A friend of mine says my blog is a sex blog and she loves it! While I’m so humbled that people are reading and loving my blog…I sure hope I’m providing you with more than just kegel tips! Lol. In the spirit of Hump Day I’m going to debunk some sexual myths for my younger/inexperienced readers. I will use my experiences with Julio (my first for almost everything including love) and one other sex partner that I may leave nameless! Lol. Come take a tour with me to figure out how Kingston Jael got so…well knowledgable on sexual topics. They say God looks out for children and fools…my life is a testimony of that! Sexual Myths for my first timers:
7. WAITING ON SEX IS JUVENILE! Julio and I met towards the end of my second year of high school through one of his female cousins who went to my academy and ended up dating on and off for ten years! I bet she still regrets introducing us! Lol. This April 2016, Julio’s been in my life for 19 years ?? I always call myself his ex wife ? Even though we met when I was a sophomore and he was a junior, I made him wait until the second semester of my freshman year of college to have sex for the first time. I wanted to be out of my parents’ house and made my education my top priority. Julio was also a virgin. That didn’t mean waiting was easy. I didn’t give blow jobs and don’t remember even wanting to give hand jobs as a teenager. Cum to think of it…my hands are tired now just imagining it! Poor Julio suffered from serious blue balls for years but he waited with me and that made things all the more special? To anyone contemplating their first time ever or a first time with a new partner, I say never rush it. Let the feelings flow so that it can mean something! Julio knew I was worth the wait and I’m forever grateful for that! Even now, as an experienced adult, I make a new partner wait until I feel safe and secure. I’m in no rush and you shouldn’t be either. Waiting for sex=maturity!
6. ALL FEMALE VIRGINS BLEED THE FIRST TIME! I sure the hell bled everywhere and so bad that Julio had to put me in the shower and clean up all my blood that seemed to be everywhere! I was traumatized! However, I do have many friends who did not bleed the first time. Lack of blood does not mean a woman is not a virgin!
5. CONDOMS DON’T WORK! I’m going to tell you right now…condoms, when not used properly, defective, or expired can break. The second time Julio and I did it, I left Penn State to visit him at his college in NYC. Because I had made him wait all these years, I decided to make it a weekend where we did it as much as he wanted. Keep in mind we were inexperienced….we ended up doing it 14 times in the first night! Each time we used a condom but my dumb ass got back on the bus to Penn State thinking I was pregnant. Touching my belly on the bus, I told a fellow student that I just had to be pregnant because there’s no way all 14 condoms worked! She looked at me like I was crazy…like I was an 18 year old just finding out Santa Claus doesn’t exist! Of course…all 14 condoms did work?? Shout out to all the condom companies! Where would I be without you?! Lol. While we didn’t create a family…there were repercussions for our actions. I couldn’t sit on a toilet seat for over 2 weeks and Julio pulled a muscle in his groin area. This brings me to number 4.
4. CUM AS MUCH AS YOU WANT IN A SHORT TIME PERIOD! While climaxing is the most pleasurable experience, each person’s body has a certain limitation in a certain time period. This may be different for each person and depend on gender as the female body can actually last much longer than the males. Moral here is just because it feels good…doesn’t mean you should do it! Towards the end of the 14 times, we had to use KY gel because my pussy had dried up so bad. Not to mention…it burned the hell out of my private parts. I was left sore and exhausted and Julio had to be put on medication for his groin muscle injury! Both our parents found out and this may just explain why his mama never liked me. To Julio’s mama I say…luv ya…but please remember who was dragging who to hell! The 14 times was definitely not my idea! Thank you for raising an extraordinary young man though ?
3. PRE-EJACULATION CAN’T GET YOU PREGNANT! Please discuss this with your doctor before making this very uneducated assumption. To my knowledge sperm is sperm, and if that sucker gets to swimming who the fuck knows where it will end up. I’ve been blocking the sperm with birth control and condoms since 2000! One thing I know for sure is some of my friends tried to out smart the sperm and now have teenage children! I’ve always treated the sperm like that scene from the movie “The Exorcist” when the girl is tied to the bed and the priest is approaching her with a crucifix. In this analogy, the crap that was foaming out her mouth would be the sperm and the crucifix would be the condoms and birth control! Right now my childhood priest just woke up and wants to smack the hell out of someone and doesn’t know why! I apology to all the nuns and priests that have taught me throughout the years. But you have to admit…that’s one hell of an analogy ?
2. DOUBLING UP ON BIRTH CONTROL PILLS AFTER MISSING ONE OR MANY WILL PREVENT PREGNANCY! If I had a quarter for every time some woman told me she got pregnant on the pill….I would be rich. Like any other drug, there are disclaimers for all types of birth control. Most oral pills are 99% effective when….wait for it….USED CORRECTLY! Yes there is a 1% chance that even when used correctly, a woman could get pregnant. However, I’m not quite sure how most women in my neighborhood were that 1%….unless there was something in our water. It all smelt like bull shit to me and I was right! When I actually took the time to speak to these women, I found out most were not taking the pill correctly. You can’t take a daily pill once a week and expect for it to cover you all week! Silly rabbits!
1. THE PULL OUT METHOD WORKS! Lawd a mercy! If there’s ever a myth you need to run away from it would be this one. At my all girls academy, I had to take a natural family planning class my senior year. It taught us how to count our calendars to see what days in the month we would be ovulating so that we could….wait for it…make babies with our husbands! I seriously don’t know how I sat through that class with a straight face or how I survived it! One thing it did teach me though was that while getting pregnant isn’t that easy for most women….at some point the pull out method was created to fail you! I think it was designed by God to remind us that He is a vengeful God and we bet not try to play Him! Lol. I’m sure my parents are going to kill me when they read this! So if a guy tells you he is going to pull out…know that after a while the universe will make it that the few minutes he is in….some of that semen will fertilize one of your eggs! People tend not to count their calendar prior to using this method because it’s generally a method used by the un-planners! That’s right…this method is usually advertised by the penises that need to be in a corner with a dunce hat on it! Picture that! Lol! Protect yourself and be responsible for your own reproductive systems! ~KJM saying do the “Humpty Hump” safely on Hump Day!???