Kingston Expressions

Writer, Editor, & Lifestyle Blogger: Sex, Lust, Love, Celibacy & More 🥰 A woman not afraid to walk in her truth....in style of course 👠 💄

She Said It Was AMAZING (The “I’d Rather F*ck You”…Eazy E Edition)

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You must forgive me…I do not typically start my Mondays like this. But she (an anonymous friend) said IT WAS AMAZING four days ago and the word is still lingering in my mind. Fuck she mean AMAZING?! I had not said that word in like 7 years! ? No disrespect to any of my lovers but it is true. My last real Big O was in May 2010…with Phoenix. Now my friend is dropping words like Amazing and I’m like…where do they do that at?! Most of my friends (female/male…straight/gay) are married so no one in my circle generally throws around the word Amazing when it comes to sex. I think Harmony may have been the most recent (until now) to utter that word…last Fall about a guy she was seeing. But Harmony is my only friend that lives for Amazing experiences.?? What got me about my anonymous friend saying that she had Amazing sex with a guy she is secretly seeing…is she is not the type to easily use the word Amazing. And I could hear it in her voice…as if she was falling right back into the sexual trance he put her in…just by reliving a chapter in her sex chronicles. ? Fuck she mean Amazing? Girl…what did he do to you? Second by second…minute by minute was filled with a built up passion they had both been dreaming about for nine months. He innocently forgot to inform her that he was packing heat. ? Not a pistol penis…more like a missile that was about to invade her space. They were going to war…just the two of them and her neighbors were destined to hear about it ALL NIGHT LONG! ?? It wasn’t just the fact that he had a gigantic penis that made their sex Amazing…I could hear this as her voice trembled. We had both dated men in the big dick club…heck the Ex Factor is a member…but she spoke of deep desires, him whispering sweet nothings in her ears as they broke dawn, and him comforting her through a series of sex positions. She…said…it…was…AMAZING! He stayed with her…in a moment in time that they would both treasure. She wanted to keep him to herself…all to herself…and that was why they were secretly seeing each other. Once friends and now lovers…they needed to figure out what they were to each other before announcing it to the world. Yet she had to tell me that it was Amazing. She could not hold it in any longer…and as if she was still biting her pillow in throws of ecstasy…she managed to get out the word AMAZING! ?? Fuck she mean Amazing? I…I…need details! I asked my friend to not hold back and to tell me everything because I cannot tell the last time…I had been eaten alive with cries of passion. I needed to remember what Amazing entailed. “I shook…I shivered…and then my body betrayed me and exploded into a sea of ecstasy…so much so that he may have heard me mourn that it was AMAZING,” she said. “It was our first time and I was not ready for him to know all my pleasure zones. But it was like he had always had a map,” she breathlessly confessed. Man…she said he was Amazing especially at dawn when he spoke of his feelings for her. My friend was not expecting any of this. Especially to hear that he had been waiting on only her…wanting only her…desiring only her. She said it was Amazing when he held her and she just knew that this night would forever go down in history. There was no where nor no one else he was rushing to. He was there with her…thinking only of her. ONLY HER?She said it was AMAZING and I was instantly jealous! Maybe next time she can record the sounds…I needed to know what it felt like to be desired like that. I needed to hear it…don’t need the visual…just want to know that those sounds are still possible… You see I really love the Ex Factor but he has gotten very comfortable and lazy. Because he knows how much I love him…he no longer feels like he has to try. His family (which is understandable) and friends always come before me. I…am…an AFTERTHOUGHT and even though he tries to justify it…it’s greatly affected our sex life. Most of the time I have no desire for him to touch me. The love is still there but because I do not feel secure and valued…I no longer desire him. I get that the way things are at the beginning of a relationship is not the way it is when you have been together a long time…but I’m not his wife. The Ex Factor should not feel he HAS ME! I wholeheartedly belong to myself. And even if I was his wife…I would hope he would realize that love alone with no follow through/acts of care can die. Maybe we are just in a rut…but still when my homegirl said it was AMAZING…I could not help but mourn the part of me that had died. My sexual being. The part of me that Crazy from college and Phoenix in my adult life…had tapped into. I miss having AMAZING moments. ~KJM enticed by the word AMAZING on this Charm School Monday? 

Smell Like The 2 Train (The Art Of Negotiation Edition)

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Happy Temptation Tuesday! ?? It has been a while since I have written something ignorant. Today’s a great day for that. Flashback with me and the Ex Factor…to…yesterday. ? If you read yesterday’s blog, it should be fresh in your mind that I clearly had some things that I wanted to speak with him about. Typically I like to bury things and not talk about them until I’m ready to explode? so yesterday when the Ex Factor suggested we spend some time together…I tried to stall. As fate would have it…the universe immediately (and I do mean immediately) sided with him. ? Suddenly my jam packed schedule cleared and I left work late in the afternoon instead of late at night. Guess there was no sweeping the dirt under the rug that day! Ugh…so I signaled to the Ex Factor that we did need to sit down and talk about a lot of things. ? I dread communication and he just does not communicate so I already imagined the night to be an epic fail! ? To be certain that I got my points across clearly, I decided I was NOT going to wash the NYC subway system off of me when I got home. I was going to smell (from head to toe?) like the 2 train!?? Now for those who don’t know…the NYC subway system is old as fuck and dirty yet highly efficient! Right when the smell of piss and shit hits me…that’s when I know I’m standing in the right spot to get on the correct subway car that will swiftly get me to the exit door of the subway once I reach my stop. Yum! ??? I kid you not…I go through this every day when I take the train! One can only imagine how much of those juicy ?smells permeate and stays with us as we go through our day! And god forbid we accidentally sit or step in something suspect! ? Yea…there’s a lot of charm in riding the subway! Wouldn’t trade it for the world though…because it’s efficient and humbling! ?? Now back to this conversation with the Ex Factor. In the art of war (or in this case…the battle of the sexes), one must always come prepared and expect the unexpected! The Ex Factor is always use to me being freshly showered…smelling like baby oil and Love Spell. ? But no not today! I got something to say and I did not come here to play! So the 2 train smell it is! That will make sure all my clothes stay on! ?If I ended up taking a shower after our talk, that would mean things went well. I hinted to the Ex Factor that I wouldn’t be taking a shower via text and he thought I was waiting to shower with him! ? Naw brah…I’m here to negotiate! ✌? He enters the room and I keep my distance…partly because I stink and partly because it’s hard to be annoyed if he’s right in front of me. He’s just so freaking cute! ? But I digress…we ended up talking for over an hour and decided he would make more of an effort to make me feel special and wanted and I would calm the fuck down! ? The evening actually went quite well. But why did I even have to go through such drastic measures to get him to pay attention to me?! I mean there I was…stinking to all damn…smelling like the subway hadn’t been cleaned in months…to successfully have a deep conversation with him!? He claims I did not stink but he does prefer that freshly showered, baby oil, Love Spell body splash, pussy marinating just for him smell. ? Lol. He asked and so I delivered! Lol. After all…all is fair in love and war!? I hope today’s blog is helpful for someone out there….though I am fully aware that some folks smash with dirty vaginas, smelly dick, and moldy balls!???✌? If that’s you and your boo…this type of negotiation won’t work for you! Clearly the smell of shit and piss turn y’all on! ✌?? ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday! I hardly can resist the temptation to be ignorant lol Love you baby? 

Falling Out (The I Am Waiting For Me To Change…Not You Edition)

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I am so sorry that it’s been a while since I wrote to you! After Black History Month ended, I needed a tiny break to catch my breath. My work schedule is still very hectic and long…yet I am focusing on the blessing and not the lack of sleep! ?? We are now in my favorite season on the Christian calendar…LENT! During these 40 days and 40 nights…I will do my best to share some of the thoughts I am meditating on. The goal is to leave this season stronger in FAITH…even when it is not easy to do so! ?? My personal life has been my biggest meditation so far. It’s the only area I doubt God in…?Yesterday..it dawned on me that next month…April 11…to be exact…marks 20 years that I have known my first love…Julio. 18 of those 20 years…I felt like Julio was a stranger to me. He changed his outlook on love and just never returned to being the boy I fell in love with. I waited for him to shed his cold exterior and to return to the kind loving boy who stole my heart for the very first time. Well…it never happened and one day…I unexpectedly fell out of love with him. My love never returned… They say history has a funny way of repeating itself when we do not learn from our past mistakes and work hard to correct them. I truly believe I am currently in the falling out of love phase with the Ex Factor. Because of my work schedule and his lack of making me a priority…we have hardly seen each other this year and…I FEEL RELIEVED! ? I hate that I feel this way but I cannot help my feelings. Some days I could cut my work day short…even by an hour…and make time for him…but I choose not to. I have been an option to him and never a priority for the last 6.5 years and I think it’s kind of funny that that’s what he has become to me in the last two years…an OPTION! ?? And frankly, I would rather deal with work stress than our weird situation. I know we need to sit down and talk…if for no other reason but the sake of our friendship. It’s no longer a situationship to me…because I’m not even entertaining it. Mentally and physically…I have left that situation but I hesitate to say anything because I know I am beyond exhausted. My thoughts are having thoughts…and even I know how dangerous that is. Besides being super exhausted, I pause before saying what I have been thinking…since 2015…because I do not want to hurt his feelings. One thing I have learned through my battles with love…is if you hurt the person you truly love…it will come back to you…sometimes…tenfolds! ? So I wait…fully aware that everyone (including the Ex Factor) thinks I’m waiting for him to change. So I wait…knowing that I am actually waiting on me to change. You cannot change a man and frankly even if he did make a huge change now…I do not think he would have the ability to make me fall in love with him again. ? I am just so far gone. Checked out. Aware that I have checked out. Gave up on communicating…I really tried but he does not LISTEN. He hears me…but to him I’m just complaining. So I just stopped trying to reach him. When I reached this phase with Julio (January 2010)…I really thought we would overcome it…but by June 2010 I had fallen for the Ex Factor. If history is repeating itself…BOAZ could just be a couple of months away! ?? That is the upside….that new love could be on its way. ? The downside is…even though I prayed for this…I am not enjoying this phase of falling out of love with the Ex Factor. Because I have been here before…I know that there is a great chance we won’t recover from it. And as strong as I am…I don’t want to face it. Part of me is hoping he will read this blog and finally hear me. Because like how do I say…I would rather do anything else than spend time with you, I barely miss you, if we don’t speak for a while I am happier, and our sex life is in the dumps (in my opinion) because I dread your touch?!! ?Oouch! I am really hoping we just continue to slowly out grow each other…where no one has to point out the obvious…where no one has to hurt each other. That’s really what I want. To not have to say these things. I still do not think he will get it but I will always remember saying it…and that will be hard for me to live with. God is clearly not done with us yet…because this chapter of my life (which was just suppose to last for a summer)…has lasted so long. And so I wait…wait for the signal that it’s okay to change, it’s okay to anticipate BOAZ…it’s okay for me to save my smiles for the man that has been praying for me. I love the Ex Factor…part of me always will…but the love I will have for BOAZ will be the type of love that if we ever hit such a phase…we will both fight to make each other fall in love…more deeply…each phase of our love journey to eternity. ~KJM on Charm School Monday! ? Hope this blog was worth the wait!?

It Is The Return Of The Coochie Coupon (Redeem It While You Can Edition)

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I have been waiting to get you alone! YES! YOU! ? In between my Black History Salutations and my demanding day job…I hope to be able to drop you (my readers) a line that makes you smile and think! So let’s get to it! In the last 7 years, I have given out a total of 3 Coochie Coupons (only to the Ex Factor)…two of which…in the last 8 months! ?For those who don’t know or need a refresher course…a “coochie coupon” is something a woman gives the man in her life when he does something EXCEPTIONAL! The coupon is always for something she…herself…is into sexually into but rarely does! A coochie coupon is never to be confused with a Hall Pass! ✌? A Hall Pass is something, in my opinion, weak minded women give their men when they don’t think the man will ever be faithful. He gets a certain amount of “passes” to sleep with women who are not his woman and still come back to his relationship! ? I do not get the concept but am trying not to judge. Now I do understand telling a wandering man that he can be with a bitch he wants but he can NEVER come get any of your puss again! ?? That’s not a Hall Pass…that’s some grown women shit. Can’t make a dog be faithful! ?? Lets call that one a “One Way Fall Pass!” Handed one of those to the Ex Factor the other day because since end of November…my wisdom teeth, traveling, and now my demanding job has taken priority over him! After we had some bomb ass sex for his birthday…around end of November…I went on to focus on ME! ?? A woman can do that….be like that’s some great sex…then roll over and start doing her taxes! Lol. Hey…shit got to get done! ??? But because I’m not purposely holding out on him…and we aren’t an item (in my opinion)…I figured I would be fair and give him the “One Way Fall Pass!” To my surprise…he declined it and let me know that he can wait! ? Now this could be game recognizing game but I sure the fuck would have taken the “One Way Fall Pass” if I were him! My job has me on lock right now and I barely have energy for a geriatric hand job! ? That says a lot! My sex drive is at an all time low because I’m stressed all the time, work extra long hours 7 days a week, and when I do get a chance to have an emotion…it’s the desire for more sleep! ??? When the Ex Factor graphically laid out his plan (what he had been doing) to wait on me…I immediately started typing up the coochie coupon! It’s redeemable for only one night…any night he chooses…and then after that…I probably won’t be typing up anymore! Lol. Coochie coupons, to me, are so needed! Nowadays some of these young girls be turning tricks for FREE?at parties with dudes they don’t know! This is why so many dudes got ugly baby mamas! Everybody want a freak that goes front ways and side ways until she give birth to your baby…then shit gets real! I’m not mad at the sexually adventurous woman as long as she protects herself and is truly into the things she does! For those of us too tired and too damn mature to work as hard as a hoe on the beat for just any dude…a coochie coupon is just what the sex doctor ordered! ?? The Ex Factor is still the man I love. If anyone would redeem a coupon…it would be him! ?And I hope he appreciates how hard it was for me to type one up! My ass could have been sleeping! Lol. Anyways….Coochie coupons are making a comeback! Let’s hope the Ex Factor redeems his before I forget or fall asleep during! Lol. If worst comes to worst…he can just lay it on my forehead like it was a pillow…then we will both be rested! ? ~KJM is tired as fuck but blogging on the subway…on this very rainy but warm winter Hump Day! ? 

Welcome To The Penis Factory (Is There Nothing Else On The Menu Edition)

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If there is one thing the world isn’t short of…it is PENIS! Penis! Penis! Penis! ? From ruining the country (referring to the shrinking dumb penis that’s head of our current state of union) to reality television…it seems like every time I look around…there goes penis…fucking up the world! Is anyone legitimately exhausted from the mental trips penis takes us on?! Now I’m not saying that dick doesn’t sometimes show up and do wonderful things but my Feminist ass ain’t buying most of the shit that penis is selling. As a straight woman, it would be nice if the center of my dating relationships didn’t revolve around penis! The thing is…I don’t encourage the penis…it’s just so fucking persistent! Big head or little head…that damn thing is just so fucking ambitious when it comes to getting “ahead” in life! ? Smdh. I miss the days of just hand holding and cuddling…the days I had no need, want, nor demand to satisfy the penis! When did my world turn so penis centered?! Yea…I think it was about the time I lost my virginity! Oh how I miss it so! I could…just be…without penis poking me! I…could…just…be! ?? The interesting thing about penis always being available…is it’s gotten lazier! Because it’s common and sometimes tricks us women into thinking it’s high in demand…dick no longer thinks he has to work for it! And so the female orgasm ends up dead before arrival. I am not sure if it’s because I’m living a very stressful life…but penis just does not entice me anymore!!! Now I’m definitely not into other vaginas…but I’m gonna need penis to shape up or ship the fuck out! ✌? Matter of fact…if penis is so common…it’s stock is worth less! It’s not unique and specially shaped (unless you are dealing with a crooked dick???…ouch)! Penis…only offering dick alone…with no love, support, care, and ability to provide for a family…is just penis! I would like all you women out there fighting over some tired man to think about that! If he was special, you would never have to fight against another woman for him. Common stock…after a while…and depending how the market is…can become worthless stock! So ladies…the next time you are taking a tour at the penis factory…pick one that’s unique and full of more characteristics than just his need to please himself!!!?? And if you don’t see a special one…sit this one out and choose none! Science says…our bodies were created in a way where only the female knows how to pleasure herself in a minute or less! And if you want the simulation of a penis…buy a vibrator or dry hump and go home and finish yourself off! Trust me…you will thank me later! Lol! ~KJM just getting off the penis tour…with no penis in hand…on Hump Day! ? 

The Affair… (The I Have Not Forgiven Him Edition)

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This week has been filled with a world wind of emotions for America and our international communities! As we went from bittersweet memories of OUR beloved President (Obama #forever44) to anger about our current state of the union…we were on a grieving and fearful emotional roller coaster. Some where in the midst of this chaos, I found another aspect of my truth. I have been happier in these first 21 days in 2017 than I was in all of 2016. The Ex Factor and I speak…almost every day…but I haven’t seen him since November 30. While I know he misses me (and I miss him too)…I am not ready to see him nor spend time with him. My main focus is myself right now and if he’s bringing something to the table…it has to come in the form of ACTIONS and NOT WORDS! Since our beginning (well 3 months in is when he told me he wasn’t ready for a serious commitment and to be honest I wasn’t sure what I was ready for as I had never been serious about anyone) we agreed that if we weren’t happy and wanted to see other people we would let the other person know. I think all relationships should be this way. To me…we weren’t in an open relationship…we were just being honest about his age and my lack of knowledge of what I could give since I was always moving to other states for my own professional and personal development. No one wanted to be boxed in…but I did know I loved him so I asked for what I thought I could handle at that time…monogamy and honesty. Monogamy wasn’t ever an issue. We both needed that. When I first fell for the Ex Factor, I put him on the highest pedestal. ?Never had I done that for any other guy (and haven’t since). In my mind, he was as honest as they came and so open…heart was so open…ready for the taking. I remember waking up for the first two years (even in difficult times) feeling so in love and so blessed to have him in my life. I had never had a honeymoon period with a guy before…he was my first…and it lasted for two beautiful years! But I guess all good things do come to an end. ? Now to the thing I haven’t let go of…in October 2012, the Ex Factor’s behavior got so strange. He started canceling dates or just not having time to take me out. I immediately knew what was up…another woman. I was raised by a P.I.M.P. who taught me not only how to be one but that game must recognize game. The Ex Factor claims to this day that he never slept with her but my issue is deeper than sex. I believe he never slept with her…don’t think I ever doubted that. But as he was pulling away and they were becoming more emotionally connected…I felt so betrayed. Where a man’s heart goes is the ultimate betrayal because where the heart goes…everything else will follow. Sex I could fight but if he was falling in love with her or was in love with her…there wasn’t much I could do. I asked him for two months if he was seeing someone else and he said no. He did in fact lie to me. I can be shady as fuck but I’m pretty honest with it. During this time, Phoenix was there for me but I didn’t want to lean on him. He had spent years cleaning up my messes. I needed to stand on my own two feet. She was pulling him…taking him away…and I felt it. The day after Christmas (2012), I decided to cut the Ex Factor off with no explanation. From there my personal life spiraled out of control and that’s how I ended up in Atlanta in 2013…almost losing my life. It was the most broken I had been!!! If it weren’t for God and good friends…plus me moving to Richmond, VA for two years…I don’t think I would have ever gotten it together. I cried from the streets of NYC to Atlanta to Vegas and then in Richmond. The thing about it all is I’ve dated shady guys before and when they started creeping I wasn’t ever surprised nor upset. I either played the same game or cut them loose. Now it’s 2017 and the Ex Factor and I are still hanging on BUT to be honest, I never forgave him for lying to me. He fell from the highest pedestal to just one of those sneaky dudes who can never be trusted. This incident lets me know that I’m not the type of woman who can forgive infidelity. I sleep with it and it stays in the back of my mind. ? I grew up around so much cheating that you would think I would be use to it. What hit me hard with the Ex Factor wasn’t even the other woman…it was the fact that I held him to such a high esteem and never thought he was one of those dudes. When a person is capable of something you never thought…that’s a deep awakening of betrayal that does not easily go away. The Ex Factor wasn’t who I thought he was and I have taken that with me since October 2012. I don’t trust him…I don’t think I ever will. That’s how I know he is not BOAZ. I won’t have a reason to doubt BOAZ…. In the Ex Factor’s mind, he did nothing wrong so as we would continuously reunite over the years and talk about this incident…he would do nothing to secure me and to earn back my trust. He thinks he’s honest and if I don’t take him at his word that’s my problem. ? I never doubt my intuition. While he was saying he was happy with me…he was hitting her in the DM! After that, I always assumed someone replaced her. So I did me. Phoenix has been with us this whole time. And no matter how broken I felt…when I showed up at his door…he always made me feel wanted. Sex with Phoenix and I (mostly happening on the breaks the Ex Factor and I took) suffered because emotionally I wasn’t there. But you see…Phoenix is only one of two men I’ve been sexually, physically, and mentally attracted to! Just his mind alone…is reason enough to be around him. But that dude is a Scorpio and sneaky as fuck. That’s why I could never fall for him…I KNOW PHOENIX and he knows me. We do our dirt together…baby mama or no baby mama…Phoenix will be there when I need him. But I’m trying to be a different woman. Trying not to rely on him opening my mind and then my legs. Phoenix is that good fuck…every woman needs in her back pocket before she settles down. Even though I haven’t seen him since September 2014, he stands by me like a really good friend. He expects nothing from me and he listens to my needs…well a jump off has to or how else can he guarantee I will be back? Shout out to him! ?? And if you are wondering…Phoenix has always been with us. Once the Ex Factor wouldn’t commit…I was smart enough to not let my best recruit go! ? What’s the difference between what the Ex Factor did and what I did? (1) I told him from the jump about Phoenix…whether he was listening or not was on him and (2) Phoenix is no one I could ever fall in love with. He could never steal me away from the Ex Factor. Any time I was at Phoenix’s door was because the Ex Factor sent me there…emotionally of course! ?? For anyone wondering, “getting even” with the Ex Factor over the years didn’t make things better but it left me feeling empowered. I’m not some weak woman crying and waiting on my man to love me and recognize my worth…NO NOT ME! At the end of the day though…when you truly love someone…every spiteful thing you have ever done to them comes back to haunt you. I’m paying for my sins now with the Ex Factor. 2016 was our worst year…made 2012 seem like a cake walk! ? And there’s still no trust between the both of us. So I’m waiting for BOAZ while actively working on myself. I want to be a better woman by the time he arrives. ? So I keep the Ex Factor at bay…he can’t warm my bed again unless he has a solid plan but…that leaves me to wonder if that will even fix anything. Trust is gone…These are my confessions. Sick as fuck…yes this I know! ? However, Serenity is being honest about your emotions and setting your boundaries accordingly. ~KJM saying I am a work in progress on Serenity Saturday. ? 

I Don’t Know Her And I Don’t Know Him Either (The Mariah Carey Edition)

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Mariah Carey is a legend in her own right! Despite her recent performance scandal on NYE in NYC…I still love her! Besides her beautiful voice, Mariah has some words of wisdom for us. Over the years, when asked about negative things other celebrities said about her…Mariah would simply say “I don’t know her and I don’t know her either” especially when referring to JLo, Demi Lovato, and Ariana Grande. Now I have to admit I don’t know much about Demi and Ariana (except that they can really sing despite the pop crap they put out) but it’s hilarious that Mariah would always be quoted as saying she doesn’t know who JLo is! ???While the media has titled her “Queen of Shade,” I offer you another perspective. Often times toxic people come into our lives with drama! My sister, Brenda, would probably suggest that you rise above it! However, Mariah is telling you…do not even acknowledge it! ?? Of course….I love Mariah’s take on things! Why even let the drama into your life?! Like I’m not having this shit today nor any other day! STEP✌?with all that mess! If I don’t know you…that means you do not exist…and I can continue being my fabulous self! Yasss Mariah! Yasss! ? While I feel kind of late in the game when it comes to adopting this life motto…I plan on utilizing it in 2017 and actually already have…TWICE so far! ??One particular instance will pique your interest…that damn ELIJAH! Yesterday he what’s app me. I’m getting sick and tired of telling him to hop up off my phone number. Like how many times do I have to tell him that I don’t want him. To date, I have told him this April 1, 2016 when I broke things off, August 2016 after months of him texting me with no response from me in sight, and October 2016 where I explicitly told him I love the Ex Factor and no matter what we go through…it’s him or someone new but no other cock roach from my past…including Elijah! From what I can get from Elijah’s behavior, he does not respect me nor what I say. Sure I didn’t get recruited in cuffing season and the Ex Factor has been placed in the Friend Only Zone…but I have never been hard up over penis. Penis is fucking overrated especially when it comes with stress! And just like with Julio….I’m no longer attracted to Elijah either! ? Sometimes I just want to send him the Kingston Expressions’ podcast Episode 9 so he could understand how fucking disgusted with him I am. Now I know what you are thinking…I’m being mean but come on! ? I cordially ended things and have maintained a strictly professional relationship with him. There has been no drama on my end! So why can’t he respect what I said? Soon it’s going to be a year since I cut him off…what the fuck more does he want? He hasn’t even seen my kitty cat since November 2015! Only the Ex Factor has been getting some of my goodies and even he’s on hold right now. 2017 won’t be about these dudes unless it’s for comic relief. The Ex Factor is kind of like my Baby Daddy (a permanent fixture that I sometimes regret dealing with but our bond is strong and long lasting…even if it’s just as platonic friends)…he is always close by and not going anywhere! Elijah had a few short months to convince he was a better man than the Ex Factor and he failed! ??Elijah’s balls came out smaller and I only got time to roll with the big dogs! ? And lets not forget that EXTRA HOLE Elijah put in my asshole November 2015! ??????Wait!!!! The more I think about this….Elijah really got extra tiny balls to even be texting me! If I were him…I would go hide somewhere after that performance! ✌???? Because speaking to Elijah like he is an adult does not appear to work…I am just going to take Queen Mariah’s advice and let Elijah know….I DON’T KNOW YOU! YOU FUCKING DON’T KNOW ME EITHER…if anyone asks! lol. STEP! ?? Elijah has been the first victim of the 2017 BLOCK LIST! ?~KJM on Hump Day saying iPhone thank you for making it easy to use the block feature! ?? 

My 2017 Fashion MUST HAVES! (‘Tis The Year To Be Daring)

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Fashion is not my life yet with the correct styling…fashion gives me a whole new lease on life. Lately, I’ve been looking good and feeling good! Yasss?? Today, I want to share 7 of my Fashion 2017 MUST HAVES in hopes that it will inspire you ladies to be bold with your colors and choices! 7. SPANX WITH THE CROTCH CUT OUT! My spanx is right up there with my credit card and birth control…I don’t leave home without it! Until I get my snap back body (from life…no baby lol), my favorite pair of spanx gives me that snatch back look! ?? Yasss child. But up until recently, those bad boys use to seal off my pussy! Poor thing in the summer…just can’t catch a break and get some air unless I leave my spanx and underwear at home. ? Reminiscing right now about some of the hot summer date nights the Ex Factor and I use to share! ? But I digress. Someone must have finally sent Spanx the memo that their customers are fighting off vaginal infections while wearing their products…because the next time I went to buy my favorite pair…THE CROTCH WAS CUT OUT! Spanx, my vagina and GYN thanks you! ? Snatch my waist…not my pussy hairs! Yasss lawd…I’m feeling free! ?? 6. GOLD IS BACK (EXCEPT FOR ENGAGEMENT RINGS?)! When I was on my way to San Francisco, I boldly decided to switch up my almost 100% silver jewelry collection (well I really only wear earrings) for some gold! My favorite were these gigantic gold heart earrings! Had me feeling totally 90s! Yass?? Couldn’t tell me anything in those earrings! And surprisingly…I glow in them! So yasss gold is back! Even though it’s like sexy…it never really left! ?5. HOOP EARRINGS! Now to me these never went out of style! A nice hoop lets me get my Jersey girl on easily! I feel sexy in them and ready to take on the world! Stop being modest and get ready to be bold! 4. EYELASHES! Now I’m not talking about those bad clown ones some women are wearing…I’m talking about the tastefully done ones…with a bit of drama! I tried my very first semi permanent pair before I left for San Francisco and I LOVE THEM! Lately, I’ve been wearing minimal makeup (MAC’s concealer, brown eyebrow pencil, a little shimmering glow from MAC on my cheeks, and a NYX Velvet Matte lipstick called Duchess Duchess) and everyone is going crazy over this look on me! It’s the lashes people! ? That’s what’s making my look pop! Try getting semi permanent lashes that fit your features and don’t be afraid to turn up the drama! 3. COFFIN NAILS/SHAPE! I use to wear my real nails in a square pattern. It’s been around forever! Well for my first trip to California…the same old same old just wouldn’t do! I had my nail tech file my nails into the coffin nails’ shape and I absolutely adore it! Never have my nails looked sexier! ? 2. A NEW HAIR STYLE! Once again, for my San Francisco trip…I wanted dramatic change so I gave my hairdresser permission to do a new hair style! And boy did she hit the nail on the dot! I got the drama and the change I so desperately needed! Now…I’m not that big on change but I know when it’s time for it…at least fashion wise. I have these deep bangs that are cut in an edgy manner and every day I wake up feeling like Angela Bassett’s cousin! Yass hunni! She did that! ?? 1. A NEW ATTITUDE! Society always preys on girls and women…leaving us feeling self conscious but I’ve noticed it gets even worse once a woman approaches her 30s…especially if she’s a mother. I hear women say…I’m too old for this or I’m too tired for this. Well um…no disrespect…but y’all look it! Even though I was much smaller in my 20s…I did not know the meaning of SEXY until I entered my 30s! ?? Now I kill it. 30s taught me what being seductive is about! I’ve taken more risks in this decade than any other thus far! Hell I’ve been fucking a man 9 years MY JUNIOR for 6.5 years! ???How the fuck you think I bring him to his knees (sexually of course)?! Them young girls ain’t taking their vitamins like they use to! Lol. 30s (and up) should equal CONFIDENCE! ?? Yass…hail to my 30s! It gave birth to a BOSS CHICK on all levels. So if you let your age define and restrict you…you will look it. One of the things I learned from Mama Michaels is that each decade is an opportunity to redefine yourself…not lose yourself. And trust…she’s a bad chick in her own right! I don’t know too many people who have a mother that looks like mine…at any age! ?? So kick that I’m too old and I’m just going to do this one style for the rest of my life view! That thought process is tired and it looks it! ~KJM dropping some fashion tips on Temptation Tuesday! ? 

32 Years Your Senior…Grab The Viagra…We May Be Onto Something (The Erika Jayne Edition)

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I meant to write this ignorant mess yesterday! Of course, I got sidetracked with tech issues for my webpage. A few weeks ago, I thought I had solved all single women’s dating issues by writing “2017 Resolution: Date Ugly Men With Money (The Pretty Men Take Too Much Work Edition)!” It’s no secret that I have a thing for young hot guys! Shout out to the Ex Factor!? Even when my men were my age, they were pretty UNLESS I was dating on the rebound of a long situationship where my heart got broken…then I date fucking ugly guys with money! Well…more like they find me! ? After laying down the pros of dating an ugly man with money…one of my readers/listeners (and good friend) informed me that ugly men now think they are cute! ??? So back to the drawing board I went…in hopes of finding a new dating resolution for single women in 2017. As luck would have it…a few days later Bravo had a “Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills” marathon. Enter Erika Girardi aka Erika Jayne! ?? Erika’s husband is 32 years her senior (they married when she was 27 years old) and have been happily married for 17 years! As I watched each episode, I could tell Erika’s very RICH AND MATURE husband, Thomas, really loves and appreciates her! And suddenly the light bulb went on and I just knew this was the answer for single women all over the world! Forget pretty men who know they are fucking pretty and use it against us! ✌?Off to the more mature WITH MONEY! And when I say mature I’m not talking 10 years or less….I’m talking 32 years older than you…to be almost exact! Yup! Time to peruse “Our Time” for our life partners! Forget “Match” or “Tinder” and on to something with more financial stability and not afraid of commitment! ?? Now before you get skeptical about my new dating resolution…let me propose 11 Possible Benefits To Dating And Marrying A Man 32 Years Your Senior:

11. HOT YOUNG GUYS OR GUYS YOUR AGE SEX CAN GET OLD FAST! Penis! Penis! Penis! It’s always on the menu! Hot guys serve it up easily and for those who can lay the pipe too (yum?) we climax and then what? There’s no substance there! Hot guys can barely carry on a conversation! Penis! Penis! Penis! That’s all we have left to briefly talk about before we hit the sheets! Great sex is important in a relationship but it is certainly not everything! Bills need to be paid! Real companionship is needed! Penis cannot do all of that! Penis’ only goal is to satisfy itself and that can leave some of us women with a drying after effect!

10. AT 32 YEARS YOUR SENIOR DEATH IS NEAR SO COMMITMENT BETTER BE HIS MIDDLE NAME (WITH JESUS BEING HIS FIRST)?! Just dating a few years older may still get you a man interested in playing the field. But at 35 years old…I expect that dating a man 32 years older than me (67 years old to be exact….ugh way older than my parents?)….I better find a man financially secure and done with his dick traveling from pussy to pussy! Serious commitment better be this man’s focus! If he is 67 with commitment issues…I may as well bury his ass now! Ain’t nobody got time for him to find himself! I’m hoping dick has a serious retirement plan at 67 years old. If it looks like games…I’m out! ✌? I don’t have time to play games with grandpa…Pretty Ricky already wasted so much of my time! ✌?✌?✌?

9. YOUR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK SHOULD BE FREE OF PRESSURE! Unless trying to produce a legitimate heir, dating a man 32 years your senior should free you of pressure to have children! Most likely this man would have been married already, divorced, and has grown children! Whew! I won’t need to go get my biological clock from under the MAC truck it rolled under on I95! ?? I can rest if I want to. And since his children should be grown…there should be minimal baby mama drama and I shouldn’t have to be helping to raise someone else’s children! ?? It’s a win win!

8. FINANCIAL SECURITY! Now I’m a chick that has my own but it sure wouldn’t hurt to marry a man who could pay off my student loans with one check! Yassss lawd! ?? This would free me up to send Sallie Mae pictures of my butt cheeks to kiss in repayment of their years of adding on unnecessary interests to my loans! ??????Thank you to my mature lover! ? FYI… if you are dating someone 32 years older than you and he isn’t financial set…what is the point? Unless he is already your soulmate. But just think…what would Erika Jayne do?! ?

7. WHERE VIAGRA CANNOT TAKE HIM…HE WON’T BE ABLE TO GO! Cheating should be less of an issue unless he’s an old dog. Hot young guys have lots of options so they are more tempted to cheat! It’s a pussy fest in their 20s and 30s! When the wind blows…a hot young guys dick gets hard! Let’s hope this isn’t the same with pop pop! ?

6. LOVE! At 32 years my senior, my older man should not be afraid of showing love and saying he loves me! He should already know what it can cost him to be so prideful. Affection should be the name of the game! It’s clear Erika and her hubby, Thomas, really do love each other! It’s just the look he gives her that lets me know…there’s something there that money did not buy! ❤

5. COMMUNICATION! I’m hoping that life experience will make my mature lover a better communicator! Or at least smart enough to know when we are in trouble so we can get counseling. I’m praying he won’t be stuck in his ways like Pretty Ricky was and that my mature lover will let me into his heart easily! Also, if he’s 67 years old…I can almost bet money that 99% of our communication will not be through fucking text messages! Damn that Pretty Ricky! ???

4. VACATIONS! A mature man should easily be able to plan surprise vacations for you! Vacations are the key to my heart! I have yet to date a well traveled man. I’m hoping that at 32 years my senior, he will love to travel and even more so…he will love to travel with me…watching my eyes get larger in awe of all the new things I’m seeing! ?

3. HIS GOAL SHOULD BE TO MAKE ME HAPPY! While I’m not thrilled about the idea of being a second or third wife…I’m hoping that a 67 year old man will have enough relationship experience to now value his marriage! I want us to focus on making ourselves happy first so that we can make each other happy! My mature lover should have the strength and courage to fight for me when things get difficult…knowing that I am truly the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He’s roamed the world, fucked many women but can still pass all STD tests, married, divorced but has a good coparenting relationship with his ex, had children and is an amazing father, and through it all…learned so much that he can share with me! It’s even better if he never married but to be honest with such a huge age gap…it’s hard to believe he wouldn’t have had a life before me!

2. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A PRETTY YOUNG THANG (PYT) TO HIM! Because he’s so much older, you are always going to be a sex kitten! All the self doubt that guys our age or younger guys can cause when they are running after the next hot thing…SHOULD perish in this relationship! You are forever his pretty young thang! ?

1. HE WILL SUPPORT MY ENTREPRENEURSHIP AND NOT BE THREATENED BY IT! None of my “men” have ever really supported how hard I work and how much I want to build my empire. Some of them verbally supported me but their actions said otherwise! Others outright bashed me for my ambitions. It would be nice to be with a man who loves what he does and is secure in himself….so much so that he can cheer my dreams on! ~KJM already perusing the “Our Time” dating sites on Throwback Thursday in search for my 67 year old billionaire! ??? With a man like that…time is definitely of the essence! ?

11 Ignorant And Possibly True Dating Rules I Learned From The Movie “The Perfect Guy”

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I know I’m very late with this one as this movie premiered in September 2015 (I think) but there is a very special reason why I’m now writing this blog. Before I make you emotional…let me make you laugh! Today I finally saw the movie “The Perfect Guy!” Sanaa Lathan, Michael Ealy, and Morris Chestnut all star in it. It was actually pretty good and not as predictable as I thought it would be. If you haven’t seen this movie, please do or this blog won’t make sense. Now for laughter…Here are the top 11 Ignorant But Possibly True Dating Rules I learned from “The Perfect Guy.”

11. NEVER TRUST A GUY WITH HAZEL GREEN EYES! Now I don’t have this down to a science but I try not to date guys who can sing nor guys with hazel green eyes! I’ve found that they are just fucking hard to leave! Something about those eyes that can captivate you even if he is fucking crazy! And forget about it…if he got hazel green eyes AND he can sang!? You will be dating mister pretty crazy for a while…that is…until you can escape…I mean get him out of your system! ?

10. IF HE’S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE…HE PROBABLY IS…SECRETLY CRAZY AND DERANGED! I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’ve dated TWO ugly and crazy guys when I was on the rebound from Julio and the Ex Factor! Crazy can almost smell out when a good woman has been burnt by a long term relationship! And Crazy don’t wait! He will tell you…you are the one and be quick to commit! Crazy will wine and dine your ass BEFORE unleashing the crazy! So when on the rebound from a long term relationship…take some time to heal or don’t try to date seriously! Just get your feet wet…knowing the odds you bumped into a crazy lunatic is great! Fuck him if you must…pop your pill and walk with condoms…but don’t let him know shit about you..like where you live nor work!

9. WE SEEK PERFECTION AFTER BEING HURT! I’m not sure if the universe played tricks on me but my ugly crazy rebound men knew…without me telling them…the love and attention I was missing from my long term loves. They would hold me longer and whisper sweet nothings in my love starved ears…and that’s how I fell in their trap…much like Sanaa did in this movie. Somehow after a breakup we automatically seem to know all the answers to our relationship issues and seek perfection from new people as a result of only focusing on what our now ex spouse could have done better! Sometimes…missing the fact that we dropped the ball in certain areas! If we don’t work on ourselves…we will attract the same mess or WORSE…than what we walked away from! ?? I’ve heard this before…that all the answers are within us…all we have to do is seek them and do the work. There may be some truth to it. The time period after a breakup may just be the best time to do it. No one is ever perfect but someone out there is perfect for us!

8. STICK TO THE DEVIL YOU KNOW! Growing up, I have always heard this phrase but had no true understanding of it until I LIVED IT! Sanaa knew what the issues were in her relationship with Morris and walked! Soon she fully and openly embraced a new relationship with Michael in a way she never did with Morris…not knowing who the fuck Michael really was! ? Girl bye! Someone you don’t know…does not deserve all of you! Don’t be so quick to give! The evil you don’t know…you should fear! Now I know sometimes you can “know” a person for years and never really know them but if you just met last week…already a couple, had sex, and new guy is now meeting your parents and/or children…you better pump the breaks!

7. AT FIRST SIGN OF DANGER…RUN! The minute Sanaa saw Michael’s dangerous side…she ran! Got to give her that! When he exhibited violent behaviors toward others…she took note that he could easily hurt her! Sanaa did not entertain an abusive relationship! She was out as soon as she began to see Michael’s true colors! Look out for signs of abuse! A man that loves to beat up people (not in self defense) is a dangerous man.

6. NOT EVERYTHING THAT WE WALK AWAY FROM IS PERMANENTLY BROKEN! Sanaa walked away from Morris thinking all they had was broken…unfixable. Turns out…he was the love of her life. All they needed was time to step back, reassess, and start again. Sometimes we can only see things one way. Often times, if we take sometime to ourselves, regroup, and find better ways to communicate…we can start again…either with our current love or a new love in the future.

5. DARK CHOCOLATE MEN LOOK THE BEST IN SHOWER SCENES! Did y’all see the steam glisten down Morris’ body!? I just wanted to get that baby oil and rub it all over him! Yum!

4. NO ONE IS MORE INVESTED IN FIXING OUR LIVES THAN US! For some reason, I thought Morris was going to save Sanaa from Michael but NO! Turns out…the only person that could help Sanaa was Sanaa! And since she didn’t take self defense classes like JLo did in the movie “Enough”…I just didn’t see the ending coming. Anyways, Sanaa…I’m proud of you girl! You entertained a crazy but then you ended it and reclaimed your life! That’s what’s up! ?? We should all inspire to do so. There won’t always be people there to rescue us and even if they really want to help…they may not be in a position to help!

3. WHEN STAYING AT YOUR PARENTS’ HOUSE WITH YOUR NEW BOO…THOU SHALL STAY IN SEPARATE BEDROOMS AND THERE SHALL BE NO SEX! When Sanaa took Michael to meet her parents (something she never did with Morris?) her mama was not having them sleeping in the same room! Now I don’t care if you are adults! Sanaa girl….there was no ring on your finger! Play your position and stay in a separate guest bedrooms! ??

2. IF HIS MAMA DON’T WANT HIM…YOU BETTER DO YOUR RESEARCH AND MAKE SURE YOU REALLY WANT HIM! Now this one is kind of fucked up. Dating a man with abandonment issues, much like Michael’s character, is really hard scary work! There are exceptions to every rule but in my experience…when a man’s mother walked away from him…it leaves a devastating hole in his heart and life. Some men will be lucky enough to have other family members raise them with love but there are still deep wounds there that have a great chance of resurfacing in his romantic relationships! We are all broken in some ways but realize that this type of abandonment may put a huge weight on your relationship…leading to control and possibly other abusive ways.

1. I DO NOT DATE MEN NAMED MICHAEL! Almost every woman in my family has dated or married a Michael and it has lead to only destruction! Now yes Michael is a family name but um that’s another damn reason why I don’t date men named Michael! Who in the hell wants to yell out their family name in the heat of passion?! Not me!✌?~KJM dedicating today’s blog to one of my Angels…Michele Monique Johnson. “The Perfect Guy” trailer was the last post she made on Facebook in June 2015 shortly before she unexpectedly passed. I hope and pray I make her proud every day with the Kingston Expressions Empire?Happy Throwback Thursday night! 2 more days left in 2016!??????

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