I very rarely defend the men in any of my blogs but this one was a long time coming! Yesterday, I was reading an article on a relationship site that listed 6 ways that you can tell your man doesn’t love you! Of course the Ex Factor and I hit a 6 out of 6, in my opinion, and I got downright depressed UNTIL I read a comment from a woman named Holly who said she joined this particular site to get uplifting quotes during the struggles of her relationship. She said instead of finding support, each quote/article made her doubt and question her relationship! Holly started exhibiting these distrustful behaviors towards her man and she says she has now lost the love of a good man! I felt it for her and so I wrote her…thanking her for sharing her experience and told her that I hope and pray they find their way back to each other!?? Ladies, I hate to break it to you but BREAK UPS SELL MORE THAN LOVE and we are the target audience for that shit! Now let me be clear…if you are in any type of abusive relationship (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, financial etc) then you are in fact in a bad place and need to get out! ABUSE should be a deal breaker for us all because it can lead to death! This is no joking matter! But for the rest of us who are having shitty moments in our situationships/relationships/marriages…you better make certain that you are walking away because you want to you! Let’s use our brains here. How the fuck does some article or Steve Harvey, for that matter, know or understand the day to day of your relationship? These folks are not going to walk with you when your marriage is on the rocks! You have to decide when it’s time walk or when it’s time to fight for what you want! Men are not the brightest creatures…dick does love to stray…but the one thing I can give them is each man is unique! Different upbringings, different love languages, different ways of expressing himself, and different roads to commitment! Knowing all of that…why the hell do we buy into these articles?! They got us all walking away…and soon it will just be us! And if you are into women…it will be your world! But if you are straight like me…what am I to do…crawl into a fucking cave and wait to die! ? Now I’m not saying that some of these relationship sites don’t have some helpful tips but if the tips are some blatant ways to leave the man you love…you better pause! ? Now I’m NOT SAYING SETTLE…I’m saying beware of poisoning something that is just hitting bumps in the roads and just needs both of you to pull your sleeves up and get to work! One of my favorite relationship quotes (being sarcastic here ?) is that “love never hurts/disrespects you!” What a load of bull shit! Have you ever talked to any of your family members married more than 30 years and still together? Oh grandma and pop pop been through hell and back the last 40 years of marriage! They probably lost their damn minds and souls at times but still found a way to choose each other! Of course, you do have the folks who are just waiting for the other one to drop dead! ?Yea…I’m not talking about those folks nor the ones that stay married just to say they are still married! I’m talking about the folks in it to win it for life! Nothing that’s worth anything is ever easy! I wish it was! There will be times you get hurt and times you will hurt him! How soon we forget that we aren’t angels in our relationships! ? Maybe these articles are right and some of us (like myself) are getting played like a fiddle! Jesus be a fence!??But we have the right to choose our deal breakers! I think, by now, most of my friends have realized…I only want a listening ear when I speak of the Ex Factor. This is all a mess I got myself into and I have to some how figure it out for myself! I suggest you all do too and get off the phone with the unhappily marrieds or the clueless singles who are always ready to tell you to leave your man while they are walking around on hot coals while enduring their own mess! Nothing is wrong with seeking advice but if your current situation does not involve a man risking your health and/or abuse….the first point of advice really should focus on how to make the communication better! Walking out is actually the easy route! Fighting to do the work is much harder! Trust me…I know! I am a runner trying to reform myself! I’m not sure if the Ex Factor is worth standing still for…only time will tell…but it’s all for ME to decide! Now I’m not making excuses for these men! No way! But what I am asking you to think about is why are these relationship articles geared towards women?!! Cause we will buy and support that shit! Hence the Steve Harvey enterprise! Not throwing shade here…just giving you an example! We women will buy into almost anything when it comes to men! Hear me out for this next one…?Another one of my favorite relationship quotes is about how fasting from sex/food/whatever leads to a good husband! Now I’m not doubting that this wasn’t the journey of some women but I know for a fact that I have many happily married female readers who did not wait on sex for marriage! Each woman’s journey is her own! So fast if you must but know the only guarantee is you will lose some weight! What’s next…only the Good Lord knows! While we are all women…what we have been through and where we are going…are unique factors in our life’s journey! I could fast from sex and chocolate for 20 years and still won’t get no man as fine, God loving, and commitment ready like Megan Good’s husband!?? Yes lawd!? I am so glad that was her journey and I’m happy for her and my sister, Fantasia! Love hearing your stories! But um…sex is not even a big part of my life now and I’m chilling with BOAZ’ cousin (The Ex Factor?)! Like if I never saw dick for the next 2 to 3 years I would be just fine! Dick don’t make me happy unless he’s making himself useful…like paying some bills around my fucking house!?? So yea I could fast but it’s like asking me not to eat turkey for years! I already don’t like turkey and could care less if I had it or not! And y’all know I’m serious as my libido, much like my biological clock, have both rolled under a Mac truck on I95!?? Maybe if I fast from chocolate?! I love chocolate way more than penis!?Anyways, I’m sure by now you get the point! Every man and woman are different! How we love and even how we choose to hate is unique! Do what’s best for you! My blog is really about my journey! Clearly I’m lost but aren’t we all to some degree?! Before I go…one more important reminder! Just because a man can “commit” on the surface to being your boyfriend or husband…doesn’t mean he’s ready and that he will uphold that commitment! I know plenty of men (have some in my family) that are quick to marry because they don’t want to lose a good thing and are like the road runner…even more faster to cheat! Not everything that glitters is gold! A lot of women are spending a lifetime with fool’s gold! And that’s their damn choice! So don’t let the horoscopes, relationship sites, or even relationship experts rule your relationship! Life is what you both make it and if you are both still fighting for it…I pray there’s a good reason you all are hanging in there! ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying…don’t believe the hype! Love is not a black and white thing! Though I’m currently plotting on which one of the Ex Factor’s balls I can step on…I think he likes the right one better than the left!? ? Hey that 6 Ways To Know Your Man Don’t Love You article got me all up in my feelings too!? After all…I’m only human!? 

Well it’s that time of year again! The infectious CUFFING season and of course my pussy just sneezed at the thought of what this time of year coupled with the holiday season upon us does to our exes or just dudes we use to know!? During the holidays, every single (and sometimes not so single) dirty dog with his overly used penis is ready to offer you some of him…because….wait for it…tis the season of giving! I wish folks would just send money instead! Now that’s a present! ?? Not some used up dick that couldn’t appreciate me when I was good to him. I’m single but I’m definitely not desperate so miss me with the “she want that old thing back!” No sir…I do not! Matter of fact I’ve been telling some of you this for years! Take Julio for example. January 2010 (5 months before I met the Ex Factor)…and of course this was a time Phoenix was on the horizon though we hadn’t had sex in years…I told Julio I was no longer attracted to him. No disrespect to him but when he dumped me back in June 2007, one year into my intense graduate school program, I lost any real attraction to him. He…just became…ugly to me. Maybe that’s because since 1997 he’s been putting me down with his backhanded comments? Maybe I finally came to my senses that I was no longer in love with him (though we tried to maintain a friendship until January 2016 when he got downright disrespectful) and that I was no longer physically attracted to him…which was evident during the few times we hooked up during the 2009 holiday season…I was blacking out during sex! ? Like passed out cold with no memory of the unfaithful event!? And no there was never any alcohol involved. ? My subconscious no longer could stand to look at him. I could no longer fake wanting him. And when I fell for the Ex Factor in July 2010, I finally realized that there was a deeper love for me. And even with the hell I’ve been through with the Ex Factor…I still believe that he doesn’t purposely want to hurt me…he is just not ready. ? Julio, on the other hand, is very purposeful with his words and deeds. He means every hurtful comment he has ever thrown my way! Hence why my family and friends cannot stand him! In January 2016, Julio expected me to give him another chance after it had been SIX years…almost to the date…that I told him I was no longer attracted to him! Both Papa Michaels and the Ex Factor said they would NEVER contact a woman again if she said she was no longer attracted to them! Julio clearly fell and bumped his damn head! Or he just don’t got no fucking pride! ? 15 year old me and 35 year old me are attracted to different types of men! And thank goodness! I’m not about any type of abuse…especially verbal and mental abuse because it’s so easy to ignore/miss and yet so damaging! So Julio you are not missed and definitely not wanted by me for the last SEVEN years! I would take this as a final NO if I were you! Now I’m not trying to put the man down the way he has done me the entire time I’ve known him but I am trying to make things crystal clear so we just stop having these unpleasant run ins every couple of years. Not in love with you! Don’t want you! No longer attracted to you! Ouch! But he probably still don’t hear me though! ? Wait….how the fuck is that possible?! I’ve spelt it out for him 1000 times with no mix messages! I’m ghost whenever he comes to visit his Jersey family and I haven’t laid eyes on him in almost 7 years…despite his requests! I have also wished him well on every new relationship he’s been in! You know his ass calls me up whenever he moves in with a chick or gets engaged!??Miss me with all of that Julio! I think you know deep down inside I don’t want you and apparently…no other woman that you have committed to…wants you either! Ouch! Well after ripping off Julio’s balls and serving it to him…let me say something positive. ? I’m sure once he grows up and tries uplifting a woman…he will make a good husband for HER! Just…not…the…fuck..ME!✌?️ Now back to the main theme of this blog! The exes will be everywhere like cockroaches on the kitchen floor when you turn the lights on one night…scattered…plentiful…and running all over the damn place! Get your RAID spray out because the holidays plus cuffing season sometimes bring out a special resistant cockroach! If RAID don’t work…just step on this one!!! Crush him and send his pieces back to the last chick he passed you up for! Now that’s a Thanksgiving feast! Lol. Seriously, I know the holidays are an emotional time but guys (and the girls who run this same game) do you think catching an ex when they are vulnerable is going to bring you great results if y’all do rekindle?! How about showing her you worked on yourself? Like letting her know that you have known for a while she was the one for you but you needed time to get your shit together. And you will be patient as she decides if she wants you back. If she doesn’t…respect her decision and move on! If she still does want you back…time to walk the walk! Then back that all up in words and deeds for the rest of both of your lives!!! Now that’s some real talk!?? Don’t just be trying to spread your penis with a bow tied around it everywhere you go thinking it’s going to be a present to every woman you see!? Yuck! For most of us sane chicks…single is a better way to go than to lay with dogs and get flees during the holiday season! Miss me with all of that!?? ~KJM on Hump Day…saying…guess who doesn’t want dick in a box as a Christmas present this year!???✌?️ 

AFFECTION…I uttered the word AFFECTION and it was then that I knew. Things had changed. I was no longer THAT woman…though I desperately wanted him to teach me how to be numb once again. I was bold enough to say that word to Phoenix. I was bold enough to say what I needed right now. And we both knew he could not give such a thing. We also both knew that even if he could…I would not accept it from him now. I have been in a state of consciousness for the last two years. I clung on to love and tried to dodge pain but a las…it all caught up to me. I could no longer lead destruction to my front door without acknowledging how we arrived there. I could no longer pretend to not understand the situation. The madness and insanity that filled my mind and heart…that’s what made me reconnect with Phoenix. And he…like always…was there…arms wide open…as long as my…legs…were…also…wide…open. Insanity put to the side and eyes wide open…I could no longer be THAT woman. Trust that this wasn’t an act of morality. You know marriage is the only relationship institution I respect. No…this was not morality…this was self preservation. It never occurred to me before…but now conscious…it flooded my mind. If I keep tapping into the darkness in my mind and heart…there may be a time that I…KINGSTON JAEL MICHAELS…may not ever return to my true form. And I know that I am not meant for this life. There is a thin line between being eccentric and down right insane! Heartbreak knows where this line exists. But…I cannot be certain. Certain that if I laid there with Phoenix in his…let’s be honest here…FILTH…this time…I’m not just laying with dogs…I’m now building AND destroying my foundation when agreeing to be part of the pack. I am no dog. I am no sheep. I do not easily follow. Yes I’m broken and yes the temptation of him will always be there but I’m no longer THAT woman. Let me be clear…I’m not ashamed of that woman. That was my truth then. I won’t run from my past and hide as if it all never happened. Where is the lesson in that?! Plus all those ugly mistakes got me to where I am today. To not easily be taken because I’m hurting. To be able to dry my tears…myself…and take a deep breath. Whatever I’m missing with the Ex Factor, I must provide for myself as I await all my goodness. Phoenix has no answers for me. No more than a drug dealer has for his addicted clients. As poison fill their veins and their minds…a sense of despair washes over them. Their dealer only provides a temporary fix that will eventually leave them in a world of pain and destruction. No…Phoenix does not have any answers for me. And since this affair was always based solely on my needs…I could care less what he wants. AFFECTION…I utter the words again as Phoenix begins to rise in a different direction. I…myself…took a deep breath, put one foot before the other…and when I reached the edge of my insanity…I kept the faith in things that I could not see nor understand. It was in this moment that I knew everything would be alright. And so I took a leap of faith…and started to soar!?? ~KJM on Hump Day?