Happy Charm School Monday! Every year, around this time, I do my very best to get in shape AND stay in shape. I have had victories and I have had failures. No matter what…I have not given up on my fitness goals. Perhaps…that’s the key…not giving up on ourselves. With that being said, I have had an interesting turn of events. Since March 10, 2019, the day I started my new fitness journey, I have a new found appreciation for yoga. If you recall…this is like my tenth time trying to practice yoga. ??♀️ I typically quit like two weeks in but NOT this time! Here are 5 tips to help you start and stay on your yoga journey: 5. SELECT A YOGA PROGRAM THAT FITS YOUR SCHEDULE AND NEEDS! In the past, I have done yoga DVDS and in person yoga classes. Neither really fit my schedule nor my needs. The DVDs were repetitive and really for more advanced yoga students. On the other hand, the in person classes were overwhelming as they were flooded with advanced yoga students or so it seemed. It’s tough for one yoga instructor to assist twenty to thirty students. Thus, my lack of flexibility, strength, stamina, and patience made it so easy for me to stop attending yoga classes. Each time I would just give up. BUT not this time! I registered for Beach Body On Demand and began my yoga journey. They have a couple beginner yoga programs. I tried their 3 Day Yoga Refresh and their 3 Weeks Yoga Retreat programs. Beach Body On Demand works with my schedule as I can stream any of their programs from anywhere at anytime! ?? Most mornings, I am streaming a yoga class at 4:30am before I start getting ready for work. Thus, Beach Body On Demand will always fit my schedule. Also, I can pause each class and learn a pose at my own pace. The ability to pause yoga lessons is imperative to avoid overextending myself in a way that could cause injury. I can master a pose or take a rest on a pause. 4. MODIFICATIONS, YOGA BLOCKS, AND A GOOD YOGA MAT! One of the great things about Beach Body On Demand is they stress doing modifications (for all of their programs) for people with back injuries, knee injuries, and for folks like me that are not flexible. The modifications for yoga include yoga blocks!!! After streaming one or two yoga classes, I realized that ordering yoga blocks was essential to my mastering beginners yoga. Out of all the yoga DVDS I watched and yoga classes I attended, I don’t remember any instructor stressing doing modifications….especially ones where yoga blocks were needed. Beach Body On Demand highly recommends modifications! This is super important especially when strength training. My yoga blocks have allowed me to achieve the impossible. I could kiss those blocks!? If you are finding yoga or tai chi to be challenging, I highly recommend ordering yoga blocks off of Amazon! GAIAM is the brand I selected after some research. Trust me….you will thank me later! Lastly, make sure you have a decent yoga mat. My original mat was a cheap one from Target or Walmart. It offered little to no support and my joints hurt when I started using it again. Amazon to the rescue!!! I ordered a SIVAN yoga mat that has changed my life! 3. PATIENCE! Now that you have selected your yoga program, have your yoga blocks, and have a good yoga mat….it is time to exude some patience! At the start of any fitness journey, your body has to slowly build up its strength and stamina. What I like about Beach Body’s 3 Weeks Yoga Retreat is all of the yoga instructors stress over and over that our bodies are not perfect. There will be days where we will be able to master certain poses and days when we stumble or fall (hopefully carefully). In the past, I always thought I had to do every pose correctly or yoga was just not for me. Now, however, I know to be patient with my body as it learns. Even with years of experience, the instructors still find certain poses challenging and difficult. I watched some of them stumble! Eureka! My yoga instructors are human too! ?? This knowledge being shared by my instructors allowed me to take the pressure off myself. Patience is truly a virtue and also key to learning anything new. 2. MEAL REPLACEMENT SHAKES! The first couple of weeks of practicing yoga, I just focused on learning. I kept my normal terrible eating habits but just aimed to not over eat. I don’t know about you but I can’t start a new exercise regime AND diet at the same time. God bless anyone who can. ?? I prefer to slowly condition my body and once I’m in a routine then I can start to tailor my eating habits. Last week, I bought a two week supply of Lean Shake 25 from GNC. It is meant to be a meal replacement supplement…NOT the only thing you eat/drink daily. Some days I use it to replace one meal (mostly breakfast after my yoga work out) and other days I don’t use it at all. I have never been into shakes…not even the good fattening kind….so drinking a shake is challenging for me on so many levels. I am a water, ginger ale, and Pepsi person. Juice isn’t my thing either. ??♀️ So I aim to drink at least 75% of the shake. I don’t add anything into it but water. However, many meal replacement shakes encourage us to add milk, fruit, and vegetables. I just choose not to. Since yoga is more of a strength training exercise, weight loss can occur but it is not the goal. Thus, meal replacement shakes can help you lose weight as you strength train. ?? Find one that meets your vitamin content and taste requirements. 1. SLEEP! When I first started my Beach Body On Demand fitness journey, I never meant to only focus on yoga. Then I got hit with a bad bout of insomnia. Yoga was the only exercise I could do at 4:30am or at night that was not draining. I think that is because it has a relaxation component. Yes I was moving slower than usual and had to be careful not to injure myself but I was still able to successfully complete each lesson. Sometimes I had to take breaks and then continue a lesson. Other times, I could not complete a lesson. This is where patience comes in. Ride out the bad days with as many smiles and a sense of gratitude as you do the good days. ?? Finally my insomnia paused and I got some sleep. This is when the scale started moving. I cannot stress how important sleep is even when you are watching what you eat and exercising. The body needs rest to lose weight and get fit. If you remember nothing else I say…please remember this. Your body cannot function properly without an adequate amount of sleep. Once I started sleeping, combined with practicing yoga everyday, I went from 210 pounds (my highest weight ever) to 204.5 pounds! ?? Small victory but still an impressive victory given the challenges I have faced for almost two months. ~KJM on Charm School Monday! Never forget that small victories add up to huge wins over time. Please try to yoga (or any exercise you prefer) every damn day with me….even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day! ? EDITOR’S NOTE: Please consult your physician when starting a new diet and exercise plan. Everything in this blog is based on my own personal experiences and is meant for entertainment purposes only. One Love❤️
Archives for April 2019
I don’t think I was purposely trying to….well. Perhaps I had just not thought that far ahead but here I am…5.5 months into being celibate. I know! I know! Celibacy is not a word most folks like. Every time I take time off from sex, it has always been MY CHOICE! Remember….one of my mottos is “dick always falls out the sky.” ? Any woman can get laid any time. Matter of fact…we get laid more easily than men. Women don’t have to caress nor convince men to have sex. We don’t need to ply them with liquor nor whisper corny lines in men’s ears. All we women have to do..is simply be ourselves…to get laid. Now to get a true and meaningful relationship is another story! ??♀️ Trust and believe though…that guys are such horny creatures that just a woman’s sneeze could turn them on. ? Don’t ask me why men are so simple…I think it has something to do with the law of physics or some shit like that. ??♀️ Men are just basic horny creatures that typically masquerade as something or….someone else. Now I know my male readers are side eyeing me but please be honest with yourselves. At one time or another…until you decided to mature…that is…if you decided to mature…y’all were all basic horny creatures. ?? The truth shall set you free! Oh crap…I digress. Where was I? Oh yes…my own celibacy. I wish I could say I am celibate because I am on a journey to find my husband. ??♀️ But no. I don’t believe in that unless my future husband is out there celibate and waiting for me too. I have told y’all time and time again…to say NO to community penis. ✌? I hope to never call community penis my husband. I know he would have been around the block…but his mileage still matters to me! I refuse to be at praise and worship at church on Sundays knowing most of the female (and in this day and age…possibly male ?) congregation done had my husband. ??? I am just…not the one. ✌? Anyways, back to why am I celibate. Truth be told, I have just been preoccupied with other stresses and been playing way too hard with my mini Shibari vibrator! Ohhhh…Chile…that thing is the truth. Makes me cum 30 seconds or less every time.?? I don’t even have to have a nasty dvd on (like I did with my old vibrator, Gold Member). Thanks to Amazon’s fast shipping and handling…Bullet (the mini Shibari) keeps me well satisfied. All these months though…got me to thinking. How does sex with a man measure up to screwing yourself with a vibrator? Hmmm….for a long time Bullet was winning the race. I mean…a vibrator making me cum faster than a speeding bullet is everything a woman could ask for. On the other hand, nicknaming a man…Bullet….well…I don’t need to tell you what that name possibly says about your current sex partner. ? Bullet, the vibrator that is, cannot lie, cheat, nor mislead. Bullet’s only intentions are to relax women and make them climax HARD and LONG! ?? Now a man…generally…comes (no pun intended) with lots of disappointments. ??♀️ I think this is where love comes in. A vibrator cannot love ever…but then neither can some men. ??♀️ Hmmm….okay so far the vibrator has 4 points and men got 2 (the possibility of love with a climax). But can love alone outdo a vibrator that cannot lie, cannot cheat, cannot mislead, and its only job is to relax women as they achieve their ultimate orgasm?! This is a difficult analysis. So many women bury the need for an orgasm in love. We typically put men’s needs and sexual desires ahead of ours. Don’t believe me? I had a hard time finding a masturbation meme with a woman on it!!! Most masturbation memes (on Pinterest) were filled with pictures and quotes about men. On the flip side, when I was looking for a celibacy meme….all I saw were pictures and quotes about women! Oh the double standards! My sexual pleasure is not just for a man. It is for me first! I am invested in each one of my climaxes! My body should please me first before ever pleasing him. Yet society still tries to sell women as virgins and men as sluts who cannot help themselves! ??? With all that being said, there are some caring men out there who are capable of love and giving a woman a little tossed salad every now and then! ?? If you are lucky enough to find a man who loves you, respects you, eats the box, and puts your pleasure before his….this type of man will always out climax the vibrator. For the rest of us unlucky bitches….the mini Shibari it is! Better to fuck yourself than get fucked by a fuck boy! ?? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday! I don’t quite have it down to a science but there you have it….my social experiment of man vs. vibrator. ?
I know it has been a while. Something (family related) happened to me in 2018 that I have not fully bounced back from. Some days, I am still in love with blogging and other days (now more than ever), I let that “a day late and a dollar short feeling” take over my whole being. Have you ever felt this way? Completely lost while it seems like other folks have everything down pact? I go on these long rants that my good friend, Lioness, entertains instead of hanging up on me. ? I am convinced that I am having my fourth midlife crises…that is…over the last ten years! ??♀️ Looking around me and everyone appears to be excelling. Yet, here I am, just struggling to put words on a piece of paper. Writing use to come so easily to me. I hate to say it but I’m like Keyshia Cole and Adele….when I’m heartbroken…you are going to get great shit out of my writing. Sorry about your pending divorce Adele. Chin up and pen in motion. Not everybody’s life is art when things are falling apart. Most of us are just a damn mess and can’t quite explain why that is…even years after our messy breakups. So we keep you in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time but also keep our credit cards warm for when that next heartbreakingly brilliant album drops. ??♀️ But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes….drowning in my own sorrows as I compare my life to others. ? Comparisons of ourselves and others are a form of destructive behavior. I mean….how do I know that I am a day late and a dollar short?! How do I know that others are not falling apart too but their Instagram pictures carefully hide it? Why do I feel like I’m the only one lost? I mean…I know where I want to go but have no clue how to get there. Maybe I’m not completely lost….I just keep circling aisle two in the supermarket…always forgetting what ingredients I need! ??♀️ This kind of shit does happen to other people right? But I take it so personally like life just sent me an unexpected f*ck you text! Don’t believe? This year marks my 20th year since high school graduation and my 10th year since graduation from graduate school. I have no plans of attending either reunion. I feel like I am not where I want to be so f*ck pretending! Still don’t believe me? For the last couple years, I have battled with losing weight and getting in shape. I have failed time and time again and put on even more weight. Thank goodness for my genetics or it would show more. This Lenten season, which will be over tomorrow, I decided to get fit for Jesus and pick up yoga for the 10th time! In a little over a month, I have had some pretty good results (non scale victories) that I have documented through photos. Yet I have no plans of sharing them until I’m sure that I am serious about getting in shape. At first I started off running, doing yoga, and doing other cardio activities during the week. My plan was to do something fitness related for at least 15 minutes a day. Six days of the week, that 15 minutes or more would be dedicated to real fitness. On the seventh day (any day I choose as a rest day), anything I do can been seen as getting fit…like laundry for a couple of hours or taking the long way to walk to work. This was my plan. At the beginning of April, however, a terrible bout of insomnia hit me and yoga ended up being the only exercise I could do at 4:30am that did not drain me. Sleep is so important to the fitness process and with no sleep…progress is slow. But I stayed the course and kept my promise because during Lent I can do anything for Jesus. Outside of Lent though….??♀️ This is how personally I take life’s hardships. If I don’t feel I’m living out my life’s purpose and am successful at it…then I don’t want to share. Hence my writing block in parts of 2018 and 2019. The one area I do not mind publicly failing at is relationships….because like who gets those right anyways?! ??♀️ Speaking of, in 2019, I have no plans of dating and everyone down to my GYN is asking why! I keep hearing….”use your youth while you got it.” Oh and “vet everyone you date” like I’m suppose to be interviewing guys for a job. ? Then I get asked if I’m heartbroken? ??♀️ To be honest…the Ex Factor situation has left me numb. To be even more crystal clear…I got bigger shit to worry about. I need 2019 to be a “I got 99 problems but a f*ck boy ain’t one” type of year. Whoa Chile…..that’s a word right there. ?? I am like most of the world. I loved and it was not returned. It did not work out. I got my shit together and I moved forward. I could care less who he is dating and what he is doing. I’m not going to be out there revenge dating. I will date when I’m ready to. And if this yoga stuff works out….I may have some extra time to date before my tits start sagging! ?? Besides, I believe in love at first sight. If my true love is smart…he’s out there getting himself ready for me too and not turning into community penis. I may f*ck a male hoe (especially in my younger days) but I won’t knowingly fall for nor knowingly marry one. I don’t love them hoes. Dick should be mostly mine and only mine (just with a few lovers before me). But I digress again. Where was I? Oh yes…on the topic of comparisons. I need to just stop doing that shit!!!!! ✌? ~KJM on Serenity Saturday….the day before Easter. A good time to say….”Forgive me Lord for I have sinned.” ??♀️ Got to reduce how much I curse. ?