Archives for March 2017

One night I was snuggled up with my honey watching the Matrix. I had never seen the movie all the way through. Cuddled up, I buried myself in his beard and I planted kisses all over his face. It did not seem to bother the Ex Factor much but he should have probably been concerned when I pulled out my Victoria Secret’s lip gloss…called So Jelly! ?It’s my absolute favorite because it provides so much moisture while giving me this rainbow of glitter mixed in a purple and pink gloss. Yum! ? Now to give you a good idea of how strong my lip gloss game is….I wear it even to bed! ? I cannot sleep if I feel like my lips are dry and I have always been this way. With my So Jelly on, I continued to caress and kiss my honey until I started to doze off. He typically plays basketball at night with his friends and family so as I slipped off to dream land…he headed out for his game. The next morning, AFTER I SHOWERED, I could not help but notice my entire forehead was filled with glitter! Shit! That probably means my boo balled with my glitters all over him!?I immediately text him and apologized. I know dudes can make fun of each other over silly stuff like coming to the court looking like he just got rolled in a bottle of glitter…so I felt really bad. The Ex Factor told me it was okay. Even if he was filled with glitter, he had not noticed and since it was a cold day…he had a hat on too. My boo did not mind having little tiny glittery memories of me following him throughout the day. ? Strangely enough, the Ex Factor’s response reminded me of how Elijah use to react to my love of lip gloss! Elijah would ask me to remove my lip gloss before kissing him! ? It annoyed the hell out of me then but brought me great comfort now. As that dude Elijah still tries to make himself relevant in my life, I am continuously comforted by the fact that making the decision to dump him on April 1, 2016, was the best damn decision for me! With the Ex Factor, I can just be myself. No fuss. No makeup even needed! Most of the time, I am actually not wearing makeup when spending time with the Ex Factor. But I love the fact that he can appreciate my love of lip gloss and not try to change that about me! ?? That is all Elijah did for the 7 disastrous months we dated…tried to change me and train me. No sir….I think not! Not only am I no longer attracted to Elijah when I see him…I’m pretty sure that I would never have noticed him if he had not stepped to me. He’s just that forgettable. My man don’t mind wearing some of me on the basketball court and I love smelling like him all throughout the day. A man who takes me as I am…is the type of man I would actually take his last name and ride for him for life! ?? While Elijah out there trying to train chicks…he better get himself right because New York and New Jersey women always got options. I would rather be with a silent yet intelligent GQ looking guy that loves me for who I am than a dude in a suit that is always smelling his arm pits! ✌?Figuratively…of course. Lol. I am sorry I had to learn this lesson the hard way but I am glad I learned it! There’s so much I was not appreciating about the Ex Factor because I was wrapped up in how stuff looks instead of how it really is. Only God knows if we will make it as a couple but right now I’m so grateful and thankful to have him in my life! And that’s the revelation that was made with one glittery kiss! ?~KJM on Hump Day saying I really do love my Babe! Staying focused on the good and not worrying myself with things I cannot control…like the future. That’s truly God’s work anyways. ?

And in the 7th letter…my spirit will rest in confidence that Boaz is near and I will know him. I will be able to recognize what God has sent for me and only me. Somehow…I will know him like I have known him my entire life. I shall not doubt him and he will love me into eternity as…his one and only. That is the promise. Somehow I will find the courage to recognize him in a crowd of millions. Our love will build generations upon generations in a way no tree in my family had ever built. From our Faith, Hope, and Love shall sprout the trust and confidence I needed…I longed for. The things that I almost gave up on. Somehow I will know his eyes…eyes of kindness and forgiveness. There will not be a lonely day with Boaz for even when I walk alone…Boaz shall be with me for he is part of God’s promise to me. Somehow I will know his smile. That smile will warm my heart in moments that I struggle to be the best that I can be. His touch will be like no other. It will reenforce who I am as a woman and who I shall be as Boaz’ life long soul mate. Things shared between us…even in the tough moments…will not be found in a Hallmark card for God’s promise to me is greater than something that can be bought in a store. Our laughter will carry us through the darkest hours. And we will be together when JOY finds us in the morning. Somehow I will know him. Somehow I will see him. Somehow I will love him like I have no other! He will be my one and only true love. There will be no one before him and no one after him. Boaz will fill in answers that my soul has left blank for years. Somehow I will recognize his face. Perhaps the face of my future children. He will come to me at the precise moment that I need him the most because that is part of God’s promise to me. Because of strong belief in that promise…I do not await Boaz in vein. Instead, I eagerly prepare for him. And one day…two shall become ONE. Somehow I will know him. I will know that he is my ONE. I will know Boaz! How can I be so sure he will come for me? My faith tells me so. And so I await Boaz…being certain that I will know him. Never doubting the promise. ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday saying today I’m tempted to pray that time will stop the minute I lay eyes on Boaz! ?? 

I once knew a woman named Maria. We were friends for over a decade before I ended our friendship. I want you to flashback with us today…not about why our friendship did not work but more about Maria’s journey to marriage. I’m going to tell you a story that just may put some perspective on something you are going through. Flashback with us as I tell you about the Tale Of Two Men. Maria is a beautiful and intelligent woman that was always a male magnet while I am more like the best female friend most guys have. We played our roles very well. She always had a boyfriend and I was always kicking with the homies…who were strictly my friends. One day Maria met a guy in college named Jasper who would one day propose marriage to her. So much I could say about their relationship and their engagement but in order to not violate the Ex friend code (do not tell intimate details of a person’s life that you are no longer friends with because they entrusted you with this information in confidence when you were once good friends)…I will only snap shot one part of that engagement. Basically neither Maria nor Jasper were actually ready to get married but because they had been dating for years and college was now over…the family pressure was on to get married. During this time period, I moved from PA to MD to VA and then to NC for work and school opportunities. I loved Julio but I was my main focus. Finding me, educating myself, and exploring all that life had to offer. I knew I was not ready for marriage and thank goodness the Michaels family was not in the business of meddling in my personal life. I could just be and that is exactly what I did. I am who I am because of that special time period where I moved only for me and I traveled the world as I added on to my degrees. Now back to Maria. I supported her quest for love though found her need to always have a man strange…I had never known her to be single since we were 14 years old! ?And she was very use to me always being single with some love interests through my journey of self discovery. Once again…we played our roles well. I was the side kick to Maria’s life and never did she take me on a crazier journey than when she became engaged to Jasper! At the time of their engagement, per her request, Maria and I lived in the same building in Northern VA. I was on the 7th floor and she was on the 16th. I lived there for two years before leaving for graduate school in NC. At the start of Maria and Jasper’s engagement…they became estranged. Barely spending time together…when they use to be joined at the hip. Maria could feel the distance but could not figure out how to pull Jasper back in…to focus on their upcoming nuptials. All things weddings…he seemed to avoid. Maria decided that it was time for her and I to hit the streets of D.C. and enjoy life. She was not just going to wait at home for Jasper. It was up to him to value what he had with her and work hard to build on it. I could respect Maria’s stance. I probably would have done the same. I know what you are thinking…Jasper and Maria were playing a dangerous game leading up to their nuptials. I agree but it wasn’t for me to say. She was one of my childhood best friends so my only job was to support her on whatever decisions she made. However, the true danger did not lie in the clubs and lounges of Washington, DC. Maria actually started falling in love with a guy who worked at her job. His name was Lawrence. Over time I got to know Jasper and Lawrence very well. Hell I hung out with Maria and her dudes on many occasions but she needed me to tag along on most of her outings with Lawrence so that she could honestly tell Jasper that the reason she was M.I.A. was because she was hanging out with me. ?Once again, she was my homegirl so I had her back no matter what. Plus I can honestly say she did not purposely seek Lawrence out. Jasper was always missing in action his damn self and if you ask me, he probably had a female version of Lawrence that he was kicking it with while he was suppose to be engaged! ? There would crucial evidence of such an affair later on in their engagement but I digress. And I won’t break the Ex friend code. But the evidence was damning and terrible! Back to Maria though. Even though I had known Jasper longer…there was something about him that I just did not trust. He had a perfect resume and good family blood lines which was important because Maria came from stocks and bonds money so she needed a driven man from a good family. Lawrence, on the other hand, was educated, up and coming, and from a family with some serious issues…according to Maria. Yet Lawrence had kind eyes and a kind spirit. Something about him made me think he would love Maria with his entire heart til the day he died and even from the grave! That’s how Lawrence looked at Maria and cared for her! ?? I watched the two of them fall in love for about a year before I moved to NC for graduate school. I knew it was wrong but part of me felt like God was trying to show Maria that it wasn’t all about a man’s resume and earning potential. There’s just so much more to a life partner…at least I think so. So much occurred after I left the D.C. Metro. Maria no longer had me there to tag along and play her side kick. She had to admit to herself that she was now involved in a full blown emotional affair with one man while being engaged to another! ? There was no hiding from that fact. Maria’s engagement to Jasper was 1.5 years before the set wedding date. And there Maria was…falling in love with Lawrence! Lawrence told Maria that if she would choose him…he would marry her. And I think we both believed him. It was all right there in his eyes. His vulnerable eyes. It wasn’t my place to tell Maria what to do but I know I would have chosen Lawrence. I would have wanted the man whose eyes said that he could love and commit to me forever. Not the one who could commit on paper but the journey of true commitment would be a long road. ✌? Maria had all of these facts before she got married…and right down to the night before she was suppose to marry Jasper…Maria was on the phone with me…asking me who she should marry. I never answered that question. It was not my place and it was not my life. All I could do was listen. And yes I was a bridesmaid in Maria’s wedding… I was there for her nuptials to Jasper. ? I know their first couple of years of marriage was rough…but I hear that’s normal. I also know Maria thought about and made contact with Lawrence several times after she married Jasper. She still wasn’t sure if she had made the right choice. And I truly believe Lawrence would have forgiven her for marrying Jasper if Maria finally decided to choose him! Well…it never happened! This year will make it 10 years since Maria made her choice and married Jasper. I have no clue if they are still together (though most likely) and if they are happy. When I cut Maria off, I asked mutual friends and associates to never give me an update on her…good or bad. However, my gut feeling is that Maria found out somewhere along the lines that Lawrence was the man for her! If I’m wrong…I am wrong but that is what my gut says. While I do not keep in touch with Maria and Jasper…I’m still very cool with Lawrence through social networks. Ironically, Maria was the one who asked me to friend request Lawrence and keep an eye on him since he did not accept her friend request after she married Jasper! ? Lawrence is still not married but from what I can tell he was in two long term relationships after Maria, got another degree, bought a house before Maria and Jasper, and has an amazing job! ??He still appears to be cool peoples. Though I do not know if his eyes will ever sparkle like it did when he saw Maria. I pray so. ?? The reason why I’m telling you this story is because often times we get wrapped up in the way life should be instead of the way it is. Maria was wrapped up in resumes, bank accounts, and everything else but her heart. Yes a man must be able to provide but you look at a man’s potential and ambition before you focus on what he’s currently doing. He just may be a bum in disguise living off of his family’s name! Now I’m not calling Jasper a bum. Naw chill…I’m not going there. But what I’m saying is why wasn’t love the main factor in Maria’s decision?! The moral of the story here is “not all that glitters is gold!” Sometimes you just have to follow your heart! I have dated the “mister great resume with some money” men…and it’s been my experience…that if I don’t love them…I won’t stay with them more than a couple of months! LOVE is the only reason I would marry! After all, I’m a chick that makes her own. Matter of fact…so was Maria…because last I check she was the breadwinner in her marriage. Ain’t life interesting…..~KJM on Flackback Friday saying LOVE is the reason why I stay down with the Ex Factor through thick and thin. That and I see things in him that I have never seen in any other man! ?? Stay down?

They say if you go to bed at night with your pride only…it will be a lonely life! ?There’s probably a whole lot of truth in this saying. Pride and I have been close friends for years and I attribute most of my failed relationships to pride interfering at times I should have just spoken from the heart. There’s something so “prideful” (for lack of a better word) about not wanting to take responsibility for our own actions, say we are sorry to someone, and work on ourselves. It’s just so much more easier to point blame on others and always think they are the problem! ? I am definitely guilty of this at times and am still a work in progress. My wake up call came when I saw strong women around me succumb to their pride and bad relationship advice from friends who could not “lead a horse to water!” ? There’s an epidemic going around and it’s called “The Need To Always Be Right.” ? Some folks will live for a 100 years and spend all those decades blaming others for their misfortunes and not learn a damn thing about life and love! Now I’m not saying that people do not sometimes hurt us or a situation cannot be more someone else’s fault than our own but truth be told there are very few situations in life where we are not partly to blame for whatever negative outcome was achieved. Matter of fact…taking responsibility for our part not only shows growth but gives us some sense of control over our lives by us acknowledging…it happened…I have accepted responsibility…and I aim to learn from my past mistakes! ?? Read that line over again! Because it’s just that deep! When we play victim to others and our circumstances, we leave ourselves wide open to feel victimize and be victimize by everyone and everything we come in contact with! It’s like life is just happening to us! We aren’t really living life! ? We are just sitting on the sideline of our own lives! Let that last line linger in your mind for a minute. We are just sitting on the sideline of our lives?! What type of life is that? Not just a lonely life but a truly misguided life. Is having the last word in an argument or shutting someone you love out of your life because you cannot bring yourself to do the work…the long overdue work on the core of who you are as a person…worth it? There’s so much that will be lost in translation…when we hold on to our need to always be right. I know pride can be tempting. Pride is sexy at first. Caresses us in all the places we haven’t been touched in a long while. Pride strokes our egos while whispering sweet nothings in our ears. And right after we climax…off of pride…we slowly start to realize we are all alone. Well…that’s only if we are just going to bed with pride for the first time! Those of us fully engrossed in an affair with pride may never realize how broken we are and how that brokenness has isolated us. This is what happens when we have a stronger need to be right than we do…to be righteous within ourselves! ?? ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday!

Two days ago…I unexpectedly bumped into Elijah. We had not laid eyes on each other since November and had no conversation since I blocked him via phone and social networks in January. When he spotted me…he quickly ended his conversation with a coworker and bolted in the opposite direction. While I have made it clear that he and I are not friends and besides in a professional atmosphere where we may be forced to communicate with each other..we need not have any unnecessary dialogue! ✌?I am not bolting when I see him. I’m not angry…believe me I am not…I just want my boundaries respected. It’s just that simple. I made it a point of reminding Elijah that since I broke things off (April 1, 2016)…I have never contacted him. He has always contacted me…thus take the hint. There are no second chances here! ✌? And I do honestly wish him well. Even in April 2016 when I asked…“do husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives”…my tone was not one of anger. My tone was one of acceptance as I moved on. The times I have been angry were not because I missed Elijah….they were about him playing games on my phone after the break up. No respect for my boundaries! ? This may work with other women but it sure didn’t work with me. It’s not that I’m more strong than other women…because I’m not….I’m only human. It’s because of the golden rule of relationships: a place where no true love existed…can never be missed. People may think they miss a loveless relationship but what they really miss is the complacency of it all. Perhaps…they miss the comfort in frustration but their hearts do not really miss that person. It’s just a symptom of something else that they are experiencing…that feels like a loss. But before I digress….there is a point I am trying to make. I do feel something when I see Elijah! ? Elijah’s presence is a constant reminder of how much I LOVE THE EX FACTOR! ?? Now I am not even trying to be funny! Hear me out. I once heard that sometimes an affair in a relationship/marriage can make that relationship stronger! ? Not by pretending it did not happen nor by allowing it to occur again. I think the thought behind this controversial theory is…without some of the obstacles and battles…we as humans may never continuously do the work in our relationships! That affair sometimes shines light on the brokenness that quietly laid between two souls…a brokenness that the couple was not bold enough to call into light and work towards healing. So we all stay broken. It is in fact a decision…to do nothing…and let the pain continue to thrive! ? The Ex Factor’s crush of December 2012 and Me dating Elijah for 7 months are technically NOT affairs…I have to take him at his word that nothing physical/emotional happened in 2012 and I broke things off with the Ex Factor before entertaining Elijah…though my heart treated the Ex Factor’s indiscretion as an affair up until 2016! ? I am just not quick to forgive. What if he had fallen in love with her? Whoever she was…she was stealing a piece of my heart away. It was so hard to let go of that. And he was the one I punished for years…for an affair that wasn’t…but could have been! ? To be fair, I don’t think he feels any better about the Elijah situation and since he does tune into my podcast from time to time….he did find out that Elijah existed. Though the Ex Factor is pretty confident and never sweats another man. He knows my heart belongs only to him. ?? Before I get completely off track…what I’m trying to say is…the affair that wasn’t…an affair (Elijah and I)…has made me a better spouse! I learned that communication is everything! ?? So the Ex Factor and I practice communicating more and more in person. That way we get to FEEL what the other person is saying. I think it would have taken us longer to get here had there not been an Elijah. What should feel like a mistake…has made me so grateful. Practically every other blog I threaten to leave the Ex Factor yet you see I’m still with him. It’s not that I have totally lost my mind…it’s that I realized two things (1) he has never left me and (2) love is worth fighting for! ?? So the affair that wasn’t…never actually makes me think of Elijah himself. Not at all. It just represents the catalyst of what it took to make me change some of my ways and love more unconditionally! I pray to never go through a real affair and I pray the same for all my readers…yet I cannot help but think…what a difference a year makes?! The affair that wasn’t…made me realize that the grass is usually brown on the other side and the greenest when we water what we have invested in from the jump! ?? ~KJM on Serenity Saturday…saying to the Ex Factor…love you through the ups and downs babe! ?

Today I was running late! To make matters worse….I accidentally got on the wrong bus to the city…the one that takes me the longer route! ? When I realized my mistake…I threatened to Uber it back to my bus stop and wait for a later version of my correct bus. Yes I did yell this out! ? One man tried to calm me down. ? Then it occurred to me that if I did go back to my original bus stop, I would be even later! Calmly…I decided to take the detour and accept where I was at. As if I had a choice in the matter! ? Lol. At least I was on a warm bus right? ? But…why did it bother me so much that I got on the wrong bus? After all I already knew I was going to be late when I left my house…and I will still get to the city! Perhaps it bothered me that I was no longer in control of my day. The detour route could add anywhere between 15-20 minutes to my commute. But still the bigger picture was that I was headed in the right direction. This is how I perceive God to be. This force that guides us in directions we do not want to go in or weren’t prepared to go in…but He is there to make sure we arrive on time (His time) with all learned lessons in hand! ?? Succumbing to God’s timing and plan isn’t easy! Many of us react the way I did on the bus…frustrated and angry. Yet we will arrive to our destination! The journey is all part of God’s plan to fulfill His promise to us. It was not my intention to make today’s blog a spiritual one but it was also not my intention to get on the wrong bus! ? And if you have been following this blog, you know I blog in real time (often on the bus or subway…like I am doing right now). My message for you today is to accept the detour, appreciate the life lessons on that trip, and acknowledge that it was meant to happen to prepare you for your destination! So I’m late…very late today. I’m surprised by it but God knew all of the time. And I’m not alone. He is on the detour with me…still guiding me! ?? ~KJM on Flashback Friday! And if you are wondering…I did not rush once I arrived in city! Stay blessed? 

I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. My body has been beyond exhausted from my day job and when I received one snow day…I used it to sleep and rejuvenate my spirit. ?? Now I’m back and ready to share something wonderful with you. It took me a while to realize that what appeared to be my season of EXHAUSTION was really my SEASON OF SURPLUS! ?? At the start of the year, I asked the Good Lord for the strength to work towards some major goals…and HE delivered…but not without making me work for it! ?? I got too exhausted to stay in my stubborn ways…too tired to be scared of love…and too worn out to subconsciously block God’s blessings! ?? That’s right…mind, body, and spirit were hit with exhaustion and that’s when I succumbed to HIM fulfilling HIS PROMISE to me! ?? I started to work towards a financial goal and the Lord allowed me to reach that goal back in February! ?? Yet I was too exhausted to do anything with my money but continue to work. Matter of fact I have worked over 600 hours in the last 2 months! I prayed night and day that my spirit would not give up and….that my body would not give out! And won’t HE DO IT! ?? Just when I felt I was at my breaking point is when I realized this is how God works! “Prayer without works…is…DEAD!” James 2:14-26 aka Grace’s favorite scripture to recite to me! ? It is interesting to me that my season of surplus was disguised as my season of exhaustion. I almost missed the message! What kept me grounded was being grateful through it all and allowing the people that love me to step up to the plate to help support me. I could no longer be super woman! My season had begun and the tasks the Good Lord set up for me to accomplish would take all my focus. I could no longer over think things…especially with the Ex Factor…I just had to TRUST that all was happening for the greater good! ?? And I believe it is. What God has done for me…no man can do! I am so humbled that HE chose me to live this life! ?? Now that I am at the tail end of the beginning of my season of surplus…I stand in continued faith that God will deliver His full promise to me. What seemed like struggles…what felt like I was left behind…what appeared to be a continuous season of feeling forgotten…was actually the start of my season of surplus! Do not be afraid to pray and do the work! Do not be afraid because you do not know what is next! It is not for you to know for His promise to us all shall be revealed in time! ?? ~KJM feeling so grateful on Hump Day! ??