I am about to tell you an ignorant tale but before I start…let me make some things crystal clear. 1. The pandemic is no fucking joke. No matter how much satire I pour into this story….please take it seriously. 2. Even smart people do dumb shit sometimes. And 3. DO NOT TRY ANY OF THIS SHIT EVER!!! Now that I have gotten my disclaimers out the way….it is probably wise for me to point out that I am a writer not a blogger. I write when it’s pouring out of me. So it’s been awhile…..NYE to be exact…since I dropped a “blog.” I would say please forgive me but it’s pointless. I am out here trying to survive in these unprecedented times….just like you. My sanity is scarce. It is probably stuck at the nearest TJ Maxx or the candy aisle of my local supermarket. Yea….so I am kind of writing you from my lair…also known as a sanity optional spot. The world is on fire! From the pandemic to the wild fires to the flooding. The world is burning. And where am I at in all of this? Sitting on a United flight to hell…also known as Florida. I snuck out of my home state like a woman that was now “on the lam” from the mob. The mob here is probably referring to any person I know with a sound voice of reason. Why listen to reasoning when I have already claimed temporary insanity and boarded a flight to a state that has some of the highest new COVID cases. I am pretty sure the new variants of the virus (The Delta, The Lambda, and The Delta Plus) are doing the one two step down in Florida and here I am doing the electric slide into that bitch! Why?! It’s for a very bizarre reason. A KISS! I’m in seat 32A and the plane hasn’t even taken off…what the fuck is it that I hear?! Cough! Cough! Cough! Somebody’s preteen kid right behind me…coughing like she French kissing….THE DELTA! This may be a fine time to mention that I was never good with Greek letters. For all I know….that chick is barking out THE LAMBDA! I am trying my best to stay calm. Why are her and her family on this flight if she is that sick? I know I can’t throat punch her…for many reasons…but mainly because it may spew out the venom of the pandemic and I am right in its path. FML. The cabin door closes and I consider putting a condom over my mask! I need my shit sealed off…completely. This may not be a safe sex scenario but I am desperate. I have a moment of clarity and then I double mask up. Oxygen is limited. So limited that it makes giving a blow job look like easy work. At least then I can come up for air. Take breaths. Pace my fucking self! And breathe bitch breathe! But no….not with the double mask. I am sealed in….gazing out the window…seeing some of my state. Like I’m looking at buildings. Wait…we been up in the air for at least fifteen minutes now. My ass should be seeing some CLOUDS! This is take off….not landing! Did my pilot forget?! Cough! Cough! Cough! That’s all I hear. Still no fucking clouds in sight. Ok…finally we are in and then over the fluffy clouds. I am flying! Traveling for not just a kiss but THE KISS! May have been more romantic if I was traveling by way of The Nina, The Pinta, and the fucking Santa Maria but for obvious reasons…they and their cousins (also known as cruise ships) were currently unavailable. I am sure passengers from the above ships were no strangers to plagues. Sigh…. Cough! Cough! Cough! That’s all I hear. 33A ain’t letting up. Mask or no mask….those coughs felt like they were piercing through my seat! And so I continue to do the electric slide to Florida….via air. On the plane, all I can think of is how I am smuggling myself into this God forsaken state! But why?! All for a kiss?! (Fun fact, I had been celibate for one year and 30 days at the time of this self imposed human trafficking event….also known as my United flight with the possible variants. FML. I am so not bright.) Yet sex is NOT what is on my mind! It is the kiss….his kiss. THE EX FACTOR’S KISS! FML. Please do not judge. Lol. If you have been following this blog since September 2015…you will remember that the Ex Factor is my weakness. He is and will probably always be my home. My happy and my sad place….all at the same damn time. And no I still do not know why. It just is. I had not kissed him since leap day February 29, 2020 and we had not made love since June 30, 2020. So much mistrust had occurred last year…but after a year and 30 days apart, I finally agreed to see him. But we both had to step outside of our comfort zones. So I am on flight The Delta, The Lambda, and The Delta Plus…nonstop to a fiery hell! The world is on fire but my love for him has held strong….to my surprise. If you recall, in one of our very heated conversations over the last year….I told the Ex Factor that I would fuck the mailman AND the milkman before I would ever consider him again…. A funny thing happened though…no mailman nor milkman could hold my attention. I found myself deep into my celibacy. Working out, praying, and meditating. I dove deeper into myself in ways I never thought possible. And I did not do it for him….I actually never thought I would ever see him again…after all the shit from Summer 2020. He cut me deep but if we are at the end of days….I can’t imagine my last moments without him. I still want to breathe him…touch him…look into his eyes….and resist the temptation to slap the piss out of him. Lol. Hey…I am human and my healing is still ongoing. I am not in a place of total forgiveness. I am, however, vacationing in a place of total insanity. Insane for him and only him. So I boarded that flight to a burning hell and risked it all for HIS KISS. It happened at the most random moment….watching “Finding Dory.” I love that movie so much. It makes me feel so vulnerable because Dory is disabled and all I want to do is protect her. I know this sounds odd….but I cannot keep myself guarded when watching something that invokes so many emotions…especially bravery. So there I was in his arms and right around the time that Dory finds her parents…I move in for the thing….I had traveled so far for….his kiss. I think he was surprised too. Don’t think he had any expectations of the weekend. We were both excited to see each other. That was enough. The world was burning yet we were still connected. I don’t have anything figured out but when I felt his lips softly press against mine….I knew dancing around The Delta, The Lambda, and The Delta Plus was worth it. I…was…home. Now it is time to Cha Cha Slide into the rest of my life. ~KJM hitting y’all with that Do Not Disturb on this Temptation Tuesday. I have no clue if I will write about the rest of the weekend. It feels good to just leave some things just between us….but it also feels good to explore one of the best weekends of my life….in my writings. Stay tuned💙
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