For the last week, every day I awoke feeling like something was missing. Did I misplace an item? Did I forget to pay a bill? Was it a friend’s birthday that I had forgotten? Every day the feeling would get more urging. It was like the universe was saying…Kingston, take charge of your life or Kingston, make more of a mess of your life. ? Someone or something was trying to tell me something. By mid week, I kind of figured out what that gnawing feeling was: for the first time in YEARS, I actually missed the Ex Factor! ??♀️ I know some of you are slapping your face and saying ‘no this trick did not mess up my Monday morning with this mess!’ But I damn sure am. We are like a modern day Carrie and Mr. Big! A hot fucking toxic mess with some great sex in between! ??♀️??♀️ Goes to show stupidity is universal. Doesn’t matter your age, gender, nor level of education…when you want to be a dumb ass in your own life…you will. It took me like close to 80 days of being separated from him for me to notice he was gone. April I felt relief. May I focused on my annual big birthday celebration with Harmony. Most of June, I focused on business but then that feeling started. I don’t think I have actually had these feelings for him since 2012. During every separation, I adjust, I date, and I advance in other parts of my life…then he resurfaces again with some lame line like “just seeing how you are doing” or “just checking numbers in my phone.” ??? Yup these things have occurred. Some guys don’t know how to just be really honest with their intentions. ? Like…just say…”I’m back to waste more of your time” or “I’m back because I’m a fucking idiot for losing you!” Perhaps…”I’m back because not all pussy is really good pussy?!” ??♀️? Something honest like that would be nice. Then I get to push button 1 if I’m interested in being taken for another ride or button number 2 to say fuck off for good…BUT give me the fucking choice! ?? Like Carrie in “Sex And The City,” I can’t help but wonder if I’m a masochist in the game of love! ??♀️ According to Dictionary.com, a masochist (bout to be my word of the week) is “a person who derives sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation.” ??♀️??♀️??♀️ Totally…ME! But I know I’m not alone! Lol. ?? The difference here though is I AM CHOOSING TO BE A MASOCHIST…instead of getting sucked in by Satan (my love). ??? I know! I know! I probably deserve the life I’m living…but here’s the thing. I always say there are two kinds of settling: (1) staying with someone just for the sake of having someone and (2) staying with someone you love who cannot fully give you what you need! Settling in general is pretty horrible but if I had to choose one of these evils…it would be the latter. ?? And since, we don’t have children…I am just messing myself up more. ?? This may sound ridiculous but I like to CHOOSE my level of crazy instead of it being forced upon me by emotional blackmail! ??♀️ So with this feeling in hand….Saturday morning, before heading to work, I called the Ex Factor. ??♀️? Yikes! It’s like I’m stepping in poop and piss like when I’m on the subway. ? Call me crazy but I believe in huge romantic gestures! I could have just text (after I dug up his number off of an old envelope kept in a bag in my closet?) and told him I butt dialed him (as he did not pick up) or I can choose to be brutally honest (when he text back an hour later) and say…I MISS YOU and I AM NOT SURE WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO ABOUT THAT BUT SINCE I ASKED FOR THE BREAK, I FIGURED A GRAND GESTURE OF LOVE (LIKE ME CALLING WHEN I HARDLY EVER DO) WAS THE THING TO DO! ? Fool said he missed me too and figured I was calling for a morning booty call so he is on his way.??? I damn sure took my black ass to work! ??? I miss him but I was not calling for the D. ???♀️ Sometimes it is good to have an emotion, revel in that emotion, and not do a damn thing about it. ?? I miss him but we got problems…like being addicted to each other!!! ? Only DICK would respond to a romantic gesture with more DICK talk! ??? Not sure what (if anything) we are gonna do but my pussy shop is still closed for the season! ?? ~KJM on Charm School Monday! ? Hi, my name is Kingston and I am clearly not bright. Don’t be Kingston! Lol. Hope you all have a great start to your week!