My first love, Julio, asked if I ever blog about him and generally I do not. We’ve known each other almost 19 years! He’s like a great ex husband. We check in on each other once or twice a year. Sometimes we argue like we are still teenagers but I think no matter what we will always still text or call the other to make sure they are ok. Today I was listening to the @celinedion Pandora station. Julio and I use to hold hands and just listen to Celine. This was the era of writing love letters. No Netflix and chill. No texting. Barely any emails. No sex. Just handwritten love letters filled with passion. Passion that we waited years to act on. He was my first and I was his. I still have the shoe box filled with all his love letters! We dated on and off for 10 years. Up until 2007, I thought we could still make it and maybe he was the one. I thought I would read each love letter to our children while they were in the womb and when they were born. It never happened but I kept each letter…because if I ever have a family I still want to read those letters and let my children know that there was a time of LOVE LETTERS and mommy received them…openly, innocently, and lovingly. Thank you Julio for giving me something most women never experienced! I was your first for almost everything! Don’t worry I will remind your future wife of so…jokingly of course! Shout out to the BX! I first fell in love in the Bronx?
Marriage
Kingston, marriage is ordained by God. Every night I pray that God will send you a good husband!
Needy People
I’ve to admit that I view people who need to be loved by any and anyone weak. I know it’s wrong but I do. Even when I loved the ex factor for 5 years and 3 months and he did not return my love…what haunted me…what still haunts me is he didn’t give me my fucking respect! He can keep his love. I wanted my RESPECT for walking through fire with him. For choosing him every time and him never choosing me. For loving him knowing it will never go anywhere. I thrive off of respect.
The Good Word (Not My Work)
BISHOP Dale Bonner(Atlanta)
You breakout because you have grown.
KEYS = Authority
YOUR Next ChapterYOUR LIFE IS SET TOWARDS A new trajectory.
Tell your story
LIVE YOUR DREAM
change the World.YOU HAVE NOT REACHED YOUR Best yet.
Dissatisfaction is a precursor for change.A trajectory us a chosen or taken
course.In order to change your trajectory you must first be active – already moving.
When you break it from the outside it dies must be broken from t h e inside.
The road to the future is paved with uncertainty.You always have a Choice.
STAGNATE
Acclimate
CREATE.see
Dream
DoLanguage create
Faith is the language of the bible. GOD SPOKE AND IT happened.JESUS Changes our. LIVES BUT THEY HAD TO BE WIL L ING TO
adapt
Improve
Observe
CONNECTWhen you change your trajectory it introduces you to a new:
person.
Path
Passions
Purpose
PerspectiveBroken crayons still color.
A Meme About Transformation (Not My Work)
Sunday Morning Inspiration. Man may break me but HE heals me…God heals me! Have a blessed Sunday!
A Part Of Me Dies
A part of me dies every time i see a man truly loving a woman. A part of me is so ashamed that I let you destroy me like this. I hear “Hello” by Adele playing and I pray you never make that call. All I can think of is goodbye. There isn’t a part of me that would want to lay eyes on you again. I’m treating you like a secret pregnancy that I aborted. Only I will know the true pain of what could have been but never was.That’s my burden to carry….until I free myself… The shame is the hardest thing to go to bed with at night. I feel it in my soul.
Birthday/Holiday Break Ups
Breaking up with someone on their birthday and/or during the holidays is tacky! And we do not do tacky!
Open To Love
The Bad Kiss aka Mono
It’s romantic to wait and build up anticipation. Good things come to those who wait and Mono comes to those who don’t!
Scandal Synopsis: the I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR OR I WILL PISS ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR ( literally) Edition
Last night’s Winter Finale was EVERYTHING! Team Mellie and Team Olivia rose to the occasion in a way that made me proud to be a woman! I yelled at my tv in happiness, sadness, and pure excitement the entire hour! Thank you! Thank you Shonda…for bringing me to my feet! All hail to the Queen of Primetime?? Certain parts of my body, mind, and spirit awoke…scene after scene and I felt alive….living within each character! If you missed it, here are the top 10 things you need to know about last night’s episode:
10. We were reminded that women everywhere despite the obstacles can achieve anything….especially when we support each other! Liv became Mellie’s aka Jennifer Grey’s Patrick Swayze (rip) in “Dirty Dancing” and reminded the world that “nobody and I mean nobody puts baby in a corner!” To see Olivia supporting Mellie brought tears to my eyes even before realizing how deep and close to home Mellie’s fight for guaranteed Planned Parenthood funding was to Olivia!
9. After the episode ended, my friend Willow said she was mad at Olivia for being a “flip flopper.” Liv and I are runners so I understand her a bit better. Not all of us were born to be wives! Mellie was groomed into the political wife and mother she became. Liv has never had a desire to be that person. Everything she did last night was true to her character. Love never came easy for Liv and it won’t leave easily either. Doesn’t mean she stopped loving Fitz. She’s just use to her love being free and without the restrictions of being a First Lady. Liv and I were never meant to be wives. It doesn’t mean we won’t get there one day (if we so desire). But it does mean we won’t easily buy into the fairytale. Hats off to Mellie for hanging in there all these years!
8. Many affairs break up once the marriages end and the main chick or guy has to now take the role of wife or husband. Cheating is like being on vacation with someone. You get to see the fun side of a person. You are not living out their actual day to day like their spouse is. Your job is only to relax them not exist with them! Marriage is NOT for the weak! Affairs are where the weak vacation! The illusion is so much sexier than the reality!
7. Last night Shonda did something I’ve never actually seen on Primetime before (maybe some of you have)…she had Liv get an abortion! While it was sad….I understood Liv’s decision. Her life is unstable, filled with danger, and her love life was falling apart. Women like Liv and I won’t just buy into the fantasy that a baby will fix everything because it often doesn’t. Fitz and Liv are broken and if they want a family together, they have to fix themselves first. I really felt it for her! Hang in there Liv! I know it was a tough decision.
6. This will sound crazy but I will say it. The abortion was such a freeing moment! I’ve always been pro choice but in my own personal life I’ve always said if I was ever pregnant (rape and incest exception), I would have that baby! But I firmly believe in a WOMAN’S RIGHT TO CHOOSE! And last night Liv chose for women all around the world! She chose for women who are in countries that don’t allow them to vote! She fucking chose for all of us! It was such a freeing moment…I chose whose seed I carry! I CHOOSE!
5. I love Susan as the VP! I use to think Sallie was my favorite VP but after last night I realized why we are all falling in love with Susan as she falls in love with David! She exudes strength in all she does. As a matter of fact…“let’s talk about GONORRHEA!” Go Susan! What a way to help Mellie filibuster! Girl power! To all the women who didn’t help Mellie…in the words of many other female characters on tv…“there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women!” Y’all going to hell in gasoline draws! Hope none of you need a GYN check up anytime soon!
4. Mellie has grown in leaps and bounds! She’s finding out that no man…not even Fitz…defines her! That’s one bad chick right there! Smart, beautiful, and determined! Get it Mellie! Get even the things you never thought you could. Don’t get it like it’s a divorce settlement….get it like it always belonged to you! We are cheering you on!
3. It takes courage to be the only one in a room standing up for what you believe in but Mellie did it! And she did it in front of Congress! 16 hours of standing up with no food nor being able to go to bathroom and she did it (with a little help from Susan and Liv). She did it for women everywhere! I’ve a feeling if she had pissed on that floor, they would all be bathing in it…because Mellie is just that good. Great time to say it again….Girl Power!
2. Most major decisions in life are difficult. Whether you chose to be the wife, the mistress, get a divorce, or get an abortion. There is a price to pay for everything! Liv’s actions, however, told me that she remembered the golden rule of loving a man….always put yourself first! Liv chose herself last night! No Vermont for her! Pope and Associates is who she is and where she belongs! Nothing wrong with loving a man unconditionally but let’s not forget to do the same for ourselves! Liv is essentially correcting Mellie’s mistake. Mellie gave her soul to the devil for Fitz and power and look at where it got her! She had to lose herself to find herself again! Liv saw she was in danger of losing herself and chose herself! She walked away! You can never fully love another person if you never loved yourself! Do I think the love affair is over? No…love is just too powerful. But I think that stakes are higher and the terms are more precise! Liv will not become Fitz’s doormat! She’s simply not built like that!
And 1. Team Mellie and Team Olivia, if they work together, can rule the world! I predict Liv will take Mellie to the White House, only this time as President! And I think she will have an easier time than she did with Fitz! Besides I think it’s the least she could do after sleeping with Mellie’s husband all these years! Woman Power! ~KJM on Flashback Friday saying I am woman hear me roar or I will piss all over your floor (literally) lol.
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