I awoke around 1am…after only sleeping for three hours. Christmas turned out to be peaceful so I had no idea why my spirit had awaken me. Somewhere in my restlessness I dozed off again. And I dreamt him. He was in a black shirt and I was in a red one. We were laying on my couch. I was on top of him…facing the ceiling and he was…holding me. Not in a sexual introduction way. No it was more like he was securing me and…we…were…smiling. No clue what we were pretending to watch…as the television was on in the background. It was clear that we were in a moment…where it was just us. No one else mattered…just the Ex Factor and I. He felt like home…like I was home…and his strength was not weighing me down (like before) but lifting me up. It was a different vibe. No arguing. No words at all. Just him holding me and securing me. That’s what I was dreaming. And what a beautiful dream it was. They say magical things occur on Christmas or in the midst of the Christmas spirit and I’m guessing that’s why God sent me this dream. And I am forever grateful because for a moment…things were my version of perfection. We just were. Not fighting about anything. Just being. In reality, I am still taking my space. I am not sure what my next move will be but it will come to me when it is suppose to. For now, the magic of Christmas fills my soul. ? ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that Love wrapped you in the palm of her hands.
Archives for December 2017
Well I told you we weren’t done with the lessons from the show “Insecure.” In season 2, Lawrence, a single man with a broken heart, starts to fuck other women. ? Right. Smart idea. ? The first woman he met at his bank and of course he screws her over. She is the one who calls out the newly single Lawrence for what he now is…a FUCK BOY! Now you got to watch the show to find out why but here’s what we can take away from this. Back in my day, fuck boys were honest (for the most) about wanting to only fuck. I prefer guys like this (for example Crazy and Phoenix) because you know what you can expect from them…dick and only dick! ?? They know they ain’t shit and immediately share that revelation with the rest of us! ? This is why I never fell for either of them…even though they both gave me a top notch dick down. ??? I understood the rules of the game from the jump and played my position. Crazy and I were friends before and after we had sex…so there was something more there. And in his defense, he did offer me a relationship from day one of us messing around but I turned him down because he was not good enough for me. He wasn’t doing shit with his life and I wasn’t signing up to destroy mine. So friends with benefits worked for us…though there were many bumps in the road. One thing I got to give him is he actually courted me. We dated. Like went on real dates for years but there was no winning me over…I knew what he was….because he told me from the door. And there’s just no reforming a fuck boy unless he truly wants to change for himself. ?? Now back to the modern day fuck boys. Nowadays, fuck boys (much like the Ex Factor) believe in their heart of hearts that they are really good guys! ? Here’s a reality check to these special types of fuck boys…just because you may have been good to one girl/woman who fucked you over…doesn’t erase your fuck boy status for all the other women y’all screwing over! ?? A fuck boy is a fuck boy! Here are 5 ways to realize the game of these new skool fuck boys: 5. HE IS MISTER EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE UNTIL YOU CATCH FEELINGS! When you first meet these pretend guys…they try to be your everything until you catch feelings. Once you start to care…you find out they are as cold as ice. In his mind, he’s a good guy because he at least let’s you know he cares. ?✌?? Motherfucker…keep your care. Bitches ain’t checking for that. You are a waste of fucking time and space. Take your fake care and kiss our asses. A real good dude would never awaken a woman’s love to only back away from it. You are not a good guy! You are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌?4. HE IS NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP (AFTER YOU CATCH FEELINGS)! These weak ass boys have the nerve to think they are honest but they aren’t! If from day one they said they did not want to get into something serious…a woman could respect that. That way we know what we are getting into if we decide to play this game. But noooooo! They wait to drop that bomb on us when we are in too deep then have the nerve to say they were honest with us! But no you weren’t! You hid your true self until you knew you had us! You aren’t an honest dude…you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌? 3. THEIR FEELINGS CHANGE MORE THAN THEIR DRAWS! These motherfuckers are bipolar without being clinical. One day they care and the next they don’t. Got to wonder sometimes if they are really men because I have only known women to change their minds constantly. These assholes should just wear our thongs because a real man knows what he wants and goes after it! A real man has no time for “just for now pussy” and is only after his version of a Michelle Obama to build his empire. If you ain’t about building and/or are tearing things down….you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌? 2. HE IS OR HAS BECOME A NETFLIX AND CHILL DUDE! I am so tired of telling y’all that pussy will always cost! It ain’t free even if it look free! Ladies, a dude who only wants to chill at YOUR crib is a fuck boy! He’s using up your electricity, you water, and your heat! Don’t get me started on what heat costs in the winter time! ? This type of dude is a damn liability! He is using all your resources and only giving you some tired used up penis as payment?! If pussy always costs money…please know that dick is like a Discover card everywhere only MasterCard and Visa are accepted. ??? Dick doesn’t pay for shit so it’s a declined form of payment for our pussy mileage! We are better off kicking it with the dude who can at least afford the 2 for 20 at Applebee’s. If this ain’t you…you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌?1. HE MAKES YOU PAY FOR EVERY OTHER BITCH’S MISTAKE! Once upon of time, these pretend good guys cared about some woman and she dicked them over. The pretend good guy then moves on quickly…burning every bitch at the stake that actually cares about him. A fuck boy makes you pay for another bitch’s sins. Real men acknowledge who hurt them and slowly move on to a greater deeper love. It’s not every woman’s fault what was done to him. A real man knows that good women are still out there and he shouldn’t stop being a good dude because of some bad experiences! ?? A real man knows to choose better the next time he finds love and has all the strength in the world to treat his new woman with all the love, respect, loyalty, and trust she deserves! ?? A fuck boy, on the other hand, is broken and will stay broken. He will leave a trail of broken pussy unless these women see him for what he really is…A FUCK BOY…and they stop dealing with him accordingly! ✌? The worst kind of fuck boy is the one that thinks he is a good person when he really is an ain’t shit dude! If I ever have to deal with fuck boys…I prefer the ones who are honest (with others and with themselves) about who they are! ~KJM on Hump Day! FYI. I am officially retired from dealing with fuck boys!?? “Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
So I call it a lesson learned
My soul has returned
So I call it a lesson learned
Another lesson learned” by Alicia Keys
Recently, I binged watched the HBO show, “Insecure.” First season was okay and second season was great. So many life lessons in it. Today…let’s tackle one…cheating on a good man. Now I know many of you are chastising me for not being against cheating all together but if we women kept it 100 all the time, we would realize that some men never deserved our good pussy followed with loyalty especially when he is dipping out on us. If you are with a dirty dog…it’s best to end the relationship, change your address, and move on with someone better but sometimes shit ain’t that cut and dry. Sometimes shit is crazy messy…even when we did not intend it to be. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the mess. In my opinion, there are two types of women who cheat: (1) the neglected and/or abused one and (2) women who cheat (much like men) because they can get away with it. Out of all the cheating women I have known, most of them fell in the former category more than the latter. The men they loved left them exposed and insecure. These men forgot to value their women and boyfriend number two stepped in to say all the things she has been wanting to hear. ? Also, boyfriend number two most likely was hitting that pussy like he just got out of jail. He HUNGRY…not leaving one taste unsavored when eating the box. ? And we are so desperate to be eaten right even if it’s not from our true love. Boyfriend number 2 never forgets to tell us how beautiful we are and he notices everything about us. If he’s a good boyfriend number 2…he will play his position well with no expectations and just do his fucking job with no drama. That was Phoenix for me. He played his position well and knew he was hired to do a job…and that’s all I’m giving him credit for! ?? But I digress into a place of nasty ecstasy! ? Back to the blog at hand. In the first season of “Insecure,” Issa cheats on her boyfriend of five years, Lawrence. In most aspects, Lawrence appears to be a good guy but he did spend five years living with Issa without marrying her…two of which he was unemployed and she had to support him. ????? For the sake of today’s blog…let’s say Lawrence is a good guy. In order to fully get today’s lesson, flashback with me to my college years at Penn State. WE ARE! ?? A good friend and I sat down and had a discussion about cheating. I won’t say which friend because we are still friends today and are like sisters. But she knows who she is. We made a cheating pact. While neither of us ever thought we could cheat on a guy we cared about, we understood that no one knows themselves in college. Truth be told, no one can ever say what they are going to do in a situation until they are in it! ?? We decided that if we ever cheated on a guy we cared about, we would NEVER tell him and break up with him the next day! Neither one of us wanted to continue hurting that guy…even if he didn’t know. It just so happened that before college was over (for her) and just when college was over (for me)…we both cheated. Her cheating fell into the category of neglect and she kept her word and broke up with her boyfriend the next day without telling him about her moment of betrayal. Then came my turn a couple months later. WAIT FOR IT. In some ways, I was not emotionally cared for and had no security in my pseudo relationship. The only time I have ever PHYSICALLY cheated on a guy was when I cheated with Crazy…mister multiple orgasm himself. The irony was…I never meant to. It was an accident. An orgasmic accident. Technically, I was not in a relationship with either guy but was exclusive in my pseudo relationship. While I cheated accidentally….literally tripped and fell on that dick…I cheated because I could get away with it. ? How do I know this? I did not keep the cheating pact. My pseudo man was away for 30 days when the incident happened. Before he left, I sexed him for hours. Then my slip up happened the first night he was gone and I sexed Crazy for hours. ??? Shout out to the birth control and condom companies. ?? Good looking out! ? This is when I learned that what my Dad said about women was true: we are dangerous creatures when we want to be (our bodies can keep going climax after climax) and when we cheat we hardly get caught because we are smarter than men in this area! ? Oh the shame! ? I would love to say I regretted that day with Crazy but to this day it was the BEST sex I ever had. Intense. Dramatic. Filled with emotions. Bite for bite. Kiss for kiss. Passion for passion. ? It was fucking wrong but I did not ask for it! Yet I am no victim either! ? Crazy followed me home after the club. We didn’t even do it that night. We just slept because he had this thing about not touching me when I drink. It was daybreak that got us. ? So why didn’t I break things off with my pseudo boo when he came back? He had just taken me back after five months of separation for some other shit I did (not cheating). If he knew I slept with someone else…he would forever be done with me and I just couldn’t lose him again…not after I just got him back! ✌? I know it was wrong…very fucking wrong but you cannot cheat on a good man! He will never truly let go of it…unless he’s fucking superhuman! I wasn’t in love with him but I cared deeply for him. He was my one good guy. Guess y’all figured out by now that I stepped out on Jason since I only dated two guys in college. While I don’t regret sleeping with Crazy…I do regret Jason and I not solidifying our renewed relationship. If he had been my boyfriend out right…I don’t think I would have opened the door for Crazy that night. But hey…I can’t be sure. ?Ironically, commitment phobe Crazy thought that having sex (for an entire day?) meant we were back together. You know I had to correct him quickly! ✌?My man would be back in 29 days and I would be there waiting for him. And I was. MORAL OF THE STORY: if you cheat on a GOOD man…he won’t forget it. If he even takes you back…your affair will always be in the back of his mind. And if he leaves you, the next woman will pay for your sins. ?? If you cheat on a BAD man (one that is always cheating on you), he, too, will hold it against you but at least y’all will be even! ??? Men always want to be forgiven but are not big on forgiveness especially when a woman cheats! ?? Honesty can set you free or destroy everything you may be trying to build. The choice is yours. I made mine many years ago and I think I made the right choice by staying silent about it (until now). ?? While I feel like I have grown out of this childish behavior (at least since 2012?), I still have no plans of being loyal to a man that isn’t loyal to me and does not secure me in a REAL relationship. Next time I’m just going to change my address though! Lol. KJM getting really ignorant on Temptation Tuesday. No amount of apologies can make up for cheating. If you are going to continuously do it, leave the person you are cheating on. If you made a mistake, like my friend and I did…the choice is yours (if you want to be honest about it or stay silent). Choose wisely. EDITOR’S NOTE: while I do not use real names in my blogs, I did not feel comfortable disclosing which friend I made the pact with. Most women do not want others to know they cheated. However I will say…I have known many women who cheat and most of the time it’s out of neglect/abuse/confusion…not because they are hoes. No one is perfect and we all have our ways of betraying the people we care about. One sin isn’t greater than the other. ??
Yesterday I got to spend some much needed time with some of my extended family from Virginia/Jamaica. Before they left, I remembered to seize this beautiful memory by taking photos. It was so beautiful. However, I could not help but notice how much bigger I looked. After they left, I got on the scale and realized I not only gained back the 20 lbs I lost last May but I am also now at my highest weight ever. And I know how I got here. Not fully ready to talk about it…not even with you guys but I know how I got here. I just got into survival mode and food helped me with it. If you couple that with my winter blues…well let’s just say I’m not in a healthy place. Often great weight gain or weight loss is just the symptom of a deeper issue. In rare cases, people have weight issues only because they have a problem with food. The issue tends to be something larger and unmasked that people are ashamed to admit. So here I am…in a place of survival…and from the looks of it…I’m losing. I can say I’m going to try Weight Watchers again or try some other program but I’m not. Those programs show people how to have a better relationship with food and that’s not really my issue. Plus I cannot eat like that forever and already understand how the program works even though I’m no longer on it. I have been working out but need to stick to committing to it more even when my work schedule changes. I am just going to start with baby steps and make some changes. I didn’t get to this place overnight and I won’t get out of it overnight. The most important thing I am going to try to do is stay away from toxic people and love some folks from afar. I always tell you guys to protect your peace but I have not been doing such a great job of it. Those pictures showed it. I have to attack the underlining issue. I need to wrap up my grief and join the living again. I need to join the living again. Recently, I just finished binge watching all 7 seasons of Game Of Thrones and am absolutely obsessed with it. The people from the Iron Islands have a religion motto for all Iron born. They say “what is dead may never die. But rise stronger and harder.” These are great words to live by. If what is dead can never truly die…than a painful rebirth is on its way. ~KJM crying as I write this on Serenity Sunday. I pray for a season of rebirth for you all. To Nicole, Jael, and Nicole’s mommy…I love you! ? Editor’s Note: Even when I’m not at the weight I desire…I always dress my best at the weight I am. I have always been smart enough to know that if you don’t love yourself at every stage in life…positive change will never come and stay. Stay healthy my friends and don’t do anything crazy to change your life overnight. Do the work and learn from the process. ?
Yesterday I had a thought. If we treated the living like the dead…most of us would move on sooner rather than later. You see…death is so final. You cannot love one more day nor lay in your lover’s arms….one more time. It is an earthly goodbye…until you meet again on the other side…that is…if you believe in the other side. I know this all sounds so crazy but hear me out. If someone told me that the best part of him was never coming back…letting go would not be easier…but it would be forced upon me. When we lose an earthly love…many of us wait for their return…sometimes secretly. Hoping there will be a rebirth of love…and for some of us…that rebirth does occur. To those folks…I envy you. You get your heart’s truest desire and everything you went through to get to that person was probably worth it. There are times we all sell our souls and betray ourselves. You see for most of us…this betrayal was for nothing. We end up empty and broken. And for what? Many say to learn a lesson but I say I would have rather learned that lesson through reading books…at least then my heart would still be in tact. But I am not God and I don’t make the rules. So to me…one of the unlucky…it would always seem like it was all for nothing. For nothing. Broken for nothing. If someone had sat me down and explained the death of a living person the way my parents explained the death of a loved one…I would not feel so unprepared and lost. If someone had told me that the best parts of him that I had fallen in love with would never return…that it is a final and complete loss…I would be much more prepared to move on. If someone had explained that the mourning of the parts of him that either never existed or no longer exist was natural…I would be much more prepared to say goodbye. Death is so final and a rebirth is so rare and divine. I wish someone had explained that to me. The best parts of him shall not return…and by choice. If someone had said that his transformation cannot be undone unless God, Himself, wills it…I would understand my great loss and begin to grieve. Then I would pick up the pieces and slowly move forward. For death is final. It is final. The Resurrection is only promised to Jesus. For us sinners and lost souls…it is not promised. So why do we waste so much time praying for a rebirth of our lost love? Because we, humans, still cannot fathom the finality of the death of a living person. We only understand when people we love are lowered into their graves or burned into ashes but even then we take parts of them with us. The living breathing death of a relationship gives the falsity of hope. To many of us, it will never seem final but for many of us…it is final. If only we treated the living like we do the dead…then we could move on making peace with the memories we shared with no hopes of ever sharing them again…and save ourselves a lifetime of grief. He isn’t coming back. The best parts of him, my love, have long died. And so the mourning begins…this time understanding that I, too, am forever changed. ~KJM on Flashback Friday. People change for the better…only when they want to…not when we wish them to. ?
This morning I almost canceled my Uber when it said it would take 10 mins to get to me but I didn’t. And thank goodness because JUSTIN was worth the wait! ?? Fine and smelling great. No clue what his nationality was. At 5:30am, I typically ride the bus and train with smelly men (some in suits) that didn’t wash their ass nor put a swig of toothpaste in their mouth! ??? So to see a good looking man smelling great so early (don’t think he had cologne on…his natural scent got me) is such a turn on. While I could imagine myself jumping over the seat and mounting him…I did not. Nor did I come on to him. (This is the time of year I close the pussyshop up in hopes Santa will bring me something great and ignore all my other nasty deeds from in the year?). No sexual harassment here. I just tipped him. Now that’s how it’s done ? ?? #santababy ~KJM on a Throwback Thursday but it’s really feeling like Hump Day?
Most of you have heard of a wishing well….a place where you drop a coin and make a wish. But how many of you have heard of the Missing Well? This is the place where our lost loves go. Sound familiar? It’s the place where our deepest desires are joined with our deepest hurts. The place where a yearning for what could have been occurs. You remember it now? Is it all coming back to you? The times you yearned for that friendship or that relationship to stay in it’s most perfect form. The times your heart hoped and prayed that even in its last hour…true love could survive. That time where you looked out your window hoping your great love would appear once again and speak of things only you two knew. That time…that time…that time that has now abruptly ended. What separates the wishing well from the missing well? The death of hope…hope of what could have been had the universe been more kind. You see…when most stand before a wishing well they are filled with hope that anything is possible. But when one stands at the foot of a missing well…typically they are filled with regrets. The pain of losing a great love is just too much to bare. We miss them. We still love them. But just because our hearts miss them does not mean they belong in our present or our future. You see the wishing well is a forward looking gift while the missing well is an omen of the past. Great loves can cause great pain and not every great pain is worth revisiting. It’s okay to miss them as we move forward…for LOVED has no room in the house of new LOVE. ~KJM feeling nostalgic on Charm School Monday.
To fully understand my quote you must click on the picture that comes with it. QUOTE: #rp I agree with BOTH comments. You see these guys aren’t saying they don’t want a relationship the day they meet you(that I could respect). Instead they wait until you are in love to mind fuck you. So that is abuse. They emotionally have trained us to stay then they pull the bait and switch. But the moment he utters he isn’t ready for a relationship and we are still dating and loving only him…we have signed up to continuously be abused (in my case emotionally and mentally)! Honesty and transparency are what’s missing here. We are already loyal to our abusers by the time the abuse starts. The crazy thing is I grew up around so much domestic violence but always thought I was different from the women in the generation above me. And I’m not. I ain’t never been hit but I’ve been indirectly told I’m less than and I accepted this untrue narrative about myself. To the guys doing this shit…you are abusers because you use our love against us and then tell us it’s our fault we stayed BUT you groomed us to stay. You of course already knew that. I read something recently that said to make the decision to not go back to someone is an EVERYDAY decision and not a one time one. It’s like being a recovering addict for life…and that’s fucking profound ?? ~KJM in the early hours of Serenity Sunday. #blackgirlmagic #blackwomen #blackgirlswhoblog #blacklove
This week I have guided you through dating and love but forgot to mention one important thing. The death of all that could be great starts with our insecurities. There are insecurities others place on us…I find these to be damaging but easier to heal…and then there are the insecurities we place on ourselves…I find these to be downright destructive and almost irreparable without some serious work on ourselves. You see…the latter are the ugly narratives we tell ourselves. Stories of feeling unworthy of all the great things life has to offer. These untrue stories rob us of love, happiness, and joy…for to receive those things in life…the first step is to feel worthy of them. Perhaps the greatest tragedy insecurities give birth to…is ripping from us the gift of being loved for who we are…the joy of others seeing our flaws and yet loving us anyway. When you say ‘I am not worthy’ the universe repays you with those same sentiments. How so? You see…if you are insecure then you cannot trust…not even in yourself. And if you can’t trust…there is no way you can love and be loved! Doubts whisper in your ears frequently until you are barren of all that is good, kind, and true. And what are you left with? Your insecurities of course! To find happiness, we must believe we are worthy and demand all that is great. Mistakes with happen. Self doubt will occur but we, those that are worthy, must find a way to forgive ourselves, understand that we are human, and move forward with love and peace in our hearts. Self love is the birth of all things insecurities attempt to murder. If you can trust in yourself then you can trust in your choices. So what if you loved and got hurt? Hearts are stronger than that! They still beat for love and life despite the pain. So what if you lost yourself for a period of time? All that matters is you found yourself. If you ignore all else that I say…remember this…you cannot love a man truly, openly, and honestly if you are insecure. You will create problems that don’t exist and bring yourself into a deeper level of despair than he ever could bring you. You will search for a monster in the night anticipating that he will harm you when in fact you are destroying yourself. You must be secure in your love for self and in your love for others…no matter the outcome…for only fools try to control love. And I should know better than anyone for I was a fool once. Great loves take great risks. Great risks must be taken without any guarantee of a reward. Love freely and trust that you are worthy of all things great and the universe will respond in kind. ? ~KJM on Flashback Friday. Either trust yourself to trust that man or leave that man alone. ?
I am a single woman out in these streets. I hear it all and just about seen it all. There are some places that many swear by as good places to meet men and I just have to refute some of them. Now if you want any man then any place will do but if you want quality…you may want to avoid these places when on the man hunt (I don’t believe in looking for a man but hey…I get why some women do). Before I get into this list, keep in mind that there are exceptions to every rule and your love story just may be it. ?? Also, I think finding the right person is less about location (or else we would all be running there) and more about luck and blessings! ?? Time to get into this Tom Foolery of a list! Here are the 8 Worst Places To Meet A Guy: 8. THE CLUB! Now I know we have all seen that article about the sista that met a prince in the club but the chances of that being your story is slim to none! I have never thought of a club as a good place to meet guys and maybe that’s why I have not outgrown club life.? To me, the club is a place to dance off stress and kick it with my friends. I don’t look for men there though I did meet one guy in a lounge in NC during the 2008 Democratic Convention but that was just luck. He was cute, hardworking, not crazy, and clearly not the man for me or we would be together. But that’s one positive experience out of the 8 million Lil’ (fill an ugly rapper’s name here) that I have met. And the further South you go…the more they look like they haven’t washed their asses!? So what can you find in the club? Most likely a shitty one night stand but less likely a prince. Lol. ? I wish Essence and XoNecole would stop running that damn article! I’m glad my sista met her prince in the club but let’s keep it all the way real…that’s not where quality men hang out especially as they mature. ?? 7. ONLINE! With just one click the love of your life may be available. ? But why didn’t someone scoop him up already? Could it be the dead bodies buried in his backyard or his fetish for eating those bodies?! ? Now before I go in on online dating let me say two things (1) I tried it and I don’t like it for myself and (2) I do have friends that have successfully met a good partner through it but I’m gonna warn you now…for every online love story…there are hundreds more of psycho stories! I mean men are chopping up and killing women they met online! ? But to back away from these extremes, I have found that people online are meeting folks with severe issues they wouldn’t normally have to deal with if they had met them in the streets. For example, folks who are catfished! Looks may not be everything but making sure that the person you are falling for is the gender you prefer is huge! ? Then there’s the socially awkward folks! Seems harmless at first until you are dating them! ? These are things you typically can pick up on right away if you meet someone in person. Yes people can lie face to face but it’s so much easier and the lie may be so much bigger when you date online! Like I always feel like the guys with no pictures up of themselves are married!!!! ?If you do decide to go this route, meet up ASAP in a safe public place. I prefer day dates for the first date as well. 6. THE GYM! You have a great chance of meeting a very materialistic person at the gym. If you want a gym buff that brags about how many sets and reps he can do…then the gym is the place for you! ? But if you want a man with a thought in his head and a bigger dick size than his arm muscles…stay away from the gym! Yes smart men go to the gym but your treadmill lustful eyes will probably miss them! The gym is a bodies in motion place. Might be suitable for hookups or one night stands (like the club) but I wouldn’t bet on long term. I actually wouldn’t even risk the hookup! It takes me forever to commit…even to a gym membership! I probably do a better job of choosing gyms than I do guys! ?Plus most of us are under a yearly contract so why risk it if the relationship doesn’t work out? I can hear the sound of my automatic monthly debit payments coming out of my account while saying…trick this ain’t the place for love cause you already love your gym, don’t want to have to switch gyms if things don’t work out, and if under contract your old gym (the lustful yet smart business place it is) will still get their money! ? 5. WORK! Now I do have some couples’ friends that met through work but they are few, far, and in between! Work is really a place where a lot of affairs start! Not to mention…many Human Resources employee manuals have chapters written on sexual harassment alone! It’s just not worth your bread if the relationship does not work out! ✌? Work relationships lead to more drama and less marriages! I don’t have the numbers but I feel it in my gut! Lol. 4. WHERE YOU LIVE! Now why the fuck would you want to date someone who lives in your building or next door to you?! Your home is where you are most vulnerable. You want some distance between y’all to grow and…in case the relationship does not work out! Can you imagine having a new guy over when your ex boyfriend lives next door?! ? 3. IN ANOTHER WOMAN’S BED! Ain’t nothing good can be found if your dating pool starts their day in another woman’s bed! ?? Not to mention…you cannot date a married man because…he’s married! ?? Now I definitely tip toed with Phoenix during times he may have been on with his baby mama (this is wrong even in dating) but he always lived on his own, I always left him where I found him, and I never tried to claim him! I am physically and mentally attracted to him but realized that once he had a kid…there’s always going to be a woman waiting on him and it damn sure won’t be me! ✌? One cannot build their happiness off of another’s misery! What’s in that woman’s bed is for her. Stay away from the husbands and try to avoid boyfriends too. Nothing good can be found in another woman’s bed! ?? 2. JAIL! Now I’m irritated I had to even put this one on the list. Free single men are datable men! Locked up ones aren’t! Of course, if you were with your man before he got locked up and want to do a bid with him (wait for him) that’s your choice. However, I am definitely not down for it unless my man got locked up for some Nelson Mandela type shit! If he wasn’t fighting for civil rights…I’m good! ✌? What’s bizarre is some women purposely seek out men in jail! Folks even marrying men locked up for life with no option of parole AND men on death row! ??? Am I missing something? When did jail become the hot spot to find a man? Cross that shit off your list! There are a thousand and one reasons why jail is not a good place to find a good man but really the number one reason should be…he is simply not in a position to be there for you! ?? 1. CHURCH! Now the Christians are going to side eye me for this one. Church is not a good place to meet a man except if your culture/religion promotes arranged marriages. Outside of that one exception…the real pimps and hoes aren’t at the club…they in church! ? Now hear me out. Church is the best game running out in these streets. It mixes the online dating and club dates effect! Many men know that many women want a God fearing man so they run game right up in the church! I have visited churches where all the men are married but a few short years later they are married to younger sistas that they cheated on the first wife with…all from the same church! Leave dating in the church alone! ✌? Pastors cheating. Affairs everywhere! Yes the true sin is up in the church! ? A man can be God fearing and not attend your church. He may have his own place of worship and that’s okay because maybe you both won’t start attending the same church until you are engaged. First and foremost, church is a place of worship! One should not go there for the sole purpose of finding a man. Yes folks do meet in church and get blessed with their union but unless you want to be changing your place of worship every year when a relationship does not work out…I suggest you not treat finding a spouse in your church lightly! Now it gets even better…hold on for this! Besides online dating, I have heard the most bizarre and unfathomable stories in the church. Some of our family friends found out huge lies that the church covered up AFTER they married the person they met there! Nobody keeps secrets like church folks when they want to marry someone off or when they want to bury something! ?? Trust me…I know….I am Catholic! ?Think about it…you can pick just about any scripture in the Bible and misinterpret it to justify any evil deed! ???? Lawd have mercy! ~KJM on Throwback Thursday. Be very careful out there!