Serenity and peace cannot be found when we try to control the universe. I had to learn this lesson the hard way this week. The āunexpected small bump in the roadā from earlier this weekā¦unbeknownst to me at the timeā¦was created byā¦ME! Sighā¦starting over with someone you tried to make it work with is not easy. There I am in my car purposely looking for other cars that are getting too close to meā¦.so that I can block them before I even know if they are really trying to crash into me! I accidentally laid an emotional trap for the Ex Factor and Iām the one that suffered for it. Iām going against everything I stand for by letting my heart rule instead of my mind. Every now and then my mind gets in the driverās seat and gets me into trouble. I have to TRUST that he is trying and I have to TRUST that he will be good to me. Itās crazy because my brother,Junior, has this unwavering faith in the Ex Factor and I. Junior often tells me to fall back and have faith. Iām not sure I even know how to do that. I didnāt have these trust issues with Elijah because we had no history together so I could easily see where it was going with very little fear. And when it wasnāt working, I could easily walk away knowing that he wasnāt my home. The Ex Factor and I are on another level. To love himā¦to hate himā¦only to love him againā¦.he is my heart string. Hurting him will hurt me ten times more. Learned that the hard way too over the last 6 years. Sighā¦I hope y’all realize that Iām a work in progress too! Itās a day to day processā¦.living, laughing, and loving. And Iām really trying not to be that frightened driver just learning to drive again after a terrible accident. I want to take road trips and be able to let the breeze run through my hair with a sense of feeling happy and with the ability to soak up life. I want to be able to love freely without fear. And I need to continue to believe God is in control. HIS plan is far greater than mine. So I need to relax and not create the small bumps in the road. If I continue to create these bumps I will block my own blessings! And you know how I feel about that! Time to just breathe and relax. Thatās true serenity! FYI if you are wondering why I still blog about the Ex Factor even though he is now my presentā¦itās because this blog started with me transitioning from him, venturing outā¦only to figure out I love him more now than ever. It wasnāt an easy decision and Iām not sure how he will feel about these blogs but I just couldnāt leave you guys hanging! So you are still on this ride with me. Though Iām careful to not reveal what the bumps in the road are. After allā¦it is OUR road and some parts of the journey should just belong to us. Be patient with me. Iām terrified and Iām a mess but is it ever easy to hand over your entire heart to someone? To my great love, I say ā Hold, hold on, hold onto me āCause Iām a little unsteady A little unsteady Hold, hold on, hold onto me āCause Iām a little unsteady A little unsteady.ā ~KJM taking a breath on Serenity Saturday. Shout out to Junior, Willow, Grace, and Toi for being there when I indicted I needed to be uplifted. My village is tiny but as Iāve said before I canāt do this alone! Peace, love, and blessings to you all on this 4th of July weekend!?
