Kingston Expressions

These are true events as I know it. As you read this, keep in mind I can’t make this shit up if I tried! I lived it and I’m still in disbelief it all happened. Below is the story of Jonathan aka The Great Apologizer, the first guy to ever cheat on me. After my first year at Penn State, Julio and I broke up. He was my first love but it just wasn’t working so after over 3 years of seriously dating…we went our separate ways (for now). The summer of my 19th birthday, I decided to finally give Jonathan a chance to date me. I met Jonathan my freshman year of high school. He was the best friend of my childhood best friend’s, Faith, boyfriend Carl. Wow that’s a lot to swallow! Recap: I have known Faith for 30 years. We met in kindergarten and are still friends to this day! She instantly fell in love with Carl at a barbecue our Freshman year of high school. Jonathan was Carl’s best friend and about two years older than Faith and I. Are you following now? Good! When Jonathan first approached me, I had never dated anyone before. 1995 was the year I wasn’t into light skinned guys so I told Jonathan to beat it but he always kept in touch since our best friends were dating. Don’t worry, I went on to date all types of men no matter their complexion but you have to admit….what’s sweeter than dark chocolate?! Not a damn thing! Yum. Lol. But I digress. Once Julio and I broke up, Jonathan didn’t waste any time asking me out…and I finally accepted. It was a world wind romance. His personality was more easy going and like-able than Julio’s so I brought Jonathan to all family and friend events in summer 2000. Everyone loved him! I wasn’t in love but he was such a great and attentive boyfriend (and the only guy I’ve ever spent my birthday with) that I felt like love could come in a couple of years. After all, I was never quick to give my heart. In the midst of our summer, Jonathan had to go to Cuba for 2 weeks on some save the world mission! Don’t ask me the details of how the hell he was getting into Cuba at that time but I don’t think the group he was going with were directly traveling from the US. I didn’t want him to go! Jonathan was so good to me. He took me on the best dates, cooked for me, and pampered the hell out of me in a way Julio never did and never would. But my man had a mission to help bring peace to the world and so I had to support it. When he was leaving, I gave him a picture of me and one of my thongs for him to get through those two weeks without me easily. Little did I know, he would have no problem living out his days in Cuba…filled with passion. To help the time pass quickly while Jonathan was away, my aunt, Jennifer, asked me to drive to Atlantic City with her to pick up tickets for a trip she won. I didn’t think much of her request since at that time, she was the aunt I was the closest to. Once in Atlantic City, we had to wait a few hours to pick up my aunt’s plane tickets so she suggested we go on the boardwalk and hang out. Let me preface this by saying, I had heard rumors in my family that my aunt Jennifer believed in black magic but in the Michaels house, we had always been a God fearing family and I figured since my mother was Jennifer’s older sister, there had to be some mixup in what her faith was. Aunt Jennifer suggested we go into this mother/daughter fortune telling shop. I was hesitant and told her my faith tells me not to believe in such things. Aunt Jennifer told me it was for entertainment purposes only and since I couldn’t gamble, it was a fun way to pass the time. Me being 19, naive, and trusting of my aunt, decided to go in and get a reading with her. I pray God has forgiven me because what happened next I could never have foreseen. The daughter fortune teller took me in one room and the mother took my aunt in another. I was nervous but was careful never to give any information to the daughter. She predicted my future occupation (which she was right to an extent), what my weakness in life was, and told me some things about my family. Still in my mind, I felt this is just entertainment so maybe she just got lucky with the things she said. Here’s where things got creepy: the daughter fortune teller told me I was dating a guy who was currently on an island….only he was on the island with his ex girlfriend and was cheating on me! She gave me his initial (J) and the ex girlfriend’s (W). She told me our relationship would never work out because J would spend his life chasing W. Also, she told me that W was not my same race. Chills went up and down my spine but I still reminded myself that this had to be all coincidental! After all, Jonathan was in Cuba saving the world! Before the daughter fortune teller could finish my reading, I heard my aunt Jennifer cursing out the mother fortune teller and could hear my aunt flipping the table over in the next room! Needless to say we left in a hurry and my aunt never did explain what happened in her reading to get her so angry. I put all I had heard behind me and life went on. Two weeks later when Jonathan came back from Cuba, he didn’t call me. Instead he went to the movies with Faith and Carl his first night back. After a few calls and beeps (yea beepers were in back then!), Jonathan returned my call and I only saw him once again that summer. Something was off and he was distant. He stopped returning my calls and beeps and then I went back to Penn State for my sophomore year. I beeped him once at Penn State with one of my friends from DC’s number. He called back and when he found out it was me, he apologized for how our relationship ended but would not tell me why such a happy couple got so distant so quickly. I would not see nor hear from Jonathan again until the following summer when Faith had an aneurysm that nearly killed her! Summer 2001, while we took turns car pooling to visit Faith in the ICU at a hospital in NYC, Jonathan tried to win me back. From that point on, I friend zoned him and continued with my life. Tragedy made it so we had to work together but that didn’t mean I had to date such a shady person again! One day I was on the bus and I ran into one of Jonathan’s neighbors, Stacey. Stacey knew some of my cousins and went to high school with Jonathan. She told me their whole block was sad when Jonathan and I broke up and that she hoped he wasn’t still chasing “that dusty white girl, Wanita!” Once again, chills went up and down my spine but still I felt it all had to be a terrible coincidence! This all seemed ludicrous to me! I don’t believe in fortune tellers! So I moved on with my life as Jonathan stayed close over the years. From 2001-2010, Jonathan would call or text to tell me he loved me and wanted to make things work. I had permanently friend zoned him. On my second year in my graduate program, Jonathan called me and we stayed up all night talking about Faith and Carl. Faith never fully recovered and Carl couldn’t take it so he went into the military and moved away. Faith is paralyzed on one side of her body, can barely talk, and was never able to walk on her own again. It broke all our hearts. That’s what kept me in touch with Jonathan. He lived in the same town as Faith, so he could always go check on her while I was moving from state to state for school or work. That night we stayed up and talked about so much. Of course, Jonathan professed his love for me and I ignored him. Then something creepy happened: Jonathan told me that a year before Faith’s accident, her and Carl went to a fortune teller who told them a terrible accident would forever separate them! Jonathan claimed he did not believe in such things and the fortune teller was bogus. Suddenly all my memories of my reading from summer 2000 came back to me. The next morning I called Jonathan up and confronted him about what the fortune teller told me years ago. He confirmed all of it except he claimed he did not chase Wanita! I didn’t know what was worse….the fact Jonathan did cheat on me or the fact that 8 years later it was Jonathan’s word against the fortune teller and the dumb Motherfucker was too stupid to lie at this point! Come on now…it was his word against the fortune tellers! I would have lied and never admitted to the affair in order to preserve my current friendship with the person I claimed I loved! Maybe that’s just me! I was floored but still gave Jonathan the benefit of the doubt when it came to our friendship! We had not dated in over 9 years so how could I hold his transgressions against him in our friendship? Had I still been dating him….that would have been another story! This dude was stuck on stupid and nothing could help him. Embarrassed, Jonathan once again stopped picking up my phone calls even after I told him I forgave him for mistakes he made as a young adult. I finally gave up on the friendship and continued with my life. Of course, he continued to call or text once a year to tell me he loved me until, in 2010, I text him back to say he should lose my number and to “cease and desist” from ever contacting me again! The fucking nerve of him! 2010 was the last time I heard from the Great Apologizer! Can you believe the fortune teller told me that he cheated….and he admitted it?! What a way to get caught! Guess it’s true what they say…what’s done in the dark always comes into light…eventually! Wtf?! ~KJM laughing so hard on Temptation Tuesday! There’s one born every minute…a fool that is!

It’s funny how one simple act can trigger a course of events. With all that I had been through with Elijah in the last 7 months, he definitely was not the worst relationship I’ve been in. But because of the timing of when we met (I was in the process of permanently leaving the ex factor), my honesty about my current situation and all I had been through in the last 5 years, and his age (he was the oldest man I’ve ever dated), my goals for our relationship was high. I believe in love at first sight and in 95% of my relationships, I never fell in love at all…no matter how long we dated. My heart is not nor has ever been easily given. Elijah and I were definitely NOT love at first sight. It took me over three months to start to have feelings for him. In those beginning three months, I was numb…somewhere else mentally and it didn’t help that the ex factor continued to keep in touch. But then the new year came in and I started to realize that it’s not fair to have Elijah there and not at least try to reciprocate some of his feelings. And things grew from there. It wasn’t easy but I started to feel. Our power struggle grew as my feelings did. Elijah is very old skool and traditional while I’m an independent feminist! We were probably doomed from the start. It may sound silly but the thing I loved about him the most…his work ethic…eventually killed us. He didn’t meet me out in the rain Friday night because of work and his image. Work always came before me but Elijah would always justify it by saying he has to prove that he can take care of himself in order for him to provide for me in the future. And I respected that. However, I want a man that can back away from his business and is willing to get soaked in the rain with his woman. I don’t know if husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives but I need mine to. I had never accepted a proposal before because I never felt each man would meet me out in the rain….the rain of life. There I was willing to get soaked (even my hair) with no makeup on to meet my love. What Elijah didn’t know was I traveled all the way to the city in almost nothing under my trench coat. My man works hard and so do I but even with a huge storm around me and me being exhausted, I was willing to get soaked for him. Out of everyone I’ve ever dated, I was true to Elijah! I was even willing to start learning how to make some of his favorite drinks and some small meals (unbeknownst to him). He will never know nor understand the depths I traveled even before that faithful night in the city. I travel a lot and love to travel solo which has been an issue in every relationship I’ve been in and even though I’ve at least 3 more solo trips already lined up for the year….I was thinking of including him in my need to travel and be me! I was trying to meet him half way and share my world. Even when we hit a low point and I was tempted to do something stupid, I was brutally honest with him. I really thought we could make it but we are just too alike in some ways and too different in others. I don’t think neither he nor I thought I would spend almost 2 hours traveling just to turn back around but I did! That’s how I knew that I could continue to trust myself to look out for me at all times. I took all the love I had to give and I headed back home. I’m worth getting soaked in the rain with! My love is just that good. Though I can’t help but wonder….Is it silly to leave him because he wouldn’t meet me out in the rain? I took it as a sign of what our future would look like. And do husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives? Or am I just dreaming?~KJM filled with thoughts on a late night Sunday. 

Every now and then I try to write something for my young and inexperienced readers! This morning, for some odd reason, I woke up missing my unused pocketbook also known as my virginity. It’s weird to suddenly yearn for something that I lost 4 months shy of my 19th birthday as I’m now 34! But just like nightmares….memories of your virginity can haunt you. The thing is I’m not sure if it’s my virginity I really miss or when I think of my list of partners (which is quite short for someone my age) I cringe! Reflecting on my past lovers/boyfriends…I think there is only one I would claim (my college sweetheart…the football player). The rest remind me of used tampons I threw away long ago….short, messy, and forgettable unless I accidentally forgot to take it out of me (which has never happened).?? It’s weird to have such a feeling of regret when I lost it the best way I could. I was an adult, no longer living in my parents’ house, now in college, and did it with a boyfriend I had had for almost 4 years…who waited with me and loved me. Julio and I were…at one time…in love. Now I just want to throw up when I think of him. Maybe I could have done better?! Maybe not?! Lol. To my young readers, I recommend waiting until you are in love and that person is also in love with you. I also recommend waiting (for guys and girls) until you are old enough to vote (18 years old) so you can openly and legally be responsible for your sexual health. Still as I write this I’m wondering what would life be like now if I still had my virginity?! I damn sure wouldn’t be able to write this blog! This blog is about my life long mistakes disguised in life lessons! I couldn’t walk with you in your darkest moments unless I’ve been there or even traveled farther! Willow is always telling me that she regrets nothing because all of the mess and disasters made her appreciate her life now! Willow is so wise! Maybe it’s because I’m still in the midst of the storm that I feel the regrets deep deep deep down inside. Like I feel it! I feel like I disappointed myself along the way but I tried! Lawd knows I tried! I had ways out of the storm but I willingly decided to stand in the storm…to let my hair get messy in the wind…to have my clothes be torn by all the tornadoes…and to watch everything around me collapse into dust. I was a willing participant in all that you have come to read about! I AM KINGSTON JAEL MICHAELS because of all the pain, heartbreaks, and disappointments! My pocketbook is full of so much shit but would you love me any less if it wasn’t?! If not, then why should I feel changed? I should stand tall and be glad that I can withstand the storms….~KJM on Charm School Monday!