Writer, Editor, & Lifestyle Blogger: Sex, Lust, Love, Celibacy & More š„° A woman not afraid to walk in her truth....in style of course š š
Itās Serenity Saturday and as always, I hope you are doing something to honor yourself today. May you go after all the beautiful things God intended for you. May you embrace moments of change as you would the sun rising over a mountain. May you be present in everything you do and let each step have purpose. And if you stumble, know that it is all a part of the journey. Be blessed my friends! ~KJM on Serenity Saturday.
Itās been 7 months since I started on this journey and thus far, itās been beautiful! Just in case some of you are thinking about starting your own blog, here are 10 things I want you to know about my life as a blogger:
10. WHY I BLOG: What really pushed me to start blogging after years of friends and associates asking me toā¦was the sudden death of a friend, Michele. The only way I could even begin to deal with my grief was to do things in honor of Michele like leave a 5 year dead end relationship (the Ex Factor) and start this blog! Her death pushed my life into full force. There is no way I could continue to sit on the sidelines of my own life! I needed to push forward into the unknown and with Willowās and Nicoleās (Jaelās mom) emotional support, I beganā¦first on Tumblr and then now with my own site! To God Be The Glory! What a ride itās been so far!
9. HOW I BLOG: For years Iāve been a free lance editor for family and friends. When I was younger, all I ever did was read and write stories. With a demanding day job, I never thought I would have time to keep up with this blog but itās actually been quite easy. I free style blogā¦.meaning I almost never know what Iām going to blog about and I do not do an outline. Most of the time, itās on my morning commute (bus it and train it life), that I blog to you almost in real time! I donāt have a clue what Iām about to say, each blog generally takes about 30-45 minutes to write and proofread, and I never know how the story ends! I just speak from my heart and I write to all my readers as if you are all my friends! While I only have a few subscribers thus far, Iāve a nice fan base of loyal readers all over the world! Thatās right! Iām able to see what countries are reading my blog. This is a great time to shout Brazil out! You guys love my blogsā¦especially the sex ones! Big ups to you!
8. I HAVE A BLOG MENTOR: Toi from ToiTime has been an awesome mentor. We actually discuss the obstacles of blogging and my personal life since we are both bloggers and friends! WE ARE! PENN STATE! It helps to have at least one person you can talk to that knows exactly what you are going through as you let people into your life! My first negative feedback hit me hard and it was Toi and my brother, Junior, that made me realize that streets talking can be a very good thing and to take that feedback constructively and not personally!
7. MY WRITING STYLE: Writing is my true love. While I have many styles of writing, I chose to write in my natural urban style! I curse like a sailor and a truck driver all put together but thatās me in my moment! I try to keep my emotions raw for my audience because my blog is NOT about perfection! Itās my lifeās journey and that shit is raw!
6. MY BIGGEST SUPPORTER: Hands down that would be Willow! There are times Iām literally breaking as a human being and want to stop blogging and Willow sends me a text saying even if Iām going to Hong Kong, they have laptops there so I better not stop blogging! She pushes me and supports me. If Iām breaking, sheās likeā¦write about that because we all break at times! Willow says the most time I can take off from blogging is a week but a month is simply unacceptable! She believes that I have God given talent! That warms my heart to no end and thatās exactly why I never took a blog hiatus for a month like I threatened to a few months ago!
5. MY GREATEST CHALLENGE: When people entrust me to tell their stories! Willow has fully opened up her life and allowed me to share some highlights and lowlights. When I wrote her Domestic Violence blog, there were chills going up and down my spine! My hands were shaking and I just kept thinkingā¦I canāt get this wrongā¦I donāt want to get this wrong! DV is a topic true to my life. I have lived it, second hand, since I was a child. Getting Willowās story out there was important but I feared what her thoughts would be when she finally read it. Did I capture her true emotions? Did I share too much? Was it hard for her reading this blog? But Willow, as always, emerged with strength and character. If her story could help just one person, then it was worth it! I agree with her! Willow, thanks for letting us in your life! And thank you for your support!
4. IS THIS A LIFESTYLE BLOG: To be honest, when I first started this blog, I didnāt have a clue the direction. You guys are living out my day to day with me! I guess the closest thing it could be called is a lifestyle blog but I prefer to call it āa donāt forget to live your life in styleā blog! My goal is to show you that through the ups and downs you must be present in your life! Itās your life! You must actively participate, fight for it, and live it out in a way that brings you honor! Thatās really my goal.
3. BIGGEST MISTAKE: Elijah! While talking about past boyfriends made sense, opening up the door to my present love life was risky! People had something to say every step of the way. And when it didnāt work outā¦it was more embarrassing for me than it was devastating. If it had worked out, you guys would have seen our love story play out from the beginning but it didnāt so that got me thinking. My current personal life is going to be off limits. Donāt worry! I have lots of juicy stuff to talk about from my past!
2. WHAT I LOVE ABOUT BLOGGING: On days I didnāt want to get out of bed, this blog kept me going. Writing about pain and hurt is actually very therapeutic! I actually think this blog helped me heal from my past hurts with the Ex Factor! As I opened up more about what those 5 years with him was like, I started to feel free of the hurts and disappointments. Each word of each chapterā¦set me freeā¦free to love again and Iām forever grateful.
1. WHY THE ALIAS: I donāt think of Kingston Jael Michaels as an alias. Sheās who I really am when I lay in my naked truth! I donāt have to get clothed when company comes over because KJM allows me to stand tall in all my naked glory! Kingston is me and thatās why writing under that name speaks to the truth of who I am. ~KJM on Flashback Friday. Thank you to all my readers for these last 7 months! The journey has been great and I canāt wait to see the blog continue to grow! Itās my baby!
Selfish! Picky! Miss never satisfied! Too career oriented! Iāve been called these things by women my entire lifeā¦and I laugh. Selfish because children and marriage are not a must for me. Picky because Iāve dumped so many guys for MY deal breakers (not the deal breakers of friends and family). Miss never satisfied because Iām always searching for a better version of myself which leads me to search for a better version of my current boyfriend. Too career oriented because I do have a career and spent a great deal of time in school that it seems my eggs will never be used because they are stuck reading some book and researching life! These comments donāt bother me one bit but they are misinformed. Here are 5 myths about myself that Iāve debunked for my readers:
5. SELFISH! I know most men will cringe when they read this but I was not raised to be a wife and mother! The Michaels just raised me to be me in whatever shape and form that makes me happy. This year my parents are celebrating 33 years of marriage and though shit is far from perfectā¦I clearly grew up in a two parent (married) household. My mother would love to see me happily married but she doesnāt push. And Papa Michaels tells me everyday that Iām the best daughter I could beā¦so for him whatever I do brings him happiness. They brought me to the United States when I was 3 years old. Their dream for me was an unlimited one. Like I always jokingly tell people, āI came here documented so that means Iām in no rush to marry!ā Thereās a misconception that Iām not open to marriage and a family. I have become very open since 2015. Lol. Yea itās a brand new feeling. And it has little to do with age and more to do with some of the things the ex factor (when he was at his best) brought out in me. I loved him (for better or for worst) more than Iāve loved any other man Iāve dated. The potential I saw in him was more than I saw in anyone else. But there came a point where I had to acknowledge that that potential is for another woman. My gut tells me Iām not meant to be his wife and the mother of his children and I walked away being okay with that. I moved on and slowly started to fall for Elijahā¦though I never fully gave Elijah my heart. I tried to but at the end of the day, something always felt off. Selfish to me is to marry a man and have a family just because women around me feel I should! Thatās beyond silly. If I ever embark on either marriage and/or parenthoodā¦it will be on MY terms. So maybe that is selfish of me to just live to only please myself. How dare I? Lol.
4. PICKY! Iāve had people say to me that I donāt really know what I wantā¦I just know what I donāt want. Thereās some truth to that. I had no idea I had an issue with cheap men until I met Elijah! I did, however, know his controlling ways werenāt going to work for me but I still tried to make it work. I will agree that what one wants and what they donāt want doesnāt always amount to the same things. But who the hell knows everything they want? My analysis always starts with me. Everyday Iām learning more and more what I want in a spouse. And yes the list is long but I donāt ask anything out of any man that Iām not willing to do for him in our relationship. 2015 and onā¦Iām on the relationship tip. I have room for a good boyfriend in my life now. So prior to 2015, I may have broken up with some guys because it was a windy day and then againā¦some of them motherfuckers had to go! I have no regrets about the men Iāve left. If it was meant to beā¦it would have been. Just having a man aināt enough! It has to feel right and with all those in my pastā¦it never quite felt right. So on to the NEXT! And trust meā¦.there is already a NEXT! Slow and steady wins the race! Iām in no rush to do a thing but live for myself!
3. MISS NEVER SATISFIED! Iām very high maintenance when it comes to how I treat myself. For example, I take myself on the best vacations, I have routine manicure and pedicure days, and I regularly schedule ME time for myself! Yes ME time even though Iām single! Itās time where Iām not working, working out, nor doing things for others. Itās my meditation time during some of my favorite activities like traveling! So Iām never satisfied with how I please and pamper myself but I expect nothing from others. I do for myself always. Iāve learned that no one celebrates me like I do. So the ānever satisfied with a manā is a myth. I just want my boyfriend to be the best version of himself and bring that into our relationship. If I donāt feel it and see itā¦Iām out eventually. Maybe I should be titled āMiss Never Settle?ā Lol.
2. TOO CAREER ORIENTED! Iām laughing just writing this one! Yes Iāve been blessed to have a career but itās not my true passion. Iām more excited about blogging! No career is taking me away from husband and family life. If you know me personally, you know that if I want something, I make it happen. Iām just letting God decide if itās meant to happen. Iām open but if it doesnāt happenā¦Iām open to that too. Apparently this concept makes many women uncomfortable. Thatās really a shame since Iām pretty happy with my life.
1. THE BIOLOGICAL CLOCK (A BONUS)! I think itās a myth that all women have a biological clock. Iām almost 35 and while Auntie Kingston loves the kids, thereās never been one Iāve held that makes me want to go out and get pregnant. Iām convinced I donāt have a biological clock. Either that or it may tick when Iām like 60ā¦at which point Iām prepared to get a puppy. Lol. ~KJM on Hump Day saying thereās more to me than what meets the eye. I do want it all but am prepared if I donāt get it all. What I wonāt do is not aim high just because society tells me I should just be happy some man wants to marry me. I sure feel like burning a bra after writing this blog! āI am woman! Hear me roar!ā Lmao!
The listening ear is the kindest and most loving lifejacket you can give a loved one during times of heartbreak. I wish more people would do that….just listen. ~KJM’s quote of the week on Serenity Saturday.
In the last month, Iāve made some major changes in my life. Personally and professionally, Iām evolving as a woman. Often people want me to stay the sameā¦for them but I canāt. Iām a Gemini and that equals being unpredictable every step of the way. This week, in particular, I tackled a list of things that Iāve been putting off for too long. As I got to each task, there was this little voice that said āyou have no clue what you are doing but you canāt stay here any longerā¦you have to move on.ā So I rolled my sleeves up and got uncomfortable as I slowly embraced issues I have been avoiding. Are there things in your life that you are putting off because of fear? If so, get to that list and start making changes! No one said growth was easy nor fun! As a matter of fact, the more uncomfortable you make yourself is the less complacent you will be in life. Is there a job you always wanted? Want to go back to school? Ready to leave a relationship? Ready to start a new relationship? Ready to move? Well donāt wait! You only have one life to live and the time is NOW! I truly hope you enjoyed taking a trip down memory lane with Willow and I this week. I hope we made you laugh, cry, and more importantly, think about the direction of your lives. Be good to yourselves and never be afraid to put yourself first! ~KJM on Serenity Saturday?
I once asked my Aunt Jennifer what made her finally leave her abuser after being with him for over a decade. She said that even after they divorced, they were still trying to work things out. However, one day she came home from a long day at work. My aunt thought she was home alone so she laid on the couch and dozed off. In her sleep, a little voice said to her āopen your eyes.ā When she did, her ex husband was holding a tv over her head and was about to release it! She moved quickly and got out the house. It was at that moment that her inner voice finally spoke harshly to her. From that day on, she knew that if she stayed, her abuser would finally kill her. Now think for a momentā¦this incident happened long before flat screen televisions. Do you remember how heavy the old skool televisions were?! Jesus be a fence! Iām just glad she got out with her life. ~KJM on Flashback Friday.
WILLOW’S STORY: Doors closing. Suffocating me. I could see the outside but yet it seemed too far to reach. Not sure how my life got this way. I was strong and independent and even though life was never easy for meā¦I was always my own person. So how did I get here? Where did I go wrong? Educated and beautifulā¦I never felt less than but thatās the thing no one tells youā¦.this can happen to ANY woman. It doesnāt matter your race, educational level, nor economic statusā¦by the time that first hit occurs, we were all groomed. He was charming yet not the normal physical attractiveness I liked in a guy. But there was something about him that made him seem irresistible. Maybe it was the way he smiled at me? His name was Tom and we met in New York. Tom appeared in my life at a time I had damn near given up on love. My family life had always been rough. We werenāt close at all so I put my everything into wanting to create a family of my own. Tom wasted no time telling me he loved me and begged me to move in with him. It was all happening so fast but shouldnāt true love sweep you off your feet?! I held on to my independence for a while because I had been burnt by love so many times before. Tom became my Prince Charming! He wined and dined me to the point where I was convinced that this unconventional man was the one for me! Finally, I accepted his invitation to live with him. The wining and dining stopped but I figured in serious relationships things canāt feel like the honeymoon period did. We were growing as a couple. His behavior became controlling now that we were living together. I couldnāt talk to any of my male friends and could only spend a few minutes on the phone with my female friends. Tom expected my focus to be on him 100% of the time. As time went by, he barely allowed me to hang out with friends and family. Everywhere I went, I had to check in when I got there. If I went to my sisterās house, I had to put her on the phone with Tom as soon as I arrived to prove that I was actually at her house. At first, I thought he was concerned for my safety but as the months went on, I realized he was tracking everything I did. I swear to you, I donāt know how my life got this way. But there I wasā¦evolving into a person I no longer recognized. Tom made sure I went straight from home to work and back. Soon he convinced me to move with him to Florida where the cost of living was cheaper and so we could be closer to his family. After the move to Florida, I started to slowly see a different side of him. He didnāt want to work so I was the only one working. My first job in Florida was the “Steak and Shake!ā I only worked there for one hour! Just hearing myself say āWelcome to Steak and Shakeā made me want to lose it! After all, Tom was home watching television while I was surrounded by grease! Then one day he came home with a puppy without even discussing it with me. Looking back now, the dog was a blessing. Animals and children tend to expose sides of people that you would not see unless you had to care for someone else. We argued all the time about the dog. Tom bought the puppy but he was my responsibility to walk, feed, and clean up after. Not to mention, after a long day at work (I got a job at the bank but Tom was still not working), I had to have Tomās dinner ready for himā¦even if he had been home all day! Our arguing got worse! Sometimes he would call me out my name and tell me that there was nothing I ever did right. Yet, I tried even harder to make it work! I believed in love and I loved Tom. I know you are reading this and are thinking how could I not see the first hit comingā¦but I didnāt. Tom had already isolated me from everyone I loved and made me feel like his love was the only thing that mattered. He had gradually mind fucked me to the point where he took a strong and independent woman and made her seem weak, easily controlled, and uncertain of the world. If I felt trapped, I couldnāt imagine how the women who had to depend on their spouse for financial support felt. Scary! I was in a nightmare and didnāt know how to get out. One night we got into a very intense argument about who was suppose to be taking care of the dog. I expressed to Tom that he needed to help out with the dog and he didnāt like it. Tom had always been short tempered but on this particular nightā¦he was enraged. He came towards me and knocked the dogās leash out my hand and punched me in my face. It felt like I had flown a couple feet as I was about 120lbs at the time. Before I could land on the ground, it seemed as if our entire relationship flashed before my eyes. This is the moment I thoughtā¦.the moment I could get up and fight back or the moment Tom would fully own my soul. I had always heardā¦if you stay after the first hitā¦there will be more where that came from. I got up, somewhat shocked, and started to fight back. The neighbors heard the fighting and called the cops. Tom wouldnāt say what happened when the cops got there but one of us had to leave our apartment. So I spoke up. To my surprise, I was put in handcuffs! The cops said that if there is a domestic violence incident, they have to take one person in and since I opened up my mouth, they took me in! I donāt understand the legal aspect of what happened and later on had to get an attorney to expunge my record from ever having the charge show up. The next week was a blur. Charges were dropped against me but the physical and emotional scars were still there. Shortly after, my uncle drove down and helped me move all my things from the south to the north. I never returned Tomās phone calls nor accepted his apologies. The lump on my face showed me just how much he loved me. I canāt tell you why some women stay and why some of us instantly leave. It isnāt for me to speak for all victims of domestic violence. I can only tell you that I knew I was in danger and had to get out. Tom definitely groomed me before the first hit happened but the one thing he didnāt bank onā¦was my inner strength! He had only known me for two years but prior to meeting him, I had survived so much on my own. This relationship was one of the hardest ones I had endured. No one likes to be a battered woman or even admit they have allowed this type of behavior. But I donāt hide in shameā¦for hopes that my story will serve as a warning sign for someone else out there. Iāve always heardā¦āyou are only as sick as your secrets.ā Thatās why Iām coming forward today. If you are in a domestic violence relationship, get help and get out! If you are an abuser, seek help as well! No one should have to live in fear with someone they claim love them. God bless! Willow? ABOVE WAS MY FIRST PERSON ACCOUNT OF WOMEN (Willow and my Aunt Jennifer) WHO WERE GROOMED TO RECEIVE AND ACCEPT PHYSICAL ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF A MAN WHO CLAIMED TO LOVE THEM: Today I shared one of Willowās past relationship experiences with domestic violence. Domestic violence is an issue close to my heart as I grew up around it. Out of all the women in my family, I watched my Aunt Jenniferās abuse from beginning to end. I was very close to her when her abuser (who later became her husband and now ex husband) was grooming her. Whether we know it or not, abusers typically choose their victims and they groom them before the first act of physical abuse ever takes place. Often we miss the warning signs. From seeing other acts of violence committed on the older women in my family, I knew my Aunt Jennifer was in trouble before the first punch! I knew before she knew! Thank God both her and Willow made it out alive. Above I spoke in the FIRST person so that you can get a better idea of what grooming looks like. It is important to note here that (1) Iāve never personally been in a physically abusive relationship, (2) Iām mixing some of Willow and my Aunt Jenniferās experiences though this is really Willowās story, and (3) Willow fought back and left when the first hit occurred while my aunt stayed with her abuser for over a decade. Two different women and two different outcomes yet there were some similarities in their grooming period. I hope todayās blog resonates with someone out there and saves a life. ~KJM on Flashback Friday. One Love?
Itās Spring cleaning and here at āKingston Expressionsā we do not like to leave any stone unturned. Some of y’all are currently throwing out anything from old clothes to cheating boyfriends but I encourage you to look deeper and evaluate your friendship circle. Mama Michaels has the most old skool ghetto trash friends! In the over three decades on this earth that Iāve known my mom, she never could turn a lost nor evil soul away. I, on the other hand, treat friendships like Papa Michaels. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. is the foundation of all my friendships and if it isnāt there, I donāt care how many years we have been downā¦YOU GOT TO GO! Luckily, Iāve been very blessed in friendship. Most of my friendships are 30, 20, or at least 15 years old! What can I say? Bitches (excuse my language here lol) get good friends. To me friendship is higher than any romantic relationship but marriage. Iām not the worlds best girlfriend but if Iāve been your friend, you are loved and respected in a way most of my boyfriends have never been! Also, Iāve almost an equal amount of male and female friends. Contrary to popular belief, a strong woman loves to have strong women friends! My friends are diverse, loyal, hardworking, honest, and got my back. Iām forever grateful for the love they give me. Special shout out to all my Penn State friends! Met most of y’all in 1999 and no matter where you all live in the US, Iāve a home and true friendship in you! WE ARE! PENN STATE! Now to get to the meat of this blog. If you find that you have a friend that exhibits two or more of these traits on this listā¦it might be time to reevaluate that friendship. Here are the many so called friends myself, Willow, and Mama Michaels have known in life. The Bitches Got To Go List:
20. NO NEW FRIENDS: Drake warned about āno new friendsā and he wasnāt lying. Everyone defines a new friend in different ways but for me, a new friend is anyone Iāve been friends with for less than 10 years! Until we cross that 10 year mark, I always keep my eyes on how the friendship is growing. However, there were a few cockroaches (um I mean so called friends) that manage to hide their dirty deeds until after the 10 year mark and even then they had to go. The thing to learn here is like any relationship, trust has to be earned. Generally, you can only learn that over time! ā?
19. THE WE BEEN DOWN FOREVER FOLKS: But have we? Down for me means you have had my back openly and honestly throughout the friendship. Just like a cheating and lying boyfriend, I donāt care how much space you take up in my life. Time means nothing to me if you were hiding your true self. Even if we were friends for 20 years and I figure out you betrayed our friendship, I will let you go! ā?
18. TREAT YOU WELL BUT SHIT ON OTHERS FRIEND: Iāve a āfriendā who seems to be caring and kind to me yet does some nasty deeds to other people we care about. At first, I defended her actions and felt maybe there is a good reason she treats others the way she does but as the years went onā¦I started thinking itās a matter of time before she starts treating me like shit! So until I can figure out if she is friend or foe, I keep her at a distance.ā?Ā I love a friend, like Willow, who has a great heart! Willow could be in Alaska and hear that one of my friends whom she doesnāt know well had a baby and Willow will send a care package for the parents and the baby! Iāve seen her do this for people who she didnāt care for but knew they meant a lot to me. Bless her heart!?
17. THE I DONāT WANT YOU TO GET AHEAD FRIEND: well weāve all bumped into this asshole! The one who when you are looking for a job, offers to pass your resume on to someone she knows yet no one ever called nor emailed you in the 15 years youāve known her! Yikes! She has a state or federal job and claims to be well connected but still canāt even get you one interview. This chick just keeps sending you to her company website and telling you to keep applying. Well let me just help you out! Itās been 15 years and she aināt really trying to help. The jig is up! Her connections are just for HERā¦which would be fine if she didnāt pretend to help all of these years! ā?
16. THE ALWAYS FORGOT HER WALLET FRIEND: Mama Michaels has some of the most broke down friends ever. These folks are in their 50s yet still going out to dinner and claiming to have forgotten their wallet when the bill comes! What the fuck?! Itās been 30 years of this chick celebrating Mama Michaelsā birthday yet my mama always has to pay for her own dinner (that her āfriendā invited her out for), her friendās dinner, and the drinks the bitch hadā¦when y’all know my mama donāt drink! Whoaā¦Iām about to go left on this one! And so I digress for a second! Lol. Who does this as a grown woman?! The bill comes and folks are scattering like cockroaches! Jesus fix it! ā?
15. THE FINANCE MY LIFESTYLE FRIEND: while we on Mama Michaelsā broke down friends let me give a shout out to them bitches who expect my mama to always have money to pay their bills and buy them things. Yes Mama Michaels is a professional and married woman. Her money from her career is for her, her husband, and her children. Itās not to buy some shoes from you that your ex boyfriend gave you and you now need to sell to be able to buy soap and deodorant for your nasty ass! Seriously! This shit really happens! My mom gets voicemails from āfriendsā who ādesperatelyā need money because they choose not to work and expect her finance their rent, clothes, food etc. Where do they do that at?! I just canāt with these bitches!ā?
14. THE ALWAYS BORROW YET NEVER PAY YOU BACK FRIEND: I hate to revisit Mama Michaelsā friends like a bad yeast infection returning but letās be real! These tricks take the cake! People borrow and borrow money from my mother and spend decades not paying her back! One āfriendā threw my mamaās occupation in her face when my mom said she did not have money to lend her this time. Does this trick even have a job besides laying on her back?! Yes even if you are in your 50sā¦there are old hoes! Never want to work, always on their back, and sticking their hand out for money from others and then getting pissed if my mama canāt help them! I seriously wish I could fire 99% of my motherās friends! Why she puts up with themā¦I will never understand! I think she likes to see the good in people no matter how many times they harm her! Thank goodness I have my fatherās heart and mind! Papa Michaels definitely donāt play that with his friends! ā?
13. THE PUT YOUR BUSINESS ON THE STREET FRIEND: ugh we all know this person! Quick to contact you when they know you have had a hard day and then spread your hardships to the entire neighborhood. I had a childhood friend like that. She was like a sister to me. However, once I got older and found out she put some of my motherās personal business out in the streetā¦the bitch had to go! I donāt care how long we been downā¦you hurt my familyā¦.you hurt me! ā?
12. THE NEGATIVE FRIEND: some people never have a positive thing to say. Sometimes itās not their fault. They could be suffering from depression. However, we all know somebody who is in their damn right mind that thrives off of negativity! When you are trying to regain your life after a breakup or job loss, she is nicely encouraging you to stay down so she can feel good about herself. This type of fake friend is hard to spot. At first, they seem generally concerned but their actions say they love it when you are down. Once you are doing well, they never pick up your phone calls! Donāt worry they will be back once they bump into your gossipy friend at the supermarket and find out you are getting a divorce! A negative friend never stays too far. After all, they are like blood suckers who feed off of negativity!ā?
11. THE LOW SELF ESTEEM FRIEND: once again this is a tricky one because sometimes people are suffering from depression. Still be careful here! If a person has no love for themselves, how much love can they have for you? Self love is often a reflection of the amount of love they can give others. Someone who is drowning has the ability to pull you down with them. Sometimes you just have to swim off by yourself.ā?
10. THE ATTENTION WHORE FRIEND: Faith and I had a childhood friend that was unbelievably selfish. We knocked heads many times. Iām short tempered and sheās selfish. It wasnāt a good recipe for a friendship. Faith is the main reason why I stayed friends with this person so long. She was our peace maker. However, when Faith had her aneurysm, my friendship with this selfish woman could no longer continue. I got tired of her calling me at least 15 times a day. If I broke a leg and she broke a nail, we spent five seconds on my broken leg and hours on her nail. In time of disaster, hurt, or need I could never count on this person yet she wouldnāt hesitate to call me at 3am with her latest manicure issues! It took me over 16 years but I finally ended that friendship. I had a lot of love for her but in my lowest moments in lifeā¦she left me to drown when I had spent 16 years throwing her a life jacket. That shit hurts but all I could do was just move on! ā?
9. THE SHE WILL SLEEP WITH YOUR MAN FRIEND: Willow had a dear friend from college come and visit her in NYC. She allowed this close friend to come stay with her and her boyfriend only to find this chick coming out the shower buck naked and making a play for her man! Willow showed her the door and they never spoke again! The nerve! ā?
8. THE SHE AINāT GOT NO MAN AND DONāT WANT YOU TO HAVE ONE EITHER FRIEND: letās have a moment of silent prayer for this one! You ready? Because Iām going in! Mama Michaels roll with these no men having laying down with somebody elseās husband but never have a quarter to buy bubble gum chicks! Papa Michaels aināt perfect but he is there for my mother and has done a damn good job raising us kids. Some of her friends donāt even know who they baby daddy is but got the nerve to throw salt on my father! I keep telling my mother to roll with other married women! These single desperate friends got her looking crazy. Misery loves company! They donāt have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of but got the nerve to look down on my parentsā relationship. Granted Mama Michaels does have to take responsibility for the company she keeps and the information she gives them. Does anyone else think itās crazy this stuff happens even in your 50s?! Wtf?! ā?
7. THE ALWAYS GIVING BAD ADVICE THAT SHE WOULDNāT EVEN TAKE FRIEND: while we are on the subject, sometimes you have a friend thatās in a terrible relationship but always gives you advice about yours yet her back yard is so dirty. She is telling you to leave your man because he forgot to get you a gift for your birthday yet sheās been with hers for over ten years and heās never bought her spit! This type of friend will tell you your man is so disrespectful when she just got off the phone with mistress number five for her man! She laid up with her biggest problem but got the nerve to be all up in your business! Yeaā¦she definitely got to go! This friend means you no good!ā?
6. THE CRAB MENTALITY FRIEND: okay! We have all befriended a person that they expect only good things to happen to them and not you! I had a friend that had to get married and have children first before our entire friend group. She had to have the biggest house and the biggest wedding ring and she let it be known that no one in the group shall surpass her. Of course this was all said in jest. However, there is almost always some truth in things that are said in a joking manner. If you ever naturally get ahead, she will either pull you down or drop you as a friend! This chick has to be the smartest in her groupā¦.even if she aināt!ā?
5. YOUR PARTY ONLY FRIEND: I donāt know about you but Iām getting too old to have friends that are only good for partying with. If I canāt actually have a conversation with you about life, you gots to go! This isnāt high school! We are in the adult school of life! I need loyal, trustworthy, and kind friends to share my journey with it.ā?
4. YOUR PATHOLOGICAL LIAR FRIEND: Iāve a friend that lies so much that Iām not sure if she lied about being a woman when sheās really a man! The crazy thing is I canāt figure out if she is a con artist or has had some kind of mental breakdown years ago. I honestly believe she believes her lies. Truth is never going to be her thing. Only reason why I havenāt 100% dropped her is weāve been friends for like a decade and a half and if she is really suffering from some sort of a personality disorder, I want to be there for her so I can encourage her to get help. If sheās a con artist, however, she will be tossed out like them old clothes you throwing out. Into the garbage she shall go because I aināt got no time to have a con ran on me! Jesus fix itā¦.ā?
3. THE ALWAYS ACCUSING YOU OF WANTING HER MAN FRIEND: ugh! I cringe writing this one. Itās hard to say this without offending others but let me keep it real. I had a low self esteem friend who I knew for 17 years. She always had a thing for 40 year old gang members with felonies. Itās painful to be accused of wanting any of your friendsā men but I found this to be particularly offensive! Of all the men in the world, why would I ever want this type of man? They beat her, lived off of her, cheated on her, and then left her for someone else! In all my life of having female friends, no other friend had ever accused me of such a thing! I just canāt with this chick! Woosa! ā?
2. THE CRIME SPREE FRIEND: Iāve met at least two friends who were professionals but addicted to a life of crime. Deep down inside, I always want to believe that people can change and work on themselves. Most of the time this is true. However, sometimes you get a friend thatās trying to āThelma and Louiseā you! No ma’am, Iām not going down with you. This is the point where I get off this circus ride because Iāve got one life to live and orange jump suits just donāt suit me! So if you ever befriend a female Bernie Madoff, RUN! ā?
1. THE NOT EQUALLY YOKED FRIEND: Iāve always heard in relationships that one must be equally yoked to their spouse. Mama Michaels, despite her refusal to get rid of her trifling friends, recently opened my eyes to the fact that this theory applies to friendships as well. Iāve at least one friend that is an atheist. Now let me be clear here. Iāve known many atheists growing up. For many of them, atheism was passed down to them like Christianity was passed down to me. They may not be religious but they are open to spirituality and they never question my beliefs. The current atheist friend Iām referring to is NOT open to other peopleās faith and directly rebukes the existence of any spiritual being. Mama Michaels feels that if someone believes in nothing and I believe in God and Jesus, there is only so far that the friendships can go. Iāve friends of many faiths and while there are some differences, our respect for each othersā beliefs and deep seeded spirituality are never questioned. For Mama Michaels, being equally yoked in friendship means respecting and being open to each otherās spiritual journey. She believes that one with no spiritual journey is lost and can never really find their way into the circle of trust of one on a spiritual journey. Mama Michaels isnāt saying that the Christian is better than the atheistā¦what she is saying is they are not equally yoked. This person should always be kept at a distance! Deepā¦ Unfortunately, as the years go on, Iām beginning to understand what she meant. ā?~KJM saying āshow me your friends and I will tell you who you areā on Hump Day! Food for thoughtā¦.Happy Spring cleaning!
These are true events as I know it. As you read this, keep in mind I canāt make this shit up if I tried! I lived it and Iām still in disbelief it all happened. Below is the story of Jonathan aka The Great Apologizer, the first guy to ever cheat on me. After my first year at Penn State, Julio and I broke up. He was my first love but it just wasnāt working so after over 3 years of seriously datingā¦we went our separate ways (for now). The summer of my 19th birthday, I decided to finally give Jonathan a chance to date me. I met Jonathan my freshman year of high school. He was the best friend of my childhood best friendās, Faith, boyfriend Carl. Wow thatās a lot to swallow! Recap: I have known Faith for 30 years. We met in kindergarten and are still friends to this day! She instantly fell in love with Carl at a barbecue our Freshman year of high school. Jonathan was Carlās best friend and about two years older than Faith and I. Are you following now? Good! When Jonathan first approached me, I had never dated anyone before. 1995 was the year I wasnāt into light skinned guys so I told Jonathan to beat it but he always kept in touch since our best friends were dating. Donāt worry, I went on to date all types of men no matter their complexion but you have to admitā¦.whatās sweeter than dark chocolate?! Not a damn thing! Yum. Lol. But I digress. Once Julio and I broke up, Jonathan didnāt waste any time asking me outā¦and I finally accepted. It was a world wind romance. His personality was more easy going and like-able than Julioās so I brought Jonathan to all family and friend events in summer 2000. Everyone loved him! I wasnāt in love but he was such a great and attentive boyfriend (and the only guy Iāve ever spent my birthday with) that I felt like love could come in a couple of years. After all, I was never quick to give my heart. In the midst of our summer, Jonathan had to go to Cuba for 2 weeks on some save the world mission! Donāt ask me the details of how the hell he was getting into Cuba at that time but I donāt think the group he was going with were directly traveling from the US. I didnāt want him to go! Jonathan was so good to me. He took me on the best dates, cooked for me, and pampered the hell out of me in a way Julio never did and never would. But my man had a mission to help bring peace to the world and so I had to support it. When he was leaving, I gave him a picture of me and one of my thongs for him to get through those two weeks without me easily. Little did I know, he would have no problem living out his days in Cubaā¦filled with passion. To help the time pass quickly while Jonathan was away, my aunt, Jennifer, asked me to drive to Atlantic City with her to pick up tickets for a trip she won. I didnāt think much of her request since at that time, she was the aunt I was the closest to. Once in Atlantic City, we had to wait a few hours to pick up my auntās plane tickets so she suggested we go on the boardwalk and hang out. Let me preface this by saying, I had heard rumors in my family that my aunt Jennifer believed in black magic but in the Michaels house, we had always been a God fearing family and I figured since my mother was Jenniferās older sister, there had to be some mixup in what her faith was. Aunt Jennifer suggested we go into this mother/daughter fortune telling shop. I was hesitant and told her my faith tells me not to believe in such things. Aunt Jennifer told me it was for entertainment purposes only and since I couldnāt gamble, it was a fun way to pass the time. Me being 19, naive, and trusting of my aunt, decided to go in and get a reading with her. I pray God has forgiven me because what happened next I could never have foreseen. The daughter fortune teller took me in one room and the mother took my aunt in another. I was nervous but was careful never to give any information to the daughter. She predicted my future occupation (which she was right to an extent), what my weakness in life was, and told me some things about my family. Still in my mind, I felt this is just entertainment so maybe she just got lucky with the things she said. Hereās where things got creepy: the daughter fortune teller told me I was dating a guy who was currently on an islandā¦.only he was on the island with his ex girlfriend and was cheating on me! She gave me his initial (J) and the ex girlfriendās (W). She told me our relationship would never work out because J would spend his life chasing W. Also, she told me that W was not my same race. Chills went up and down my spine but I still reminded myself that this had to be all coincidental! After all, Jonathan was in Cuba saving the world! Before the daughter fortune teller could finish my reading, I heard my aunt Jennifer cursing out the mother fortune teller and could hear my aunt flipping the table over in the next room! Needless to say we left in a hurry and my aunt never did explain what happened in her reading to get her so angry. I put all I had heard behind me and life went on. Two weeks later when Jonathan came back from Cuba, he didnāt call me. Instead he went to the movies with Faith and Carl his first night back. After a few calls and beeps (yea beepers were in back then!), Jonathan returned my call and I only saw him once again that summer. Something was off and he was distant. He stopped returning my calls and beeps and then I went back to Penn State for my sophomore year. I beeped him once at Penn State with one of my friends from DCās number. He called back and when he found out it was me, he apologized for how our relationship ended but would not tell me why such a happy couple got so distant so quickly. I would not see nor hear from Jonathan again until the following summer when Faith had an aneurysm that nearly killed her! Summer 2001, while we took turns car pooling to visit Faith in the ICU at a hospital in NYC, Jonathan tried to win me back. From that point on, I friend zoned him and continued with my life. Tragedy made it so we had to work together but that didnāt mean I had to date such a shady person again! One day I was on the bus and I ran into one of Jonathanās neighbors, Stacey. Stacey knew some of my cousins and went to high school with Jonathan. She told me their whole block was sad when Jonathan and I broke up and that she hoped he wasnāt still chasing āthat dusty white girl, Wanita!ā Once again, chills went up and down my spine but still I felt it all had to be a terrible coincidence! This all seemed ludicrous to me! I donāt believe in fortune tellers! So I moved on with my life as Jonathan stayed close over the years. From 2001-2010, Jonathan would call or text to tell me he loved me and wanted to make things work. I had permanently friend zoned him. On my second year in my graduate program, Jonathan called me and we stayed up all night talking about Faith and Carl. Faith never fully recovered and Carl couldnāt take it so he went into the military and moved away. Faith is paralyzed on one side of her body, can barely talk, and was never able to walk on her own again. It broke all our hearts. Thatās what kept me in touch with Jonathan. He lived in the same town as Faith, so he could always go check on her while I was moving from state to state for school or work. That night we stayed up and talked about so much. Of course, Jonathan professed his love for me and I ignored him. Then something creepy happened: Jonathan told me that a year before Faithās accident, her and Carl went to a fortune teller who told them a terrible accident would forever separate them! Jonathan claimed he did not believe in such things and the fortune teller was bogus. Suddenly all my memories of my reading from summer 2000 came back to me. The next morning I called Jonathan up and confronted him about what the fortune teller told me years ago. He confirmed all of it except he claimed he did not chase Wanita! I didnāt know what was worseā¦.the fact Jonathan did cheat on me or the fact that 8 years later it was Jonathanās word against the fortune teller and the dumb Motherfucker was too stupid to lie at this point! Come on nowā¦it was his word against the fortune tellers! I would have lied and never admitted to the affair in order to preserve my current friendship with the person I claimed I loved! Maybe thatās just me! I was floored but still gave Jonathan the benefit of the doubt when it came to our friendship! We had not dated in over 9 years so how could I hold his transgressions against him in our friendship? Had I still been dating himā¦.that would have been another story! This dude was stuck on stupid and nothing could help him. Embarrassed, Jonathan once again stopped picking up my phone calls even after I told him I forgave him for mistakes he made as a young adult. I finally gave up on the friendship and continued with my life. Of course, he continued to call or text once a year to tell me he loved me until, in 2010, I text him back to say he should lose my number and to ācease and desistā from ever contacting me again! The fucking nerve of him! 2010 was the last time I heard from the Great Apologizer! Can you believe the fortune teller told me that he cheatedā¦.and he admitted it?! What a way to get caught! Guess itās true what they sayā¦whatās done in the dark always comes into lightā¦eventually! Wtf?! ~KJM laughing so hard on Temptation Tuesday! Thereās one born every minuteā¦a fool that is!
