Kingston Expressions

2017 Resolution: Date Ugly Men With Money (The Pretty Men Take Too Much Work Edition)

December 27, 2016 by admin

I hope you guys enjoyed Christmas and Boxing Day! Both holidays were actually pretty great with my family…well most of the family. There’s always one! ? Now as we approach the next holiday (New Years)…allow me to get IGNORANT! As the year is close to an end, I’ve made just one resolution! I AM ONLY DATING UGLY MEN WITH MONEY IN 2017! Before you side eye me…let me explain! With all the ups and downs I’ve had with the Ex Factor in the last 6.5 years…I finally figured out why our shit don’t work! Besides him not being ready for a serious commitment and possibly not truly loving me…he’s just TOO FUCKING PRETTY and pretty dudes take real motherfucking work! So off to the ugly men with money (because who the hell fucks with an ugly man for fun?) I go! Least I can do is get my student loans paid off! Lol. Now when I say “ugly” I mean not so attractive on the outside but a big heart on the inside. We’ve all dated beautiful ugly people (gorgeous on the outside and super ugly on the inside)…no…those are not the type of men I’m referring to! Here are the top 10 reasons why I’m leaving pretty men alone (or going to attempt to) in 2017:

10. AN UGLY MAN GENERALLY WON’T NEED TO BE REASSURED HE’S PRETTY EVERYDAY! If you have ever dated a pretty guy….you will know that his ego and pride are HUGE! Dude wakes up looking pretty and figure he don’t got to work for shit…not even pussy! ? “Pretty Ricky what they call him!” And his every move says he’s just too fucking pretty to cater to any woman! ✌? An ugly man, on the other hand, if he’s truly honest with himself…knows he’s ugly! He’s lucky to get ANY play. And truthfully that’s where his heart and his money come in! An ugly man is generally a humble man!

9. UGLY MEN PAY FOR BETTER DATES! No fucking argument about the 2 for 20 at Applebee’s here! An ugly man knows he’s missing looks so his dating game gots to be legit! Now there’s no science to this but in my experience ugly men plan the best dates! I’ve dated TWO UGLY GUYS…when I was on the rebound. They planned 5 course dinners, took me to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Company, gave me flowers, bought me things…and I even got a gold ring with diamonds from one of them…I mean the gifts didn’t stop! I’m no gold digger and make good money. Even though I can do for myself..I sure did love being pampered! No fucking “Netflix and Chill” arguments here! An ugly dude with money knows he got to put out…financially!

8. AN UGLY DUDE EATS GOOD PUSSY AND/OR TOSSES A GOOD SALAD! Once again there’s no science to this but I would bet money on it every time. Both my ugly rebound men were good pussy eaters and that ain’t even my thang! ? While Pretty Ricky hesitating to go down on you…an ugly dude will full service his chick (as long as she smell right and is pretty) from clit to asshole! Now y’all know I would never order a tossed salad but OH MY when it’s done right…a woman can feel like she bout to fall in love…even if it’s with Shabba’s cousin! ✌?

7. PRETTY DUDES ALMOST ALWAYS CHEAT! Yea I know that’s a big generalization but in my experience it’s true! Now we got ugly men with money in my family who cheat just as much but it’s their money that gave them access to pussy! When your man is pretty…bitches will fuck him broke, rich, or even while he is living off of another bitch! Lawd a mercy! Pretty is just too much trouble! ✌?

6. PRETTY DUDES ARE SLOW TO COMMIT! Well as my hair and eggs are slowly turning gray…still no real commitment from the Ex Factor!? Pretty dudes…especially the educated ones…hold out longer to commit. Yea yea yea I know I’m talking out my ass here but go with it! It’s the last Temptation Tuesday of the year! Let’s be IG-NANT!

5. UGLY DUDES DO MOST OF THE WORK IN BED! I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted from fucking a pretty guy (the Ex Factor) all year. It’s so much work! ? Ride him, talk nasty to him, and try new tricks because Pretty Dudes are always into more adventure! I can just fart in my ugly men’s faces and they climax (though I only slept with one ugly guy). Sometimes I just want to silently get my salad tossed! But noooo…pretty dudes have to be fully engaged in bed! You practically have to tell their dicks a bed time story just to get any sleep! Pretty dudes always poking! It’s my experience that an ugly guy will allow the relationship to develop at your pace because he knows he’s lucky to have you! He’s hoping you will fall in love with his ugly ass! But a pretty guy…forget it! He always has options!✌?

4. UGLY GUYS TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU FASTER! It took the Ex Factor almost SIX years to use some form of the “L” word! Now I don’t remember it taking that long with any of my other men…but especially not one of my ugly dudes! Love is always on their mind…even if it’s a con because they know you are out of their league! Ugly fight to keep ya from any angle!

3. UGLY MEN COMMUNICATE BETTER! Once again…I don’t have it down to a science but my ugly men communicated way better than my pretty ones! An ugly dude always gone ask you what you thinking…what you feeling because he wants you to like him!!! Pretty Ricky don’t give a damn about your feelings! He’s loved by many women! And they cater to him so he don’t ever have to cater to them! “Pretty Ricky what they call him!” And he don’t even have to answer! All he got to do is smile and panties cum off!

2. UGLY MEN TEND TO HAVE TINY PENISES AND A LOW SEX DRIVE! Hence all the eating and tossing they do! Lol. Now I know there’s some big dick ugly men out there but I haven’t run into them! Matter of fact I’ve never even SEEN any of my ugly dudes’ dicks! Yea I slept with one but I never looked his penis in the face! I mean if his face is hit…why the fuck would I want to see any other part of him?! Every time I felt their penises…it was TINY and weird feeling. Like half circumcised and half not!? Like what the fuck is that about! Just eat me out and then toss my salad and then leave me the fuck alone! No way I’m staring an ugly guy’s dick in its face! The times I’ve gone this route (slept with an ugly guy…yuck) I was already selling my soul to the devil! No need to make it worse by taking a good scary look at his sad looking dick! ✌? My Pretty Rickys, on the other hand, are usually skinny, tall, with gigantic penises! Hence all the work I got to do in the bedroom! My vagina retirement plan is definitely with some small dick ugly guy! Too exhausted from Pretty Ricky!✌?

1. IT IS REALLY HARD TO LEAVE A PRETTY DUDE FOREVER! Yo I’m 6.5 years in with the Ex Factor! That should tell your ass something! I love him, he’s pretty, he’s educated, and he’s talented with no children! Those traits are hard to find! But if you add slow to commit and always keeping his options open…I’m now getting in my car and headed to ugly guy lane to find a suitable mate! ???Pretty Ricky know he’s pretty and that’s the whole fucking problem! I’m a BOSS CHICK but there will always be somebody younger, prettier, and smaller than me. As far a hard working woman with a big heart and the type of woman who can help a man build an empire…the Ex Factor will have a hard time replacing me in those ways. I don’t think there’s another woman who could love him more! But Pretty Ricky will always be slow to realize that! Now before I go I did want to make THREE UGLY MEN WITH MONEY DATING CAVEATS:

3. The two ugly guys I dated when I was on the rebound from Julio and the Ex Factor…seemed like they were beautiful on the inside but turned out to be ugly inside and out! I’m lucky to have escaped with my life from both men! ?? And I’m definitely not trying to be dramatic here! I went through some shit with them. People can pretend to be things they aren’t! Ugly, pretty, or in between…a mate’s heart, their intentions for you, and how they treat you publicly and privately are what matters most! All jokes aside…I don’t want to be with any man that isn’t caring nor considerate!

2. There are a HUGE range of men in between ugly and pretty! Great men are exist in the middle and your future children’s genetics won’t be damned to all hell if you stay in this range! ?This blog focuses on the two extremes for effect! There are lots of cute sweet guys that aren’t considered ugly nor pretty! That might be a good category for many of us.

1. Despite my ignorance, please do not focus too much on looks nor money! I am just at a frustrating part of my life when I want to be done with games with the man I love and it don’t look like that’s happening any time soon. So off to ugly men lane I head…with my sense of humor and probably half my sanity! ? ~KJM counting down to 2017 on Temptation Tuesday! I hope 2017 is filled with love and prosperity for all of us!?

Childhood Equals Serenity

December 24, 2016 by admin

I haven’t been a child since I was 4 years old. That’s deep…so many years and tears between 5 and 35. What I want to tell my 5 year old self is that she will always mourn the life she never had…sometimes because she mistakenly believed the grass was greener on the other side but mostly because the weight of her current life would sometimes be difficult to carry. And that’s okay! It’s okay…for who I am today is the woman made up of trials and tribulations. Every tear I shed was a tear of strength for I always got up after. I ALWAYS GOT UP! My 5 year old adult self began my journey of strength…~KJM on Serenity Saturday aka Christmas Eve??

Serenity Is Freeing Yourself From Generational Curses (Sins Of The Mother Edition)

December 24, 2016 by admin

I know that today’s blog will absolutely devastate my mother but I cannot worry more about her feelings rather than my own truth! If you have been reading my blogs carefully and reading in between the lines…one of the very few things I do not spell out is family pain. It’s embarrassing and gives so many people room to judge me. With that being said, I ask you to read this with an open heart and not deny me my experiences. For over 30 years, I have been carrying…what I feel is a generational curse with me. My mother and I have never had a good relationship. It’s a generational thing because almost NONE of the women on BOTH sides of my family had/have a good relationship with their moms. We all come from a long line of emotional, physical, and verbal abuse from our mothers (and for many…from our fathers too…though I and I alone got lucky with having Papa Michaels as my father. I’m sure my sister, Brenda, feels differently and has her own truth). When I think of unconditional love, support, and reassurance…I think of my father! I grew up feeling like my mother hated me (as she generally would address me as a bitch or hoe). She never took any real interest in being there for me except to send me to good schools. Hence why I buried my head in education! It was my only outlet. My mother was forced to raise her brothers and sisters in poverty in Jamaica while (according to my family) my grandmother was in the US and my grandfather, still in Jamaica, would leave the house everyday not caring if all 6 kids had food to eat… My mother was forced to forfeit her childhood so that her and her siblings could escape poverty, abuse, and sexual assault. Though…they really didn’t escape much. Each, in my opinion, still show those wounds and scars and then passed it down to my generation. I was given the same fate as my mother. Forfeited my childhood to help raise my siblings. Now when I say RAISE… I’m not talking about babysitting. They were my responsibility even if my mother was home! My mother, much like hers and so on, had no interest in mothering. Her mother is the spawn of the devil (I consider my grandmother to be dead even though I guess she’s technically living). Abusive in every way…my mother’s mother controlled her life until she was in her mid 40s! You see that’s how abuse works….there’s always some deep hold your abuser has over you. And if I wasn’t a different type of person…my mother would do the same to me! The last time I was really a child was when I was 4 years old! I’ve been cleaning up my mother’s messes, raising her children, and in some ways raising her ass since I was 5 years old! I have a lot of sadness and anger about that but if you ask my mom (I’m sure my grandmother would say the same about her own parenting)…she’s a great mom! She tells herself this everyday which to me is kind of comical. If you are naturally something…no need to tell the world! Now I will say she’s a great nurse and she’s been wonderful with all my cousins that she adopted and all the other children that she’s come across! She’s just fucking terrible with her own! To some degree…all of us kids would agree…though my brother and sister are closer to my mother than my father. I think that’s how generational curses work…each generation tries just a little harder than the one before…only to pat themselves on the shoulder for a job well done…and only doomed to repeat the same mistakes or worse! Now I’m just giving you a synopsis of my situation so that I can give you today’s Serenity Saturday message! So much more I could say…I could write a book…but I simply don’t have that kind of time today! What I’ve been waiting to say since I started this blog was that at FIVE years old I told the nuns at my Catholic school that I never wanted to get married and have kids!!! It’s 30 years later and I’ve kept that promise. It wasn’t until yesterday when I unexpectedly broke down at my hair salon did I realize that part of the reason why I avoid serious relationships and pop my birth control pills even through years of celibacy is because I feel it’s the only way I can protect myself from the generational curse! While Auntie Kingston loves the children…I’ve never had a desire to give birth. This has not changed. I know that children take a lot of work and that most of the world had them because of what they thought children were going to bring to their lives…not realizing that children TAKE…that’s their job! No to give! They never asked to be born! So when I hear about people popping out children like they are buying ornaments for a Christmas tree…I fucking cringe! In my opinion, no woman on both sides of my family…except my Great Grandmother Alice on my father’s side…should have ever become a mom. Mothering wasn’t there thing and most didn’t even fucking try! The amount of abuse the children in my family have gone through is horrific! Now I know some of you without parents or with just one parent are side eyeing me. But hear me out! My mother is famous for always repeating to us kids that “half a mother is better than none!” While I’m not sure if that’s true or not…who the fuck signs on for the job of mommy…expecting to do only half the fucking work?! That’s because in her eyes…half is better than what she got. I beg to differ! Do not step into the ring of parenting if you aren’t willing to do the work! Do not let your children suffer because you are a selfish ass human being! So if you were wondering why I stayed with the Julio’s and the Ex Factor’s of the world…it’s because they were always dead ends!!! I could escape the generational curse and stay by myself with no children by dating boys that are incapable of the kind of true and everlasting love a wise woman would need to even think about marrying and reproducing! So I carry this fear with me…that if I ever reproduced…I would be like most of the horrible mothers in my family!!! Deep… Someone recently asked me if I’ve ever told my mother how I feel? Mama Michaels claims to fame are she’s a great nurse and a great mother! Neither are up for interpretation…though I will admit she’s great at her job! And everyday I’m so thankful she was a career mom and not a stay at home mom! I don’t even like to be home with her now and I’m 35! I’m not sure how one frees themselves from a generational curse but I hear it starts by giving it to God and letting it go! I have so many family and friends who assure me I would be a great mom but I cannot be sure. So I pray and I stay to myself. For I don’t want a child writing something like this about me 30 years from now. It would break my heart…even if I was six feet under! Lastly, I know there’s no manual for parenting and mistakes will always be made! But to all my parents out there…never underestimate what an honest and open conversation with your children, a sincere apology, and the willingness to move forward in a positive manner can do for your children’s soul. Denying you hurt them and denying their experiences as they see it…will only continue the generational curse… ~KJM on Serenity Saturday saying I know that was a lot. As we all brace yet another holiday with our families…please keep in mind past hurts and be careful not to continue them. Happy Christmas Eve!

The Guilt Of Turning A Page (Winter Solstice Edition)

December 21, 2016 by admin

Well it’s the first day of Winter and I’m already in the midst of my Winter funk! Dramatic much?! Lol. This is just NOT my season but I must still live it the best I can. As I anxiously await the ball dropping into 2017 while PISSING on my memories from 2016…I turn a page. Started refocusing on myself and not giving two fucks about love. Yes I have kind of left you all hanging with the Ex Factor story…only hinting on where we may or may not be present day. Truthfully, I’ve just left that all to my Higher Power. Too exhausted to even bother giving it an extra thought. So if you feel like I left you with a cliff hanger…picture me sitting at the edge of a cliff having a glass of wine at sunset…waiting to see how the story unfolds my damn self! ?? Now to this turning page theory. While many of you are drafting up New Resolutions…I generally shy away from them. Last year I made September (2015) my New Years when I launched this blog. A Gemini has the ability to make any day or month feel brand new! However, there is something about the last couple days of the year that seem so….FINAL! So I turn the page…burning what I can. Yea…you read that right! ? I started cleaning up my private social network page and unfriending people I’ve no real issue with except for the fact that they are connected to people I no longer want to be connected to! Why am I having some level of guilt about this? I deserve to not have any of Julio’s family on my page! I deserve to not spend 20 years in emotional debt to somebody who frankly…is always going to be an asshole! I’ve tried the friendship route with him and he fucked that up…permanently. Julio is a source of negativity and I am just ready to not know any form of him! ?? And to be honest…none of my other exes…not even the Ex Factor…has any extended friends nor family on my private page! When I’m done with a person…friend, family, or lover…I wish them well…but I could really care less how they are doing! I mourn them and then I aim to successfully move on. People, especially ex friends, hate this about me. I RARELY look back! As I continue to turn the page, I’m thinking of changing my cell phone number even though I LOVE that number. I’ve had it for over 15 years…but my block list is getting so long that I’m really starting to think it’s just time to change my number! It’s the weirdest thing…people wanting to hold on to you when you have already let go of them! While I have no hate in my heart for any one, the guilt of turning the page and leaving folks behind is heavy. I want to FREE myself from unnecessary stress and closing doors enhances that goal. Yet I can’t help but feel bad for wanting to limit people in my life. Turning the page…I heard a voice say…but it’s a NECESSITY! You cannot stay in the same place with the same people living the same moments! No matter how much we want to stay put…we have to March on…head held high…gracefully stepping into our new destiny. To be the REAL me…I must always be ready to embrace the NEW me as she sheds her skin and recreates her life from scratch…each time. I cannot stand in time for you! I cannot even stand in time for ME! The winds will blow and the forces shall push me in a direction! Isn’t it better that I choose that direction? So I turn the page and I take small steps into the unknown. Not sure if it’s the frost bite of the Winter Solstice that has this cold feeling coming over me…it’s BOLD and it’s FREEING! It’s not the harshness I anticipated! It’s the birth of my new skin and no it didn’t come without hardship…~KJM on Hump Day saying do not be afraid to free yourselves from anything or anyone that does not promote your growth!

In The Late Hours (I Waited And Then Gave Up Edition)

December 19, 2016 by admin

As the sun rose, I sat there quietly with a smile on my face. Hopeful…I waited for you. It’s not that I didn’t know the wait would be long but I some how always thought it would be worth it. So I sat there…in silence…careful not to be interrupted by anyone nor anything. It took discipline to wait. Never knew I had it in me…to STILL look for someone…disappointment after disappointment…heartbreak after heartbreak. That I would have the patience to sit there looking at the sun rise…with hope in my eyes. But I did it. I waited…until it was in the late hours. Something in me began to transform. Not even the moonlight, at first, would turn me off. I told myself that our reunion and my wait for you would be so much more beautiful under the moon. I wanted to hold hands, kiss, and tell life secrets in the moonlight. There would have never been a touch more intense and deep than the one you would have felt…had you met me. Mostly, I wanted to have that feeling in my heart where I had just about given up but you showed up…to prove to me that love was always stronger than doubt and fear. No the moonlight did not bother me. It excited me…as I waited for you. And so I waited and waited. Starting to doze off…it dawned on me…like the sun had many hours before…that I could not hold on forever…for even then sun had retired for the night. Even she had left to regain her strength. But there I still was…in the late hours…tired…exhausted…yet still waiting for you. You never turned up and it was there in those late…dark hours…that I gave up. Not because I wasn’t strong enough to wait some more…but because essentially the moonlight pointed out what the sun couldn’t…I WAS WAITING ALONE! Waiting in vain…and so the new journey begins. ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying that I’ve forgotten why I love this blog so much…I love to write! This post may have come off romantic…and there are some elements of truth in it…but it also goes out to friends, lovers, and family. For the last 5 days I’ve been beyond sick and while some of my very best family and friends stepped up their game…what surprise me were the people that checked in on me consistently. There weren’t people I consider family! Those folks barely bat an eye that I was sick. ??And while I rarely need people…these last 5 days I needed you! Also even more surprising, more of my NEW friends checked in on me continuously via text and FB than the folks I’ve known almost 20 years! I was truly moved to tears when one of my new friends apologized for not being able to check in on me since Wednesday (day of my surgery) because she got into a car accident Wednesday night! Like someone thought of me when they had hit their lowest point! I’ve several friends also sick/in the hospital and as these medications made my body sick I rotated and checked in on who I could via text. Yea 2017 most of you are going to see a brand new side of me. It seems the Ex Factor wasn’t the only one praying on my kindness! Now for all my readers and listeners…what does this means for the blog and podcast? Things will get even more deeper and earth shattering! I’m gonna keep pushing the limits! And if I have to continue to do it alone…I WILL because guess what? These last couple of days I’ve felt more alone than I have since November 2009 (the last time I really need friends and family to pull me up)! Only looking out for SELF in 2017! Shout out to my bro Junior, my cousin K, Nicole, and my BFF Zack for making each day better for me! Much love to Grace, Tiffany, Toi, and anyone else who reached out during this difficult time! One Love?

The Two Love You’s (2016 Recollection Edition)

December 16, 2016 by admin

It’s close to the end of the year and like most of you…I am taking stock of my life in the final days of 2016. I have heard many say that 2016 was a terrible year and it wasn’t until around August that I realized it wasn’t really a good year for me. 2016 wasn’t as bad as May 2009-April 2013 (Yikes…I cringe just thinking about those years) but I still cried a lot and got bad news after bad news…consistently trying to keep my head above water. Many things I have shared with you all…but my deepest sadness…I still carry around inside of me. To lighten up my mood…I started to focus on my love life because let’s be honest…it’s always fucking comical! In January Elijah said “Love You” and in May, the Ex Factor said “Love You too.” While they weren’t bold declarations of love…I started to rehash how many guys had said some form of “I Love You” to me. Once again…a comical rehash. To my recollection…there have been 7 guys that have told me they love me. In my opinion, none of them ever truly loved me. Those words or some sentiments of those words were spoken to me out of control or as a place holder for a girl/woman they use to know or yearn to know. That’s sad to say but it’s MY truth! Hell it may be many of our truths and some of us just don’t know it! I believe…when a woman is truly loved…she knows it, depends on it, blossoms in it, and feels secure in it. I’ve never had that…romantically! Even with my oral surgery…I never told the Ex Factor when I was having it. Didn’t trust him to be there because I knew he would gladly let me down! So I depended on the men in my family and they have been there! Waiting on me hand and foot! There’s no man I’ve cared for romantically that I could depend on for shit. My men specialize in let down city…so I don’t trust them with much. Hence always traveling by myself or with my family all the time. I’ve never known a romantic love to be strong enough to be by my side. To be honest…I don’t know many women who have either. Even my “happily” married female friends (if they actually had an honest conversation with themselves) do not put all their trust in their husbands! If one is smart…they will always remember human beings are flawed! Nothing but God is good, true, and forever! But hey that’s just me! lol. So what was my love life like in 2016? Well first off, my Penn State friend’s dog, Solomon, was my first kiss at midnight going into 2016! I have never been kissed by a dog before much less at such a special time and had only kissed one guy, my Penn State Football player college sweetheart, when the ball dropped New Years Day 2003 in Orlando, FL. What did this all mean? Would it be a loved filled year? 2016 turned out to be another year of love trials and tribulations but I never ran out of having someone to kiss! ?Elijah wasn’t the one and the Ex Factor turned out to not be the one either. But for the moments that my heart soared and I truly believed in our love (the Ex Factor and I) I will forever be grateful for the risks my heart took. He came back for me. Maybe he didn’t come back for all the right reasons nor did he fight for me…but he came back for me and for a split second…I saw his HEART! It was a glimpse worth waiting for. ? ~KJM on Flashback Friday saying I pray 2017 is filled with real romantic love! ?

The Alchemist By Paulo Coelho (Fun Reading And Possibly Life Changing Edition)

December 15, 2016 by admin

My speedy recovery book of choice that I had my brother purchase for me right after my oral surgery. FIRST time reading for fun in about 6 years…. Won’t you guys join me? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday

What To Do When You Realize He’s Not The One (The Rejoice Edition)

December 14, 2016 by admin

This is going to sound so weird coming from me but it’s 4:23am…just a few hours before I have all of my wisdom teeth pulled…and I just have to get something straight with you guys. I am nervous and yes…I am scared. I’m the type of person who has never been sick (minus the flu) and has never had any type of surgery. Couple that with the thousands I’m paying out of pocket for this surgery and I just feel sick to my stomach. Please keep me in your prayers. ?? I love to control everything but I cannot control this. As a matter of fact, I am realizing that I haven’t been able to control much lately! Here I am in this very scary moment and I know that I cannot count on the Ex Factor. And I’m not even mad about it. I think I’ve known for a while…that he wasn’t MY ONE. You see just like with Julio…I feel like I’m trapped in a cycle. Like the devil got a hold of my soul and just because I love a man….doesn’t mean he is my forever. To be honest, I know he’s holding on to me until he finds someone better. I think I’ve been doing the same subconsciously. Every time I see a better opportunity and I feel like I just cannot take the hell I am in…I leave the Ex Factor (with or without notice). He isn’t ready to be loved and I’m finally ready to give love. WE hide so much from each other (never use to be like that) but since December 2012, when my trust in him was broken, I don’t think I’ve ever fully forgiven him nor let him back in. It’s like I’ve let him put one foot back in the house…but the rest of his body is hanging outside. ? I have said it time and time again…I hold grudges and part of me is still angry about the past! In the present…I’m not angry…I’m just exhausted. Exhausted from fighting to heal something that wants to stay broken. I remember my 10 years on and off with Julio. It was so toxic that no one ever thought I would finally get him out of my system! But they were wrong! And so was I for that matter! Lol. In April 2017, I would have known Julio for 20 years…the last 10 of which I couldn’t stand the sight of him. No one ever saw that coming but God knew and I believe deep down inside…I always knew that Julio was NOT the one. It’s just nothing better (or shall I say more toxic) had come along until I met the Ex Factor in June 2010. Once again I fell for Mr. Wrong and found myself in another no win situation! I love the Ex Factor in a way I’ve never loved any other man…but I don’t trust him and damn sure don’t respect him. There’s only one guy I’ve ever dated that I respected and that’s the football player from college because he always kept it real with me, was honest about where we stood (we knew neither of us was ever IN love), and his word was his bond! ?? That’s why he has always been my one that’s got away. Never was I ever held tight by a man so caring…until there was him! Never did I have a man treat me with so much respect…even when no one else was around…never did a man hold me up so high…until there was the football player! I really hope and pray the football player is happy in the relationship he’s in and stays blessed! Because I’ve known what it’s like to date someone wonderful that I’m not in love with but is too great to let go (speaking of the football player here)…I get where the Ex Factor is coming from. He’s at a point where he thinks he can find better than me (maybe he’s felt that way from the jump) but doesn’t want to let me go in case he’s wrong! That was me with the football player! We split in 2004 yet I held onto that friendship until 2012…when he met someone special! Ahhh yes if you do the math, I was dating the Ex Factor at that time! Daddy didn’t raise no fool! I’ve always kept my options open!?? While he did not tell me that he wanted to end our friendship, I finally let the football player go because as his friend…I wanted him to be happy! That right there is one of the big differences between men and women! A man will hold onto a woman he don’t truly want til he goes to his grave because he’s selfish! A good woman, on the other hand, especially when she’s not in love….will let that man go so that he can be happy. This is what I wished Julio, the Ex Factor, and all the other guys I’ve dated had done for me. Leave me the fuck alone because I can do bad by my damn self! ?? I think they held on tightly…not because they thought I would do bad…but because they thought I would find HAPPINESS without them! ? Men are selfish creatures like that! BUT GOD! What God can remove from our hearts and lives…no man has the power to!?? So my prediction is…just like Julio…one day (soon I hope and pray) I will get up…quietly…and be permanently over this toxic phase I have with the Ex Factor. Because God is just that GOOD! So as I prepare to have my surgery…I want to enlighten you (guys and girls) on what I recommend you do when you find out he or she is not the one! REJOICE!?? Because God’s got you coverage! Know that you were not forgotten…you were just being prepared for something and someone better. When it feels like that toxic version of love has the upper hand on you…remember that GOD IS ABLE! Also, if you aren’t married nor have kids with your soon to be toxic ex….consider yourself lucky! You will get out easily…with some bumps and bruises on your heart…but you will love again! Consider yourself to be blessed because God didn’t take you down the alter for you to find out you did not marry HIS promise to you! HE warned you way before! So REJOICE…even through the tears because this too shall pass! And even if you are married and are having this conversation with yourself….all is not lost! I’ve a good amount of friends on their second marriages! Maybe the first one wasn’t a “Godly meant to be marriage” but the second one just may be! Do not lose hope! Do not think that the devil will be on your back forever for…GOD IS ABLE! In my heart of hearts, I cannot tell you how things will play out with the Ex Factor. Only God knows the full story. But I can tell you that it’s a freeing feeling to finally come to terms with the fact that he is not my one! I’m going to fall in love again and this time, with all the lessons I’ve learned, I will also be loved! Not selfishly but wholeheartedly! And there will be trials and tribulations but I shall be going through them with a man I love, trust, and respect! No more wondering where I stand…because he will let me know! And he will be ready…so will I…for that matter! That’s my prediction! So REJOICE ladies and gentlemen because the BEST has yet to come! And if you are worried about your toxic ex finding happiness before you do…let me give you a tip. Julio has been engaged…I don’t know how many times…impregnated women…I don’t know how many times…and while I’m not rejoicing in his pain…last I check…he’s still single and bitter!!! I’ve never been engaged and never been pregnant. While I’m not the smartest in love…I’ve always protected the permanent treasures in my life from a fake forever! Some folks…Lawd…especially men…will go with whomever! Take whomever! Marry whomever! They didn’t find the one God sent for them…they took her replacement because she was easier! Now I don’t wish that fate on any of my exes…I really do wish them well…but I want to spare y’all what I went through with Julio. Every special announcement he had going on in his life…Julio would share with me! And when I hung up the phone…when I use to care of course…I would cry! I would think…he treats them so much better than me! But in all honesty, when Julio ran down all he had gone through in the almost 10 years since we had seriously dated…those women got more material things out of him because he sure never bought me shit…but those things were all false gods…pretty, expensive, looked like they were signaling something deep…but in actuality weren’t signaling anything at all but false promises and false hope! Those women went through hell and back with Julio! I now consider myself the lucky one! Life is really funny like that…I wish I could have told my May 2007 self (our final break up and the first time and last time Julio broke up with me) that I was the lucky one! Let’s repeat that! I WAS THE LUCKY ONE!!! So I stay “in waiting” and get frustrated with God at times but do not give up on me…for I’m leaving this entire Ex Factor mess to God! REJOICE when it’s clear that he’s not the one and then…let “Jesus take the wheel!” ~KJM on Hump Day saying…be blessed my friends. Please keep me and my family in your prayers!

Back By Popular Demand (Mama Michaels’ Wisdom)

December 12, 2016 by admin

Some of y’all have been begging for some of Mama Michaels’ wisdom! Well here it is! ‘A cheap man will always get cheap pussy!’ ?? ~Mama Michaels on Charm School Monday?

A Moment Of Realization

December 12, 2016 by admin

The last couple of days have been so up and down for me. I have some things going that have made the last month in the year stressful and on top of that…my seasonal affective disorder has kicked in…right on time may I add…and I cannot stop crying! For those of you not familiar with seasonal affective disorder…it’s when a certain season brings on a funk or temporary depression. For many of us…the reduction of sunlight in the winter time can trigger it. For others…it could be a time of year something traumatic has happened and you are now reliving it during your difficult season. I hear some people get it in the summer. It’s so different for everyone but for me….once December kicks in…I’m moody and I cannot stop crying! Not to mention temperamental! I’m already a fire cracker so you can just imagine how much more crazy things get until the first day of Spring! Plus if you throw in being a Gemini!? Well let’s just say don’t get in my way! Now that I’ve covered my current mind frame…let’s get in to today’s Charm School Lesson! Last Thursday…and quite accidentally…the Ex Factor and I got into a stupid argument which went on until Saturday! It all started when he asked (what I perceived to be a dumb question) and I asked for clarification. When he continued with his line of ridiculous questioning…which left me feeling old, too wise, and exhausted…I lost my shit and went on the attack! He, in turn, did something he does not typically do…fought back!? Usually the Ex Factor just leaves me standing there (figuratively) pissed off by myself! He tries very hard to avoid unnecessary arguments but on this particular day…he must have either fell and bumped his head ?…OR he thought his question was innocent and I blew it out of proportion! We argued back and forth for two days! And hence the birth of my blog “He Disagrees With MY Feelings!” The Ex Factor is typically emotionless, to me, and I…especially around this time of year…am FULL OF EMOTIONS! ? And so we went back and forth…I mean this man even sent me a list of text messages in response to my one damaging text message! That’s so not like him! So we argued on and I cried and cried for two days! Then something weird happened…just as I was beginning to block him…Facebook reminded me that this time of year…I CRY! And it started to settle in that while the Ex Factor can be insensitive…I’m not in my right damn mind currently! But my pride didn’t let me get myself together. I was hoping he would bend first! I sent him this long break up text (after unblocking him) in which I ended it with Happy Holidays! This dude responded “Thanks Hun…Happy Holidays to you too!” What the fuck?! All I could do to not lose my shit again was respond and say “lol that was the best possible response!” In which he replied, lol! I mean what the fuck?! Either the Ex Factor just didn’t give a fuck or he knew I was tripping and decided to only respond to the one positive part of my text message!? Dazed and confused…I finally got out of bed and went to my family with this whole mess….as in my brother, Junior, and my cousins. And that’s when it happened! Saturday began THE REALIZATION! That moment when I understood something that I’ve been trying to fight all along! My family, including my brother’s girlfriend, got me out of bed, made me laugh, and gave me an opportunity to step outside of my point of view and look at our argument from many different angles! My family lifted me up! And gave me the courage to laugh at life when I had been crying! That’s when it dawned on me…did the Ex Factor always put his family (I get this one) and his boys before me because they too lifted him up during difficult times?! Like the times I left with no explanation…or the times I left because everything just seemed too much for me?! Did he lose his trust in me like I lost it in him? The Ex Factor always says he needs to know we will work out before he makes a deeper commitment. In my mind I’m like…that must be code for I’m not the one…because that sure sounds like some bullshit! But there’s three things I cannot deny (1) I’m inconsistent! I left him sometimes when I did not have the tools nor patience to work things out! (2) If he had left me even once…there’s no way we would know each other now! and (3) despite my flaws and insecurities…I do truly love him. Perhaps neither one of us knows how to love and support each other unconditionally! And so we build walls to keep each other out! Because no one wants to get hurt again! So those times I felt he was choosing his boys over me…makes a little more sense now. Maybe there were times he couldn’t get out of bed and they got him to move. Maybe there were times he needed to laugh and they provided the jokes?! If so…I get it. I now get it. My family means everything to me and this past weekend I would have crumbled without them! If that’s what his support system is like and he too is treading lightly until I can regain his trust…then I get it!!! And that’s my realization! It’s so easy to only look at things with our own eyes! So easy to miss the things we need to work on! Now I’m not saying we are going to make it nor that everything is my fault! What I am saying is…he’s not the only one who has some work to do! ~KJM on Charm School Monday! I hope this blog helps someone out there similarly situated! While I’m careful not to continue to share the meaningful details of our arguments…I will always aim to pass on the positive lessons! Prayers always needed! ??

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