It is almost 3 years to the day since you told me you wanted her. HER…not me. You said she was closer to your age AND it (being you and her) can go somewhere. Where? I don’t know the destination but you strongly implied that you and I are living at destination nowhere. I HEARD you loud and clear. You desired her and I wanted you to be happy…despite the misery you had been causing me. My mama always told me…if they want to leave…OPEN the door for them…even wish them well. I couldn’t do that last part…wish y’all well but I did let you go…physically and emotionally.
That day in August…you let me know that nothing was sacred between you and I. The ten years I spent loving you the best I could…meant nothing. Ashes to ashes…dust to dust…was my love, loyalty, and trust along with my hopes and dreams for us. I really never thought I would hear from you ever again. You found HER and nothing would be sacred between us again.
Before the year (2020) ended, I heard from you. What happened? Did she think you would be more open and honest with her than you were with me? Did she expect holidays with your family…in matching pajamas like a wife should be. Silly rabbit. Tricks have always been for kids. What did you think would happen when you switched out my womb for hers? Of course she would want the white picket fence and all the emotional love you had not been capable of giving. Of course she would want MORE and be IMPATIENT about it. That’s youth for you. She bedded you so quickly that she probably never got a chance to read the instruction manual that came with you. I loved you despite of all your flaws. I have them too. We were two of a kind until you gave away what was so sacred between us.
Now you are back and trust is forever broken. I think of you climaxing in her raw…sometimes. I think of you lying and telling her that she was the Sun to your Moon. Let it be clear that for 13 years…I have been the Dawn that brought out the Sun. I have been the dusk to your Moon. I am the light in every form. I am the fucking Sun and Moon. I have been all things to you and you never quite appreciated it. That was apparent when you showed me that nothing was ever going to be sacred between us again.
If nothing is sacred between us…let him sample me. Let him sing about my tightness…that tightness that I haven’t shared with anyone else in the last 8 years whether we were together or apart. If nothing is sacred between us…let him climax within me…the way you did with her…ever so easily. Let him taste me. Let him chase me. Let him crave me. Let him devour me. ME….YES ME. Let his manhood curve into and match my womanhood. Allow me to be his appetizer, main course, and dessert….let me top him off as his night cap. I am asking you because I don’t want you to feel betrayed the way I did…every time you were with her behind my back. If nothing is sacred between us…allow me to be sacred with him. Maybe between my inner walls and each of his thrusts…there lies love, trust, and loyalty. All the things, I did not receive from you.
If nothing is sacred between us…let me explore. Explore all of him. Tell him my secrets and my deepest desires. Wait for me if you dare. You are confident enough to watch him taste my narrow walls. You are confident enough to watch him break through me….over and over again. You are confident enough to hear me call out his name during our throes of passion. I shall write love notes on his body…the way I use to do to yours when things were sacred between us.
Let me be crystal clear. This battle is between YOU AND I. She was always inconsequential. A mere symptom of what was wrong between us. Betrayal can only come from those closest to us. Somehow this tightness of my womanhood that only desired you and only you for so long…has wandering eyes. I SPY HIM and I am ripe for a new lover affair. Wonder what it is like to kiss someone that isn’t you. Tell him my deepest and darkest fears. I wonder what it is like to have trust in my life again. I wonder what it is like to have his climax live only for mine. I wonder what it is like to be sacred with HIM in any time and space we choose. Will it be love? Will it be lust? It can be all of it with an endless possibility of trust. I wonder what it is like to be HIS SUN and be certain HE IS MY MOON? If nothing is sacred between us…I just may find out. ~KJM on Serenity Saturday. I don’t write often anymore but when I do…I hope you feel me pouring into you…each of my readers…with every word.