I very rarely defend the men in any of my blogs but this one was a long time coming! Yesterday, I was reading an article on a relationship site that listed 6 ways that you can tell your man doesn’t love you! Of course the Ex Factor and I hit a 6 out of 6, in my opinion, and I got downright depressed UNTIL I read a comment from a woman named Holly who said she joined this particular site to get uplifting quotes during the struggles of her relationship. She said instead of finding support, each quote/article made her doubt and question her relationship! Holly started exhibiting these distrustful behaviors towards her man and she says she has now lost the love of a good man! I felt it for her and so I wrote her…thanking her for sharing her experience and told her that I hope and pray they find their way back to each other!?? Ladies, I hate to break it to you but BREAK UPS SELL MORE THAN LOVE and we are the target audience for that shit! Now let me be clear…if you are in any type of abusive relationship (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, financial etc) then you are in fact in a bad place and need to get out! ABUSE should be a deal breaker for us all because it can lead to death! This is no joking matter! But for the rest of us who are having shitty moments in our situationships/relationships/marriages…you better make certain that you are walking away because you want to you! Let’s use our brains here. How the fuck does some article or Steve Harvey, for that matter, know or understand the day to day of your relationship? These folks are not going to walk with you when your marriage is on the rocks! You have to decide when it’s time walk or when it’s time to fight for what you want! Men are not the brightest creatures…dick does love to stray…but the one thing I can give them is each man is unique! Different upbringings, different love languages, different ways of expressing himself, and different roads to commitment! Knowing all of that…why the hell do we buy into these articles?! They got us all walking away…and soon it will just be us! And if you are into women…it will be your world! But if you are straight like me…what am I to do…crawl into a fucking cave and wait to die! ? Now I’m not saying that some of these relationship sites don’t have some helpful tips but if the tips are some blatant ways to leave the man you love…you better pause! ? Now I’m NOT SAYING SETTLE…I’m saying beware of poisoning something that is just hitting bumps in the roads and just needs both of you to pull your sleeves up and get to work! One of my favorite relationship quotes (being sarcastic here ?) is that “love never hurts/disrespects you!” What a load of bull shit! Have you ever talked to any of your family members married more than 30 years and still together? Oh grandma and pop pop been through hell and back the last 40 years of marriage! They probably lost their damn minds and souls at times but still found a way to choose each other! Of course, you do have the folks who are just waiting for the other one to drop dead! ?Yea…I’m not talking about those folks nor the ones that stay married just to say they are still married! I’m talking about the folks in it to win it for life! Nothing that’s worth anything is ever easy! I wish it was! There will be times you get hurt and times you will hurt him! How soon we forget that we aren’t angels in our relationships! ? Maybe these articles are right and some of us (like myself) are getting played like a fiddle! Jesus be a fence!??But we have the right to choose our deal breakers! I think, by now, most of my friends have realized…I only want a listening ear when I speak of the Ex Factor. This is all a mess I got myself into and I have to some how figure it out for myself! I suggest you all do too and get off the phone with the unhappily marrieds or the clueless singles who are always ready to tell you to leave your man while they are walking around on hot coals while enduring their own mess! Nothing is wrong with seeking advice but if your current situation does not involve a man risking your health and/or abuse….the first point of advice really should focus on how to make the communication better! Walking out is actually the easy route! Fighting to do the work is much harder! Trust me…I know! I am a runner trying to reform myself! I’m not sure if the Ex Factor is worth standing still for…only time will tell…but it’s all for ME to decide! Now I’m not making excuses for these men! No way! But what I am asking you to think about is why are these relationship articles geared towards women?!! Cause we will buy and support that shit! Hence the Steve Harvey enterprise! Not throwing shade here…just giving you an example! We women will buy into almost anything when it comes to men! Hear me out for this next one…?Another one of my favorite relationship quotes is about how fasting from sex/food/whatever leads to a good husband! Now I’m not doubting that this wasn’t the journey of some women but I know for a fact that I have many happily married female readers who did not wait on sex for marriage! Each woman’s journey is her own! So fast if you must but know the only guarantee is you will lose some weight! What’s next…only the Good Lord knows! While we are all women…what we have been through and where we are going…are unique factors in our life’s journey! I could fast from sex and chocolate for 20 years and still won’t get no man as fine, God loving, and commitment ready like Megan Good’s husband!?? Yes lawd!? I am so glad that was her journey and I’m happy for her and my sister, Fantasia! Love hearing your stories! But um…sex is not even a big part of my life now and I’m chilling with BOAZ’ cousin (The Ex Factor?)! Like if I never saw dick for the next 2 to 3 years I would be just fine! Dick don’t make me happy unless he’s making himself useful…like paying some bills around my fucking house!?? So yea I could fast but it’s like asking me not to eat turkey for years! I already don’t like turkey and could care less if I had it or not! And y’all know I’m serious as my libido, much like my biological clock, have both rolled under a Mac truck on I95!?? Maybe if I fast from chocolate?! I love chocolate way more than penis!?Anyways, I’m sure by now you get the point! Every man and woman are different! How we love and even how we choose to hate is unique! Do what’s best for you! My blog is really about my journey! Clearly I’m lost but aren’t we all to some degree?! Before I go…one more important reminder! Just because a man can “commit” on the surface to being your boyfriend or husband…doesn’t mean he’s ready and that he will uphold that commitment! I know plenty of men (have some in my family) that are quick to marry because they don’t want to lose a good thing and are like the road runner…even more faster to cheat! Not everything that glitters is gold! A lot of women are spending a lifetime with fool’s gold! And that’s their damn choice! So don’t let the horoscopes, relationship sites, or even relationship experts rule your relationship! Life is what you both make it and if you are both still fighting for it…I pray there’s a good reason you all are hanging in there! ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying…don’t believe the hype! Love is not a black and white thing! Though I’m currently plotting on which one of the Ex Factor’s balls I can step on…I think he likes the right one better than the left!? ? Hey that 6 Ways To Know Your Man Don’t Love You article got me all up in my feelings too!? After all…I’m only human!?
I agree – some of these articles will have you thinking there’s a problem where there isn’t one and next you know you’re broke up and wondering how you got there. Must be selective and discerning in what you read and take in.
Hi KrisD! I am trying to remember that those articles account for psychology/science and not faith! So when I lose hope in my struggles with love…I turn to God. HE can do what man cannot do. I’m working on just leaving it all to HIM!?? Still these articles get me down sometimes. I’m only human! Lol. Thanks so much for supporting the blog! Stay with us for 2017! KJM