Kingston Expressions

Whether you interpret BOAZ as being someone worth waiting for or someone that Ruth settles for after her first husband and true love died, we are on an amazing journey of self discovery. BOAZ represents so much more but Ruth’s story doesn’t mean much if you don’t find a positive way to apply it to your life. In my life, while I miss the Ex Factor, over the years he has made it easier to live without him than with him…especially when his word isn’t his bond. So let’s keep on this journey…no matter what BOAZ represents to you. ~KJM on Hump Day!?

https://maggiefelisberto.wordpress.com/2014/04/19/waiting-on-your-boaz-everything-wrong-with-how-we-read-ruth/

The fact that he can sleep peacefully when I’m hurting…lets me know he can’t be the one. ~KJM is still on the road to BOAZ…even in the midst of temptation.

I find myself wondering what it would have been like if I woke up every day for the last 6 years believing in you…even on the days you failed me. If I took your word that you meant no harm…when your actions say otherwise. If I held on…even when every thing in me wants to let go. Thoughts fill my mind of all our happy times in between our unhappy times. The thing is you never felt I had a reason to be unhappy. You dismissed all my cries and sadness and probably pinned me as some crazy emotional woman…instead of realizing that you brought me to this point. No sense of responsibility for your part in everything. Yes you had a huge role in my walking away…every time…but you also had your part in some of the AMAZING moments we shared. Even now…when I’ve pulled away…my heart misses you. Even now when I’m faced with the fact that you may never be the man I need you to be…there is a temptation to stay…with you. For some people…getting lost in time for love is worth it. I’m just a little too rational for that. My mind rules me almost always. I never learned to believe in any man without proof of his resilience, strength, and faith but Jesus and my Daddy! Though walking away from you has never been easy…even if I was running into the arms of another man. The temptation to stay lost in time with you will always be there. The temptation to love you even when you aren’t loving me…the temptation to steal those happy moments and overlook the sad ones…the temptation to hand you my present without any assurances of the future…the temptation to breathe you…the temptation to need you…and the temptation to walk around as if I’m void of all my senses…remains. It’s the silliest thing…to me…I had no clue the heart was so strong! Even when one’s universe is shattering…the heart keeps beating…keeps wanting…keeps yearning. ~KJM is missing the Ex Factor on Temptation Tuesday.??? 

Remember me? Yea it’s that same chick that is all about herself….her…SELF LOVE…that is. ?? Often times, I’m so misunderstood. Most times, I don’t really stop to correct folks either. Lol. I’m not perfect but I sure do live in my own world almost all of the time. And that ain’t a bad thing for a non married woman with no children! It’s exactly where I should be actually. Focused on me. As I’m growing, however, I’m starting to realize that there are times that one must put others first. As a single woman though….those times are few, far, and in between!?? Here’s my top 3 MISS ME WITH THAT list from Oh Picky Selfish Me: 3. THE HE UGLY AS FUCK AND SMELL LIKE SHIT BUT HE’S A MAN WHO WANTS ME SYNDROME (The Oh Picky Me Mini Edition): I know that some men feel like a woman should just be happy to have a man but um…hell naw! Life is about more than limp dicks who want to beat women down physically and emotionally!?? Sad to say that some of us women buy into this theory too! Got an abled bodied man in the house not working and/or not helping to raise the kids! MISS ME WITH THAT! I would rather live alone in a house full of real dogs than have a man dog living off of me and only providing dick! When did dick get so good that all our damn common sense went out the window when we saw it? Did I like miss the memo?! ? 2.THE LOVE HIM MORE THAN ME SYNDROME (The Oh Selfish Me Mini Edition): yea okay…never! Lol. I know they say never say never but um…I highly doubt it. Even though I’m so disappointed in myself for all the chances I gave Julio and the Ex Factor in my life…I am human and I do love. However, any man that I love should love and respect me for always loving myself a little bit more than him…if not a lot more! ?? We as women set the standard for what we are worth and while I will entertain the man I love saying he’s trying to do right…the minute I see he isn’t…you can expect my ass to go LEFT!✌?️ I love hard but I love myself even more. For those of you who love to destruction, are there not times that you can’t stomach looking at that man that’s driving you to the insane asylum and back?! Cause that’s where I was with Julio 7 years ago (never came back from it) and where I am currently vacationing with the Ex Factor!?? Like disrespecting myself and settling for less (in love) literally leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I can no longer look at myself in the mirror when I’m stomaching the bullshit. So yes I’m quite selfish when I exit with the quickness. Ain’t nobody got time for that! MISS ME WITH ALL OF THAT! Get your shit together or don’t step to me at all!?? 1. THE NEED TO PLEASE EVERYBODY AS THEY SUCK THE KINDNESS OUT OF ME SYNDROME (The Oh All About My Own Feelings Mini Edition): why does society tell women especially to be kind and nice no matter what?! Has anyone ever told you that not everyone deserves your kindness? Or that some folks deserve the cold shoulder and silence? Or that some folks earned that good old fashioned cussing out coming their way? Sistas…we will lose our minds trying to please everybody but ourselves! Like who puts you first? Who is staying up at night trying to figure out how to make you happy? Before you even answer those questions, are you doing those things for yourself? Who makes you a priority if you don’t? Girl…I hear your silence and it’s deafening! MISS ME WITH THAT! Oh Picky Selfish Me is more than a title…it’s a way of life and survival! And it damn sure is a necessity if you ever plan on finding and living your happiness! My love life may be in the toilet but my life is good! Oh Picky Selfish Me picks up the pieces of a hot damn mess I create when I leave myself behind! And then a rejuvenated me steps forward with strength, works harder at my two careers, and books a damn trip FOR MYSELF and BY MYSELF! You see…I can always count on ME!?? ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying that some folks need a class in Oh Picky Selfish Me! Love thy self the most, often, and with everything in you!? 

Happy Serenity Sunday! I hope and pray that you are all having a very relaxing weekend! If you are like me and are working all weekend, I hope and pray you have found at least a few minutes to meditate and take stock of the direction you want your life to go in. It’s our new season and I truly believe it shall be a season of FAVOR and BLESSINGS! ?? However, we have to put in some work! For the last couple of years, I’ve been saying I need to lose some weight! Every year, it feels like, I’m 10lbs heavier! Between my stressful personal life and my hectic work schedule…I’ve made excuses after excuses of why I haven’t loss weight. Now here’s a funny thought most folks might have not had unless you fall into this category. I’m neither petite nor plus size! So for those of us in the middle…while the petites are being praised for their tiny waistlines (or glared at for their lack of eating “real” food) and the plus sizes are either being body shamed or celebrated for loving themselves at any size…those of us in the middle are eating a donut praying it drops us on the petite side! ??? Now I would love to lose 40lbs within the next year! I’m going to start on the first 20lbs by tweaking my daily diet and adding exercise into it. Starting tomorrow I will completely drop soda drinking unless it’s a holiday (like Thanksgiving and Christmas) and stop excessive snacks that I eat throughout the day….because I’m bored not because I’m hungry. I don’t believe in diets but I do believe in lifestyle changes! Because of my long NYC commute…I walk about 3 miles a day anyways (I’ve an app that tracks my movements). And I love running outside with Papa Michaels…it’s just been hard to do since I’ve been working 7 days a week with the only days off being when I’m laid out sick! My good college friend and owner of TEEM Performance Training, LLC, Derek Arledge (http://www.teempt.com/)…made me an online workout video that’s less than 15 minutes to work on my target areas…awhile ago. ? Sad to say that I haven’t used it yet! Oh the shame! ? But starting this week…I will aim to do the video at least 3 times a week. Check his site out no matter what state you are in! He’s located in the DC Metro area now but creates online workout videos for clients anywhere. ?? Thanks Derek! Now back to the matter at hand…I truly believe in lifestyle changes…NOT diets! So I’m taking baby steps to build a more healthy daily lifestyle. Now I know some of you are looking at my weight loss goals and saying I can do them faster if I was more disciplined with my daily eating habits….and that is very true…but in order for it to be a lifestyle change…it’s got to be ingrained in me. Everyone is different so do what feels rights for you. I’m starting my journey slowly. Weight gain can affect so many things. I’m a beautiful woman with a pretty good body but with not feeling good in it and the Ex Factor doing nothing to make me feel special and beautiful…I don’t even have a desire for sex with him! Yes guys…the emotional can screw the physical up. I was warning him for a while but he just didn’t get that I didn’t feel wanted by him. And while the men in NYC shout me out daily (mostly in a respectful manner)….it didn’t matter if the man I love left me feeling unwanted. And that truly put him in the friend zone!? Men, never forget to make the woman in your life feel special as she takes on life’s journey! Ladies, please do the same for the men in your lives! ‘Tis a new season! Let’s love on ourselves and one another lots! I don’t know what it is but I’m super excited about October!?I have a feeling it will be a beautiful catalyst in our new season. Get ready and get excited too! ~KJM on what is now Serenity Sunday saying no matter what goals you have in your new season…start putting them into action!?? 

Today I’m starting a monthly series called “Awaiting BOAZ.” At least once a month, I will write my future BOAZ. Now I don’t know how long GOD has me waiting so I could be writing him for months, a year, or years. I may even give up at times…but don’t you dare give up on me. This journey will not be an easy one but I’m worth it! If you are single (as in non married) please follow this series on my self hosted site (www.kingstonjaelmichaels.com) or at my Kingston Jael Michaels Facebook page. Even if you are married and want to lend your support, please also follow along closely. Now for those of you who are not familiar with BOAZ, I’ve copied and pasted the Wiki Summary to get you all up to speed: “Son of Rahab and Salmon, Boaz was a wealthy landowner of Bethlehem, and kinsman of Elimelech, Naomi’s late husband. He noticed Ruth, the widowed Moabite daughter-in-law of Naomi, a relative of his (see family tree), gleaning grain in his fields. He soon learns of the difficult circumstances her family is in and Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi. In response, Boaz invites her to eat with him and his workers, as well as deliberately leaving grain for her to claim while keeping a protective eye on her. Ruth approaches Boaz and asks him to exercise his right of kinship and marry her. Boaz accepts, provided that another with a superior claim declines. Since the first son of Ruth and a kinsman of her late husband would be deemed the legal offspring of the decedent and heir to Elimelech, the other kinsman defers to Boaz. In marrying Ruth, Boaz revives Elimelech’s lineage, and the patrimony is secured to Naomi’s family. For those substituting, redeeming factors, Ruth’s husband is considered by some Christians to be a type of Jesus. Their son was Obed, father of Jesse, and grandfather of David. Boaz is mentioned in both the Gospel of Matthew and the Gospel of Luke as an ancestor of Jesus.“ Now even if you are not a religious/spiritual person…the wait for BOAZ (or the female version for the men) can still be a significant one! I consider this journey to be a personal AND spiritual one. If you feel lost in the dating world or feel like you are dating the wrong person…await BOAZ with me!!! I definitely cannot do this journey by myself so let’s walk hand in hand. Please feel free to write me publicly or privately about your own journeys! Now to how I got here…in 2016, two guys told me they loved me: Elijah in January and the Ex Factor in May. I don’t think either one has a clue what true and everlasting love is about and I’m not even mad. I easily let them go because I knew they were not BOAZ! And with doing that, I’ve freed myself up for my BOAZ! Meeting a man has never been an issue for me and finding one that wants to marry me has been easy. You see I’ve never been the type of woman easily moved by a man’s words. A man…is just a man. I’m never hot and bothered for one. With that being said, why has BOAZ escaped me in my 20 years of dating? Here are 4 reasons I believe BOAZ has not found me: 4. BOAZ was not initially part of my life plan. I’ve been living in a me, myself, and I world until I turned 34. 3. While I believe in marriage, I’ve never really believed it was the path for me. Getting myself ready for BOAZ means taking a firm stand on this issue. I cannot somewhat be a wife. Either it’s what I want or what I don’t! The Good Lord did not create me to just be a girlfriend or even worse…an afterthought.?? 2. While I’ve taken years off of dating and/or sex (2 years in graduate school, most of 2013, and all of 2014 come to mind), I did not do so awaiting BOAZ. I did so hiding from more pain and more false love. In essence, those years off did not prepare me for much because I was avoiding living my personal life and keeping my feelings “safe.” Great love, I believe, takes great risk! Awaiting BOAZ is about faith, love, hope, risks, and trusting in GOD to guide us. 1. I was NOT ready for BOAZ! Yes I believe we have to get ready while we await God’s blessings! So that’s where I’m at…getting ready as I await BOAZ. Now I have no clue who he is but I do believe he will feel like my best friend before he feels like my lover. He will speak to my spirit before even speaking to my body. I do not picture BOAZ to be of a certain race. I’m open to God’s plan for me. Though I hope and pray he will be over 6 ft as I love a tall man! My heels! My heels! I live in heels! Guess I’m just making a special request to GOD to make my BOAZ tall. Lol. I’m still a work in progress. I picture my BOAZ to be patient…a man ready to teach me certain things while learning from me. He won’t be into games and will encourage me to follow his lead. He will know where we are headed! He will know I AM HIS ONE and will need no convincing! My BOAZ will be a leader and not a follower unless he’s following the teachings of Jesus! ?? He will support my work ethics and my dreams! He will appreciate the pain and struggles I’ve been through to get myself right for him. Other than that, all that BOAZ can be…only God knows!?? Before I go, I want to give you guys one of the Bible passages about BOAZ from Ruth 2: “Ruth Meets Boaz in the Grain Field Now Naomi had a relative on her husband’s side, a man of standing from the clan of Elimelek, whose name was Boaz. And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor.” Naomi said to her, “Go ahead, my daughter.” So she went out, entered a field and began to glean behind the harvesters. As it turned out, she was working in a field belonging to Boaz, who was from the clan of Elimelek. Just then Boaz arrived from Bethlehem and greeted the harvesters, “The Lord be with you!” “The Lord bless you!” they answered. Boaz asked the overseer of his harvesters, “Who does that young woman belong to?” The overseer replied, “She is the Moabite who came back from Moab with Naomi. She said, ‘Please let me glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.’ She came into the field and has remained here from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter.” So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with the women who work for me. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the women. I have told the men not to lay a hand on you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water jars the men have filled.” At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She asked him, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?” Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.” “May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,” she said. “You have put me at ease by speaking kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servants.” At mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar.” When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over. As she got up to glean, Boaz gave orders to his men, “Let her gather among the sheaves and don’t reprimand her. Even pull out some stalks for her from the bundles and leave them for her to pick up, and don’t rebuke her.” So Ruth gleaned in the field until evening. Then she threshed the barley she had gathered, and it amounted to about an ephah. She carried it back to town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gathered. Ruth also brought out and gave her what she had left over after she had eaten enough. Her mother-in-law asked her, “Where did you glean today? Where did you work? Blessed be the man who took notice of you!” Then Ruth told her mother-in-law about the one at whose place she had been working. “The name of the man I worked with today is Boaz,” she said. “The Lord bless him!” Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. “He has not stopped showing his kindness to the living and the dead.” She added, “That man is our close relative; he is one of our guardian-redeemers.” Then Ruth the Moabite said, “He even said to me, ‘Stay with my workers until they finish harvesting all my grain.’” Naomi said to Ruth her daughter-in-law, “It will be good for you, my daughter, to go with the women who work for him, because in someone else’s field you might be harmed.” So Ruth stayed close to the women of Boaz to glean until the barley and wheat harvests were finished. And she lived with her mother-in-law.“ And so the journey begins…stay tuned~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying I’m super excited about this journey!?