Kingston Expressions

Writer, Editor, & Lifestyle Blogger: Sex, Lust, Love, Celibacy & More đŸ„° A woman not afraid to walk in her truth....in style of course 👠 💄

Is Monogamy Really That Hard (From A Female Perspective Edition)?

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Happy Serenity Saturday to all my readers. You are hearing from me earlier than I expected. I am currently flying from over the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean and in order to keep myself from pulling the bitch‘s hair that keeps falling on me from the lady sitting next to me…I have decided to blog. ? Yes I am in an economy seat so things are tight but she sleeping in her seat like she at home…foot cocked up and all! Then she got the nerve to take off her stanking shoes and put them in my leg room. I have kicked her feet three times already! ? Bitch you ain’t home! ? But I digress. Back to blog life. Lol. Yesterday, while I was packing, I managed to catch the marathon of last seasons “Married To Medicine.” Now I haven’t watched this show in years but I am familiar with most of the ladies on there. The biggest shocker was that “perfect” Jackie’s husband cheated on her and now they are getting a divorce! I call Jackie perfect because she is usually not part of the many dramas on the show and just focuses on being a doctor. At first wind of Jackie’s husband’s infidelity, I did not bat an eye. These men (especially black men) betraying us sistas is very common. This is not to say I think cheating in ones marriage is okay (for anyone). I am just saying cheating is a popular topic amongst all the races. Now what gave me a double take is when I saw Jackie’s tired run down husband! I mean next to her and her beautiful self, he looks like he can barely get the penis up to pee straight much less cheat! ? How dare he?! And how dare the woman who allowed that pee in the bed penis inside of her…that is if she knew he was married! Fifteen years of marriage and a breast cancer survivor and this is what Jackie gets? Child…I was too hot!✌???? But this brings me to an interesting observation that I’m really sharing with the men because we women already know this: the longer we are with you men…monogamy is difficult for us too but women are true warriors so most of us stay faithful. ?? It is a known fact that we women are at our sexual peak way into our later years…while most men hit their peak in their teens and twenties! ?? What does this mean to a man? It means we tired of y’all same lazy sex stroke too! ???? I always hear men say that “for every beautiful woman they see…there’s a man tired of fucking her!” ? Bro, do you really want to go there with me?! There are times in our long term relationships we get so fucking disgusted with y’all that we hope the penis just falls off so we won’t ever have to deal with it! ? Don’t ask me where that thing falls off and rolls to…we just don’t care. ? And check it, the longer we are with y’all the worse the sex gets because while y’all are busy looking at Pretty Young Thangs and daydreaming about getting it up and sleeping with them…your long term woman’s sex drive has most likely increased and you ain’t even giving her the big D right no more…and your little shriveled up d ain’t doing shit! ?? One of the reasons why men feel like it’s okay to publicly complain about what they aren’t getting in the bedroom is because (1) it’s socially acceptable but if we did it to y’all…society would burn us at the stake…calling us sex driven disloyal hoes who should be happy to have a man! ?✌?? And (2) because women from all over the world have been taught to build their men up even when that same tired dick stroke ain’t doing shit! ?? So y’all think you doing something by having these affairs and we suppose to just stay home and be happy we have a man! Boy bye! ✌? We want that unforgettable back breaking dick that some of y’all gave us when we first met you!? Over the years, many of you have let yourselves go, have beer bellys, and barely like to wash your asses! ? Nasty! We are turned off by you but our commitment to our vows (if married), commitment to our children (if we have any) and our self respect keeps us loyal (for the most part). We need to be appreciated too! I spent most of my dating life with my two long term boos (Julio and the Ex Factor) not feeling wanted! That’s a total of 18 years between the two of them! Damn! FYI. A man cannot make a woman feel fully wanted through sex alone! ?? We women go through so much and suffer in silence…even in our dating lives and feel trapped when married! Speaking of marriage…the majority of us women are scared of it too! One penis for the rest of our lives until death do us part?! Who the fuck does that sound good to? ✌?Moral of the story here: guys every time you are going to complain about your woman in the bedroom…remember there’s a great chance she hyping up your piss (no pun intended) poor performance to save your manhood! You probably haven’t hit her G spot nor helped around the house in over a decade and she’s turned off too! Bro, you ain’t the only one! Monogamy is easy for no one! This is why I always prefer having two boyfriends at one time (one that tends to the emotional and the other that tends to the physical) cause I ain’t never met a man who could consistently satisfy one woman on all levels! ?? But society has taught us women how to do without! ? Child…that’s the tea right there! -KJM on Serenity Saturday. Yes I’m back for the 2018! If you love my work, please share it! “Love is a battlefield!” In 2018, I hope we all get and give love, appreciation, emotional support, and some bomb ass sex! ?

When F*ck Boys Think They Are Good Guys (Another Tales From The Crypt Edition?)

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Well I told you we weren’t done with the lessons from the show “Insecure.” In season 2, Lawrence, a single man with a broken heart, starts to fuck other women. ? Right. Smart idea. ? The first woman he met at his bank and of course he screws her over. She is the one who calls out the newly single Lawrence for what he now is…a FUCK BOY! Now you got to watch the show to find out why but here’s what we can take away from this. Back in my day, fuck boys were honest (for the most) about wanting to only fuck. I prefer guys like this (for example Crazy and Phoenix) because you know what you can expect from them…dick and only dick! ?? They know they ain’t shit and immediately share that revelation with the rest of us! ? This is why I never fell for either of them…even though they both gave me a top notch dick down. ??? I understood the rules of the game from the jump and played my position. Crazy and I were friends before and after we had sex…so there was something more there. And in his defense, he did offer me a relationship from day one of us messing around but I turned him down because he was not good enough for me. He wasn’t doing shit with his life and I wasn’t signing up to destroy mine. So friends with benefits worked for us…though there were many bumps in the road. One thing I got to give him is he actually courted me. We dated. Like went on real dates for years but there was no winning me over…I knew what he was….because he told me from the door. And there’s just no reforming a fuck boy unless he truly wants to change for himself. ?? Now back to the modern day fuck boys. Nowadays, fuck boys (much like the Ex Factor) believe in their heart of hearts that they are really good guys! ? Here’s a reality check to these special types of fuck boys…just because you may have been good to one girl/woman who fucked you over…doesn’t erase your fuck boy status for all the other women y’all screwing over! ?? A fuck boy is a fuck boy! Here are 5 ways to realize the game of these new skool fuck boys: 5. HE IS MISTER EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE UNTIL YOU CATCH FEELINGS! When you first meet these pretend guys…they try to be your everything until you catch feelings. Once you start to care…you find out they are as cold as ice. In his mind, he’s a good guy because he at least let’s you know he cares. ?✌?? Motherfucker…keep your care. Bitches ain’t checking for that. You are a waste of fucking time and space. Take your fake care and kiss our asses. A real good dude would never awaken a woman’s love to only back away from it. You are not a good guy! You are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌?4. HE IS NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP (AFTER YOU CATCH FEELINGS)! These weak ass boys have the nerve to think they are honest but they aren’t! If from day one they said they did not want to get into something serious…a woman could respect that. That way we know what we are getting into if we decide to play this game. But noooooo! They wait to drop that bomb on us when we are in too deep then have the nerve to say they were honest with us! But no you weren’t! You hid your true self until you knew you had us! You aren’t an honest dude…you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌? 3. THEIR FEELINGS CHANGE MORE THAN THEIR DRAWS! These motherfuckers are bipolar without being clinical. One day they care and the next they don’t. Got to wonder sometimes if they are really men because I have only known women to change their minds constantly. These assholes should just wear our thongs because a real man knows what he wants and goes after it! A real man has no time for “just for now pussy” and is only after his version of a Michelle Obama to build his empire. If you ain’t about building and/or are tearing things down….you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌? 2. HE IS OR HAS BECOME A NETFLIX AND CHILL DUDE! I am so tired of telling y’all that pussy will always cost! It ain’t free even if it look free! Ladies, a dude who only wants to chill at YOUR crib is a fuck boy! He’s using up your electricity, you water, and your heat! Don’t get me started on what heat costs in the winter time! ? This type of dude is a damn liability! He is using all your resources and only giving you some tired used up penis as payment?! If pussy always costs money…please know that dick is like a Discover card everywhere only MasterCard and Visa are accepted. ??? Dick doesn’t pay for shit so it’s a declined form of payment for our pussy mileage! We are better off kicking it with the dude who can at least afford the 2 for 20 at Applebee’s. If this ain’t you…you are a fuck boy! Deal with it! ✌?1. HE MAKES YOU PAY FOR EVERY OTHER BITCH’S MISTAKE! Once upon of time, these pretend good guys cared about some woman and she dicked them over. The pretend good guy then moves on quickly…burning every bitch at the stake that actually cares about him. A fuck boy makes you pay for another bitch’s sins. Real men acknowledge who hurt them and slowly move on to a greater deeper love. It’s not every woman’s fault what was done to him. A real man knows that good women are still out there and he shouldn’t stop being a good dude because of some bad experiences! ?? A real man knows to choose better the next time he finds love and has all the strength in the world to treat his new woman with all the love, respect, loyalty, and trust she deserves! ?? A fuck boy, on the other hand, is broken and will stay broken. He will leave a trail of broken pussy unless these women see him for what he really is…A FUCK BOY…and they stop dealing with him accordingly! ✌? The worst kind of fuck boy is the one that thinks he is a good person when he really is an ain’t shit dude! If I ever have to deal with fuck boys…I prefer the ones who are honest (with others and with themselves) about who they are! ~KJM on Hump Day! FYI. I am officially retired from dealing with fuck boys!?? “Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned

Mistake overturned

So I call it a lesson learned

My soul has returned

So I call it a lesson learned

Another lesson learned” by Alicia Keys

Cheating On A Good Man (The Cheating Pact Edition)

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Recently, I binged watched the HBO show, “Insecure.” First season was okay and second season was great. So many life lessons in it. Today…let’s tackle one…cheating on a good man. Now I know many of you are chastising me for not being against cheating all together but if we women kept it 100 all the time, we would realize that some men never deserved our good pussy followed with loyalty especially when he is dipping out on us. If you are with a dirty dog…it’s best to end the relationship, change your address, and move on with someone better but sometimes shit ain’t that cut and dry. Sometimes shit is crazy messy…even when we did not intend it to be. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the mess. In my opinion, there are two types of women who cheat: (1) the neglected and/or abused one and (2) women who cheat (much like men) because they can get away with it. Out of all the cheating women I have known, most of them fell in the former category more than the latter. The men they loved left them exposed and insecure. These men forgot to value their women and boyfriend number two stepped in to say all the things she has been wanting to hear. ? Also, boyfriend number two most likely was hitting that pussy like he just got out of jail. He HUNGRY…not leaving one taste unsavored when eating the box. ? And we are so desperate to be eaten right even if it’s not from our true love. Boyfriend number 2 never forgets to tell us how beautiful we are and he notices everything about us. If he’s a good boyfriend number 2…he will play his position well with no expectations and just do his fucking job with no drama. That was Phoenix for me. He played his position well and knew he was hired to do a job…and that’s all I’m giving him credit for! ?? But I digress into a place of nasty ecstasy! ? Back to the blog at hand. In the first season of “Insecure,” Issa cheats on her boyfriend of five years, Lawrence. In most aspects, Lawrence appears to be a good guy but he did spend five years living with Issa without marrying her…two of which he was unemployed and she had to support him. ????? For the sake of today’s blog…let’s say Lawrence is a good guy. In order to fully get today’s lesson, flashback with me to my college years at Penn State. WE ARE! ?? A good friend and I sat down and had a discussion about cheating. I won’t say which friend because we are still friends today and are like sisters. But she knows who she is. We made a cheating pact. While neither of us ever thought we could cheat on a guy we cared about, we understood that no one knows themselves in college. Truth be told, no one can ever say what they are going to do in a situation until they are in it! ?? We decided that if we ever cheated on a guy we cared about, we would NEVER tell him and break up with him the next day! Neither one of us wanted to continue hurting that guy…even if he didn’t know. It just so happened that before college was over (for her) and just when college was over (for me)…we both cheated. Her cheating fell into the category of neglect and she kept her word and broke up with her boyfriend the next day without telling him about her moment of betrayal. Then came my turn a couple months later. WAIT FOR IT. In some ways, I was not emotionally cared for and had no security in my pseudo relationship. The only time I have ever PHYSICALLY cheated on a guy was when I cheated with Crazy…mister multiple orgasm himself. The irony was…I never meant to. It was an accident. An orgasmic accident. Technically, I was not in a relationship with either guy but was exclusive in my pseudo relationship. While I cheated accidentally….literally tripped and fell on that dick…I cheated because I could get away with it. ? How do I know this? I did not keep the cheating pact. My pseudo man was away for 30 days when the incident happened. Before he left, I sexed him for hours. Then my slip up happened the first night he was gone and I sexed Crazy for hours. ??? Shout out to the birth control and condom companies. ?? Good looking out! ? This is when I learned that what my Dad said about women was true: we are dangerous creatures when we want to be (our bodies can keep going climax after climax) and when we cheat we hardly get caught because we are smarter than men in this area! ? Oh the shame! ? I would love to say I regretted that day with Crazy but to this day it was the BEST sex I ever had. Intense. Dramatic. Filled with emotions. Bite for bite. Kiss for kiss. Passion for passion. ? It was fucking wrong but I did not ask for it! Yet I am no victim either! ? Crazy followed me home after the club. We didn’t even do it that night. We just slept because he had this thing about not touching me when I drink. It was daybreak that got us. ? So why didn’t I break things off with my pseudo boo when he came back? He had just taken me back after five months of separation for some other shit I did (not cheating). If he knew I slept with someone else…he would forever be done with me and I just couldn’t lose him again…not after I just got him back! ✌? I know it was wrong…very fucking wrong but you cannot cheat on a good man! He will never truly let go of it…unless he’s fucking superhuman! I wasn’t in love with him but I cared deeply for him. He was my one good guy. Guess y’all figured out by now that I stepped out on Jason since I only dated two guys in college. While I don’t regret sleeping with Crazy…I do regret Jason and I not solidifying our renewed relationship. If he had been my boyfriend out right…I don’t think I would have opened the door for Crazy that night. But hey…I can’t be sure. ?Ironically, commitment phobe Crazy thought that having sex (for an entire day?) meant we were back together. You know I had to correct him quickly! ✌?My man would be back in 29 days and I would be there waiting for him. And I was. MORAL OF THE STORY: if you cheat on a GOOD man…he won’t forget it. If he even takes you back…your affair will always be in the back of his mind. And if he leaves you, the next woman will pay for your sins. ?? If you cheat on a BAD man (one that is always cheating on you), he, too, will hold it against you but at least y’all will be even! ??? Men always want to be forgiven but are not big on forgiveness especially when a woman cheats! ?? Honesty can set you free or destroy everything you may be trying to build. The choice is yours. I made mine many years ago and I think I made the right choice by staying silent about it (until now). ?? While I feel like I have grown out of this childish behavior (at least since 2012?), I still have no plans of being loyal to a man that isn’t loyal to me and does not secure me in a REAL relationship. Next time I’m just going to change my address though! Lol. KJM getting really ignorant on Temptation Tuesday. No amount of apologies can make up for cheating. If you are going to continuously do it, leave the person you are cheating on. If you made a mistake, like my friend and I did…the choice is yours (if you want to be honest about it or stay silent). Choose wisely. EDITOR’S NOTE: while I do not use real names in my blogs, I did not feel comfortable disclosing which friend I made the pact with. Most women do not want others to know they cheated. However I will say…I have known many women who cheat and most of the time it’s out of neglect/abuse/confusion…not because they are hoes. No one is perfect and we all have our ways of betraying the people we care about. One sin isn’t greater than the other. ??

The Difference Between Men And Women (An Uber Moment)

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This morning I almost canceled my Uber when it said it would take 10 mins to get to me but I didn’t. And thank goodness because JUSTIN was worth the wait! ?? Fine and smelling great. No clue what his nationality was. At 5:30am, I typically ride the bus and train with smelly men (some in suits) that didn’t wash their ass nor put a swig of toothpaste in their mouth! ??? So to see a good looking man smelling great so early (don’t think he had cologne on…his natural scent got me) is such a turn on. While I could imagine myself jumping over the seat and mounting him…I did not. Nor did I come on to him. (This is the time of year I close the pussyshop up in hopes Santa will bring me something great and ignore all my other nasty deeds from in the year?). No sexual harassment here. I just tipped him. Now that’s how it’s done ? ?? #santababy ~KJM on a Throwback Thursday but it’s really feeling like Hump Day?

The Men We Wish We Never Slept With Part 2 (From The Castaway Island To The Vaginal Rejuvenation Process Edition)

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Happy Hump Day! I know it’s been a while since I have covered this topic but as the end of the year is quickly approaching…the threat is imminent! ? We cannot risk taking these men with us into 2018. Instead of comparing them to a scary movie villain…I am just going to call a spade a spade in this blog. Every woman has a list of men or maybe just one man they wished they never slept with. ?? But can we really erase the experience?! You bet your fucking bottom dollar! ? Close your eyes and when you reopen them your exes and/or ex lovers will be banished to a deserted island as castaways! ? No one will go and rescue them! And as a reward for sending them there, you receive an imaginary coupon for a mental vaginal rejuvenation that erases the faint memory of these losers! ?? Props to Brandi Glanville for giving us this idea! Lol. Now get in your favorite Kegel position as you read the new list of top 10 men we wished we never slept with! Here are our top 10 Castaways: 10. HE MAY BE GAY BUT WHAT THE HEY? Believe it or not most women have slept with a gay or bi sexual man (generally unbeknownst to them). These men usually wine and dine women…making us feel like queens while hiding their sexuality. He is going to say and do all the right things because he needs us as his BEARD! ? Even if his sexuality was never confirmed nor denied…doubts probably lingered in your mind. I mean I’ve heard some crazy stories of guys shoving sex toys up their asses during sex with a woman and without discussing it with her first!!! ??? Now I’m not saying that makes a man gay but I am saying this makes his behavior questionable! While I support the gay community, this man is being banished to the Castaway island because we are simply not what he is looking for! Ain’t nobody got time for it! ✌? 9. MISTER MIXED MESSAGES! One day he is all about your relationship and the next…he’s terrified of having feelings for you! This boy flip flops so fucking much that you have no clue whether he’s cuming or going! This fool is being banished to the Castaway island for his indecisiveness! ✌? Hand that pussy over to a real man that wants to put in the work 24/7 and is sure about how he feels about you! 8. MISTER DID WE EVEN HAVE SEX? Now some of us have had weird sexual experiences where we aren’t even sure if we had sex! I once went to sit on a guy’s penis and it deflated before it could go in! Seems more like a car crash to me than a sexual experience but hey…what do I know? ? This man is being banished to the Castaway island even though we aren’t sure if he counts as a sexual partner! I mean we know he’s out there counting us but should we be counting him?! Banished! And set him up with his own vaginal rejuvenation for confusing us! Ouch! ✌?7. MISTER WON’T EAT THE BOX! Now I’m not big on oral (giving nor receiving) but I am a team player! Eating the box…if you want your lower parts to be tended to…is a fucking requirement especially since most women do not orgasm every time during sex! At least bless her spot you jerk and warm up her car before you try to drive it! This inconsiderate fool is banished not only to the Castaway island of exes but shall live a life of solitary confinement on the island for his level of selfishness! ✌? 6. MISTER ALWAYS OUT THERE CHEATING! This nasty fuck (no pun intended) is a global health hazard! He never deserved all that good pussy we shared with him! Let him swing his dirty dick on the Castaway island of our exes and see where that gets him! ?✌? 5. MISTER ABUSIVE! Now there’s nothing funny about a man who is emotionally, mentally, physically, or financially abusive! This fool probably needs jail time! ✌? The Castaway island is perfect for him! 4. MISTER DOES NOT TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILDREN! Some woman out there was nice enough to carry your child and you dare not show up for them? Out of all of the exes you are the hardest to Castaway because her children may have your eyes or nose but like the rest of these jokers…you got to go! ✌? How will we explain the children you left behind? Well remember the time we told our young children that the stork supposedly drop them off when they were babies? That’s still our fucking story and we are sticking to it! Ya dead beat! ✌?✌?✌? 3. MISTER DON’T PAY ANY BILLS! Now this fool thinks his pretty looks and/or big dick is going to distract us from the lights getting cut off and Sprint disconnecting our phones as they remind us not to “reach out and touch someone” until we have all back payments in hand ? but it ain’t gonna work! To the Castaway island you go…but not before we change our locks and call up your mama for all the money you owe us! ✌? 2. MISTER TWO SECONDS! Well a Pap smear would have lasted longer! ???? Here we are saving up all of our good good for you and you can’t even hang! Now some men do have medical issues that affect their performance and we get that. As long as they sought professional help and are honest and open with us, we will be patient. But number 2 is not really about those men. It’s really about those lazy dick…limp penis men that only want to get theirs and leave us DRY! BANISHED to the Castaway island…also known as blue balls island to you! ✌? 1. MISTER EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE! Now I wish you would have made this clear when we first met you! Made what clear? That you are emotionally deficient, broken, and just a waste of fucking time! A man like you should never be on the dating market without a buyers beware sign!!! This fool is going to bait and switch us on every emotion he ever pretended to share. He won’t know his ass from his hole! But that’s okay because the less emotions he shares on the Castaway island of exes is the least he will be liked! He will probably be the first to be eaten! ✌?? Survival of the fittest! ?? BONUS: MISTER COCKY! This guy is just plain old annoying. This ex always thinks we want him when we are no longer attracted to him. ? He will serve as the entertainment on the Castaway island of exes…that is…to bore the hell out of the others because only he thinks highly of himself!? ✌?~KJM on Hump Day! ‘Tis the season to start anew! Grant yourself that mental (or physical if need be) vaginal rejuvenation and forgive yourself for ever sleeping with a fuck boy! ???

Things He Will Not Find In My Vagina

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So it’s the day before Thanksgiving and I could blog about avoiding toxic family members or how not to be sad on holidays (if they are not your thing) but it’s still freakin HUMP DAY and I just have to honor that! Time to get sexually ignorant! ? Like cockroaches that the exterminator missed…exes always seem to pop up during the holidays. ? It is one thing if it’s the ex you still love and want to work things out with but it’s a total other thing if they are exes who think you still want them because you are single. To them I say…no sir. Nobody wants you! Take that mess somewhere else! ✌? Today’s blog is dedicated to those exes we want to get right…quick. I’m going to say some of the things many of you have wanted to say but hesitate for fear of it falling on deaf ears or from fear of looking like a psycho bitch. Of course, here at Kingston Expressions I am not afraid to go there! ?? Here are the top 10 things my exes will not find in my vagina this holiday season: 10. HE WILL NOT FIND HIS MAMA IN MY VAGINA! For all the mamas’ boys out there….you will not find remnants of your mama in my vagina. That means that I don’t want to hear shit about how she cooks your meals, STILL cleans up after you, cuts your meat up for you, AND warms up the breast milk just right for you! Bro, you will find none of these things in my vagina! I’m not your mama and don’t want to be! Take your pacifier sucking self back to mama because ain’t shit for you here in my vagina!!! You don’t need a girl…you need a fucking nanny! ✌? 9. HE WILL NOT FIND HIS EX GIRL IN MY VAGINA! I’m really sorry she did a number on you but I just dug deep and looked between my clit and my asshole and guess what I did not find?! That bitch of an ex of yours! ? She was never in one flap of my luscious inner walls! I think you are lost and made a wrong turn because the foundation of my vagina is made up of passion, pleasure, loyalty, trust, and an eruption of ecstasy fit for a king. Only little boys are looking for their exes in other women! Take that mess and the hurt you brought with you somewhere else! ✌? 8. HE WILL NOT FIND HIS BALLS IN MY VAGINA! I am a strong black woman who is not without flaws. Love you hard I will. Support you I will. But I will be damned if I have to play hide and go seek with your balls in my own vagina! Yuck! So turned off right now! Be a man and have your word be your bond without me constantly having to remind you that you are not keeping your commitments! ?? Mean what you say and let your actions support your words! Please do not blow smoke up my ass! My vagina will not tolerate such behavior! While the vagina is very flexible…it will not house your balls! ✌? 7. HE WILL NOT FIND FINANCIAL SECURITY IN MY VAGINA! With all this talk of gold diggers from men who “ain’t got a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of” but front like they do…I’m gonna need to remind y’all that in 2017 women are doing it for themselves! We would like a rock not a damn anchor! If my stock is going to go down rolling with you…just keep it fucking moving! Yes you mister 500 baby mamas! My coins are not for them nor you! If you are looking for a come up…get up and get a job! You want to be the king of a castle? Well then make a king’s wage and maintain that castle! ✌?And stop driving your girlfriend’s car! Scrub! ✌?✌?✌? 6. HE WILL NOT FIND FREE PUSSY IN MY VAGINA! I’m tired of telling y’all men that pussy always costs! It may not be a monetary cost but there is a cost unless you are fucking a woman who does not know her worth or suffered from temporary insanity (I’ve been there)! ? If you can’t afford to take your lady on dates, then you can’t afford to fuck! ?? It’s that fucking simple! “No romance without finance!” If you are a good man who use to do right but fell on hard times…a good woman will keep the pussy warm for you for a short and limited time while you get your shit together! ? A bad woman will dip out on you the day you cashed your last check! ?✌?5. HE WILL NOT FIND HIS SELF ESTEEM IN MY VAGINA! A woman should encourage her man on his journey in life but it is not her job to constantly tell him how great he is!!! I dated a guy once that no matter how much I reassured him that he was a good person and great to me…his insecurities blocked us from progressing every step of the way! Women have to deal with so much that men don’t…that it becomes freaking exhausting to have to reassure ourselves and our men every day! We are raising children, excelling in our careers, and trying to keep positive self esteem as society tries to beat us down. It’s just too much to have to hold ourselves together and our men 24/7. Sometimes we need reassurance and support! Sometimes we need a break! Sometimes we need that kind word! A good woman will always support her man! Thus, he should be just as strong to support her on whatever she needs. If her man isn’t confident in himself….how can she trust in their future? ✌? 4. HE WILL NOT FIND A WEAK WOMAN IN MY VAGINA! If you want a woman that requires nothing of you…by all means please pass me and my vagina by! ✌? I require a lot from my friends and family so why would I not require a lot from the man in my life?! And I never ask for things that I do not possess myself. If you want an equal strong enough to pick you up when you fall…I’m your woman. But if not…keep it moving because my vagina is anything but weak! ?? 3. HE WILL NOT FIND HE OWNS MY VAGINA! I don’t care if we are married or just dating…my vagina belongs solely to me! I may joke around and say she’s yours but let’s be real…my vagina goes where I go! She eats and sleeps when I do! My vagina keeps only my secrets and she is strong enough to shelter me from any storm! ?? You could be husband number one or husband number nine (if I’m on my Elizabeth Taylor game)….my vagina still only belongs to me. Her loyalty and depth are only for me. You are just temporarily being housed there but there is no amount of mortgage in the world that you can pay that would make you her full owner! My vagina is PRICELESS! ?? 2. HE WILL NOT FIND AN ENDING IN MY VAGINA! My vagina is the giver of life. She has the power to birth even after years of being barren. In her lies the hopes and dreams of many nations. Only she can carry on generations. Even when she takes her last breath…her legacy lives on! ?? You see there is no ending in my vagina. Only a beginning. Full of promise. Full of hope. That’s the stock my vagina is made of. She breathes life! ? 1. HE WILL NOT FIND A TEMPORARY HOME IN MY VAGINA AS HE PREPARES HIMSELF FOR ANOTHER WOMAN! This shit really fucks me up! A good woman puts in the time and energy to upgrade a man only for him to leave her for some basic bitch that had better timing than her. ?✌?? You will not use my vagina as a temporary home where you learn how to love, trust, and be patient with someone else. For even if you settle with that basic bitch…you will realize that she never did the work yet reaped all the “benefits.” She won’t be built to weather you in any storm! Only I can do that because I truly loved you and stayed with you during difficult times. I stayed even when I had no good reason to stay. That’s how deep my love once ran for you. Always remember that vagina will haunt you for all the days of your life if you forsake me. To prevent this all from happening, I am shutting down any training camps. Find another temporary home and get at me when you are whole, confident, mature, and sure of what you want….for I am anything but basic! Never forget that my pussy is very calculated. You see if you don’t do right by me…my vagina will take all of her super human powers and move on to a man more deserving! ✌? ~KJM saying “mi pum pum bring life” in my sister, Brenda’s voice on Hump Day! Lol.

The Waning Male Libido (Y’all Lucky Most Females Ain’t Hoeing It Out In Our Later Years Edition ?)

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Happy Hump Day! Meant to write a blog yesterday but ended up catching up on some of my favorite blogs (like ToiTime) instead of writing. ? Today I want to tackle the big elephant in the room! According to a few articles I have recently read (and old wives tales), the Male Libido is at its peak in their teens/early 20s and starts to wane (decrease) from there on while we women have a huge increase going all the way into our 40s and beyond! ?? Payback is a bitch! Men never thought all them years of tricking but not treating the women who love them would catch up to them but it does! ?? Truth be told, if we weren’t sold the Virgin Mary story, women could outdo man from the jump! We can have continuous climaxes without our bodies ever stopping! ?? Yas lawd! It’s finally good to be a woman…that is if them fools can get us to the climaxing phase! ? But I digress! Loss of Male Libido is something no one wants to talk about. The topic cuts a man’s balls off…so to speak…and we women spend so much time internalizing shit that we either think our men are no longer into us or he is cheating! ? While anything is possible…for each man is different…there’s a huge possibility the waning Male Libido (don’t know why autocorrect keeps capitalizing this shit lol) will affect most men in their long term relationships! The minus here is until this happens your man may be in every woman’s back door (if he is a dog that is). ??? The plus is when his stock is going down (literally) there’s a chance yours will go up! ?? So what you gonna do, Sis?! Lol. There may be a time when “you gotta have it” and “one man won’t satisfy you.” You are now fully in the driver’s seat as Erectile Dysfunction (ED) generally comes after the waning Male Libido! ? Funny…but not funny! This is a good time to say that this isn’t an article about how your man can overcome ED. Nope! ✌? I’m no doctor though I have been through the waning libido scenario with more than one man. It takes patience, understanding, and taking the pressure off the sexual act while helping to relieve your man’s other stresses that may be affecting your bedroom action. So once again…I’m no doctor. Just a female blogger who is pointing out the sexual irony here. Most men love to roam but Sis…they really not built for the job! WE ARE! ?? If there is some woman right now crying because of her cheating man….rest assured that he’s getting ED wrapped up in his Christmas stocking stuffer one of these days! ? But I digress again! We women need to relax on making everything about us! Sometimes the penis doesn’t work…because it just doesn’t! Take a deep breathe, resuscitate it if you can, and wake up as the goddess you are! These issues will come up the longer you are with someone. I once had a more mature female friend tell me that you don’t even know dick until you are in your 40s! ? Apparently out of the shadow of those premenopausal hot flashes is a penis that we cannot wait to ride! ? Oh my! ? I am not ready…or am I? ? Either way, we have earned orgasms until the day we die! If the statistics are correct though…you may have to find a younger man to give you those Big Os until you hit the grave! ?? You ain’t got to love him…you just got to enjoy fucking him! ???? Happy Humping my Queens! ~KJM on Hump Day! ?

The Sexually Repressed Friend (The Walk Of Toss Salad Shame Edition)

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Every now and then one of my sexually repressed friends/associates will mention that a friend of theirs recently asked them for some advice about sex. ?? I stop dead in my tracks every time…because like…the blind cannot lead the blind! ?? Lets back it up for a moment. When I use the phrase “sexually repressed” I am speaking of a woman where missionary is about the only thing on her agenda…once every six months…naturally. Not referring to anyone who has had sexual trauma or is just out of the game right now because they are taking a break from sex. I’m speaking of that woman or man who grew up thinking sex is taboo and only for reproduction purposes. There are such people. For example, I know some folks who think if a woman sleeps with more than one man…she’s a whore. ?✌?I feel really bad for women…especially…who view other women in this way. A woman with this type of view is definitely having bad sex with her probably cheating husband somewhere! ? Sex is a beautiful thing and as long as two consenting adults are participating in it…what they do is none of my business! ✌? Then there’s the sexually repressed woman who not only thinks that the number of sexual partners a woman has dictates that woman’s level of whoreness ? (got to start making up words for this level of ridiculousness) but also thinks the types of sexual acts a woman performs makes her a whore too! ??✌?I have a few friends like this. They cringe when certain topics come up. That brings me to this week’s cringe worthy topic….the Toss Salad. ? Gabrielle Union just dropped her book “we’re going to need more wine” in which she discusses many personal topics like loving to give her man a nice Toss Salad! ? While I haven’t read the book, I can tell you that this kind of openness sent sexually repressed black women all over into a state of chaos! ? A black woman is being open about her sexual preferences…and she’s not discussing the missionary position!??? I’m sure there is about to be a sermon at some black churches on the sins of the Toss Salad! ?Like…I can’t deal! Lol. Pastor says…like don’t be a Gabrielle Union! ?? But I digress. You guys already know my position on the Toss Salad. While I would never order a man to do it to me, it’s fucking amazing when it’s done right! I found that out from the brief time period that I dated Mister Toss Salad. ?? Now I don’t know much about the Toss Salad but I know enough to know that Mister Toss Salad’s main course was knowing how to eat pussy right and toss an unforgettable salad! That dude probably been tossing salads for over a decade now! Certified…with awards! ??? That’s how good his skills were! And they had to be because he’s the one I have never seen his penis. Felt that tiny odd shaped thing in my hand and vowed never to stare it in its face! ✌???? But I digress again. So I wouldn’t order a Toss Salad and I damn sure am not giving one because who can trust any man to properly wash their ass as well as MOST (not all ?) women do?! ??I mean when I’m washing my ass…I get all in it with my wash cloth. I don’t want no streaks nor shit chips flying…but dudes just don’t care!!!! ? So power to Gabrielle for being able to trust her man like that. I’m already challenged in the blow job area so I don’t even know if I could ace the tossing of my boo’s salad…cause y’all know that the Ex Factor is the only man I would experiment like that with….and he’s more closed off to certain things than I am! I’m still trying to talk him into period sex because I don’t like going a week without him inside of me and my period is extra short and light (always has been) but it’s still a no for him. ?? If we ever get married though, I hope we would spend a lifetime loving and exploring each other’s bodies. ? No matter what folks say…that missionary position just can’t take two people into a lifetime of sexual happiness! ? So what should you get from all of this? Skip asking yourself sexually repressed friend for sex advice and go buy Gabby’s book! ?? Well the first part is real advice and the second part is a suggestion. Lol. Sex, whether you are having it or not, is always going to be a big topic in relationships. Do what’s comfortable for you and your partner. And do not be afraid to explore! If it feels good to ya…chances are it’s good for ya…well at least in the bedroom (as two consenting adults). Be open and don’t let your dried up friends lead you astray when it comes to sexual pleasure! I say toss a salad or don’t toss a salad…that is the question! And it’s your right to answer it how you feel!!! Sex is a form of expression and communication! Just make sure you and your partner are on the same safe page! ?? ~KJM on Hump Day! If you have been tossing a salad and have any tips for my readers please leave a comment…anonymously if you like. I have a feeling we aren’t done with this topic. Lol. Next up will probably be pegging or planking…and I am damn sure not referring to the exercises! ? Happy Humping! Editor’s Note: If you are a victim of sexual abuse and/or assault, please go speak with a licensed sex therapist when trying to rebuild your consenting sexual relationships. This is also true if you suffer from depression! Today’s blog was not geared towards those with real sexual issues. It was really calling out the judgmental sexually repressed friends most of us have! One love? 

Why Conversations About Female Sexual Pleasure Are So Important

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Yesterday, I covered “The Marketing Of Ugly Husbands” where I stressed that while attraction isn’t everything…it is something. ?? Why are women being asked to settle for any man that can commit…even if they are not attracted to them?! Men aren’t aiming to have ugly wives. No way! No matter the age, most men are lusting off of the next hot young video vixen chick! But the message being sent to women in the dating world (through marketing), especially once we are in our thirties, is to marry that nice unattractive guy who has a face “only a mother could love” because he can give us the world! ? Once again, I’m going to stress that looks are not everything and attraction is made up of more than just looks. BUT I will say attraction to your mate does matter. It matters to men a lot so why shouldn’t it for women? At the heart of the ugly husband debate is the ancient misogynistic theory that women are only on this earth for male sexual pleasure and reproduction! ??? We aren’t to speak of orgasms…especially when we become mothers! Women are stripped from owning and manifesting into their sexuality…many times from birth! ? For example, there are some cultures around the world who perform female mutilations on babies and young girls!!!!? If you cannot wrap your head around that let me give you a First World example…some women in the generations above me (and some in my generation) still do not believe in the art of masturbation! It’s almost taboo to talk about…the ability to please yourself when your man is not around! ? Well y’all are surely missing out! I started when I was 14 and that kept me focused on school and kept me a virgin until I was almost 19. Not to mention the times masturbation kept me loyal in my relationships…especially my long distance ones. ?? My journey into masturbation felt normal to me….and it was freeing! ?? I am able to bring myself to realms of sexual pleasure in seconds compared to the minutes, hours, days, weeks, and years it takes MOST men to learn our bodies! ?? I AM THE MASTER OF MY SEXUAL DESTINY! Now that’s some powerful shit right there and many men don’t like it…especially Republicans. They want to take away our birth control, our right to choose, and our ability to control our reproductive system while sales of viagra rise. ?✌?We are taught abstinence while they fuck and move where and when they feel. They promote rape culture and even in our pain…women are silenced! ? It’s fucking disgusting! ✌? I am not on this earth only to fulfill the desires of a man. This means I will not lay down with a man focusing only on his sexual pleasure. I will speak up about what feels good to me and what doesn’t! I will say that this is my body and NO you cannot have your way with it. I will moan and lay in my own sexual desires and I will climax with the strength of the sun rising and setting.? My body is daylight and daybreak all in one…for you cannot separate the woman in me from my sexuality! ?? Between my thighs is for me to enjoy FIRST. ?? A man shall get what’s leftover. What I allow him to have…for I am my own sexual peak! ?? So no I won’t just take any husband. I may prefer to take no husband at all! And that is my right as I am the giver of life and I say when it will happen or IF it will happen at all!!! You won’t shame me into years of bad sex, loveless marriages, and unwanted touches. I will immerse as a sexual being at any stage in life. You…society…will not strip me of that! ?? ~KJM on Hump Day. ? May the female orgasm be with you all and may it bring multiples! May your bodies shake from pleasure and may strength be found in that pleasure! ??

The Marketing Of Ugly Husbands

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Well it’s Temptation Tuesday and you know how I like to get down on this day…time to be IGNORANT! ? A few weeks ago, I watched a YouTube video of a female matchmaker telling off her ex female clients. She said many of their standards were way too high and that’s why they were single. I’m with that! Love is not like a resume but it is good to have a list of what your needs and dealbreakers are when entering the dating world for the purpose of finding your forever mate. Often times, women will ask for traits…they themselves…do not possess. I’m definitely not with that. If you want a kind and thoughtful man then you better be a kind and thoughtful woman! ?? Where the matchmaker (and so many of the “how to get a man” articles) lost me was on selling the concept that a woman’s future husband does not need to be attractive!!! Now let me keep this all the way real (as someone who has dated ugly men with money when I was on the rebound)…not everybody can get a Denzel or an Idris ?? but you need to get someone you are gonna want to fuck…that is unless you were grown up in an arranged marriage culture and plan to follow in the family values. But even in those cultures, men are allowed to pick women that they feel are the most beautiful, young, and fertile! ?✌?Women, on the other hand, seem to get the shit end of the stick. Most arranged marriages at least make sure the husband can afford a wife but other than that…at least from the folks I know who had an arranged marriage…the women don’t seem to get a chance to voice what else they are looking for…especially when it comes to looks. But I digress! This blog is not about arranged marriages. It’s about those of us on the single market trying to find our forever person. The Ex Factor and Phoenix are two of my most beautiful men I have ever laid eyes on! ????? They represent two different ends of my attractiveness spectrum. Phoenix has deep beautiful dark skin with pearly white teeth and a smile that could charm the panties off of any woman….while the Ex Factor had me at hello with his caramel skin, sexy super tall and fit build, and beautiful eyes! Those eyes! What I see in those eyes…I’ve seen in no one else’s! ? But once again I digress! While I believe that looks is not everything, I think it’s silly to dismiss it all together. Like how are you suppose to fuck him continuously if you are turned off by him?! Remember Mister Toss Salad? He was one of my ugliest men inside AND out that I have ever dated but he treated me like ten queens (at first)! To this day, even after closing my eyes tight to sleep with him, I still don’t know what his penis looks like! Once again…I did not like the tiny odd feel of it so I promised myself never to look IT (it…being his penis) in the eye! ? That’s how survived the few months we dated. I told myself that he treated me well (that is until his ugly insides started to show) and that I should just settle! And he had this fucking odd shaped big head too! ? His mama had to have had a C section! No way that thing was fitting through no natural vagina. Lol. Now I’m just getting straight ignorant with it! Lol. My point is how can one have a family with someone they aren’t attracted to? How will you keep yourself from cheating when the Denzel look alikes start popping up?! Now it’s one thing if you grew to find him attractive…power to you but I’ve learned that my relationship length with an ugly man with money (I pray nobody our there doing ugly and broke! Bills are real!) is about three months! ✌?✌?✌?I don’t have it down to a science but that’s been me. Now it could have been that I was still in love with someone else or the fact that my ugly men pretended to be nice but were really the devil walking that made these relationships not work out…but if I had to request that the room be extra dark and squeeze my eyes closed extra tight while having sex with an ugly man…no way we would have made it to forever!!! ?? Looks are not everything and you do need to be realistic about what you are looking for in that department (as it’s been my experience that there are more Young Thugs ? out there than Denzel’s?), but you do need to be somewhat attracted to the person! If not…how will the vagina get moist? How will you stay faithful? Lust is real…even for women! We like eye candy too! Maybe I am being a bit materialistic but I’ve dated men that weren’t my type in the looks department and regretted it! Perhaps it was because my ugly men were ugly on the inside too?! I don’t know…and I hope to not find out! Because while looks aren’t everything…they are something. You need to yearn for that man’s touch in the good times or how will you get through the bad? Ignoring whether you are attracted to someone or not (minus arranged cultures) may be a sign of settling. If you know that you are okay with settling on this level…then go right ahead. But if you are just lonely right now….you may want to hold out until you meet someone you are attracted to. Now attraction is made up of more than just looks but looks are a part of it. I don’t know about you but I am not trying to have children with an ugly man nor do I want to lay next to an ugly man ever again! The times I did kick it with one taught me so much. These were times I did not feel good about myself and felt rejected by who was my true love. I can only write from my experiences but getting played by anyone (especially an ugly man) is embarrassing! Lol. Some of you may have had some great luck with ugly men but I promise you if you did…you had to have found him attractive during some part of that journey to forever! ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday! Forever is so damn difficult to get to already without settling because of someone else’s encouragement (referring to matchmakers here). Pick and choose how you go about this journey to love. We all settle on some level because no one gets everything they want but as long as your needs are being met and you only had to settle on some things from your extensive wants list…then you are probably off to a good start. Good luck out there! ? Editor’s note: I have slept with ugly men. This is a great time to shout out the birth control companies! ?? Where would I be without you? Lol. 

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