Nurturing nowhere. Now I know your first thought is…why would anyone take the time to nurture nowhere at all? This blog is going to explain just how and why this happens. Before I can successfully introduce the concept of nurturing nowhere…I need to give you some background information on me. I am a BLACK FEMINIST (I cannot stress this enough because there are some huge differences between the intersection of modern day Black and White feminism. There is a blog out there that already breaks this down for you but THIS IS NOT THAT BLOG). At the heart of feminism is equality but each feminists gets to decide where she/they applies that equality in her/their lives. I can only speak for myself.
My entire life I have been a leader…whether it was in school, after school activities, helping to raise children at a very young age, or work. I think most leaders are born…not made but any good leader knows there is a time and place where they must learn to follow. It is in these times that they become the strongest type of leader. They take that new knowledge and share. There is always something new under the sun to be learned. As long as we are breathing, we have the ability to adapt and learn. No one knows everything. THIS is an important concept. Without it, I could not begin to explore the art of nurturing nowhere.
Most men think they are qualified to lead just because of their gender! This is as preposterous as it sounds! There should be higher requirements for leadership than gender like does he have a purpose, good listening skills, great communication skills, works well under pressure, and so on. The world is falling apart right now because of…MEN! And that says a lot. But even with me being a BLACK FEMINIST, I am not opposed to a man leading in a relationship. I mean God leads me and my Daddy and brothers lead me in areas they are versed in. So I can follow and my natural feminine energy wants to follow. It’s exhausting leading all the time. I have been leading since grade school! For once, it would be nice if someone else had a plan and could implement it without ruffling my natural feminine energy. Despite the popular belief of most guys that know me, I don’t want to carry the penis AND the vagina! The vagina is strong and is a lot work in herself. Let me tend to my vagina UNLESS you (this so called leader of a man) have no fucking clue where you are headed. Baby if I sense you don’t have direction and purpose for yourself…I won’t let you lead me to the local Taco Bell! No….sir! You have to know where you are going and propose it to me in reasonable and thought out way…if you want me to follow. Imagine a math teacher only showing students the answers but they do not have the ability to show them the steps to get to said answers! How will these students thrive in the future when they need to build on their math foundation?!!!!
Now let’s go back to men leading. If it is their job to lead…then it is a woman’s job to NURTURE. Keep following me….putting feminism aside….where does this leave us women when the man leading does not have a purpose, has no plan for himself, no faith system that leads him (FYI…this has nothing to do with going to church every day and/or week. I am talking true belief system that guides him when no one is watching!), he has no plan for us…he is just…like …winging it, and his true nature is one of a follower. Do you see the problem? This is why leading by gender is a very dangerous concept. Not every man is a born leader! Now I know we have people who do not identify as any gender…this concept stays the same because you can ask these same questions of whomever that wants to lead. I believe we all have masculine and feminine energies inside of us. Some energies are natural to us while others are forced upon us in certain situations like me being the penis when all I want to be is the vagina. And forget about when I have to tap into both energies at the same damn time…EXHAUSTING.
Ok now we are getting closer to nurturing nowhere. Let’s get into the nurturing part. If women are natural born nurturers, then that means we nurture whatever our partners give us. If a man has no plan, purpose, nor belief system…then essentially he is giving a woman nothing to nurture. She is NURTURING NOWHERE. But if that man has a plan, purpose, and belief system….he is giving his woman space to NURTURE SOMEWHERE! Now why am I using the words nowhere and somewhere? I think love is a journey just like life. We don’t have to be at the final destination for me to follow. I just need my man to run the blueprint by me. Now this is not to be confused with falling in love with a man’s potential!!!! I can’t stress this point enough! It is more so about seeing that your man is a visionary in his own life, been taking baby steps towards his vision, hasn’t given up on himself nor his vision, indicates that you may be part of that long term vision, asks his woman about HER VISION (this one is so important), and lets you know there is room to grow and learn in life. These are just SOME things I look out for but tailor things to your own life and love.
Let’s go back to the part when I said a man should also ask you what your vision is! If his plan and purpose are just his alone…he is not making room for you nor any other partner. Him asking you about your vision may indicate a future for you both and how the two visions can coexist. For example, your man may want to open a bunch of businesses. He meets you and you are a baker at a bakery! You are both passionate about your career goals. Perhaps some of the businesses you both start together may be a string of bakeries around your state! BAM! His vision and your vision connect beautifully! I think this can also work even if both your career paths cannot be easily intertwined. I have a friend whose husband told her to go to graduate school first as he works and takes care of their children. Once she was done, they switched off and he went to graduate school while she worked and helped out more with the kids. Her husband didn’t think his vision for himself was more important than her vision for herself. They compromised and made both visions a family vision! Any time a person is only focused on what they want….it is probably not going to be a true partnership and most likely you are dealing with a narcissist. But I digress.
Why would a woman nurture nowhere? Two reasons that come to mind are (1) she loves that man and/or (2) she is a little lost herself! Men be careful though because whether it’s 1 or 2…the end result is usually the same. A woman will nurture nowhere til she bumps into a man who is giving her the space and opportunity to nurture somewhere! BOOM! ~KJM dropping some knowledge on you today. I may revisit this topic in the near future. For now I must rest the P (for penis) on my chest and hope this is a day I can relax in my natural feminine energy. FYI women tend to end up resenting men that force them into masculine energies 24/7.