“I know a dude named Jimmy”….we met while I was in graduate school. Prior to meeting Jimmy, I spent 2 years being celibate (unless you count the endless amount of time I spent pleasuring myself?). Jimmy was cute and sweet but since I had sworn off men for the last two years…I wasn’t trying to get into a serious relationship. He tried to date me but I insisted he just fuck me. Jimmy cooked for me and sexed me whenever I wanted. Did I mention how fine he was?! He had a built body tattooed out. I didn’t even know what part of his body to start at when fucking him. I could look at him all day and while he was not a school person, Jimmy had a trade and ambition to go with it. All in all Jimmy was a nice get my feet wet and get back in the game gift. He had one flaw though. Jimmy had a crazy ex girlfriend who just couldn’t let go. He rarely spoke of her but said they were still friends. She also let her social network presence be known all over his page. Still I stayed cool because I’m just fucking him right? One weekend I went away to attend a friend’s wedding. I text Jimmy while I was there but he seemed very distant…even downright distracted…which was very unlike him. When I got back in town, Jimmy wasn’t replying to my texts so I decided to catch the movie “The Family That Preys” at a theater near Jimmy’s apartment. Now I know what you are thinking…no I was not stalking Jimmy! The movie had been out for a long time and as luck would have it…the only theater still showing it was a small one near Jimmy’s place. As I was making the 30 minute drive, I even joked about running into him but never in my mind did I really think I would spot Jimmy there! After the movie let out, my two friends and I stood in front of the theater…just in time to see Jimmy and his ex girlfriend pull up to look closely at the movie times. Wtf?! One of my homegirls walked up to the car and started pointing and yelling. All I could do was stand there laughing. I mean he wasn’t my man but we did say we were only sleeping with each other. So I stared them down laughing. Jimmy got scared and sped off. I highly doubt that they went back to see any movie. When I got to my friend’s apartment, Jimmy sent me a string of texts explaining that he was just hanging out with his ex girlfriend as a friend. It took me 3 weeks to reply. Yea I played it cool and I let him stew in his juices. If you gonna do dirt…do it right. Silly rabbit! When I finally replied to him, I never asked about the situation…that was a much needed in person conversation. Instead, I asked him to escort me somewhere. Unfortunately, he was out of town. From that point, he started blowing me up and asking to see me. I finally agreed that he could come over one Sunday evening to talk. As Lady Luck would have it, he arrived at my place after having dinner with his sister and best friend at an Ale House. Jimmy came in and I proceeded to sit on his lap. That’s when I told him to tighten up his game and do better! I’m not going to be out in these streets looking crazy! After all…I’m Kingston Jael! Don’t get your dick cut off! Sort of kidding here. Lol. The old me didn’t play. Jimmy swore he wasn’t back with his ex girlfriend and wanted to work things out. I took his word for it because I knew I could replace him easily if his facts didn’t check out over time. He hug me and then got up to leave. Oh no Jimmy! You not wasting my evening with just talk! Fuck me now! So I took him to my bedroom to seduce him….only…his dick couldn’t get up. This had never happened before. I was puzzled! I know this dude didn’t fuck someone else before he came to my apartment?! Thinking of reaching for a pair of scissors…I started to hear Jimmy’s belly rumbling. Not the kind of rumble from hunger…more light bubbling. Then beads of sweat started to collect on Jimmy’s forehead and roll down his face! I asked him if he was feeling okay and he said no and thought he should go home. I was down with him leaving because I don’t take care of men! If he can’t fuck me then he can’t lay in my queen size bed! I’d rather lay alone! So Jimmy left and….I of course did what every woman would do in that situation…started texting my girlfriends about my evening. Before I could send the first text, however, Jimmy called me. His voice was low…almost in a whisper! And then…he said he had made it to the exit of my complex but knew there was no way he was going to be able to do the 30 minute drive home without shitting on himself! I swear…I can’t make this shit up! So Jimmy came back to my place and used my bathroom! He was in there for over an hour…at one point I even heard him in my toilet tank! What the fuck? Did this Motherfucker really break my toilet?! I laid on my bed…texting my girlfriends play by play or more like shit by shit! I wanted to punish Jimmy for trying to play me but KARMA had an even better idea! Shits of indiscretions! That’s what this blog should have been called! When Jimmy finally exited my bathroom, he quickly left. I’m glad he knew he couldn’t lay his shitty ass in my bed! But Jimmy did leave something behind…my fucking bath towel was soaking wet! To this day, I’m not sure how it got wet! From afar, it didn’t smell like shit but he was in my toilet tank! Was there an over flow?! My floors weren’t wet. Did he wash up? I sure hope so not just because that’s the best plausible scenario but also because it sounded like shit was flying left and right in my bathroom! Fml! ~KJM on Flashback Friday saying thank goodness Karma is a bitch! She got Jimmy well! Shout out to Lil Kim for first introducing us to her Jimmy in the 90s: “I know a dude named Jimmy used to run up in me Night time pissy drunk off the henny remy I didn’t mind it, when he fucked me from behind It felt fine, especially when he used to grind it”~ Lil Kim’s “Not Tonight.”
Archives for April 2016
Yesterday this feeling snuck up on me out of no where. I was just driving and saw two places that reminded me of you. In the last 8 months, I never let myself go there. I read your texts…numb. I ignored your Facebook requests…numb. I blocked you a few times via phone so I could stay numb. Then something happened…life went on and I felt very alive. You were not the source of my happiness…only I could bring myself happiness but at times you were the source of deep sadness. I felt free of you and our dead end relationship. When I walked away, I began to heal my own heart. Holes you had left there with the intentions of keeping me in pieces were actually easily filled. They were filled with happy hours, family events, and travels. It was like I was seeing the world for the first time but without baggage. I could dream again without anyone trying to hold me back. And though my life is not perfect, walking away was the best decision I ever made. Oh I watched the sun rise with hope in my eyes and watched the sun set with faith in my heart. Everything felt like the first time. A new chapter that could be written anyway I wanted. Yes it was freeing. That was my last 8 months without you. I never had a moment where I wanted to turn back but I’ve surly had moments where I asked myself why I didn’t leave sooner?! Recently, I read a quote that says “people leave our lives when we have learned all we can from them.” For some reason, I needed to date you for 5 years to learn what I want out of a man. Yesterday, I thought love was enough. Today, I realized that I want a man who can say sorry sincerely and work on himself as I work on myself. One who can own up to his mistakes and learn from them. Yesterday, I thought my love could get us through anything. Today, I now know that we needed faith, hope, love, trust, and respect. Love alone cannot survive without being watered by faith, hope, trust, and respect. Yesterday, I thought laying in your arms and trusting you to lead us was enough. Today, I see that a man cannot lead if he has no idea where he himself is going. Yesterday, I heard people say love is blind. Today, I know that is simply not true….that’s why it was so hard to get over you these last couple years. My eyes were open and I realized I signed up for heartache the first 3.5 months into us dating. I did that…stuck around for dead end promises…knowing damn well there was no home here for me. Yesterday, I was ashamed of what I endured. Today, I take the lessons learned and apply them to my current dating life. I can love and be loyal to a man…that’s what Elijah taught me! My past indiscretions usually occurred after yours were brought to light. When there’s no you in my life, I’m no longer broken. I’m free and flying! Yesterday, I did miss some of the life we had together. Visuals and imagery can do that. But today, I’m filled with so much hope and faith…that there’s no gift Yesterday brought that Today cannot produce…and more! ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday saying never settle for less than what you are worth!?
It’s Serenity Saturday and as always, I hope you are doing something to honor yourself today. May you go after all the beautiful things God intended for you. May you embrace moments of change as you would the sun rising over a mountain. May you be present in everything you do and let each step have purpose. And if you stumble, know that it is all a part of the journey. Be blessed my friends! ~KJM on Serenity Saturday.
It’s been 7 months since I started on this journey and thus far, it’s been beautiful! Just in case some of you are thinking about starting your own blog, here are 10 things I want you to know about my life as a blogger:
10. WHY I BLOG: What really pushed me to start blogging after years of friends and associates asking me to…was the sudden death of a friend, Michele. The only way I could even begin to deal with my grief was to do things in honor of Michele like leave a 5 year dead end relationship (the Ex Factor) and start this blog! Her death pushed my life into full force. There is no way I could continue to sit on the sidelines of my own life! I needed to push forward into the unknown and with Willow’s and Nicole’s (Jael’s mom) emotional support, I began…first on Tumblr and then now with my own site! To God Be The Glory! What a ride it’s been so far!
9. HOW I BLOG: For years I’ve been a free lance editor for family and friends. When I was younger, all I ever did was read and write stories. With a demanding day job, I never thought I would have time to keep up with this blog but it’s actually been quite easy. I free style blog….meaning I almost never know what I’m going to blog about and I do not do an outline. Most of the time, it’s on my morning commute (bus it and train it life), that I blog to you almost in real time! I don’t have a clue what I’m about to say, each blog generally takes about 30-45 minutes to write and proofread, and I never know how the story ends! I just speak from my heart and I write to all my readers as if you are all my friends! While I only have a few subscribers thus far, I’ve a nice fan base of loyal readers all over the world! That’s right! I’m able to see what countries are reading my blog. This is a great time to shout Brazil out! You guys love my blogs…especially the sex ones! Big ups to you!
8. I HAVE A BLOG MENTOR: Toi from ToiTime has been an awesome mentor. We actually discuss the obstacles of blogging and my personal life since we are both bloggers and friends! WE ARE! PENN STATE! It helps to have at least one person you can talk to that knows exactly what you are going through as you let people into your life! My first negative feedback hit me hard and it was Toi and my brother, Junior, that made me realize that streets talking can be a very good thing and to take that feedback constructively and not personally!
7. MY WRITING STYLE: Writing is my true love. While I have many styles of writing, I chose to write in my natural urban style! I curse like a sailor and a truck driver all put together but that’s me in my moment! I try to keep my emotions raw for my audience because my blog is NOT about perfection! It’s my life’s journey and that shit is raw!
6. MY BIGGEST SUPPORTER: Hands down that would be Willow! There are times I’m literally breaking as a human being and want to stop blogging and Willow sends me a text saying even if I’m going to Hong Kong, they have laptops there so I better not stop blogging! She pushes me and supports me. If I’m breaking, she’s like…write about that because we all break at times! Willow says the most time I can take off from blogging is a week but a month is simply unacceptable! She believes that I have God given talent! That warms my heart to no end and that’s exactly why I never took a blog hiatus for a month like I threatened to a few months ago!
5. MY GREATEST CHALLENGE: When people entrust me to tell their stories! Willow has fully opened up her life and allowed me to share some highlights and lowlights. When I wrote her Domestic Violence blog, there were chills going up and down my spine! My hands were shaking and I just kept thinking…I can’t get this wrong…I don’t want to get this wrong! DV is a topic true to my life. I have lived it, second hand, since I was a child. Getting Willow’s story out there was important but I feared what her thoughts would be when she finally read it. Did I capture her true emotions? Did I share too much? Was it hard for her reading this blog? But Willow, as always, emerged with strength and character. If her story could help just one person, then it was worth it! I agree with her! Willow, thanks for letting us in your life! And thank you for your support!
4. IS THIS A LIFESTYLE BLOG: To be honest, when I first started this blog, I didn’t have a clue the direction. You guys are living out my day to day with me! I guess the closest thing it could be called is a lifestyle blog but I prefer to call it “a don’t forget to live your life in style” blog! My goal is to show you that through the ups and downs you must be present in your life! It’s your life! You must actively participate, fight for it, and live it out in a way that brings you honor! That’s really my goal.
3. BIGGEST MISTAKE: Elijah! While talking about past boyfriends made sense, opening up the door to my present love life was risky! People had something to say every step of the way. And when it didn’t work out…it was more embarrassing for me than it was devastating. If it had worked out, you guys would have seen our love story play out from the beginning but it didn’t so that got me thinking. My current personal life is going to be off limits. Don’t worry! I have lots of juicy stuff to talk about from my past!
2. WHAT I LOVE ABOUT BLOGGING: On days I didn’t want to get out of bed, this blog kept me going. Writing about pain and hurt is actually very therapeutic! I actually think this blog helped me heal from my past hurts with the Ex Factor! As I opened up more about what those 5 years with him was like, I started to feel free of the hurts and disappointments. Each word of each chapter…set me free…free to love again and I’m forever grateful.
1. WHY THE ALIAS: I don’t think of Kingston Jael Michaels as an alias. She’s who I really am when I lay in my naked truth! I don’t have to get clothed when company comes over because KJM allows me to stand tall in all my naked glory! Kingston is me and that’s why writing under that name speaks to the truth of who I am. ~KJM on Flashback Friday. Thank you to all my readers for these last 7 months! The journey has been great and I can’t wait to see the blog continue to grow! It’s my baby!
Selfish! Picky! Miss never satisfied! Too career oriented! I’ve been called these things by women my entire life…and I laugh. Selfish because children and marriage are not a must for me. Picky because I’ve dumped so many guys for MY deal breakers (not the deal breakers of friends and family). Miss never satisfied because I’m always searching for a better version of myself which leads me to search for a better version of my current boyfriend. Too career oriented because I do have a career and spent a great deal of time in school that it seems my eggs will never be used because they are stuck reading some book and researching life! These comments don’t bother me one bit but they are misinformed. Here are 5 myths about myself that I’ve debunked for my readers:
5. SELFISH! I know most men will cringe when they read this but I was not raised to be a wife and mother! The Michaels just raised me to be me in whatever shape and form that makes me happy. This year my parents are celebrating 33 years of marriage and though shit is far from perfect…I clearly grew up in a two parent (married) household. My mother would love to see me happily married but she doesn’t push. And Papa Michaels tells me everyday that I’m the best daughter I could be…so for him whatever I do brings him happiness. They brought me to the United States when I was 3 years old. Their dream for me was an unlimited one. Like I always jokingly tell people, ‘I came here documented so that means I’m in no rush to marry!’ There’s a misconception that I’m not open to marriage and a family. I have become very open since 2015. Lol. Yea it’s a brand new feeling. And it has little to do with age and more to do with some of the things the ex factor (when he was at his best) brought out in me. I loved him (for better or for worst) more than I’ve loved any other man I’ve dated. The potential I saw in him was more than I saw in anyone else. But there came a point where I had to acknowledge that that potential is for another woman. My gut tells me I’m not meant to be his wife and the mother of his children and I walked away being okay with that. I moved on and slowly started to fall for Elijah…though I never fully gave Elijah my heart. I tried to but at the end of the day, something always felt off. Selfish to me is to marry a man and have a family just because women around me feel I should! That’s beyond silly. If I ever embark on either marriage and/or parenthood…it will be on MY terms. So maybe that is selfish of me to just live to only please myself. How dare I? Lol.
4. PICKY! I’ve had people say to me that I don’t really know what I want…I just know what I don’t want. There’s some truth to that. I had no idea I had an issue with cheap men until I met Elijah! I did, however, know his controlling ways weren’t going to work for me but I still tried to make it work. I will agree that what one wants and what they don’t want doesn’t always amount to the same things. But who the hell knows everything they want? My analysis always starts with me. Everyday I’m learning more and more what I want in a spouse. And yes the list is long but I don’t ask anything out of any man that I’m not willing to do for him in our relationship. 2015 and on…I’m on the relationship tip. I have room for a good boyfriend in my life now. So prior to 2015, I may have broken up with some guys because it was a windy day and then again…some of them motherfuckers had to go! I have no regrets about the men I’ve left. If it was meant to be…it would have been. Just having a man ain’t enough! It has to feel right and with all those in my past…it never quite felt right. So on to the NEXT! And trust me….there is already a NEXT! Slow and steady wins the race! I’m in no rush to do a thing but live for myself!
3. MISS NEVER SATISFIED! I’m very high maintenance when it comes to how I treat myself. For example, I take myself on the best vacations, I have routine manicure and pedicure days, and I regularly schedule ME time for myself! Yes ME time even though I’m single! It’s time where I’m not working, working out, nor doing things for others. It’s my meditation time during some of my favorite activities like traveling! So I’m never satisfied with how I please and pamper myself but I expect nothing from others. I do for myself always. I’ve learned that no one celebrates me like I do. So the “never satisfied with a man” is a myth. I just want my boyfriend to be the best version of himself and bring that into our relationship. If I don’t feel it and see it…I’m out eventually. Maybe I should be titled “Miss Never Settle?” Lol.
2. TOO CAREER ORIENTED! I’m laughing just writing this one! Yes I’ve been blessed to have a career but it’s not my true passion. I’m more excited about blogging! No career is taking me away from husband and family life. If you know me personally, you know that if I want something, I make it happen. I’m just letting God decide if it’s meant to happen. I’m open but if it doesn’t happen…I’m open to that too. Apparently this concept makes many women uncomfortable. That’s really a shame since I’m pretty happy with my life.
1. THE BIOLOGICAL CLOCK (A BONUS)! I think it’s a myth that all women have a biological clock. I’m almost 35 and while Auntie Kingston loves the kids, there’s never been one I’ve held that makes me want to go out and get pregnant. I’m convinced I don’t have a biological clock. Either that or it may tick when I’m like 60…at which point I’m prepared to get a puppy. Lol. ~KJM on Hump Day saying there’s more to me than what meets the eye. I do want it all but am prepared if I don’t get it all. What I won’t do is not aim high just because society tells me I should just be happy some man wants to marry me. I sure feel like burning a bra after writing this blog! “I am woman! Hear me roar!” Lmao!
When people ask me how I’ve managed to be 34 and never been pregnant, my answer is simple: (1) I work very long hours, (2) I’ve been on birth control since I was 21 years old and to be honest even if it fell in the toilet, I would easily grab that shit (no pun intended) and take it, (3) I get turned off by men easily especially cheating and/or cheap men, (4) I have my black belt in masturbation, and (5) I guard my womb like the secret service guards the President! If I’m unsure about a relationship, I may still be with that man but I’ve no qualms about keeping my Kitty Kat to myself! ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying learn how to make your own Kitty Kat purr and wait for the right one while the wrong one…suffers??
To get you ready for your work week…Kingston Expressions wants to leave you with an exciting yet drying visual. Every time Willow had sex with Tom, once it was over, she would immediately (and in front of him) pull out her vibrator and use it until she climaxed. With beads of sweat on her forehead, Willow would finish the job…Tom was never equipped to. To be completely honest, Tom was the worst lover she had ever had. Sex with him always left her wanting more….more than the two minutes of selfish, boring, and drying sex they had. I asked her how Tom felt…watching her pleasure herself after they had just done it. She said each time he looked on in horror ? but she didn’t care because she had to get hers from somewhere! Willow, Kingston Expressions salute you! I cringed just writing this! Can’t imagine living it out. However, for my readers experiencing something similar, all is not lost! There is a silver moist lining! Since leaving Tom, Willow has gone on to have amazing sex with her now husband! ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying sex isn’t everything but let’s be real…it is important in a relationship. If he gets his and you never get yours, that relationship will probably not survive! Run and purchase a vibrator! Single life is better than dry pussy life❤️
The listening ear is the kindest and most loving lifejacket you can give a loved one during times of heartbreak. I wish more people would do that….just listen. ~KJM’s quote of the week on Serenity Saturday.
In the last month, I’ve made some major changes in my life. Personally and professionally, I’m evolving as a woman. Often people want me to stay the same…for them but I can’t. I’m a Gemini and that equals being unpredictable every step of the way. This week, in particular, I tackled a list of things that I’ve been putting off for too long. As I got to each task, there was this little voice that said ‘you have no clue what you are doing but you can’t stay here any longer…you have to move on.’ So I rolled my sleeves up and got uncomfortable as I slowly embraced issues I have been avoiding. Are there things in your life that you are putting off because of fear? If so, get to that list and start making changes! No one said growth was easy nor fun! As a matter of fact, the more uncomfortable you make yourself is the less complacent you will be in life. Is there a job you always wanted? Want to go back to school? Ready to leave a relationship? Ready to start a new relationship? Ready to move? Well don’t wait! You only have one life to live and the time is NOW! I truly hope you enjoyed taking a trip down memory lane with Willow and I this week. I hope we made you laugh, cry, and more importantly, think about the direction of your lives. Be good to yourselves and never be afraid to put yourself first! ~KJM on Serenity Saturday?
I once asked my Aunt Jennifer what made her finally leave her abuser after being with him for over a decade. She said that even after they divorced, they were still trying to work things out. However, one day she came home from a long day at work. My aunt thought she was home alone so she laid on the couch and dozed off. In her sleep, a little voice said to her ‘open your eyes.’ When she did, her ex husband was holding a tv over her head and was about to release it! She moved quickly and got out the house. It was at that moment that her inner voice finally spoke harshly to her. From that day on, she knew that if she stayed, her abuser would finally kill her. Now think for a moment…this incident happened long before flat screen televisions. Do you remember how heavy the old skool televisions were?! Jesus be a fence! I’m just glad she got out with her life. ~KJM on Flashback Friday.