You must forgive me…I do not typically start my Mondays like this. But she (an anonymous friend) said IT WAS AMAZING four days ago and the word is still lingering in my mind. Fuck she mean AMAZING?! I had not said that word in like 7 years! ? No disrespect to any of my lovers but it is true. My last real Big O was in May 2010…with Phoenix. Now my friend is dropping words like Amazing and I’m like…where do they do that at?! Most of my friends (female/male…straight/gay) are married so no one in my circle generally throws around the word Amazing when it comes to sex. I think Harmony may have been the most recent (until now) to utter that word…last Fall about a guy she was seeing. But Harmony is my only friend that lives for Amazing experiences.?? What got me about my anonymous friend saying that she had Amazing sex with a guy she is secretly seeing…is she is not the type to easily use the word Amazing. And I could hear it in her voice…as if she was falling right back into the sexual trance he put her in…just by reliving a chapter in her sex chronicles. ? Fuck she mean Amazing? Girl…what did he do to you? Second by second…minute by minute was filled with a built up passion they had both been dreaming about for nine months. He innocently forgot to inform her that he was packing heat. ? Not a pistol penis…more like a missile that was about to invade her space. They were going to war…just the two of them and her neighbors were destined to hear about it ALL NIGHT LONG! ?? It wasn’t just the fact that he had a gigantic penis that made their sex Amazing…I could hear this as her voice trembled. We had both dated men in the big dick club…heck the Ex Factor is a member…but she spoke of deep desires, him whispering sweet nothings in her ears as they broke dawn, and him comforting her through a series of sex positions. She…said…it…was…AMAZING! He stayed with her…in a moment in time that they would both treasure. She wanted to keep him to herself…all to herself…and that was why they were secretly seeing each other. Once friends and now lovers…they needed to figure out what they were to each other before announcing it to the world. Yet she had to tell me that it was Amazing. She could not hold it in any longer…and as if she was still biting her pillow in throws of ecstasy…she managed to get out the word AMAZING! ?? Fuck she mean Amazing? I…I…need details! I asked my friend to not hold back and to tell me everything because I cannot tell the last time…I had been eaten alive with cries of passion. I needed to remember what Amazing entailed. “I shook…I shivered…and then my body betrayed me and exploded into a sea of ecstasy…so much so that he may have heard me mourn that it was AMAZING,” she said. “It was our first time and I was not ready for him to know all my pleasure zones. But it was like he had always had a map,” she breathlessly confessed. Man…she said he was Amazing especially at dawn when he spoke of his feelings for her. My friend was not expecting any of this. Especially to hear that he had been waiting on only her…wanting only her…desiring only her. She said it was Amazing when he held her and she just knew that this night would forever go down in history. There was no where nor no one else he was rushing to. He was there with her…thinking only of her. ONLY HER?She said it was AMAZING and I was instantly jealous! Maybe next time she can record the sounds…I needed to know what it felt like to be desired like that. I needed to hear it…don’t need the visual…just want to know that those sounds are still possible… You see I really love the Ex Factor but he has gotten very comfortable and lazy. Because he knows how much I love him…he no longer feels like he has to try. His family (which is understandable) and friends always come before me. I…am…an AFTERTHOUGHT and even though he tries to justify it…it’s greatly affected our sex life. Most of the time I have no desire for him to touch me. The love is still there but because I do not feel secure and valued…I no longer desire him. I get that the way things are at the beginning of a relationship is not the way it is when you have been together a long time…but I’m not his wife. The Ex Factor should not feel he HAS ME! I wholeheartedly belong to myself. And even if I was his wife…I would hope he would realize that love alone with no follow through/acts of care can die. Maybe we are just in a rut…but still when my homegirl said it was AMAZING…I could not help but mourn the part of me that had died. My sexual being. The part of me that Crazy from college and Phoenix in my adult life…had tapped into. I miss having AMAZING moments. ~KJM enticed by the word AMAZING on this Charm School Monday?
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