Yesterday, at Thanksgiving Dinner, I was deeply engrossed in a fascinating yet depressing topic…no…not politics…but dating in your late 40s, 50s, and 60s. I got to ask some of the older men and some of the youngest men in my family about relationships. I’ve known Papa Michaels’ stance on dating when young (sleep with as many of them as you can before you settle down??♀️….obviously advice he’s giving to the boys…but not necessarily deterring his grown daughters from this behavior because to him we will always be his innocent angels?)! And I have had conversations with my uncles about this topic for the last couple of years. My brother, Junior, and my BFF, Zack, are two men that give me HOPE. Not all men are dedicated to a life of misogynistic views and being womanizers!!! But unfortunately, I have a lot in my family that are… They are under the premise that one woman will never be enough…instead of realizing that perhaps it is THEM that fall short in how they view themselves that has them thinking that the issue is with women. ?? Perhaps, these men/boys know deep down inside that they aren’t enough and overcompensate by participating in the emotional, mental, and sometimes physical destruction of women…whom for the most part…only wanted to love them. For example, I have an uncle (whom I love dearly) who has 6 baby mamas that have given him 8 beautiful children. My aunt was his ONLY wife. Right now it appears that he goes back and forth between a few of the baby mamas. Love him to pieces but am of course thoroughly disgusted. When asked how he manages to get away with this mess in his 60s…he apparently replied that…these women decided to put up with his crap because they feel the next dude will just do much of the same!!!! ??? Is this what dating in the 40s, 50s, and 60s…look like?! ?Is this what dating in general looks like?! If so…shout out to all the seriously committed lesbians who take care of their women! Rise up! And show us single and fucking delusional women how to rise up and demand what we deserve!!! We may not be lesbians but you can still give us hope in walking in our feminine energy firmly and confidently cause apparently when we are dealing with men…most of us straight women SETTLE! What a time to be straight!!!! Fml. All of this got me to thinking…is this what I’m doing with the Ex Factor? Thinking this is as good as it gets and the next dude will be scared of commitment? A great part of me thinks NOT…. I have had real relationships on breaks with the Ex Factor. Committing was not their issue. Immaturity and treating women like their property were the main issues I ran up on. That and I realized I was still in love with the Ex Factor. I hold my own so much better when love is not involved! The Ex Factor and once upon a time…Julio….are the only two reoccurring romantic love interest men in my life. Many other guys thought I wouldn’t walk away from them but I did. And now even Julio is on that list. I’m waiting for the day that it permanently happens with the Ex Factor. When I’m free. Leaving him in his sea of brokenness. That day is close….I feel it. And I truly believe my great love is on his way. He will have so much to teach me about love, building a life together, and the strength of a man who believes in building an empire with a woman he views as his equal….the ying to his yang. I await that day…until that day I will say this….if you see me with a man that’s a known cheater or I even feel he’s out there fucking others….if I ain’t leave him…I’m dishing much of the same. ? Men can be boys all they want but they can never outdo women in love nor cheating. Yo…womanizing men…you sure the baby is yours? Lol. ~KJM on Serenity Saturday but was originally written on the Flashback Friday after Thanksgiving. The things I say may be ignorant and unladylike but I stand by what I say. If you a good dude…this does NOT apply to you. To all the women out there….You cannot continue to be a good woman to a bad man. You just giving your life away without even fighting for it. Bad girls are either born or made…I was born. ??
Mercury is currently in retrograde for the third and last time this year. For those who don’t understand what this means…google it. Shit is backwards and most signs are feeling the effects. And of course I’ve been showing my ass! So much so that I ain’t making no sudden movements until November 21! If you have something you want to hash out with me…it’s best to wait until then because I can’t guarantee what the outcome is going to be. I could hug you or I could tell you to go F yourself. Man…it could be a little bit of both. ??♀️ So I’m putting my foot in my mouth (with some help) and Mercury’s backwards ass is watching like my life is some good reality tv! ??♀️ So I sit and wait for some sort of normalcy. Sitting and waiting. Did I mention that I’m running so late this morning that I actually had to have a conversation with myself and ask myself if I was really headed to work?! ? Took a look at my bills and realized I had to go…. ? On NJ transit now…so I’m headed to somewhere in the city….bobbing and weaving the universe as I hold on to my lace frontal! I’m kind of wondering why Mercury’s butt did not write ahead of time to say….Hey Kingston, not only are the winter blues gonna tear you up but this retrograde is gonna have you looking like a clown around town?! That kind of letter would have been appreciated. One thing I’m learning is what I will and will not tolerate from myself and others. There are some I’m so sorry the retrograde got you caught up in my web and others that I’m making note are toxic folks year round…the retrograde is just highlighting what I may have missed. Did I mention that lately everything makes me cry? ??♀️ Damn that Mercury! I mean besides in times of death and sickness….I’m learning to cry when my money is funny! ???♀️ Yup losing what’s left of my fake mink eyelashes (at least I think they are) knowing damn well I can’t afford to go back and see my lash lady no time soon! ??♀️ Just plain Tom foolery…. yup that’s what this retrograde is. I wonder if this is how pregnant women feel throughout the entire nine months?! Or menopausal women?! ? If so….I just can’t be apart of none of that! Trying to figure out how to get this bitch Mercury off of me? Got ideas?! I mean ideas that require absolutely no jail time?! I’m…like…too pretty…for jail. ??♀️?? ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. How’s the retrograde treating y’all? Anybody wig still on right? Lashes still in place? Write in and let me know lol. ❤️
A discussion about being in love with two people at the same time, online dating, and a how to not get pregnant guide! https://youtu.be/kV3OIjraeFo
The intensity of it all…I could feel his heart beating fast. He was PRESENT and so was I. My heart was now racing. I was on top but in a rare instance…I was sharing control in the bedroom. My favorite thing is to pin him down. That way I could witness every moment of pleasure he experiences….and be certain that I and only I could bring him to this zone of ecstasy. Only I could make his heart beat inside and outside of his body….at the very instance where we become one. At least this is how I’m experiencing it….the intensity of our passion. I…can…feel him….in a way I had not felt him…in a while. He’s tasting me. Calling me. My body is answering his calls. I…am…shaking…while trying to maintain control over him. I need to be in control to feel sexually satisfied. Yet…here we are…fighting for power. ? Typically I win this battle but on this particular night…the Ex Factor did not cum to play. I…am…still shaking. Tasting him. Gently biting him. And so the battle continues. I’m turned on by his determination. I asked him what had gotten into him….and he breathlessly stated that…HE…WAS…FOCUSED! ?? Focused on me and my pleasure. ?? His mission….was to make me climax first….My mission was to FINISH HIM as if in a game of Mortal Combat!!! And so the battle ensues…. I’m riding him harder…but at the same time my body is entering a sea of climatic pleasure. I cannot believe this shit. He’s going to get me….get me to open up in a way I had not in years. Get me to be vulnerable. Get me to lose focus on my mission. Get me to really see him as my ultimate lover. I start to dig my nails into his flesh….now feverishly shaking. There was no fighting it anymore. I was at the mountain top and he had been my guide. Surreal…. He took me there and for the first time in a long while….we made love….in a kind of “I am his and he is mine” way. ?~KJM reminiscing about the last (and most recent) time the Ex Factor and I explored each other. Happy Throwback Thursday! ? True passion derives from us unselfishly aiming to please our partners in every level of life. ?
Sitting in traffic and have time to reveal more of myself to you. There are three months left in the year…. How are you feeling about 2019? For me…the highs were high (like my Vegas Birthday celebration) and the lows were low… financially it was a rough year. Also, I had to cut off or distance myself from some folks that I never thought I would. 2019 was definitely a better year for me than 2018 but it was definitely not my “year of arrival.” You know what I mean….that year that God blesses you in every area of life. ?? I’m still living paycheck to paycheck in a job I can’t stand…and still in a “situationship.” When it comes to end goals for a relationship…I am still not quite clear on marriage and children. Like are they for me? ??♀️ So that’s part of the reason why the Ex Factor gets away with some of the mess he does. ??♀️ BECAUSE I NEED TO BE CERTAIN ABOUT WHAT I WANT BEFORE I DEMAND IT!!!! And I need to be certain on what I’m willing to give to him AND us. Not all women are ready for a serious relationship as early as most. I AM STILL GROWING AND LEARNING. ❤️ BUT I for sure have an idea of how I want my family life, friendships, and money to run!!!! ??♀️ Guess these things are still going to take more time in God’s plan?! Sometimes I wish HE would fill me in on the end goals of my life… lol. Like let me take a sneak peak at HIS blueprint for my life. ??♀️ Now approaching the Lincoln Tunnel and reflecting on the fact that as much as NYC drains and exhausts me at times….I LOVE IT! ?Currently rocking this black see through kimono style jacket with my Blue Bang MAC Lipstick….and I’m ready for the subway. Ready to just be me. No matter what…I know I have a blessed life and I am completely grateful for it. ?? Just reflecting while I sit in traffic. Open to new chapters and more laughter. Open to just enjoy being in love in this present moment. It was never my plan to fall in love with any guy…much less fall in love (and hate at times) with one man for 9 years. Ups and downs…highs and lows….at least I now know that shit is possible. Sitting in the tunnel with my heart beating. ? Present in my own life…through the good and bad. I think that’s what it is all about. ??? ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday! Have a blessed day! Make the most of it!!!!
As the leaves change colors and the crisp Fall air creeps in….so does our season of misunderstandings. Things I never thought twice about in the Summertime…now plague me throughout the night. I am unsure. I am insecure. And yes I can admit that. As the days get shorter and darkness feels permanent….my winter blues appear. And it’s like he forgets EVERY YEAR that these next two seasons will be very challenging for me. There I am…in a midst of confusion….exhausted from the overhaul of darkness. Where is he?! I need him to be more present during these seasons. Darkness breathes instability and no matter how much yoga and meditation I practice….negative thoughts appear. I’m drowning in a sea of “what if’s” and “why me’s?” And like where the hell is he? This is the season I start to question everything and everyone but especially him. My winter blues cannot stand him. Yet…like where…the fuck…is he?! It’s not like I don’t explain this season to him. It’s my season of darkness. I am a daughter of Spring and a woman of Summer….in those two seasons I can handle almost anything. But in Autumn and Winter…I am tired (sometimes from doing nothing), just getting myself up and ready can become a challenge, and I’m drowning in a familiar pool of sorrows with some new twists. And after all these years…he still doesn’t get it. These are the seasons I need him to carry us. I need him to be a voice of reason. I need patience. I need understanding. These things are required from everyone in my life. I often times have to apologize for not being able to show up for people as swiftly as I would like during this season. Sometimes I just need solitude so a lot of unanswered calls occur. I am just trying to put one foot before the other every day without bursting into tears. Yes our Autumn of misunderstandings have arrived and it would be impressive if we didn’t let it destroy us…just one fucking time! So I emerge with hope in my heart…trying to fight that familiar feeling. ~KJM on Charm School Monday. Are any of you winter blues sufferers? Or in the midst of some sort of depression? How are you handling it? My Daddy doesn’t get it but when I say I’m feeling extra emotional…he just smiles and gives me hugs. ❤️