Sex should NEVER be used as a weapon in a relationship nor in a situationship! When Julio and I lost our virginities to each other…we promised to never deny each other sex. And we kept that promise for all the years that we dated. Upset, happy, sad, or in between we were vocal about wanting to please the other person. However, I was almost always still mad at Julio even after we had sex!!!! I’m tired of telling folks that I can separate sex and love just as easily as some of y’all separate your groceries! ? Let me be clear though that MY body was MINE. Julio nor any other man had no permission to violate it nor pursue me sexually without MY CONSENT! ?? In every relationship including marriage, men please get consent from the women you are with before ever touching her sexually and if she says STOP….you do that! Rape is nothing to be played with! I belong to GOD and only GOD. And the only human being that can give consent for me…is me! Now that that’s covered…lets go back to the matter at hand. I never use sex as a weapon in situationships nor relationships! But there comes a time in a situationship/relationship that a woman may have to shut down the pussy pot until SHE feels safe and secure enough to open it back up to the man she loves. I am at such a time with the Ex Factor! As my last two blogs stated, we have been arguing a lot lately and the arguments have been the worst I’ve ever participated in! It’s so unlike us! We are having huge power struggles over our levels of commitment or lack there of AND small shit that is just masking the real issue! It’s gotten downright ugly! The Ex Factor appears to be very forgiving and since the last blow out we have been doing much better. Yet all this arguing got me thinking about some advice Grace gave me a while ago….since the Ex Factor seems to be addicted to my pussy pot….maybe it’s time to shut that shit down until he gets that act right! Because I don’t believe in using sex as a weapon, I decided against it. Things have gotten so bad though that even our sex life (in my opinion) is being affected by it. I’m not thrilled by our sex life right now because we are so emotionally disconnected! For me it feels like a dog shitting outside twice a day….a routine….in which one must do to survive. No real thrill in shitting twice a day…but I guess I got to ask a real dog that! Lol. On Saturday, I spoke to the Ex Factor about just being platonic friends….at which he gave no direct reply. Since then we have been texting each other all day again and I’ve even woken up to a sweet text from him. Hmmmm…did you hear that?! That’s the sound of my pussy pot slowly closing!!! I LOVE this man but I’m not going to let him walk all over me and drive me crazy!!! So I’m taking Grace’s advice! Now Tiffany before you freak….I’m not pulling a 6 months without sex phrase like I did with Elijah!!! No way I could do without the Ex Factor’s touch that long!!! But I’m giving us a little time to fix our communication and get back on the same page! I know the Ex Factor isn’t ready to settle down and truth be told….neither am I. But we love each other and love takes WORK! I can’t have him making me do all the work and making me feel bad for it when he disappoints me! It’s time he steps up and perhaps if I’m NOT riding him, the fucking picture will become crystal clear for him that he better get his ass in gear! I’m a beautiful, intelligent, and loving woman but if he gets me to revert back into bad girl mode…he will regret it!!!! The vagina was built to outlast the penis in every way….hence why they usually die before us. Lol. Channeling Mama Michaels here!? Now for those of you worried that he may get it from somewhere else…he better fucking worry that I may do the same!!! Besides I’ve freed this puppy many times and I’ve learn two things (1) them young bitches aren’t taking they vitamins like they should and (2) he does love me. ?? Now if he runs into a mature OG (Original Gangsta) like me…I may be in trouble (lol) but if that does happen…it was meant to happen! If you love something…don’t be afraid to let it go! I pray we fly and not sink but only God knows our destiny! So I close up shop for a bit. I’ve got my day job, this blog, and a vacation coming up that all my need my attention. Taking advice from my homegirl, Harmony, and focusing on me…while letting all that other shit fall in place!?? ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying I’m over here masturbating, counting my pussy hairs, and eating Cheerios!?? Don’t need any man under me that ain’t gonna do the WORK!✌?️ And for any other guy that may be reading this…um if y’all ain’t the Ex Factor…I’m not checking for you so back the fuck up! ?? 

Well! Well! What day is it? It’s Throwback Thursday and there’s no time like the present to revisit some of the skeletons in my closet!??? If you have been following this blog for more than a day…you already know that my moral compass is set to SHADY! I have definitely messed with two guys (that had girlfriends) during times I also had someone in my life or during a quick intermission. You know my motto on girlfriend and boyfriend relationships (whether you agree with it or not): here today…gone tomorrow!✌?️I’ve taken chicks’ men (but on the real I always return them) and chicks have definitely taken my men! Such is life. But let’s take it a little further! You know I don’t play when it comes to married men! I’m allergic to them! My motto here is if they are a problem for the wife…then they damn sure are going to be a fucking problem for me! Ain’t nobody got time for that!??✌?️ Plus (and it may sound silly to some of you) I don’t play with what God put together and sealed with His love! Marriage may not be in my future….but I damn sure respect it! It’s not easy for any gender (despite a popular belief that it’s easier for women to commit) to promise to love and be with someone forever! The promise itself may be easy…the work of eternity to grow together and not apart…well that’s some real work right there! Now onto why we are brought together today…we are paying homage to the silent…know her place MISTRESS! Hear me out before you stop reading! The other day I read that a Jersey man’s wife AND long term girlfriend both posted obituaries for him in the same paper…with the same picture!!!! Let’s take that in for a moment! Wife and Mistress both decided to publicly bid farewell to this man! Now I don’t know the situation and I’m not even going to speculate on whether they all knew about each other or not but damn….y’all both used the same photo?! Even more importantly…who in the hell told mistresses they could speak?! I’m being serious here! I wrote “Dear Girlfriend” as my alter ego…it was fictional. Not the content but the me contacting the girlfriend part! Never in my life! Chicks have called me for sure and I don’t get nasty with them. I just skool them….your man is who you need to be yelling at. He made a promise to you! Not me! And trust and believe the times I’ve been cheated on…I’ve had no dialogue with the other woman! If she ain’t my friend or my family…she really owes me nothing! But now wait a minute….if she is my friend or family…her beat down coming first because “chicks before dicks.” That bitch would have owed me more respect to say the least! His house would still be set on fire though! Lol. Figuratively speaking of course…because I’m a lady that knows that success is the best revenge! So y’all don’t be out there living a life of crime over a man! I don’t give a damn if he is your husband…your future and your family matter more than him and his drama! But I digress…back to the outspoken and public Mistress! I remember the days when they just hid in the shadows as folks whispered about them…whenever they would suddenly be in a public place. Even in my generation…mistresses weren’t a valued thing! Monica Lewinsky sucked dick quietly until the scandal broke! Silent is what I prefer! All this “I’m Tiger Woods’ Mistress Number 25” shit got to go! There were so many of them…that the media no longer referred to them by names! Just a fucking public number! And for what?! Interviews and book deals?! In my Toi voice….SAT DOWN! And then briefly get up and have a couple more fucking seats! Mistresses have existed since the days of concubines and perhaps even pass that! They aren’t going away! It’s bad enough to hurt a wife silently but to then go on and publicly disgrace her?! Oh hell naw! Know your place! Gal u no de wife….if you don’t respect anything else about her you better respect her legal title and her divine position! Even in boyfriend and girlfriend situations…I’m not calling up Phoenix’s baby mama! ? Where they do that at?! That is still his child’s mother! If for nothing else…I respect that. Any conversations to be had is between her and him. And Phoenix never dared contacted none of my dudes…even though through social media he knew who they were! He knew his place as I knew mine. We don’t bring drama to each other’s door! To kick this conversation up a notch, I’ve been cheated on many times in my dating life (some I knew for sure and some I suspected). Whenever confronted by a mistress…my motto was always…KEEP HIM!✌?️ Cause I know the devil I laid with and now he’s your problem! The only exception to that rule is the Ex Factor! I truly love him so that shit would hurt! But I have been there before…Even though he denies that anything physical ever happened…in Fall 2012…I felt someone was in my back yard! To my surprise…I didn’t cut his ass…I just left him with no notice and by the time he caught up with me I was down south in another dysfunctional relationship! Now I will always regret Mister Toss Salad but I do not regret moving on when I felt disrespected! I did what I felt was right for me at the time and I had some life lessons to learn about myself! Boy did I learn them too! But on the real…that shit cost us two years! And I digress again! Mistresses need to go back to the old adage of “speak when spoken to!” No need for book deals, public obituaries, nor interviews. ? My moral compass ain’t the best but even I know that disgracing another woman like that just isn’t right! Know your position and act accordingly! Now before I let you guys go….here’s today’s shady comparison! In my eyes…a side piece is a jump off. She has no interest in staying with the man. A side piece never wants the full time job of the wife and/or girlfriend! But a mistress….she’s invested for the long term. She may want him and may even love him. A mistress wants that man to leave his girlfriend or wife! She’s got her “eyes on the prize” (prize…as in lack of a better word). Side pieces tend to stay quiet. Give them the sex and the money and y’all are even. For a Mistress, however, there’s no amount of money that will make her go away! The problem with today’s society (cheating isn’t going away so there’s a bigger issue here) is reality television got every side piece and mistress hyped! Selling their souls double….for some fame! Now it’s hard to tell who’s who! Why do I even bother to make this shady comparison? Because I want to let the men know (same goes for us women as a matter of fact)…choose wisely before you decide to jeopardize your marriage! And if you are dumb enough to cheat…make sure you know whether you are dealing with a side piece or a mistress! The mistress’s under cover job is to wreck your life (not that you needed help)! So you better “check yourself before you wreck yourself”…especially if you do want to work on your marriage! And for goodness sakes….please do not further embarrass your wives publicly! Dealing with cheating is difficult enough much less to now make a public spectacle of it! To the Jersey man who got this whole conversation started…I really hope your wife cremated your ass and got a huge life insurance policy lump sum! As I’ve said in my previous blog…“Reasons Why Her Husband Will Never Be Yours (A Single Woman’s Perspective)”…one of the greatest reasons for never being a married man’s mistress is…it’s financially stupid! If he is worth anything and drops dead….the wife will most likely get everything! My morals are off but I’m always about my coins! Can’t take love for another woman’s husband to the bank! That check will always bounce!?? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday…saying don’t judge me…lol. 

Well it’s Throwback Thursday and while I am sharing memories about Crazy….I couldn’t help but share this one! It was the first time anyone had ever witnessed me having sex…unexpectedly…of course. ? One afternoon Crazy stopped by for lunch. He typically did not do this because I’m usually in between classes with little time to chat with him but on this particular day I had a huge gap in my class schedule and I was READY for him! I had lingerie under my winter clothes (now you know how cold State College, PA gets)!? We ate Quiznos for lunch as Autumn and I lived above one. Crazy was always trying to get me to try new things so he was feeding me my lunch as we watched television. He wouldn’t tell me what was in my sandwich…he wanted me to be surprised by each bite. Plus he didn’t want to give me a chance to say I didn’t like something in my sandwich upon hearing the ingredients. To this day…only he and my father can get me to drink tea! Probably shouldn’t have mentioned Daddy in this blog at all…especially with what I am about to say! Damn, I’m creeping myself out. Daddy has suddenly got the urge to knock a guy out and doesn’t even know why! Lol. But I digress for real… Crazy use to dribble the tea in between my inner thighs as he licked it up…that was kind of his way of saying that tea was good for me.?? And boy was tea good for me! I get chills thinking about the pleasure and pain he brought into my life. Well back to the day at hand. Just as Crazy was feeding me my last bite (oohhh la la), Autumn came home from work early. Typically she was not home at that hour either so we assumed she was just home on a quick lunch break and would be headed back to work soon! WRONG!? We all got along well so when Autumn asked if we could turn the tv to the TLC channel…we didn’t think anything of it. Crazy and I thought…soon she will head back to work. Well hours later…after two episodes of “The Baby Story,” two episodes of “The Wedding Story” and just before the first episode of “The Dating Story”….I grew impatient and aggravated. Crazy suggested that it was time for him to leave but I instead begged him to “take a nap with me.“? He warned me that there better not be any funny business when we get to my bed. WE WERE TO JUST NAP!!! Let’s back it up for a second! Let me describe what the apartment that I shared with Autumn looked like. It was an EFFICIENCY apartment with a thin wall that separated the living room from our sleeping area. The wall was open on both sides…it was there for privacy but the openings were a reminder that this was still an EFFICIENCY apartment where anyone in the living room area could easily see what was going on in the sleeping area! Damn…we were broke college students! But this story wouldn’t be so memorable nor hilarious if Autumn and I had actually had a bedroom door!? Unbeknownst to Crazy, my lingerie was nastily laying under my clothes. We got in my bed and I slowly took my turtleneck off. Don’t laugh…you know the turtleneck was big back then! Maybe even considered…sexy! Lol. As I undressed to reveal what was waiting for him….Crazy couldn’t resist! Up until this point…he had been very use to dominating me in the bedroom. But he gave me the tools to take control of him and he waited for the day that I would be ready…today was that day!?? I wanted him. I needed him. And at that moment we both forgot about Autumn and “The Dating Story” out in the living room area…probably no more than three feet from us. At first we were quiet…it was my first seduction. I needed to whisper as I was on the attack. I wanted to please him while letting myself know that…that it was okay to make him my prisoner. It was okay for me to freeze him in time…in my inner thighs! I needed to know that…IT WAS OKAY TO CUM INTO MY OWN!?? Just as I’m on top doing a mean whine and grind as I sing Adina Howard’s “Freak Like Me” in my mind…who do I see headed to the kitchen for what I picture to be some milk for her cookies…AUTUMN!? She happened to look over at the exact time that things were getting good and I was now asking Crazy what my name was (yes this was some hood luv)! ? All of a sudden, Autumn drops whatever she had in her hand (you have to understand that from the angle where I was…she was not my main focus…so we lose some of the details of the story?), opens our front door, and runs down the hallway to our neighbor’s apartment! I could hear her banging on that door like her life depended on it! Crazy, for some weird reason, got embarrassed and pushed me off of him! I think he had a lot of respect for Autumn and didn’t want to feel like he had made her uncomfortable in her own apartment! In my mind…I was like well why did she need milk for her cookies anyways?! Aren’t there times when one just eats cookies without milk?! Couldn’t this have been one of them?! Even if she was suddenly parched and wanted juice…couldn’t it have waited…let’s say…another 30 minutes?! So we didn’t get to finish and I was pissed! All my good moves gone to…waste! Had I not suffered enough through “The Baby Story,” “The Wedding Story,” and the damn beginning of “The Dating Story”?! Why these senseless acts against orgasms, Autumn?! WHY?! I later on realized that the whole situation was an accident on all our parts and Autumn went on to be one of the biggest supporters of me landing the BIG O! She would go on to jog drunk on hot summer days and even take an early morning run during a Central PA snow storm just so I could have as many orgasms as I wanted it. I tear up now for two reasons: 1. Autumn’s level of dedication to my orgasms and 2. This time period in my life would be the last time I could have multiple orgasms…much less any orgasm with a man. All hail the Big O! It was good while it lasted! And if you are wondering…Crazy could make me easily climax from ANY position! On top was actually the final position for my climaxes! That dude was a connoisseur of orgasms! And he always made sure I came FIRST….multiple times…before he did.???????? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying if that dude wasn’t so CRAZY…old Kingston would unblock him just for the climax of it all…? New Kingston, however, is under new management aka still under construction ? 

The first time and coincidentally the last time I would ever be dick whipped was the summer after my Sophomore year of College (WE ARE!). Crazy had been my friend for like 6 months while he was trying to get himself out of some legal trouble. He was my first and last bad boy. At first, I wasn’t even checking for him romantically until one day my roommate, Autumn, asked me if I couldn’t see how sexy and good looking Crazy was! I took a double take of him the next time I saw him and damn Autumn was right!!! How could I have missed it? Crazy was…fucking beautiful and as the summer heat was upon us…he was getting harder to resist. This guy had given me massages and taken care of me when I had the flu. There were parts of him that were so caring…yet crazy…hence the nickname. I remember one winter evening, prior to me realizing how sexy Crazy was, my nose and eyes were running and I had a high fever. Even though I had a high fever, however, I was shivering. That’s when Crazy got in the bed with me and held me….running nose and all. He provided himself as body heat and kept me warm and he laid with me until I fell asleep!? To be honest nothing sexual ever happened between us that winter. I had missed all the signs. Just thought he was my homie. But once Autumn opened up Pandora’s box, I knew what I had to do….maybe what I had been subconsciously waiting to do…fuck him. I was nervous….he was my friend. What if it didn’t work out? Definitely didn’t want to lose a good friend. Then one night we got back from a party (one in which I begged a mutual male friend of Crazy and mine to not allow me to go home with him but of course I ended up taking Crazy home with me anyways?) and he was giving me one of his famous massages. All of sudden R Kelly’s “It Seems Like You’re Ready” was playing and I was shaking. I was nervous and still pretty new to sex. I had no idea what to expect. Still remember what I was wearing that day too….a blue crop top (looked like a farmer’s print) and dark blue flared jeans. Don’t judge me! That was a hot look in 2001 and I had the FUCKING abs to pull it off! Shit I could have sex with my abs right now…that’s how sexy they were. But I digress….this blog isn’t about me seducing myself…it’s about Crazy seducing me.?? Nervous and body shaking…Crazy asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. Of course I did! But I knew this wasn’t going to be like sex with Julio! Little did I know….I was in for a world wind tour of my body. Yes that’s what he did…Crazy reintroduced me to MY body! Parts of it I never knew existed. He started massaging me more intensely and soon started planting little kisses from my back to my neck! I was melting! What to do? I never ran from a challenge before…so I wasn’t going to start now!? That first night with Crazy…I felt my body do things it had never done before. I screamed. I moaned. Tears fell from my eyes. It was everything I wanted and needed plus more. And just when I thought Crazy showed me everything about his sex game…he would go on to give me multiple orgasms throughout our on and off again friendship/relationship for 8 years! Yea….do the math…there’s some overlapping there with a few of my situationships. This is the perfect time to shout out all the birth control and condom companies! Y’all also look out for children and fools! Lol. But back to my mind blowing sex life! ?? I almost lost my mind! Sex was so good…I could slap someone…and like it!?? lol. Sex was so could I could lite up a pack of cigarettes and smoke them all at the same damn time…after…if only I smoked! SEX WAS AMAZING! Sure…I later on found out he was a huge hoe…the best sex ones usually are! ? Still I had a hard time letting go! Crazy was like crack! Later on Whitney Houston would tell the world that crack is whack and crack is cheap and she don’t do cheap! Boy was that interview a day late and a dollar short! By then I was ADDICTED to Crazy! He would be the only man in my romantic life that could make me climax every time we had sex….and multiple times during! I was so dick whipped that the first time I ever physically cheated on a guy I was dating…it was with Crazy! I fell, tripped, and slipped on his HUGE dick! But that’s a another story for another time…. The moral of this story is after Crazy…I learned how never to be dick whipped again! I’m still in rehab???| ~KJM thinking about lighting some candles, having me a glance of wine, and reminiscing about the time I screamed multiples…on Hump Day???