LOVE thought of the week: I had a friend once approach me with a crazy plan. She asked me what should she do and I said….get on the roller coaster and no matter what I will hold your hands through it. She put one foot in and then realized this wasn’t the type of true love worth risking it all for. The decision was so much easier for her knowing that I would not abandon her while she was on this wild ride. I, too, have felt the wind through my hair as the floor dropped from beneath me. And I am still standing… ~KJM on Serenity Saturday?
Archives for June 2018
The Art Of Making Love
Many people are under the assumption that lovemaking entails a certain bit of romance and is at some slow romance movie-like pace. Since everyone’s definition of romance is different…I challenge the idea that lovemaking is slow and very romantic. For me, lovemaking is simply about the feelings the two people have for each other as they sexually share themselves. That’s right…even doggy style done with the one you love…is lovemaking…to me. With that being said, there is something very erotic about a slow intimate pace of lovemaking where each stroke is so tantalizing that both of you feel like if you move in any direction too quickly you both will climax…when all you want to do in this moment is savor each kiss, each stroke, and each moan. One of the best types of sex I have ever experienced was the makeup sex…especially if the two of us were separated for a long while. Make up sex is the BEST and most INTENSE with the Ex Factor. Typically I am nervous…yes even after 8 years of knowing him. My heart is beating loudly in my chest as he is about to enter. My nails are long and pointy…so I am very careful to position them in his back in a way that won’t hurt him. That’s how deep he goes. It’s like I’m holding on for dear life while bracing myself for that break through of his penis thrusting into my temple. A temple that most likely waited on him and only him to enter. The nervousness starts to fade as the feeling of the familiar takes over. My most desired lover is here…in the flesh…devouring me. Relaxing me. Reassuring me. Tasting me. Fucking me. And when I can find the strength to utter words…I start to dig my nails into his skin while whispering my deepest confessions to him and only him. Our rhythm becomes more traumatic. Not for us but for the neighbors. Still in slow motion but he’s goes deeper and the headboard is starting to bang on the walls. I…am…moaning. In each movement of ecstasy, every part of me becomes moist…even my eyes. Though I’m holding back. I will not tear up in this moment. I want…no fuck it…I need to be present in this moment. Legs shaking. My baby is home! And my entire body is welcoming him. I can feel how hard he is trying to please me…it’s now my turn to show him how much I miss him. Stay tuned ~KJM ran out of blogging time on Hump Day! Lol.
The Third Month
For the last week, every day I awoke feeling like something was missing. Did I misplace an item? Did I forget to pay a bill? Was it a friend’s birthday that I had forgotten? Every day the feeling would get more urging. It was like the universe was saying…Kingston, take charge of your life or Kingston, make more of a mess of your life. ? Someone or something was trying to tell me something. By mid week, I kind of figured out what that gnawing feeling was: for the first time in YEARS, I actually missed the Ex Factor! ??♀️ I know some of you are slapping your face and saying ‘no this trick did not mess up my Monday morning with this mess!’ But I damn sure am. We are like a modern day Carrie and Mr. Big! A hot fucking toxic mess with some great sex in between! ??♀️??♀️ Goes to show stupidity is universal. Doesn’t matter your age, gender, nor level of education…when you want to be a dumb ass in your own life…you will. It took me like close to 80 days of being separated from him for me to notice he was gone. April I felt relief. May I focused on my annual big birthday celebration with Harmony. Most of June, I focused on business but then that feeling started. I don’t think I have actually had these feelings for him since 2012. During every separation, I adjust, I date, and I advance in other parts of my life…then he resurfaces again with some lame line like “just seeing how you are doing” or “just checking numbers in my phone.” ??? Yup these things have occurred. Some guys don’t know how to just be really honest with their intentions. ? Like…just say…”I’m back to waste more of your time” or “I’m back because I’m a fucking idiot for losing you!” Perhaps…”I’m back because not all pussy is really good pussy?!” ??♀️? Something honest like that would be nice. Then I get to push button 1 if I’m interested in being taken for another ride or button number 2 to say fuck off for good…BUT give me the fucking choice! ?? Like Carrie in “Sex And The City,” I can’t help but wonder if I’m a masochist in the game of love! ??♀️ According to Dictionary.com, a masochist (bout to be my word of the week) is “a person who derives sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation.” ??♀️??♀️??♀️ Totally…ME! But I know I’m not alone! Lol. ?? The difference here though is I AM CHOOSING TO BE A MASOCHIST…instead of getting sucked in by Satan (my love). ??? I know! I know! I probably deserve the life I’m living…but here’s the thing. I always say there are two kinds of settling: (1) staying with someone just for the sake of having someone and (2) staying with someone you love who cannot fully give you what you need! Settling in general is pretty horrible but if I had to choose one of these evils…it would be the latter. ?? And since, we don’t have children…I am just messing myself up more. ?? This may sound ridiculous but I like to CHOOSE my level of crazy instead of it being forced upon me by emotional blackmail! ??♀️ So with this feeling in hand….Saturday morning, before heading to work, I called the Ex Factor. ??♀️? Yikes! It’s like I’m stepping in poop and piss like when I’m on the subway. ? Call me crazy but I believe in huge romantic gestures! I could have just text (after I dug up his number off of an old envelope kept in a bag in my closet?) and told him I butt dialed him (as he did not pick up) or I can choose to be brutally honest (when he text back an hour later) and say…I MISS YOU and I AM NOT SURE WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT BUT SINCE I ASKED FOR THE BREAK, I FIGURED A GRAND GESTURE OF LOVE (LIKE ME CALLING WHEN I HARDLY EVER DO) WAS THE THING TO DO! ? Fool said he missed me too and figured I was calling for a morning booty call so he is on his way.??? I damn sure took my black ass to work! ??? I miss him but I was not calling for the D. ???♀️ Sometimes it is good to have an emotion, revel in that emotion, and not do a damn thing about it. ?? I miss him but we got problems…like being addicted to each other!!! ? Only DICK would respond to a romantic gesture with more DICK talk! ??? Not sure what (if anything) we are gonna do but my pussy shop is still closed for the season! ?? ~KJM on Charm School Monday! ? Hi, my name is Kingston and I am clearly not bright. Don’t be Kingston! Lol. Hope you all have a great start to your week!
Just 45 Minutes (To Get My Life Back On Track Edition)
Happy Serenity Sunday! Last night, I had one of those small break through life moments. One of my most therapeutic tasks in life is cleaning my bathroom. I am not sure how long it’s been…but I have been avoiding cleaning it. It’s like I hit a road block. Every weekend, I would say today is going to be the day and then I would not clean my bathroom. I use to love cleaning the bathroom so much that I would do a three hour ritual…no matter the size of my bathroom. Typically, I would also redecorate it. For months, my bathroom has been brown and blue. I have been wanting to change it to red and cream but would fail to. Everyday I wake up disgusted at not just the state of my bathroom but the look of the colors I wanted to rip down! Yet there I stood…frustrated and frozen. It’s just a bathroom to some but for me it’s a sign of where I am in life. Since end of January, my family and I have been living a nightmare. Some family members refuse to talk about it, others are angry, and some have break downs every time we receive a negative update. No matter their response…I carry the burden with me every day. It has caused my stress eating, increased my insomnia, and caused a situational depression that I haven’t experienced in 5 years. I am sad. I am confused. And I’m making the best decisions I can for my family. I don’t get a day off. I have to deal with it even if no one else wants to. My heart and spirit are broken. I feel motionless and lifeless most of the time. But I digress. Last night, I was putting flexi rods in my hair and I had that break through moment! I GAVE MYSELF 45 MINUTES TO GET MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK!!! Just 45 minutes! This means I have to clean AND redecorate my bathroom in that time. It will NOT be a perfect clean. I have to admit that I am not perfect and I have to do what I can. I have to be easy on myself. In 45 minutes, I may not get everything done but I will get something done that will help get my life back on track. I AM HUMAN! I AM NOT PERFECT! I must acknowledge these truths to move forward in my life!!!?? Within seconds, I started ripping things down while bleaching!!! Keeping in mind that I only have 45 minutes! Why is the time so important? Because if I gave myself til eternity, I may quit or exhaust myself to the point where I am disappointed that I cannot do it all. With a time limit, I am saying to myself…do what you can and whatever small thing you accomplish is still an accomplishment. ?? Plus I am on a 7 day work schedule with my day job…so I need to get some sleep. 45 minutes! 45 minutes! 45 minutes! It took me 50 minutes but I achieved a lot. My bathroom is now red and cream. And I left the mirrors and the sink alone but tub/shower, toilet, and floor were shining! ? At one point, my toilet brush broke but I didn’t freak out..I improvised with what I had and I got my life back on track…even if it was just in a small way. This was a significant moment because before it…life was just taking over. It was happening to me and I no longer had the energy to respond. In this small moment, I began to reclaim my life! I began to breathe again! ?? SMALL VICTORIES ARE STILL VICTORIES! To God Be the glory! The blood of Jesus is carrying me when I can no longer carry myself. I can never be CHRIST (only HE is perfect) but humans can be Christ-like. ?? Faith is all I have right now. HE is walking with my family and I. So I breathe knowing that HE is catching my every breath. ~KJM on Serenity Sunday! If you are going through a situational depression, try to start small in reclaiming your life. Make a list and do what you can. Each day, cross off what’s done and be grateful you were able to do it…no matter the size of the task. This is harder to accomplish if you are clinically depressed! Seek professional help! And loved ones please keep an eye on those suffering. I was blessed that I could step outside of myself and recognize what was happening with me but not everyone will be able to. Please check on your strong friends too! Everyone breaks! ??
Grand Gestures Of Love
I have a friend who does these grand gestures of love that both shocks me and makes me laugh. Even when the odds are against her…she can look a love in the face and say “choose me” or rip her clothes off passionately in the midst of an argument to let her love know that he’s not leaving without a fight. It all seemed bizarre to me at the time but this morning her acts of love got me thinking. How many of us would profess our love…even if it’s the very last minute of that love? How many of us fight that hard even when the odds are against us? She may have lost a few battles in love but my friend is winning the war. And she’s fucking brave. Don’t think I have ever been that brave in love… ~KJM on Serenity Saturday?
“Dating SINGLE Men In Their 50s Just May Be A Thing”
Happy Flashback Friday! I am so sorry that my blogging has been so infrequent. My current transition has me in deep thought. There are days I miss the Ex Factor (not really spending time with him but talking to him) and other times I know that I made the right decision for the BOTH of us. He is emotionally unavailable and I want a man that is capable of feeling. Putting all that aside, I awoke a few mornings ago feeling a sense of relief for two reasons. First, when my loved ones are complaining about their spouses…I no longer have any complaints. I’m just a listening ear and that’s a great feeling! Secondly, and this one is the hardest one to swallow, with no Ex Factor aka younger man…women can finally stop questioning my fucking reproductive system!!!✌? Some distasteful women (I remember all your names) reminded me that the Ex Factor could always leave me and start a family later on in life because he is so much younger than me. I hate to admit it but some of that fear kept me self sabotaging myself and us. I free him every time to fuck who he wants, fall in love, or start a family when he sees fit. An even bigger fear was that he would stay with me and when he wanted children…I may not be able to have them. ? This fear crippled me day and night. I have never checked up on my reproductive system. Every year I have my annual GYN visit filled with STD tests and a stamp of approval saying I’m not pregnant and can go fuck freely with my birth control in hand. ?? After I get the good news, I ride off into the sexual sunset. ?? I have never asked my GYN to check up on my eggs. And now that the Ex Factor and I are over…I have no plans of it. I meant it when I said he was my baby’s daddy. Without him…I’m back to not having a desire to have children…especially naturally. Auntie Kingston is just that. AUNTIE! And that got me to thinking….what age group should I date in when I’m ready? If I want my reproductive system to just breathe…50 year old men sound about right. By his 50s he may have been married before (and now divorced) and should have some grown ass children. Auntie Kingston loves children but purposely created a life without them. I LOVE MY FREEDOM! Thus, I need a man free to focus on us. No time for small children. I don’t even have a dog and have been wanting one for so long. ?? My schedule is not conducive to me having anyone nor anything waiting at home for me. Anyways…back to the 50s. I really want to apologize to 50 year old women looking for men their age. It’s unfair for my 37 year old fine ass to enter your market. Yikes! ? But I yearn for the freedom most of you have….done raising children and currently traveling the world. ?? Before I jump into your market though…there are a few obstacles with dating 50 year old men. First, I don’t like older men. I haven’t since I was 14 years old. ?? Second, I am a daddy’s girl so it’s mad creepy to be dating in his age group. Both my parents look really young for their age! And because I got a Daddy…I damn sure don’t need another one! ?? Third, I know a lot of 50 and 60 year old fools! Got an uncle in his 60s still giving out promise rings to his baby mamas! ???? If at 60 a man isn’t ready to commit…bitch run! I promise you that you will end up on an episode of “Snapped” waiting on a man that old. ? Uncle, get your shit together!!! But I digress! My point is I know age does not equal maturity!!! Fourth, a man in his 50s needs to be financially stable with some extra coins in the bank. That means money is a big factor in my consideration of dating in this age group. I have struggled with 20 and 30 years old but I will be damned if I have to fuck old broke balls! ?? Just keeping it real. No young sperm here that can serve as a consolation prize if things don’t work out!!!! ? I will work with a man in his 20s and 30s and love him where he is at but once a man (of ANY race) hits 40s…my work with a brotha program has officially ended! From ages 20-28, I loved the Ex Factor for exactly who he was and where he was in life. I only wanted him to be more caring. ? I wanted to feel loved and desired by him and only him. He probably won’t get that until 20 years from now when he’s with who he is suppose to be with….he may then finally realize how much I loved him. ? Some men just aren’t ready to be loved unconditionally! ? But I digress again! Fifth, if he’s in his 50s…he better be fit and look like my parents…like he is in his 30s and 40s. Part of this is for superficial reasons and the other part is about if we find real love…I need to know he will live to be around for as many decades as he can! ? Lastly, a man of any age needs to trust me and respect my freedom!!! My solo trips are a huge part of who I am. I don’t want that to change…especially not for a man! ?? Once I get pass these obstacles, I think my new dating plan just might work! And for once I will be the PYT (Pretty Young Thang). ? ~KJM on Flashback Friday? For my singles out there, what age groups are you dating in and why? Best wishes in love and life no matter what you decide! ?
“Why You Will Never Be Able To Out Do Her Ex (Bet Not Try It Edition)”
Every now and then I create a blog for the available and dating men. This just so happens to be one. Earlier in the week I tackled the idea that most of us are dating different versions of the same person…our type and how that is damaging our love lives. One of the biggest mistakes I find men make in dating (when they are ready for a serious relationship…that is ?) is they go after these unavailable women! ??♀️ These dudes don’t just love the chase…they need it! ? They may not know it but engaged, married, or in a relationship women give them a rise. Their interests are piqued…not realizing that the odds of these women choosing them are slim to none…because these women are physically, mentally, and emotionally unavailable! If you are one of these guys…leave these women alone unless you are okay with being boyfriend number two! ? And trust and believe that is not where you want to be if you are ready for true, unconditional, and reciprocated love. Winning her heart should not mean dueling another man for her! ??♀️ Now that we have that settled…on to the rest of you guys who are meeting women after a breakup. I don’t care if she just broke up with her boyfriend of six months or just divorced her husband….the wounds here are still open! RUN if you don’t want a messy love life. ?? Now I know some of you fools are crawling…to you I say…get ready to either be friend zoned or made boyfriend number 2. You may get a chance to hit it…but once she climaxes…she will be pining for her true love. If your only goal is sex…there’s a chance you may get it from this newly broken hearted woman but if love was involved in her last relationship…you must be aware that the pussy and the heart don’t travel in the same lanes. On breaks…I have given away the pussy…but my heart is still the Ex Factor’s! Trust…I know what I speak of! And for most women…not all…the heart rules (unless money is involved ? but that’s another lesson for another day). If you truly want to seriously pursue this newly out of a relationship woman…heed my advice. If you know a lot about her ex…he is still in her heart. Don’t you dare say that you are better than him because truth be told…you probably aren’t! ✌? Now hear me out…the Ex has known her longer, knows her G spot (we tend to not mention bad in bed exes unless it’s some sort of social experiment and we want to prevent others from bad sex???), has her heart, and knows her mentally! We women know right off the bat how damaging a man’s ex can be. We start to social media stalk his ex as soon as we have enough information! ??♀️ This may seem crazy but it’s not (unless a woman continues to obsess about her new man’s ex). This is a smart play (when no obsession is involved) so that you know what you are up against because let’s be real…what you don’t know CAN hurt you in the game of love. Men have such huge egos that y’all start to mentally (and sometimes physically ?) stroke your dicks…automatically thinking your dick is bigger than his!!! Doubt it but even if that is true like in the case of Julio and the Ex Factor (yeah baby ?)….only LOVE can win your new woman over!!! Though a new big dick helps! ? When I say love…I don’t mean fake romancing her so she chooses you! I mean natural love that the universe sends you both. I have at least one friend who choose the second guy and are currently happily married! ?? It can be done but not through trickery or the chase. Also it is silly to continuously play the listening ear of why her last relationship did not last. You, the man, must openly state your interest…and then back away and let her naturally come to you! Let her choose you! The Ex Factor did just that and I chose him! I had known Julio for 13 years but I still chose the Ex Factor!!! And in that choice…I found a deeper love. No regrets about that choice. It was the right one for my heart. The Ex Factor and I use to joke about the fact that by the end of the summer (2010) Julio would win me back…that was EIGHT years ago and I never took Julio back!!! The stars had aligned (for better or for worse) and I had found love. So let your new woman freely choose you or you will forever be dealing with her going back and forth with her ex or dealing with the ghost of her ex. ? We all have baggage but if pursued openly and honestly by a safe and secure love…we do have the ability to unpack that baggage forever! ?? Good luck out there guys! ~KJM on Throwback Thursday ?
Are We Continuously Dating The Same Types (The Epic Fail Edition)
Yesterday evening, I streamed an episode from season 2 of Sex and the City where Carrie was trying to figure out if she goes after the same types of men in relationships. The answer here is YES but I’m going to take it one step further and explore. We, human beings, are attracted to what we are attracted to. Our attractions, generally, are not random. They typically stem from things like our family life, childhood traumas, and other broken relationships. ? I, myself, love going after MUTE (I love a silent man) EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE GUYS! ??♀️ Yum! ? I think it is because for many years I too was emotionally unavailable. Sexy…I know. ? When I bumped into the Ex Factor and saw some of my flaws on his face…I started to work on myself. I no longer celebrated being loved and being incapable of reciprocating love! ??♀️ That is no longer who I am. I am more open and more vulnerable than ever but only when it comes to LOVE!!! Penis alone will never find my ass vulnerable because it is just that un-special to me! ?? But I digress. While watching this episode of Sex and the City, which I think was titled “The Fuck Buddy,” I already knew the answer to Carrie’s question. We all have a type….it is just something we can’t initially help. Humans are creatures of habit. However, if you are ready to start getting serious in the game of love…you have to be aware of your dating mistakes! That’s right! We have to take accountability for going down the same rabbit hole a million times…knowing how the story is going to end. Shit just don’t change UNLESS we change ourselves first! ?? We are the common denominators in our fucked up dating lives or marriages. ? So how do we get it together? First by acknowledging what our types are and secondly by making a decision on whether we are really ready to break away from these types. If you have no children…you can be as dumb as you want because you are only messing yourself up. BUT once children are involved…we have to purposefully evolve into making better dating decisions! So are you ready to break your dating patterns?! I am not sure I am. The Ex Factor is still who I love! While I’m not waiting on him to grow up…I am SLOWLY walking away in case he makes a change for himself that betters us. It definitely helps him that I find most men to be fucking gross once they start speaking. ??♀️ SILENT. MUTE. OH SO SEXY! Yup that’s my type. First six years of dating, the Ex Factor barely spoke. ?? In the last two years, he not only learned how to talk but he now talks back!!! Wtf?!!! Back to mute baby! ?????? ~KJM is missing her type on Temptation Tuesday. A mute man isthe only man I can truly love. ???
Where I Stand Today
Happy Serenity Sunday! I am so sorry that it has been weeks since I have blogged! Work and family life have been crazy! Plus I went on my annual Vegas birthday trip for a week and a half this year! ? It was AMAZING…as always. ?? Vegas is officially my second home! It rejuvenates me in a way that very few places do…and in that process I discover something else about myself! ? These last couple weeks, I took the time to focus on me. Getting back to me…and I encourage you to do the same when you start to feel depleted. My summer body is nowhere near ready but I took some sexy ass photos to remind myself that I’m still one of the baddest boss chicks to walk this earth. ?? Remember that you, too, are fierce as fuck…and never forget to let it show. So many things are going on…too many to blog about in this one blog but there is one update I am okay with sharing with you. Almost three months ago, I took a break from the Ex Factor without telling a single family member nor friend. I felt like I was suffocating in something that will never be what I need it to be and I certainly did not want to take Nicole, Grace, nor Harmony with me. It had to be for me. I am growing and changing and the Ex Factor is not. He is happy with being complacent and I am not. We grew apart years ago and holding on to what use to be is just plain painful. I deserve someone who can be there for me and he deserves someone who speaks his language (perhaps someone in his age group). When you truly love someone…you want them to be happy even if it’s not with you. That is unconditional love. It is a love so free. The Ex Factor thinks he was happy with me but I have faith that soon he will find a greater happiness that makes more sense to him! ?? As for me…I am on my way! ?? Right now I’m happily not dating. Traveling to see Harmony in Vegas and hanging out with Ingrid in NYC has been what’s keeping me going. My friends are truly the loves of my life. I feel so free and so alive with them. They are both in amazing relationships that I am cheering them on in! ?? I still truly believe in love…I just haven’t met my true, unconditional, and reciprocated love yet. And I am in no rush. I am just enjoying where I am. My DMs have been filling up since I have been off of dating but my true love just won’t be in a DM. I don’t think that’s how God works. He will come to me sure and ready. He will have things to offer and he will be the most patient man. And he won’t require that I be less me! ?? That is a love worth waiting on. Maybe in my 50s I will meet him? Who knows? As for now, 37 is about freedom. I am only accepting love that is secure while allowing me to be free at the same time. I don’t know what makes a man love a woman…but I now know that no one can answer that question because when it is God sent it is simply unexplainable. ? ~KJM dropping you a line on Serenity Sunday. Go forth and be free…in love and in all you do. ?