Kingston Expressions

Okay! I know it’s been a while since I blogged but I was on the BEST vacation ever! Couldn’t even bring myself to write….that’s how relaxed I was! Now you know since I’ve neglected you…today I’m coming back strong! Get ready to be like…what the fuck! Lol. During my vacation, I caught heatstroke! All the details surrounding it I will leave out except one…I had Harmony grab me a Clear Blue Easy (Pregnancy Test) to be certain that it’s just heatstroke that got me projectile throwing up! My homegirl got me a TWO pack test (a plus and minus one and a digital test). I took one right away and the other the next morning during my first pee of the day. Both said NEGATIVE/NOT PREGNANT! And thank goodness because I have never seen inside of an abortion clinic and at this point in my life I don’t want to….now let’s back it up. I have been on birth control since I was 21 years old and only came off of it for a year and a half after I graduated from graduate school. My body was stressed and falling apart so I completely detoxed from chemicals. It’s during that time I met and fell in love with the Ex Factor. Soon I went back on birth control. In the 6 years of us knowing each other we have used BOTH birth control AND condoms 99.9% of the time. He was so young….no way I would want to ruin his life (and mine) with an unplanned pregnancy. When it comes to sex…I am MISS SAFETY! Even during my years of hardcore celibacy…I never came off the pill! I am very serious about not being a mother unless it’s what I wanted!!!! I’m too fucking old for oops we didn’t plan it! I’m fucking 35 years old! I got the dick playbook and have highlighted certain chapters and even went on to write a few my damn self. Once again it was because of the level of my sickness that I even took the damn test. Apparently heatstroke can fuck your world up! Sigh… Shout out to Harmony for being the real MVP! She is no rookie in the game. Harmony knew what to say and what not to say to me as we waited. That’s why she’s my favorite friend to visit. While she would be considered one of my newest friends (we really became friends Fall 2008 in the last year of our graduate school program) we grew extra tight despite how far apart we live from each other. Her and I look so different from each other on the outside but are so similar in many huge ways! I find I can just be myself with her! Once again…Harmony, thanks for being there. Now the only folks that knew about this incident besides Harmony (and now you guys) was Papa Michaels and two of my friends. I kind of wish I never said a word to one of them. She means well but she really made me mad. Her first reaction was the test could be wrong and she can’t wait until I have a baby. WTF?! Thank goodness I took TWO tests or I may have lost it! To my friend (and women like her) I am happy you are happy with being married with children but let me be happy in my singleness! To me there are the marrieds and the singles! I am a happy single! My vacations that I randomly book for myself make me so happy! Pampering myself makes me happy! Saying FUCK MEN…I’m going to get this money my fucking self makes me MOIST! This is who Kingston is! So when a woman says I can’t wait for you to be married and have children…it comes across to me as a backhanded compliment! Like my life is good now but my life will never be complete nor fulfilling without these things! ? Now I know my friend meant no harm but her statement did bother me. I constantly get these comments. To these women I say…why does my singleness bother you?! I’ve been saying since I was 5 years old that I never want to get married and have children. The Ex Factor is the one guy I would have bent that rule for but guess what?!!! We don’t FUCKING work and I’m tired of trying!!!! So don’t wish a marriage on me in which we would probably both cheat (I could bet money I would cheat first) and don’t wish a baby on me that I would have to abort! I love the Ex Factor and he probably loves me too but that’s not enough to bring a baby into this world (by my standards). In my entire life, besides my routine GYN exams, this was only the second time I had had a friend buy me a pregnancy test. The first time was with Julio after he broke up with me at the end of my first year of my graduate program. What bad timing! The difference there is even though I can’t stand him…I grew up with Julio and his family. My baby would have wanted for nothing. Even his crazy mama would show up for my baby…I believe that because I’ve seen his family do it for others. I wouldn’t be alone even with Julio and I not being together. That’s why if I had been pregnant then (thank goodness I wasn’t) I would have had Julio’s baby! Not because I loved him more….because I didn’t…the Ex Factor is still the greatest love I’ve ever felt. Now the Ex Factor’s family seem even tighter than Julio’s but I don’t know them. They take care of insiders well (from what I hear) but I would be an outsider. No way I want to be a single mom! Shout out to all the single moms! I can’t even imagine doing what you do! I grew up with two parents and I want nothing less for any possible child. So it’s either a planned pregnancy or none at all. I’ve said it time and time again…I have no biological need to be pregnant. I’ve been saying that since I was 5 years old and guess what…30 years later…I still feel the same way. My friend says she can’t see me getting an abortion and she’s right. I am pro choice but in my own life I would be terrified to go through with it but I would. My daddy would go with me and with his strength and support…I would do what needed to be done. Harmony would fly in too. I wouldn’t be alone in it. No way I want to be connected to someone forever that can’t get his shit straight…we can’t even make one FUCKING day work! Auntie Kingston loves the babies! But that’s Auntie’s job….to love and spoil her nieces and nephews! I want to stay Auntie unless I choose to step into motherhood. I’ve no plans of stepping into motherhood unless I’m married! And there’s nothing wrong with saying that. A baby for me…doesn’t solve anything. It actually causes a world of trouble in my eyes! I hear being a mom is a very joyful thing but I also know lots of depression, stress, and sadness comes with it. Some women have great husbands and then some have husbands who hold them back and bring them down! I can do bad by my damn self! I like my life! I like that I’m different and I’m not sad I’m not married with children! Only thing disheartening is how difficult it is to find an honest, loving, and committed man. While I never pictured myself married…I did picture myself growing old with a life partner and some dogs. Perhaps my life partners are my friends! My 5 days in paradise with a touch of heatstroke taught me that the Ex Factor is NOT the one nor any guy from my past. And I’m cool with my friends being the loves of my life! I am cool with being single! I am cool with building my empire by myself! I am happy! The only time I am unhappy is when I’m dating. Harmony, get your suitcases packed! More randomly planned vacations for BOSSES like us are on the way! ?? To all the women (and some men) that my singleness makes uncomfortable…I won’t apologize for it! I am living my life like it’s PLATINUM! No man nor family is ever going to upgrade me more than I’ve upgraded myself! To each it’s own! I don’t judge y’all for your family lives so back up off of me and my singleness! Don’t wish me a life of despair (that’s how I see it)…just let me live. What makes one woman happy can make another miserable! Now before I go…let me shout out my ex in laws, Julio’s family! Even for those of you that hate me, I always knew as a teenager/young adult that y’all would have had our backs if we had had a baby. Much respect for that! To all the single women…happy with their singleness…CARRY ON!?? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday! Great day to shout out the condom companies, birth control companies, and all the medical facilities and advocacy groups who fight for a woman’s right to CHOOSE!??