I know it has been a while. Something (family related) happened to me in 2018 that I have not fully bounced back from. Some days, I am still in love with blogging and other days (now more than ever), I let that “a day late and a dollar short feeling” take over my whole being. Have you ever felt this way? Completely lost while it seems like other folks have everything down pact? I go on these long rants that my good friend, Lioness, entertains instead of hanging up on me. ? I am convinced that I am having my fourth midlife crises…that is…over the last ten years! ??♀️ Looking around me and everyone appears to be excelling. Yet, here I am, just struggling to put words on a piece of paper. Writing use to come so easily to me. I hate to say it but I’m like Keyshia Cole and Adele….when I’m heartbroken…you are going to get great shit out of my writing. Sorry about your pending divorce Adele. Chin up and pen in motion. Not everybody’s life is art when things are falling apart. Most of us are just a damn mess and can’t quite explain why that is…even years after our messy breakups. So we keep you in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time but also keep our credit cards warm for when that next heartbreakingly brilliant album drops. ??♀️ But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes….drowning in my own sorrows as I compare my life to others. ? Comparisons of ourselves and others are a form of destructive behavior. I mean….how do I know that I am a day late and a dollar short?! How do I know that others are not falling apart too but their Instagram pictures carefully hide it? Why do I feel like I’m the only one lost? I mean…I know where I want to go but have no clue how to get there. Maybe I’m not completely lost….I just keep circling aisle two in the supermarket…always forgetting what ingredients I need! ??♀️ This kind of shit does happen to other people right? But I take it so personally like life just sent me an unexpected f*ck you text! Don’t believe? This year marks my 20th year since high school graduation and my 10th year since graduation from graduate school. I have no plans of attending either reunion. I feel like I am not where I want to be so f*ck pretending! Still don’t believe me? For the last couple years, I have battled with losing weight and getting in shape. I have failed time and time again and put on even more weight. Thank goodness for my genetics or it would show more. This Lenten season, which will be over tomorrow, I decided to get fit for Jesus and pick up yoga for the 10th time! In a little over a month, I have had some pretty good results (non scale victories) that I have documented through photos. Yet I have no plans of sharing them until I’m sure that I am serious about getting in shape. At first I started off running, doing yoga, and doing other cardio activities during the week. My plan was to do something fitness related for at least 15 minutes a day. Six days of the week, that 15 minutes or more would be dedicated to real fitness. On the seventh day (any day I choose as a rest day), anything I do can been seen as getting fit…like laundry for a couple of hours or taking the long way to walk to work. This was my plan. At the beginning of April, however, a terrible bout of insomnia hit me and yoga ended up being the only exercise I could do at 4:30am that did not drain me. Sleep is so important to the fitness process and with no sleep…progress is slow. But I stayed the course and kept my promise because during Lent I can do anything for Jesus. Outside of Lent though….??♀️ This is how personally I take life’s hardships. If I don’t feel I’m living out my life’s purpose and am successful at it…then I don’t want to share. Hence my writing block in parts of 2018 and 2019. The one area I do not mind publicly failing at is relationships….because like who gets those right anyways?! ??♀️ Speaking of, in 2019, I have no plans of dating and everyone down to my GYN is asking why! I keep hearing….”use your youth while you got it.” Oh and “vet everyone you date” like I’m suppose to be interviewing guys for a job. ? Then I get asked if I’m heartbroken? ??♀️ To be honest…the Ex Factor situation has left me numb. To be even more crystal clear…I got bigger shit to worry about. I need 2019 to be a “I got 99 problems but a f*ck boy ain’t one” type of year. Whoa Chile…..that’s a word right there. ?? I am like most of the world. I loved and it was not returned. It did not work out. I got my shit together and I moved forward. I could care less who he is dating and what he is doing. I’m not going to be out there revenge dating. I will date when I’m ready to. And if this yoga stuff works out….I may have some extra time to date before my tits start sagging! ?? Besides, I believe in love at first sight. If my true love is smart…he’s out there getting himself ready for me too and not turning into community penis. I may f*ck a male hoe (especially in my younger days) but I won’t knowingly fall for nor knowingly marry one. I don’t love them hoes. Dick should be mostly mine and only mine (just with a few lovers before me). But I digress again. Where was I? Oh yes…on the topic of comparisons. I need to just stop doing that shit!!!!! ✌? ~KJM on Serenity Saturday….the day before Easter. A good time to say….”Forgive me Lord for I have sinned.” ??♀️ Got to reduce how much I curse. ?