Every now and then I try to write something for my young and inexperienced readers! This morning, for some odd reason, I woke up missing my unused pocketbook also known as my virginity. It’s weird to suddenly yearn for something that I lost 4 months shy of my 19th birthday as I’m now 34! But just like nightmares….memories of your virginity can haunt you. The thing is I’m not sure if it’s my virginity I really miss or when I think of my list of partners (which is quite short for someone my age) I cringe! Reflecting on my past lovers/boyfriends…I think there is only one I would claim (my college sweetheart…the football player). The rest remind me of used tampons I threw away long ago….short, messy, and forgettable unless I accidentally forgot to take it out of me (which has never happened).?? It’s weird to have such a feeling of regret when I lost it the best way I could. I was an adult, no longer living in my parents’ house, now in college, and did it with a boyfriend I had had for almost 4 years…who waited with me and loved me. Julio and I were…at one time…in love. Now I just want to throw up when I think of him. Maybe I could have done better?! Maybe not?! Lol. To my young readers, I recommend waiting until you are in love and that person is also in love with you. I also recommend waiting (for guys and girls) until you are old enough to vote (18 years old) so you can openly and legally be responsible for your sexual health. Still as I write this I’m wondering what would life be like now if I still had my virginity?! I damn sure wouldn’t be able to write this blog! This blog is about my life long mistakes disguised in life lessons! I couldn’t walk with you in your darkest moments unless I’ve been there or even traveled farther! Willow is always telling me that she regrets nothing because all of the mess and disasters made her appreciate her life now! Willow is so wise! Maybe it’s because I’m still in the midst of the storm that I feel the regrets deep deep deep down inside. Like I feel it! I feel like I disappointed myself along the way but I tried! Lawd knows I tried! I had ways out of the storm but I willingly decided to stand in the storm…to let my hair get messy in the wind…to have my clothes be torn by all the tornadoes…and to watch everything around me collapse into dust. I was a willing participant in all that you have come to read about! I AM KINGSTON JAEL MICHAELS because of all the pain, heartbreaks, and disappointments! My pocketbook is full of so much shit but would you love me any less if it wasn’t?! If not, then why should I feel changed? I should stand tall and be glad that I can withstand the storms….~KJM on Charm School Monday!