Two days ago…I unexpectedly bumped into Elijah. We had not laid eyes on each other since November and had no conversation since I blocked him via phone and social networks in January. When he spotted me…he quickly ended his conversation with a coworker and bolted in the opposite direction. While I have made it clear that he and I are not friends and besides in a professional atmosphere where we may be forced to communicate with each other..we need not have any unnecessary dialogue! ✌?I am not bolting when I see him. I’m not angry…believe me I am not…I just want my boundaries respected. It’s just that simple. I made it a point of reminding Elijah that since I broke things off (April 1, 2016)…I have never contacted him. He has always contacted me…thus take the hint. There are no second chances here! ✌? And I do honestly wish him well. Even in April 2016 when I asked…“do husbands get soaked in the rain with their wives”…my tone was not one of anger. My tone was one of acceptance as I moved on. The times I have been angry were not because I missed Elijah….they were about him playing games on my phone after the break up. No respect for my boundaries! ? This may work with other women but it sure didn’t work with me. It’s not that I’m more strong than other women…because I’m not….I’m only human. It’s because of the golden rule of relationships: a place where no true love existed…can never be missed. People may think they miss a loveless relationship but what they really miss is the complacency of it all. Perhaps…they miss the comfort in frustration but their hearts do not really miss that person. It’s just a symptom of something else that they are experiencing…that feels like a loss. But before I digress….there is a point I am trying to make. I do feel something when I see Elijah! ? Elijah’s presence is a constant reminder of how much I LOVE THE EX FACTOR! ?? Now I am not even trying to be funny! Hear me out. I once heard that sometimes an affair in a relationship/marriage can make that relationship stronger! ? Not by pretending it did not happen nor by allowing it to occur again. I think the thought behind this controversial theory is…without some of the obstacles and battles…we as humans may never continuously do the work in our relationships! That affair sometimes shines light on the brokenness that quietly laid between two souls…a brokenness that the couple was not bold enough to call into light and work towards healing. So we all stay broken. It is in fact a decision…to do nothing…and let the pain continue to thrive! ? The Ex Factor’s crush of December 2012 and Me dating Elijah for 7 months are technically NOT affairs…I have to take him at his word that nothing physical/emotional happened in 2012 and I broke things off with the Ex Factor before entertaining Elijah…though my heart treated the Ex Factor’s indiscretion as an affair up until 2016! ? I am just not quick to forgive. What if he had fallen in love with her? Whoever she was…she was stealing a piece of my heart away. It was so hard to let go of that. And he was the one I punished for years…for an affair that wasn’t…but could have been! ? To be fair, I don’t think he feels any better about the Elijah situation and since he does tune into my podcast from time to time….he did find out that Elijah existed. Though the Ex Factor is pretty confident and never sweats another man. He knows my heart belongs only to him. ?? Before I get completely off track…what I’m trying to say is…the affair that wasn’t…an affair (Elijah and I)…has made me a better spouse! I learned that communication is everything! ?? So the Ex Factor and I practice communicating more and more in person. That way we get to FEEL what the other person is saying. I think it would have taken us longer to get here had there not been an Elijah. What should feel like a mistake…has made me so grateful. Practically every other blog I threaten to leave the Ex Factor yet you see I’m still with him. It’s not that I have totally lost my mind…it’s that I realized two things (1) he has never left me and (2) love is worth fighting for! ?? So the affair that wasn’t…never actually makes me think of Elijah himself. Not at all. It just represents the catalyst of what it took to make me change some of my ways and love more unconditionally! I pray to never go through a real affair and I pray the same for all my readers…yet I cannot help but think…what a difference a year makes?! The affair that wasn’t…made me realize that the grass is usually brown on the other side and the greenest when we water what we have invested in from the jump! ?? ~KJM on Serenity Saturday…saying to the Ex Factor…love you through the ups and downs babe! ?
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