It’s Serenity Saturday! I hope and pray you are all at home relaxing! Before your day gets busy…lets start off by saying: I forgive myself for all the wrong I’ve done to others and for all the times I allowed myself to be mistreated! I’m starting this day renewed in my faith and in hope that I will be a better person today than I was yesterday! Have a blessed day!
Archives for January 2016
This week we covered New Year Resolutions we need to make, gave men some serious love advice, got our salads tossed (sorry mom and dad), and talked about the passion we had with a past love. Before the first week of the New Year fully ends, I can’t leave you without the greatest message I’ve to share at the start of a new beginning….forgiving yourself. I hugged Elijah this morning. As I was hugging him, I thought to myself…I could have fallen in love with him instantly had it not been for my past. You see…the first major breakup I ever had with the ex factor was at the end of 2012. At the beginning of 2013, heartbroken and confused, I started dating a college associate (mister tossed salad actually) that had been pursuing me since my freshman year of college. I knew I wasn’t ready to date but he insisted he was my husband. After 3 months of what seemed like bliss, it all blew up in my face and I was left devastated. I still have scars from that choice I made. Even with Elijah being so close to me daily….I still can’t allow myself to fully trust him. In actuality, it’s myself I do not trust. To this day, I’ve yet to forgive myself for dating the ex factor for so long that he drove me to the madness that was…mister tossed salad! So I carry the shame of all I went through…which I allowed myself to go through…with me. I want to fall in love again! I want to trust again! I want to breathe a man but this time with him also breathing me! So I struggle with forgiveness! If you are still holding on to some deep pain…there’s a great chance you can’t let go of it because…you haven’t forgiven yourself. Let 2016 be the year we learn to “let go and let God.” I know it’s easier said than done but we are only human and deserve a fresh start…a new love…a new life. Won’t you start this journey of forgiveness with me? ~KJM on the road to forgiveness during Flashback Friday!
Just one touch and I was his. My inner thighs and walls spelt out…EX FACTOR. He taught me how to make love. I was his and wanted to only be his forever. Imagining him being the last man to ever sample me got me high. We made love. Can you taste my love baby? To this day, another man’s touch feels unnatural. He was my drug. We made love. I didn’t know the last time would be our last time. Five years and three months of his name being tattooed on my pussy. I tried so hard to make my mark. I’m hoping somewhere in this world…he’s waking up and remembering that KINGSTON use to be on that dick…tattied out!
Seduction. Passion. My love. He was 20 years old and I was 29. We met indirectly through our sisters one summer. It was suppose to just be a summer romance. My first love,Julio, was still in my life and Phoenix, my long term side piece and friend, was on the scene. Yet there was something about the ex factor that made him stand out. I was in a huge transformation with my career and family life. This time period was the lowest in my life. I was in financial ruins and situationally depressed. Here cums the ex factor! I never expected it to last for more than a summer and I never thought I would sleep with him. He was just a boy and I was a woman. Somehow he found a way to be there for me in a way Julio and Phoenix couldn’t. And so I fell in love…somewhere in between our first kiss, seventh date, and way before we ever had sex. I’ve written so much about how I loved him and how he hurt me. This will not be one of those posts. I want to share the passion with you. The passion…I remember like it was yesterday. It was a very hot summer night in 2010. We were cuddling and overlooking the Tappan Zee bridge in New York. He was so caring then. Arms around me…giving me that fake security. Up until this point, I had barely let him touch me. So far, I can only fall in love before sex. There may be a man that’s an exception to that rule but so far my two loves (Julio and the ex factor) followed that formula. The ex factor took my hand on a warm summer day, once again overlooking the Tappan Zee bridge, but this time, he was protecting me from sun showers. I fell hard! Now back to this hot steamy night. Some details I have to leave out to protect the innocent but see if you can follow where I’m going…where we were going. We made love in the midst of the elements. I could barely breathe. Instantly intoxicated with love and passion…I seduced him. Before you judge me…I…never…meant…for…any…of…it…to…happen. I didn’t even realize that I was already in love. Three and a half months later when the reality of this unorthodox relationship stepped in…that’s when I figured out that it was that day with the sun showers that I fell in love. Had I realized I was in love…I would never have slept with him. You see I can separate love and sex easily. Most of my dating life was filled with sex…not making love. I could walk away from each of them like they never tasted me and I never breathed them. But you can’t do that with real lovemaking. The ex factor had taken my heart hostage and my body followed. We hungrily enticed each other…out in the elements not too far from the Tappan Zee. I don’t think I had ever made love like this. At times it was slow and romantic. Then our rhythm would pick up the pace and our sex became rough and thrilling. So rough that when we were done…I had lost a chunk of my left knee! That’s right…our first time left me bleeding and scarred. Scarred so bad that the ex factor will always be a part of me figuratively and literally! I still have the dark brown scar on my left knee. I hope Elijah doesn’t read this…I’ve a feeling he will never kiss my left knee. Lol. I now understand what Beyoncé meant when she said she was “Drunk In Love.” I didn’t even need liquor to feel that inebriated. Just the ex factor’s dick, lust, and an open heart…my open heart. Some days I really miss him but other days I remind myself that the season for the ex factor has ended. But before we go…baby you took my heart and body through leaps and bounds. I taste you, breathe you, and lust after you sometimes in my dreams. When I awake, however, I feel numb. Winter has come and our love no longer bares fruit. Thank you though. I will forever know what it feels like to eat forbidden fruit. ~KJM reminiscing about the lovemaking on Throwback Thursday!
I once had a guy brag about how good he was going to eat my ass. Me, being the lady I am, assumed he was joking. On our first sexual encounter, to my surprise and delight, he tossed my salad so well that I’m sure neighbors 30 minutes away could hear my screams of pleasure! How uncomfortable I was….enjoying something that was not hygienic. I mean, I’m a very clean woman but it’s a fact that no matter how well you wash, the asshole will always have some shit in it! The further that tongue goes the more likely it is to find shit. It’s like digging for gold in a gold mine except there’s no prize of monetary value there! I dated him for 3 months….long enough to feel like he had given me a lifetime worth of tossed salads. In my current dating life, I would never order a man to eat my ass but I can’t deny what a good feeling it was…when done right. A part of me wonders how the fuck he got so good at tossing salads and then I remembered the reason why we broke up. Yea….I will never look at nuts on a salad the same again… ~KJM on Hump Day!
He was probably there the first time Elijah approached me. I felt exhaustion, fear, and excitement as I looked into Elijah’s eyes. This was probably why I didn’t notice him there. I stood in a prayerful meditation never realizing the battle had already begun. He was right there with Elijah and I.
The first time you kissed me passionately, he was there. I was so nervous and so scared yet you took me in your arms and kissed me. You opened my heart for a split second, Elijah, but it closed quickly because he was right there with us.
He was on our first date. I know this because I wanted to open up so much to you but something held me back. He held me back because he was right there with us. Something in your eyes, Elijah, made me want to tell you that he wasn’t going to go quietly but somehow my words got in the way and he rejoiced because he knew what his being right there with us would do to me.
The first time you made love to me, Elijah, he was in between us. At times you felt close but towards the end you felt so far away. I can’t believe he was right there with us! I wanted to let go and just fall deeply for you but once again he was right there with us. I don’t know if there was anything you could do to make him go away. So the distance between us grew and he smiled on because he knew what his presence had done to me…to us.
Finally, I indicate to you, Elijah, that he (my ex) had been with us the whole time and I was beyond broken. For a moment we spoke of hope and he finally disappeared. Before we could move forward though…I notice another shadow. I spent so much time focusing on his presence that I never saw her. Elijah, she was right there with us too. So with my past and your past, we stood right there awkwardly…headed no where….
Now that we are in the new year and things have gone from hot to cold with Elijah and I, the universe seems to be telling me that it’s time to embrace the dating scene in full force. Just the thought of it makes me want to pull out my tracks and run screaming! But to be honest, it’s rare that a woman’s future husband just appears out of thin air without her having to kiss a few frogs! Ribbit Ribbit! ? Ugh. I’ve kissed one too many! If you are a single man and there was once a woman you dearly cared about and things just didn’t go well…here are some things you probably didn’t do and that’s probably why she is no longer feeling you.
12. BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS! From the moment you approach a woman, you better be clear about what you are approaching her for. Don’t sell us a dream of relationships and marriages when you know damn well you have never committed to a single woman in your life! Just walk up to us and say “I ain’t shit but I’m still going to holla at you” and let us decide if we want to take the risk of dating a hot mess! Some women actually would while most of us would bolt. But you already knew that…that’s why you sold us a dream right off the bat.
11. SUPPORT US ON OUR DREAMS! Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had huge dreams…mainly for my career. I had a ten year plan that took me eleven years to achieve. To God be the glory, HE has allowed me to achieve all of them to the point that I now have new dreams to add on to the ones that came true! ?? Along the way, I did not meet one man (whether he was happy in his career or not) that was 100% supportive of me. I got hit with ultimatums after ultimatums to the point that I could no longer be at peace in those relationships. Yet I cheered on all my boyfriends and ex factors as they went after what they wanted but there was no one there to cheer me on. We women are nurturers but sometimes it would be nice to be nurtured. It would have been great if just one of my men said “I believe in you and I’m here to support you.” It just never happened. That’s one of the reasons why I’m not married now. Every man I could be serious with wanted to change me and my dreams. My dreams were always bigger than just being a wife and a mother. Why should I have to choose between my career and a family? Men certainly don’t have to.
10. HELP OUT WITH YOUR FAMILIES ACTIVELY! 99% of my male and female friends are married. A lot of my female friends mention constantly that their husbands do not help out more especially with their children. I only have one stay at home mom friend so that means most of these women are also holding down a career too. Would it hurt you men to change diapers, wash the dishes, and spend quality time with your children? Give your wives a consistent break! I grew up with Papa Michaels, who is a manly man, making most of my meals and ironing my uniforms until I went off to college! As a matter fact, he did all the food shopping and that included buying my sanitary napkins! What I learned through all of this is if a man can’t support me the way my father does…I don’t want him!✌?️
9. COMMITMENT! Nowadays everyone wants a pseudo relationship and don’t want to do the work of a real relationship. It’s partly our faults as women for accepting this behavior. But you should know that if you are dating a good woman, who knows her worth, she won’t stand for it! Soon we will be gone! If you want the benefits of a relationship, learn to fully commit or don’t FUCK with us at all! This is where I am in my life. After the final break up with the ex factor, I never want to accept less than I’m worth again! Side note to the women: if he can’t say girlfriend and fully commit, don’t expect him to even know how to say the word wife! Recognize the game and decide if you want to play.
8. LISTEN TO US! A lot of times men assume that when we open up our mouths it’s just to complain. This is simply not true. A good woman will send warning shots (also known as verbally warning you) when your relationship is in trouble. If we say we need you at home more or we need more quality time with you, please be willing to hear us out. I promise you there is a deep message there!
7. EMOTIONALLY NEGLECT US! Now this one goes with number 8. Emotional neglect is one of the main reasons why some women end up cheating. I’ve been there twice. Love one man but he doesn’t treat me well nor listen to me. I knew I should leave him but my love for him was strong. So I let another man in, emotionally at first, and I’m sure you get the picture from there. If another man knows how your woman’s day was and you don’t…you are in trouble! He’s just laying the bricks to steal her away and from the looks of it…he just might get his way! If you are there for us on all levels, good women won’t even think about leaving you!
6. HOLD US! I know most men dread holding women but it does open up a door of intimacy that sex can’t! I never use to like to be held until I dated a football player in college (WE ARE! PENN STATE!). He loved cuddling and he made me fall in love with it. It was the one time in my life I felt safe and secure with a man. Even though we dated on and off for years and neither of us ever fell in love…he’s the one man in my romantic life that I respect! His girl is a very lucky woman!
5. FOREPLAY! I get so tired of men with big penises (YES??) just trying to ram that shit in my tiny vagina! If you don’t eat pussy, you should still take the time to warm us up emotionally and physically! I don’t know a fucking woman alive who wants to just be poked! Caress the cat and it will purrrrrrr! I can’t even remember the last time I had great foreplay followed by great sex. It’s either been one or the other. Yikes! My cat has definitely been neglected!
4. NOT SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH US! The last couple months with the ex factor, even though he was unemployed, he never seem to have time for me. He would squeeze me in somewhere between playing basketball with his boys and hanging with his family. But I honestly never felt I had his undivided attention. It always felt like he was pausing just before he had to be somewhere really important. Never make a woman you care about feel like an option. She should feel like a priority. I work 50-60 hours 6 days a week with a daily 3 hour commute yet I always found time for the ex factor. It’s simple. You make time for what you want and what’s important to you. I never felt important to him…hence why he is no longer in my life. Quality time should never be underrated. It’s the time where you men get an opportunity to listen to us, hold us, and emotionally fulfill us.
3. NEVER SAYING I’M SORRY/I LOVE YOU AND FOLLOWING IT UP WITH CONSISTENT ACTIONS! The two greatest phrases that scare me are “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” Some men give blanket apologies and blanket I love you’s! We women know the difference especially when you repeat the same mistakes! If you are truly sorry let your words and actions from that point match. If you love us, don’t be afraid to say it and by all means show us you do. The ex factor always had blanket apologies because he never saw anything wrong with the way he treated me and he never said I love you so I’m pretty sure he didn’t love me. I’m not really sure what kept him in our situation for 5 years and 3 months. Only he knows the answer to that.
2. CHEATING! Once you cheat on a woman, it will be very hard for her to ever look at you the same. You let someone else into our home. You let another person entice and seduce you. You essentially gave away what was so sacred about our love. Having multiple women right now may make you feel like a man but one day when you realize that no love lives in all the women you cheated on your heart with and your one true love won’t come back to you….you will be devastated. Truly good women will not tolerate being cheated on. We want you and all of you! Our love should be enough.
1. BREAKING OUR TRUST! Trust is essential in any good relationship. When you cheat, lie, beat, or just straight up abuse, you break all the trust and faith we have in you. I’ve always heard it takes seconds to break trust and years to try to rebuild it…yet things are never the same. Be the man you promised or vowed to be. Be the man you would want for your mother, aunt, sister, or cousin. BE A GOOD MAN that is loved and respected not just because of his gender and his ability to financially provide but because he is THE MAN GOD INTENDED TO WIN THIS WOMAN’S HEART AND MAKE HER WORLD BE FILLED WITH AN ABUNDANCE OF BLESSINGS! AMEN! ~KJM saying love with all of you or none of you on Temptation Tuesday!
It’s that time of year again. “A New Year, A New Me” most of us scream while you are quietly taking some steps backwards! It’s very hard to commit to change and that’s why many of us need the New Year to inspire us. Here are some changes most of us know damn well we need to make but are hesitant to do so! Time for Kingston Jael to give you that loving push you so desperately need.
7. DUMPING THAT TOXIC FRIEND! We all have them…people that intentionally and unintentionally drain the life out of us and bring negativity into our lives. Usually it’s someone we grew up with but sometimes it can be a new friend. We care for them dearly but every interaction with them is sucking the life out of us. It’s time! No matter how long you guys been down….some seasons of friendships do end. Don’t let the longevity of a friendship leave you feeling like a hostage. Swim to shore and leave that so called fake friend to drown (figure of speech) if need be!
6. ADAPTING HEALTHIER EATING HABITS/WORKING OUT! We all need to eat better and work out more (as long as there aren’t any health issues preventing you from doing so)….but please do not be one of those crazy people on some cleanse that is meant to be a lifestyle change! Who can survive off of grass and lemon water? Girl bye! Today is the day to start your healthy eating habits but start slow! That goes for working out too! Everything is a process and that includes change! Start by walking and then walking and running. Don’t force yourself into marathon mode when you haven’t exercised in 10 years! And if you can, don’t do it alone. See your physician and a trainer before starting any hardcore workout routine. I know you can do it! There’s just no need to do it by tomorrow! The more you gradually make changes is the more it will feel normal. Also, stick to changes that are reasonable. I don’t know about you but I can’t eat mulch with seaweed for the rest of my life while others eat steak! Lastly, be easy on yourself and your progress. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t see changes overnight. Keep at it! “Slow and steady wins the race.”
5. SAYING GOODBYE TO ALWAYS SAYING YES! I’m exhausted just writing that! You see…NO is my favorite word. Some of you are trying to please the world while losing your mind. As a matter of fact, you are probably reading this while you are babysitting ten of your neighbors’ children while having to take care of your three and currently cleaning up the poop of one of your neighbors’ pet alligator! Yea you heard me….pet alligator! And if you are not careful you will get eaten…hopefully by life first and not said alligator lol. Back away from it all and learn your limits! Learn to say NO! Being a people pleaser is one of the fastest ways to become burnt out and depressed. So drop the poop, send the children home, and stop saying yes to ridiculous favors that will leave you wanting to down a bottle of tequila afterwards. In the words of the character Whitley Gilbert on “A Different World”…“relax, relate, and release!” Yea you could say NO to this advice but I promise this will be the one time you will regret not saying YES!
4. STOP THE BREAKUPS TO MAKE UPS! I’ve recently had to stop this myself. Usually what was wrong the first time is what was wrong the tenth time! I’m not sure why I got addicted to the cycle. Well it might have been that I really loved the ex factor but at a certain point “love don’t live here no more.” Save yourself time and be open to new love. It’s the worst feeling when everyone around you is getting engaged and married and you still trying to get him to just be your boyfriend! FML! Been there and over it✌?️Know that you are worth more and go get that more! I’m not eating burgers anymore…only medium rare steak from the best cow!??
3. LOSE THAT SHITTY ASS JOB! This one is definitely on my 2016 list! Too often we feel unappreciated, under paid, and worn out from these tired ass jobs! It’s time for change! Now it’s still an employers’ market so be cautious here. If you are unhappy with your job, start your job searching and networking while working that shitty ass job! Every day tell yourself that your new job is on the way! Be diligent and purposeful and remember that no change happens overnight unless it’s in God’s plans. Hold tight and don’t get discouraged…your new job is on the way!
2. STAYING IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP! So you guys may not be in the “breakups to make ups” cycle but you are certainly in a rut! Every night you lay next to him knowing he’s not the one and it just isn’t working. Yet you stay because you don’t want to be alone, you are scared of being on the dating scene again (me too!), or he’s a good man…he’s just not good for you! You are just hurting both of you by staying where you know you don’t belong. There was a time in my life (just for 3 months) where I had just broken up with the ex factor and ended up dating someone even worse. Heartbreak made it hard for me to see all the warning signs. For the most part, the rebound guy treated me well but there was just something in my spirit that knew I was in danger! I got out of that situation as quickly as I could and spent the next year and a half alone…of course with the ex factor still texting me! I never want to lay next to a man again knowing my heart, spirit, and hopes for the future were somewhere else! Be certain, be strong, and then take steps to leave a relationship that you know was never meant for you!
1. NOT PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST! We sometimes try to be everything to everyone…leaving ourselves feeling depleted. I don’t care if you are a mom or just a single woman without kids, you have to find time each week to regroup! Your are no good to anyone exhausted and just straight out of your mind! I know this is easier said than done but you have to try. When you are all things to yourself, you will have energy to be some things to others. Putting others aside, do you love you? If so, then you shouldn’t be last on your own list all the time. If not, today is a great day to start! ~KJM wishing you a Happy New Year and a Happy New You on Charm School Monday!
I’ve been purposely and intentionally thinking about what I wanted my first official post of the New Year to be. As the first day of 2016 went on, one by one I would see people making fun of others that are making New Year’s resolutions. To those people I say…I’m so glad you didn’t need “A New Year/New Me” to be a different person! But did you know that some of your brothers and sisters are battling depression? Yes, that’s why they desperately needed a New Year to fight for their New Me! Yet I’m so glad you didn’t need “A New Year/New Me!” However, did you know that some of your brothers and sisters are fighting addictions? That’s why they so needed January 1, 2016 to regain control of their lives! Yet I’m so glad you didn’t need “A New Year/New Me!” But did you know that some of your sisters spent 2015 being beaten and raped…left to die in despair! I guess you never thought about them because you didn’t need “A New Year/New Me” to give you hope. I’m so proud of you for not needing to set resolutions and for always being a New You everyday. Perhaps you need to take the rest of 2016 to learn how to think of others and to speak life into your brothers and sisters. Please learn humility in 2016. Matter of fact, get your pen and paper out….the old negative you has already seeped into 2016. Looks like you may really need to make some resolutions after all…start with “A New Year A New Me.” We all have to start somewhere! ~KJM dropping some serious knowledge on the FIRST DAY of 2016! Be blessed my friends! And speak life into one another or just don’t speak at all!
Shortly after midnight, a dog kissed me! That’s right my first kiss of the year was from a dog! This can’t be a good sign for my personal life in 2016 lol. #happynewyear