to deal. Are you ready for a tale of two lovers in a world on the brink of madness?! I am just waiting for the lightning to appear now. A storm is brewing. I can feel it? Can you feel it? Well…let me take you there so you too can feel it… That morning I awoke unsure of what the day would bring. I have an impossible need. The need to be touched by my lover but I understand why we have to be separated. My phone screensaver has a picture of us. I never do shit like that. It’s so fucking girly….but these are unusual times. We text everyday and exchange “I miss you’s.” Because we are in the middle of a pandemic, I don’t have time to second guess us. I don’t have time to over think. The what are we doing and the where are we going questions don’t seem to matter now as we are prisoners in our homes. Shit that typically haunts me escapes me now. People are out there dying and it seems the universe is signaling that now is not the time for me to feed into my ego. Don’t believe me? Okay…I’m gonna back it up for you for a brief second before I continue my tale. The last time I saw the Ex Factor was on the morning of February 29. Leap day! Only it felt like we leaped into another fucking dimension. We made love in the wee hours of the early morning but once the sun rose…my ego started a conversation that would end up leading us to the worst argument we have ever had….once his unsure ego had awoken to answer mine!!!! If you recall, in the almost 10 years I have known the Ex Factor, we barely argue in person. This is really only the second time I can remember arguing while staring him in the face. To add insult to injury, somewhere in that conversation, I did something I have NEVER done in front of a lover before….I started crying. I could say more but it would just change the tone of the tale I’m telling. I am in the mood to write about passion….not pain. I am in a place where I desire to ride the blurry lines of reality verses fiction. I am in a zone where I want to take YOU…my readers…to complete ecstasy. Let me get on the ride and we can address the rest at another place and time. I just need to be touched. Studies have shown the importance of a single touch from the moment a baby’s born and up until a person takes their last breath. Touch matters. Keeping this in mind, I get in the shower and lather up. My lover is going to try and come see me. I don’t typically wear makeup when I spend alone time with him because I like our bodies to be one…nothing in between us. Just us in our nakedness. My lover is coming. I’ve had this deep desire for him. Not the type of desire a couple who lives together that may take each other for granted on a regular basis has….but the kind of desire that feels like he had been deployed to a war zone and he is finally coming home. So I prepare. I put makeup on and I slide into one of my sexiest see through dresses. The netted kind….for the best way to lay a trap is to have a net present. I want to captivate my lover’s mind, body, and soul on arrival! The Ex Factor is officially on his way! My heart starts to beat fast. My vagina is moist. I have no clue what we will say to each other but it’s clear time is short and there is so much life to live in these tiny moments. And I JUST WANT TO LIVE LIFE!!! The minute we went on lockdown, I felt like I was no longer living life. I have just been existing. I am so sick of just existing!!! He has arrived! We both have our masks on. First thing we do is lay down and hold hands. I know…it’s forbidden but I need to be touched. It had been weeks since I had been in the presence of a human being that was not my food delivery guy. It’s been JUST ME! So we hold hands. I want to kiss him. I want to take my mask off….he told me he would keep his on if I felt uncomfortable in mine. Truth be told….I’m nervous and my mask is uncomfortable…the Ex Factor has to actually tie another mask for me. So yes this is risky and yes it’s uncomfortable but I would be lying if I said I was not intrigued by the thought of us fucking with masks on! I know! I know! What a weird fucking fantasy to have! It’s a new one and clearly this is the first time we are testing it out. The Ex Factor is already hard…just from us holding hands! It’s agreed upon that best sexual position to execute in a time of corona virus is me being the rider. Actually….let me correct that statement! The best thing to do is NOT do what we are doing but I digress! Thanks to all those back bends I’ve learned in yoga….I definitely think this was the best way to go. I am not the best with measurements but I assure you…this was some freaky shit…linking our sensual parts….while giving us as much space as possible to maneuver. Masks still on. Interesting note about the masks…is you exert so much more energy as you execute each position. Felt like I had just showed up to a damn fitness bootcamp…with just enough energy to get the job done…before passing out! Because we had not had sex in over a month and a half and had been social distancing during that time…I did not expect much from our sexual encounter. I mean we’ve been masturbating our way through this self quarantine that I did not expect it to be a long ride…much less one I would climax in. I mean I was just happy to hold his hands! Out of the corner of my eyes….during one of my back bends, I see the Ex Factor looking at my closet mirror that’s on the right side of us. This dude is definitely having the same fantasy I’m having….only he just took it up a notch. I mean…I was not watching us. Kind of hard to…the way I am positioned! But he’s into it so now I’m even more engaged. Breathlessly riding him from every back bend position I can think of and that my body will allow. Digging my un-manicured nails into his flesh. We are both so turned on. Wait….how the fuck are we so turned on during such a stressful time! I wish I could kiss him. I wish I could whisper naughty stuff in his ears. I wish we did not have all of these confinements. I wish we were free. But I’m grateful for the fantasies we create together. We are still going. My bed sounds like it’s going to break. I’m warning him that we cannot break my bed! Mid ride, I start to fantasize about some of the things we use to do when we were not restricted. I speak those fantasies out loud. He chimes in. We are in sync. The Ex Factor whispers something to me that I always love to hear. It feeds into my need to control what happens in our bedroom and for now…it still stays between us. I think that’s one of the reasons why I have loved him like no other man….because this one thing…he’s the only one that’s given it to me. I’m starting to shake but I’m still focusing on him. He’s concentrating hard…. How could I have missed it?! The Ex Factor is on a similar mission! My body is convulsing and I feel like I can barely breathe with this damn mask on. I’m shaking and sweating. I’m starting to have an out of body experience. My poor fucking bed. We really bout to break this shit. My neighbors are probably cussing me the fuck out. Yet I cannot focus on any of that. He’s going to take me there before I take him there. I cannot believe this shit! I’m focused on his pleasure and he was focused on mine. All of a sudden my body starts to speak in tongues and I’m cuming. My entire body is trembling but like a good jockey, I’m still holding on for dear life until we both cross the finish line! Thank goodness babe was right behind me because I don’t think I could have held on any longer! Fuck! I’m still shaking….aftershocks. And I’m also thinking….what the fuck just happened here?! I…was…not…ready….for the depth of passion we shared on this particular evening. I am still just laying there…mask on…sweating…and shaking. ~KJM reporting on passion in a time of Corona. Maybe this shit happened. Maybe it didn’t. The lines are so blurry between reality and fiction. But never question why I love that man. 💙 I hope you are all being good to yourselves. Love, touch, feel, and fuck (from a social distance or once quarantine is over) when you can because life is so short and true passion is unique. DISCLAIMER: This blog is for entertainment purposes only! Do not try anything in it! Continue to practice social distancing as recommended by the CDC. One love❤️

Love Is Blind Edition

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https://youtu.be/fv_hFewZgAM #Nomakeup #Sunday #loveisblindnetflix #loveisblind #netflix #netflixandchill #dating #marriage #onlinedating #pods #laurenandcameron #damianandgigi #kennyandkelly #amberandmattbarnett #carltonanddiamond #jessicaandmark #sundayfunday #sundayvibes #sundaymood #sundaymotivation #blackgirlswhovlog #blackwomenwhovlog #eternallove #unconditionallove #istillbelieveinlove

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