It’s funny how one simple act can trigger a course of events. With all that I had been through with Elijah in the last 7 months, he definitely was not the worst relationship I’ve been in. But because of the timing of when we met (I was in the process of permanently leaving the ex factor), my honesty about my current situation and all I had been through in the last 5 years, and his age (he was the oldest man I’ve ever dated), my goals for our relationship was high. I believe in love at first sight and in 95% of my relationships, I never fell in love at all…no matter how long we dated. My heart is not nor has ever been easily given. Elijah and I were definitely NOT love at first sight. It took me over three months to start to have feelings for him. In those beginning three months, I was numb…somewhere else mentally and it didn’t help that the ex factor continued to keep in touch. But then the new year came in and I started to realize that it’s not fair to have Elijah there and not at least try to reciprocate some of his feelings. And things grew from there. It wasn’t easy but I started to feel. Our power struggle grew as my feelings did. Elijah is very old skool and traditional while I’m an independent feminist! We were probably doomed from the start. It may sound silly but the thing I loved about him the most…his work ethic…eventually killed us. He didn’t meet me out in the rain Friday night because of work and his image. Work always came before me but Elijah would always justify it by saying he has to prove that he can take care of himself in order for him to provide for me in the future. And I respected that. However, I want a man that can back away from his business and is willing to get soaked in the rain with his woman. I don’t know if husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives but I need mine to. I had never accepted a proposal before because I never felt each man would meet me out in the rain….the rain of life. There I was willing to get soaked (even my hair) with no makeup on to meet my love. What Elijah didn’t know was I traveled all the way to the city in almost nothing under my trench coat. My man works hard and so do I but even with a huge storm around me and me being exhausted, I was willing to get soaked for him. Out of everyone I’ve ever dated, I was true to Elijah! I was even willing to start learning how to make some of his favorite drinks and some small meals (unbeknownst to him). He will never know nor understand the depths I traveled even before that faithful night in the city. I travel a lot and love to travel solo which has been an issue in every relationship I’ve been in and even though I’ve at least 3 more solo trips already lined up for the year….I was thinking of including him in my need to travel and be me! I was trying to meet him half way and share my world. Even when we hit a low point and I was tempted to do something stupid, I was brutally honest with him. I really thought we could make it but we are just too alike in some ways and too different in others. I don’t think neither he nor I thought I would spend almost 2 hours traveling just to turn back around but I did! That’s how I knew that I could continue to trust myself to look out for me at all times. I took all the love I had to give and I headed back home. I’m worth getting soaked in the rain with! My love is just that good. Though I can’t help but wonder….Is it silly to leave him because he wouldn’t meet me out in the rain? I took it as a sign of what our future would look like. And do husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives? Or am I just dreaming?~KJM filled with thoughts on a late night Sunday.
