The deeper my feelings get for Elijah is the more I want to please him. The last time we had sex I was mentally somewhere else. It wasn’t his fault. What I found out from talking with my sister, Brenda, is that I did not have a good sex life with the ex factor. The ex factor made me do all the work, never gave me head, and most of the time was just focused on himself. Part of it was my fault. Because I loved him so much…every touch felt magical and I never once said…hey I’m not cuming here and we need to work on that. So now sex with Elijah seems intimidating because I feel like I’ve to unlearn everything I did with the ex factor for the last 5 years! Sex should be reciprocal. I should never have let the ex factor get away with feeling like he pleased me when in actuality…he didn’t. The times our sex life was good really was in the beginning. I haven’t climaxed vaginally since May 2010 (before meeting the ex factor)! Things are so bad my 22 year old sister is giving me sex advice! I’m mortified!!! Fuck my life! Elijah if you are reading this…don’t give up on me. Stay patient and understanding. I believe in us! ~KJM saying I think a broken heart stole my libido!
Archives for January 2016
Today is Serenity Saturday and I pray you are doing something wonderful to honor yourself! I just want to take a moment to say I’m grateful. Grateful for my life right now and grateful for this blog. I believe God is going to fulfill his promise to me on all levels of my life?? So Lord, thank you for all the failures, heartbreaks, and closed doors! YOUR plan was always greater than mine! ~KJM on Serenity Saturday saying trust the process and stay prayed up!
She didn’t quite make the list but you wish the tip of your dick never touched the clit of…the chick that smashed you and all your homies! You are probably sitting on the stage of “Maury” with a couple of your friends…sweating bullets and praying Maury turns to you and says…YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! You better just sit your dumb ass down and save your prayers for something meaningful. Next time you all get a great idea to sleep with the most easiest and nastiest girl on the block…please remember this moment! ~KJM on Flashback Friday saying if it’s easy for you…it’s easy for everybody but one of y’all will be paying child support to this hood rat real soon!
He didn’t quite make the list but we wished we never slept with….the emotionally needy guy. This dude says I love you on the first date, blows up your phone, and cries at the drop of a dime! Instead of fucking him…we should have just held him for hours, cried with him, and then sent him home to his mama! ~KJM on Flashback Friday saying please hand this dude a hanky…
Yesterday I wrote the blog “The Men We Wish We Never Slept With (The Nightmare On Elm Street Edition)” for all the women who have sex partners they regret. Now you know I had to turn the tables and do one for the men! Yes that’s right….men, it’s time for you to scroll down memory lane of all your bad sexual experiences. Grab your condoms and some holy water if you dare to take this tour with me! Here are the 10 women you wished you never even touched:
10. THE WOMAN YOU LYINGLY SAID YOU LOVED TO GET PUSSY! Some men will do anything to get in an attractive woman’s pants…even say ‘I Love You’ when they know damn well they don’t mean it. So you lie, play with her emotions, and screw her…never really expecting to be screwed. You thought you bumped into Monica from “LOVE AND BASKETBALL” but who you really found was Brandi from “A THIN LINE BEWTEEN LOVE AND HATE!” Play with a woman’s emotions and you just may experience intense bodily harm. Darnell took a bullet from Brandi to pay for his lies. Is it really worth it?
9. THE WOMAN WHO HATES YOUR KIDS! Some men will do anything to keep a woman…even continue to date a woman who hates their children. At first she may pretend she loves children, but if he chose to look closer he would see he didn’t get Carol Brady from “THE BRADY BUNCH” but really got Joan Crawford from “MOMMY DEAREST!” Lawd a mercy! Those poor kids. I just hope none of them used wire hangers!
8. THE WOMAN WITH DEEP SEEDED DADDY ISSUES! Men tend to focus more on a woman’s physical characteristics than anything else. Those eyes, thighs, butt, and breasts can lead a man astray. Bell Biv Devoe warned you men to “never trust a big butt and a smile” but some of y’all just refuse to listen. Well bust this move…you thought you were getting Annie Banks from “Father of the Bride” but just rolled over to see that you have been sleeping with DRACULA’S DAUGHTER! Whether Daddy abandoned her or controlled her every move…her need to free herself from him plays into your relationship. You are essentially Daddy. Every hurt he ever caused falls on you so you might as well save up for future therapy bills. This type of woman will not only suck the blood out of you but will make that very act….your fault!
7. YOUR WOMAN’S BEST FRIEND! So you started dating a woman and realize she has a cute friend who is always hanging around. At first it seems like a Janet, Jack, and Chrissy scenario from “THREE’S COMPANY”…then the friend starts coming on to you. Some of you may resist but as time goes on you are now fucking who you think is Chrissy. Naw boo…Chrissy don’t live there no more. It’s Hedy Carlson from “SINGLE WHITE FEMALE!” That’s right! You fucked the woman who pretended to be your girl’s friend…only to try to steal her life. Bad move for real….
6. YOUR FEMALE BOSS! Has no one ever told you…never shit where you eat? Clearly not! So you have a hot boss and you decide to smash her and then dump her! Ok let’s see how your checks will be looking…that’s if you still have a job! At first smash you thought you were getting Annalise Keating from “HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER” but no…you fucked up and got Meredith Johnson from “DISCLOSURE!” I do not even feel sorry for you…
5. THE GROUPIE! You may be a musician or a Wall Street financial wiz and women love it….so much so that you start feeling yourself. And here comes the groupies! At first you don’t think twice because you know that you are worth worshiping. Then one day you meet a woman that looks like Penny Lane from “ALMOST FAMOUS.” It never dawned on you that your groupie was obsessed with you in an unhealthy manner. Still don’t get my drift? Picture Annie Wilkes from “MISERY” making your breakfast. Gripping your legs? Yea you should be!
4. THE WOMAN WITH A HISTORY OF ABUSE! Now to be fair, many people had terrible childhoods and fought their way to a healthy adult life…usually through therapy. Not everyone is a fan of therapy and healing though. So you meet a woman with a million issues and decide that you and only you can save her. You found love in who you thought was Latika from “SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE” but you really just had sex with Gogo Yubari from “KILL BILL: VOL.1!” That’s right…she’s young, vicious, and tearing down all the walls you build is her specialty! Enjoy!
3. THE RATCHET BABY MAMA! Now you know you done fucked up right? You went and got this one pregnant. Under the club lights she looked like Jackie Harrison from “STEPMOM” but when you woke up with her the next morning you found Mary Jones from “PRECIOUS” caressing your dick. Too late dude….you never wore a condom. Yea you tried to one night her but now she’s your problem for life!
2. THE 20 THAT YOU THINK IS AN 80! She’s attractive and seems sweet. In the beginning, she wants all the same things you want but soon you find out it was all a ploy to lock you down. If you got in too deep, this woman may now be your soon to be ex wife! She may not have had anything to offer in your relationship but she will surly take your ass to the cleaners in the divorce. You let looks blind you and you fell for “the old bait and switch.” No she was never Angela from “BOOMERANG”….and yes she was always Trina from “WHY DID I GET MARRIED!”
1. THE WOMAN YOU CHEATED ON YOUR WONDERFUL WIFE/GIRLFRIEND WITH! We’ve all heard the phrase that “the grass is greener on the other side” but what some of you men fail to realize is “if you water your grass, it will always be greener.” I’ve heard men say that they love their wives and have a good marriage but cheat because they have the opportunity to. Nowadays mistresses do not even know their place. They are writing books, doing interviews, and approaching the wife as if they are the main chick. “Stop! Hammer time!” Everyone but the faithful wife/girlfriend is out of order. Keep risking your home life for anything with a skirt and see where it gets you. Most of the time you will not be getting an Olivia Pope from “SCANDAL.” There’s more Alexandra Forrest’s from “FATAL ATTRACTION” out there. If you still don’t believe me….replay the scene where she cooks Dan’s daughter’s pet rabbit. If that shit doesn’t send chills up and down your spine and make you abandon your filthy cheating ways….well get ready for any of the women of this list to permanently ruin your life! ~KJM saying to my male readers…be very careful where you place your dick. Happy Flashback Friday aka all the times you shouldn’t have cum Friday!
Over the weekend I told Elijah: I’m at the door. I’ve spent some time at the window looking in from the outside without knocking. But I’m at the door now. You have to decide if you want to slowly let me in…. He in turn…let me in and I’ve been walking on air ever since. Hence why I missed all of Charm School Monday this week (sorry). I prayed for us from the day he entered my life. It’s the thing I never did in other relationships. Usually I turn to prayer for relationships when they have gone so wrong. Only time will tell what will happen with us but I did want to acknowledge this moment (without giving too much of our private life away) and say ELIJAH, this week you have made me the happiest woman. For that I am forever grateful? ~KJM smiling from ear to ear on Flashback Friday
Sex! Sounds like a great idea until you finally fuck someone you wished you never slept with. To all my young/inexperienced readers beware who you take to bed. One morning you could wake up to Freddie Krueger and not know how you got there. FUCK a walk of shame…if one of these dudes are now your baby’s father…get ready for a life of shame! ? Here are 10 Guys We Wished We Never Fucked!
10. THE GUY WHO TAKES THE CONDOM OFF/NEVER WANTS TO WEAR A CONDOM! Ladies, you should always run from this type of guy! When I was young or not thinking straight, I encountered two guys who took the condom off during sex! What a huge violation especially when you find out after he’s climaxed. First time it happened I was in college! I got so freaked out that I immediately had 80 million tests done. Only good thing about this scary incident was from that point on every time I got my annual Pap smear, I had my GYN run every test known to man. I think it’s made me more sexually aware. Had it not been for that encounter, I would probably be walking around taking intentional risks with my life like some of these fools out here. A man that doesn’t want to wear a condom when you insist…does not respect you. So run! He’s not Prince Charming…he’s FREDDIE KRUEGER from NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET!
9. THE MAMA’S BOY! Now ladies, it’s important to find a man who loves his mother and respects the other women in his family but a mama’s boy is on a whole other level! Nothing you do will most likely ever please mama and your man for that matter! Mama warms up that breast milk just right…in a way you can’t! This man is NOT Prince Charming…he’s actually NORMAN BATES from PSYCHO!
8. THE MAN WHO CALLS EVERY WOMAN A BITCH, HOE, OR CRAZY! Now are there bitches, hoes, and crazy women?! Certainly! But a real gentleman let’s the thing speak for itself. If his ex was a bitch, guess who is the next bitch?! YOU! I can’t repeat that enough! This type of man will never treat you with respect. In the beginning, he may try to be sweet but the minute you see his true colors run! You haven’t found Prince Charming…you are actually rolling with JACK TORRANCE from THE SHINING!✌
7. THE ABUSIVE MAN! Whether it’s verbally, emotionally, and/or physically…the abusive man always leaves a bad taste in our mouths! Generally, he’s the hardest to get rid of. Don’t allow a man to mistreat you. Often times this type of man woos you and then he begins to get controlling. When you see the warning signs….don’t walk…run! You are not dating Prince Charming! It’s really JASON VOORHEES from FRIDAY THE 13TH chilling in your back yard?
6. THE I HAVE A MILLION KIDS I DON’T TAKE CARE OF MAN! When will some of you women learn? If he doesn’t take care of her kids…he ain’t gonna take care of yours! I don’t care how he describes his baby’s mother…a real man will always be there for his kids even if he has to go to court to fight for his rights. This man is irresponsible and even worse…if he has multiple baby mothers…he clearly doesn’t believe in wearing condoms! Yuck! From her pussy to yours and from her womb to yours! Run girl run! This ain’t Prince Charming…it’s MIKE MYERS from HALLOWEEN!
5. THE IN THE CLOSET MAN! Most women, whether we knew it or not, have slept with a gay man. While I support the LGBTQ community, I personally do not want to sleep with a gay and/or bisexual man. I believe potential partners should disclose their sexual orientation…amongst other things. When we miss the warning signs…we sometimes find out that we have been in bed with CHRISTINE! Grab your coat and forget your shoes….”Molly, you in danger girl!”
4. THE EMOTIONALLY DEAD MAN! I can’t stress this enough…if you see this man…bolt! No matter how much love and affection you give him…he will never be able to say nor show that he loves you. I’m not even sure if this man loves himself! Maybe he has mommy issues or has been hurt in past relationships…either way it’s no excuse for the way he treats us. He’s emotionally dead/numb and you can’t resuscitate him! Give up girl…you are not dating Prince Charming…you are dating THE MUMMY!
3. THE CHEATER! We have all dated that man who couldn’t keep it in his pants. He’s slept with some of our friends and even…family! Ugh. He’s touched pretty much every woman within a 50 mile radius. This man can manifest himself as the man with a million kids and/or the man who doesn’t wear condoms. What a piece of filth he is! If you ever run into this scumbag…you are not dating Prince Charming…you are dating CHUCKY from CHILD’S PLAY! Looks like someone you should play with but in actuality…you need to bolt!
2. THE PENNY PINCHER! Every woman has dated a man that complains about buying a 99 cent hamburger at McDonald’s and then after spending one dollar…demands his penny back from the cashier! Fuck! This jerk off will at first appear to be fiscally responsible but after months of dating him….you will find out that he’s still billing his mama for all the times she didn’t cook him a meal during his childhood. You can’t build a life with this kind of man. Worst of it all…when you want to enjoy some of the finer things in life… like a Colt 45 beer…you will have to pay for it…for both of you! Run Forest Run! You aren’t dating Prince Charming…you actually fell for that bloodsucker….DRACULA! ?
1. THE SOCIALLY AWKWARD/SERIAL KILLER MAN! You ever date a guy that his resume seems perfect but every time you are with him…your gut is telling you something is off. He seems nice enough but things he says and do are just freaky. Some times…you find out he’s hiding an addiction or…that he has bodies buried in your backyard! There’s a saying that “if it’s too good to be true…it probably is!” This man can embody any of the men on this list and more. Instincts tell me to never fall asleep next to my seemingly perfect man. Trust your gut and get the fuck out of there…this man is far from Prince Charming! You’ve really been cuddled up with HANNIBAL LECTER from THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS! ~KJM saying I hope you are scared shitless out of your mind and watch who you invite to bed! Happy Throwback Thursday aka WISH I NEVER FUCKED YOU THURSDAY!
I had a male associate promise me continuously that he was going to pull my hair and tear down my inner walls. Finally one night after he was finished bragging via phone, I let him come over. From here on the story gets hairy…upon his arrival, I tore my clothes off. I proceeded to get on top but before anything could really happen…his penis deflated! To this day, I’m not sure if it was ever inside of me! Pap smears last longer and are more memorable. I never count him as a sex partner because it’s like reminiscing about the dick who cried wolf! ??? ~KJM on Hump Day
A friend of mine says my blog is a sex blog and she loves it! While I’m so humbled that people are reading and loving my blog…I sure hope I’m providing you with more than just kegel tips! Lol. In the spirit of Hump Day I’m going to debunk some sexual myths for my younger/inexperienced readers. I will use my experiences with Julio (my first for almost everything including love) and one other sex partner that I may leave nameless! Lol. Come take a tour with me to figure out how Kingston Jael got so…well knowledgable on sexual topics. They say God looks out for children and fools…my life is a testimony of that! Sexual Myths for my first timers:
7. WAITING ON SEX IS JUVENILE! Julio and I met towards the end of my second year of high school through one of his female cousins who went to my academy and ended up dating on and off for ten years! I bet she still regrets introducing us! Lol. This April 2016, Julio’s been in my life for 19 years ?? I always call myself his ex wife ? Even though we met when I was a sophomore and he was a junior, I made him wait until the second semester of my freshman year of college to have sex for the first time. I wanted to be out of my parents’ house and made my education my top priority. Julio was also a virgin. That didn’t mean waiting was easy. I didn’t give blow jobs and don’t remember even wanting to give hand jobs as a teenager. Cum to think of it…my hands are tired now just imagining it! Poor Julio suffered from serious blue balls for years but he waited with me and that made things all the more special? To anyone contemplating their first time ever or a first time with a new partner, I say never rush it. Let the feelings flow so that it can mean something! Julio knew I was worth the wait and I’m forever grateful for that! Even now, as an experienced adult, I make a new partner wait until I feel safe and secure. I’m in no rush and you shouldn’t be either. Waiting for sex=maturity!
6. ALL FEMALE VIRGINS BLEED THE FIRST TIME! I sure the hell bled everywhere and so bad that Julio had to put me in the shower and clean up all my blood that seemed to be everywhere! I was traumatized! However, I do have many friends who did not bleed the first time. Lack of blood does not mean a woman is not a virgin!
5. CONDOMS DON’T WORK! I’m going to tell you right now…condoms, when not used properly, defective, or expired can break. The second time Julio and I did it, I left Penn State to visit him at his college in NYC. Because I had made him wait all these years, I decided to make it a weekend where we did it as much as he wanted. Keep in mind we were inexperienced….we ended up doing it 14 times in the first night! Each time we used a condom but my dumb ass got back on the bus to Penn State thinking I was pregnant. Touching my belly on the bus, I told a fellow student that I just had to be pregnant because there’s no way all 14 condoms worked! She looked at me like I was crazy…like I was an 18 year old just finding out Santa Claus doesn’t exist! Of course…all 14 condoms did work?? Shout out to all the condom companies! Where would I be without you?! Lol. While we didn’t create a family…there were repercussions for our actions. I couldn’t sit on a toilet seat for over 2 weeks and Julio pulled a muscle in his groin area. This brings me to number 4.
4. CUM AS MUCH AS YOU WANT IN A SHORT TIME PERIOD! While climaxing is the most pleasurable experience, each person’s body has a certain limitation in a certain time period. This may be different for each person and depend on gender as the female body can actually last much longer than the males. Moral here is just because it feels good…doesn’t mean you should do it! Towards the end of the 14 times, we had to use KY gel because my pussy had dried up so bad. Not to mention…it burned the hell out of my private parts. I was left sore and exhausted and Julio had to be put on medication for his groin muscle injury! Both our parents found out and this may just explain why his mama never liked me. To Julio’s mama I say…luv ya…but please remember who was dragging who to hell! The 14 times was definitely not my idea! Thank you for raising an extraordinary young man though ?
3. PRE-EJACULATION CAN’T GET YOU PREGNANT! Please discuss this with your doctor before making this very uneducated assumption. To my knowledge sperm is sperm, and if that sucker gets to swimming who the fuck knows where it will end up. I’ve been blocking the sperm with birth control and condoms since 2000! One thing I know for sure is some of my friends tried to out smart the sperm and now have teenage children! I’ve always treated the sperm like that scene from the movie “The Exorcist” when the girl is tied to the bed and the priest is approaching her with a crucifix. In this analogy, the crap that was foaming out her mouth would be the sperm and the crucifix would be the condoms and birth control! Right now my childhood priest just woke up and wants to smack the hell out of someone and doesn’t know why! I apology to all the nuns and priests that have taught me throughout the years. But you have to admit…that’s one hell of an analogy ?
2. DOUBLING UP ON BIRTH CONTROL PILLS AFTER MISSING ONE OR MANY WILL PREVENT PREGNANCY! If I had a quarter for every time some woman told me she got pregnant on the pill….I would be rich. Like any other drug, there are disclaimers for all types of birth control. Most oral pills are 99% effective when….wait for it….USED CORRECTLY! Yes there is a 1% chance that even when used correctly, a woman could get pregnant. However, I’m not quite sure how most women in my neighborhood were that 1%….unless there was something in our water. It all smelt like bull shit to me and I was right! When I actually took the time to speak to these women, I found out most were not taking the pill correctly. You can’t take a daily pill once a week and expect for it to cover you all week! Silly rabbits!
1. THE PULL OUT METHOD WORKS! Lawd a mercy! If there’s ever a myth you need to run away from it would be this one. At my all girls academy, I had to take a natural family planning class my senior year. It taught us how to count our calendars to see what days in the month we would be ovulating so that we could….wait for it…make babies with our husbands! I seriously don’t know how I sat through that class with a straight face or how I survived it! One thing it did teach me though was that while getting pregnant isn’t that easy for most women….at some point the pull out method was created to fail you! I think it was designed by God to remind us that He is a vengeful God and we bet not try to play Him! Lol. I’m sure my parents are going to kill me when they read this! So if a guy tells you he is going to pull out…know that after a while the universe will make it that the few minutes he is in….some of that semen will fertilize one of your eggs! People tend not to count their calendar prior to using this method because it’s generally a method used by the un-planners! That’s right…this method is usually advertised by the penises that need to be in a corner with a dunce hat on it! Picture that! Lol! Protect yourself and be responsible for your own reproductive systems! ~KJM saying do the “Humpty Hump” safely on Hump Day!???
For those of you not working in Corporate America or are trying to join this so called group of the “elite,” I’m about to blow your world apart! Some shit looks good from the outside looking in! Join me for another tour of the land of pimps and hoes! Welcome to my hood…here are some myths about the land of the pimps and hoes:
12. WE HAVE GREAT BATHROOM PRODUCTS! Most of the companies that I’ve worked for barely wanted to supply toilet paper! I’m guessing it’s a budget thing and some things just aren’t important. In general, they usually do not provide every day workers that good toilet paper you have at home. That’s right…they are rolling out the ONE PLY toilet tissue!!! According to Urban Dictionary’s website, ONE PLY toilet paper is described as: “Toilet paper which is just one sheet thick. This toilet paper is discounted and should be used at your own risk. Your fingers will frequently go through the toilet paper creating a mess that would not occur if you were not so stingy as to buy one ply in the first place.” Given that information…it’s no wonder I spend about 10 minutes of my entire work day fighting with the cheap ass toilet paper! I don’t know if you have ever been in a fight with one ply…but um…it will always win. Oh yea…don’t expect to continuously have toilet seat covers available to you! That’s right…sometimes the shit will hit the fan and you will be left…EXPOSED!
11. EVERYONE HAS A BOSS WHOM THEY MUST KISS THEIR ASS! No matter how high up the position…everyone has a boss! Even CEOs have to answer to board of directors! So pucker up and get ready to give a big kiss in between the cheeks? No one escapes having to kiss ass. Money makes the world go round and if you got to kiss ass to get the almighty dollar…you do so!
10. EVERYONE WHO WEARS A SUIT HAS AN IMPORTANT JOB! Do you remember my good friend,Willow, from my online dating blog? Well she’s one of the most hardest working women I know! Originally from Sierra Leon, Willow has worked in just about every industry in this country since she was a teenager. Like many of us…she’s had highs and lows in her career. Once she worked for Enterprise, the car rental company. Early Saturday mornings, Willow would be decked out in a suit…just to wipe down and clean cars! Yea you read that right…and she better not miss a spot on those cars! In the land of the pimps and hoes…even some cleaning jobs require nice attire!
9. WE GET PAID A LOT! I’m laughing so hard about this one because it’s one of the biggest myths in Corporate America! Remember those suits I mentioned in number 10? Suits are not cheap…well good suits aren’t. Most of the time, the average employee in the land of pimps and hoes can’t afford a good suit! Paychecks are low to begin with and by the time Uncle Sam (IRS) gets done taxing our asses…most of us would be lucky if we could afford a fleece at Old Navy! I typically save up to get two good quality suits and rotate them with different shirts along with purchasing some good quality slacks in order to keep up with the Joneses…also known as corporate culture! “It’s hard out there for a pimp,” in my Taraji P. Henson voice!
8. OUR DEGREES MAKE IT SO WE GET TREATED WITH RESPECT! In the land of the pimps and hoes…only money talks. You really need your degrees if you are a minority or if you are entering a field, like mine, that requires it. If you are white in America and have a lot of connections, you can go very far with little to no education but you have to be willing to learn quickly or at least fake like you know a lot in front of your boss. Connections and true networking will get you far. I’m black in America with very little connections so I had to come out guns blazing with many degrees??! My degrees, however, do not determine the level of respect I receive. The more you rise in Corporate America, the more money you make, and the more power you have decides your level of respect!
7. ATTRACTIVENESS CAN ONLY RUIN YOUR REPUTATION AS A WOMAN IN CORPORATE AMERICA! Now let me be clear…I’ve never slept with nor given a blow job to ever advance my career. Hoes who do that make it bad for the rest of us. However, if you are a woman trying to climb the corporate ladder, you would be silly to think that only your mind matters to other men and here’s a surprise…other women! When you are attractive, smart, hardworking, and keep yourself up right….doors will open a little faster for you than your counter parts who look like Hillary Clinton! You better get your Condoleezza Rice on and don’t be afraid to tap into your inner Angela Bassett! Yasss honey?? Now no one said bring your Beyoncé to work but studies have shown that in almost every area in life…good looks can take you far. Now that doesn’t mean it will keep you advancing unless you are one of those “sleep your way to the top hoes” I mentioned earlier. So take a Mama Michaels Charm School tip…learn how to walk in them heels properly and bring it in the board rooms. Willow and I could rule the world and just may…one day. She stays number one in her company because she is bright, hardworking, and crazy intelligent. But let me be honest…the fact that she’s built like a “brick house” probably doesn’t hurt either! It’s called marketing…not soliciting! Remember that!
6. WE ONLY WORK 40 HOUR WORK WEEKS! Ha! I typically work 50-70 hours a week since entering the land of pimps and hoes! Not to mention, I work on this blog during my three hour daily commute! Shit is real! We are tired and generally underpaid. I would love to get a dog but I’ve no time to take care of one and I live at my job!
5. NO ONE DOES DRUGS IN CORPORATE AMERICA! I’ve always been blessed enough to go to school and work with the privileged. Drugs are very prevalent amongst this group…granted more likely to be prescription drugs, an alcohol addiction, marijuana, and that Yayo (cocaine). Ever heard of “more money, more problems?” It’s a true thing. With all the stress and pressure of making money just to survive and then to thrive, folks are bound to crack. However, I do believe drug free is the way to be! Prayer is my drug of choice as I try to make a name for myself.
4. HIP HOP/URBAN CULTURE HAS NO PLACE IN CORPORATE AMERICA! Urban culture brings in billions of dollars in the land of pimps and hoes. As a matter a fact, after stocks and bonds, we rule it, in my humble opinion. Think of how much is invested in hip hop, how much black women spend in the hair industry, and how our fashion inspires the world?? Sometimes we so busy trying to keep up with the Joneses that we forget we are the Joneses…it’s just that white culture exploits us. Also, every time one of us gets a degree and enters the board rooms of white America or even better yet…create our own board rooms…we are Biggie, Tupac, Jay Z, Queen Latifah, Niki Minaj, and Lil Kim entering those rooms?? My music, my culture, and my history comes with me. Lots can be learned from some of our greatest artists and contrary to popular belief…it’s not all negative. And don’t forget…at the heart of hip hop is a true raw reality. That reality can rule the land of the pimps and hoes. If you don’t believe me…review Biggie’s “10 Crack Commandments.” If you break those rules down and take it out of the context of selling dope…you have some serious survival skills whether you are in the hood or corporate America. For example,
- “Number four: know you heard this before Never get high, on your own supply”=never mix business with pleasure!
- “Number five: never sell no crack where you rest at I don’t care if they want a ounce, tell em bounce”= don’t bring trouble to where you live. Your home is where you are the most vulnerable so protect it!
- “Number six: that god damn credit, dead it You think a crackhead payin you back, shit forget it”= watch who you do business with and research your clientele!
- “Seven: this rule is so underrated Keep your family and business completely seperated Money and blood don’t mix like two dicks and no bitch”=know where to draw the line between family and business.
3. CORPORATE AMERICA CARES ABOUT THEIR EMPLOYEES! Whenever someone would ask me what I did for a living, up until recently, I would say…I put tiny buttons on shirts! The land of the pimps and hoes can feel, at times, like a sweatshop! No matter how many degrees I have…I am replaceable. If for some reason I couldn’t work tomorrow or ever, someone else would be at my desk. Truthfully, if it’s not your own business…you are a number to corporate America. You are either an asset or a liability! Don’t think because we wear suits and work in fancy buildings that someone gives a fuck about our well being. We are on our own and it’s every man and woman for themselves.
2. THE HIGHER UP THE LADDER WE GO, WE INTERACT WITH MORE EDUCATED AND REASONABLE PEOPLE! “Unfortunately, the higher up you go, the more ignorance you actually have to combat.” ~my sister, Brenda. Your boss has a great chance of being a racist, a sexist, and just an overall complete dumb ass! Yes that’s right…he or she will probably be less educated than you but got the hook up from someone they knew or “they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth,” according to my sister, Brenda. These are the pimps…also known as the sweat shop owners.
1. WE FEEL FULFILLED WORKING IN CORPORATE AMERICA! In the land of pimps and hoes, they steal, rape, and cheat to get what they want. They kill dreams and build nightmares on top of dead bodies (literally and figuratively). You may come in an innocent and leave out the devil. Souls are exchanged everyday just like in the stock exchange. Truth be told, most of us, at one time or another, will have to either work for or accept business from some person or company that represents the epitome of the land of pimps and hoes. We may even decide to become a pimp. At first, we justify it by saying we are doing it to survive but soon we find out that we sold our souls to the devil! Every day is a struggle for your check and your dignity. Like they say “not everything that glitters is gold.” ~KJM dropping some serious knowledge on Temptation Tuesday. Shout out to my brother, Junior, and my sister, Brenda, for assisting me with numbers 4 and 2!