It’s Charm School Monday and we have lots of work to do! Grab a pen, a pad, and some holy water because things are just that deep! On the evening of Serenity Saturday, the Ex Factor and I got into a huge argument. It was one of those conversations that started off innocently enough via text and ended in World War II! Sometimes he can be a real asshole (unbeknownst to him) and this was one of those times. Now I won’t give you the details of the argument because as you stay on this journey with me (and with us) I can’t expose all of our issues. But I promise to share the life lessons as I explore and learn them. My reasoning for this is in case we do one day go the distance and he becomes my future spouse…I won’t be able to take back the things I put in writing…not that I would even want to. Though it was easier to write about him when he was my confusing past than now when he is my confusing present. Back to the ass at hand…there he was thinking of only himself and me being very sensitive. He is not holding up his end of all the things we agreed on. The Ex Factor is actually delivering LESS than what we discussed. And I just lost it where I was (he was not with me) and burst out crying! I always have Grace on speed dial and so I anxiously started to text her the situation! Even she has run out of scriptures to bless him with! ? Bless her heart for trying to begin with. I think we all know I’m dealing with a special type of demon! I proceeded to cuss him out (without using curse words) via text. At one point, all he sent was a question mark! I don’t know what happened after that because I blocked him until the next day! Then I decided that you can’t hide from the devil…he will sooner or later catch up with you! You cannot block him either! You must look him in the eyes and say “devil I rebuke you! You have no power over me!” So as I laid in my bed all of Sunday not eating and just crying and sleeping I tried to figure out a way to do so. I returned some phone calls and texts of some of my closest friends and I made a few calls to others. To be honest, I wasn’t sure who I was going to discuss the issue with besides Grace. I was ashamed! I’m too smart, too beautiful, and too much of a great person to put up with half this shit! Where to go? What to do? Then it occurred to me…what would Kingston do? Of course because I am Kingston and I’m sitting in my own mess…I couldn’t answer that question! It then dawned on me that there is only one person who could answer that question…my west coast twin, Harmony! Harmony and I are almost the same person but are living on different coasts! She is one of my newest friends as our friendship started in Spring of 2009 and took off full swing in 2013 when she had to literally hold me up as I recuperated from that Mister Toss Salad fiasco! She’s become a driving force in my life…mainly because we think the same on so many levels and we don’t judge each other! We are both Daddy’s girls, entrepreneurs, and part of the “I never want to get married and have children club!” She truly gets me. Even some of our family issues are similar. Harmony knows that I’ve seen the women in my family get the shit beat out of them and spat on by the men that claimed to love them as they went back to these controlling men! I started to think maybe I’m no different from the women in my family….while no man has ever dared to hit me and many have tried to control me and failed…I still have a man in my life that is not loving me the way I need to be loved! That’s when I picked up the phone and made that west coast call! Harmony picked up right away and I immediately told her the situation and how embarrassed I was by it! First thing she pointed out was that there was no need to be embarrassed! Being a strong woman does not mean that I won’t go through shit! It’s how I handle my struggles that determines strength! At that moment, I started to cry (which my friends will tell you I rarely do). The second thing she asked was…what about my relationship with myself? Where am I currently with myself? She explained that she can’t tell me whether to leave the Ex Factor or not…that’s for me and only me to decide! But what she’s worried about is the current status of my relationship with myself after Elijah and now the Ex Factor! I mean I’ve taken such a mental beating with them both! Elijah is really a nonfactor….he’s just a lesson I had to learn. But the Ex Factor is not someone who just goes away. Harmony told me that my focus needs to be on my relationship with myself because if I’m okay…no matter what comes my way…I will continue to be okay! She didn’t attack the Ex Factor (even though he would deserve it)….she told me to WOMAN UP and make sure that I’m okay first and foremost! At that moment, I stopped crying and I knew right then and there that I was done crying about the argument…at least for now…or hopefully for good. What Harmony was essentially saying….was that Old Kingston always had a strong relationship with herself and certain aspects of her should never disappear. So I laid my plan out…all summer I have been taking vacations by myself….I have another vacation planned in 3 weeks! That will help rejuvenate myself. Until then…this blog, work, and all the activities I enjoy doing should be my my main focus. My money, my career, my livelihood, and my happiness are all more important than the Ex Factor and will always be! So I’m counting down to my next…it’s all about me vacation and I’m going to let the chips fall with the Ex Factor where they may! Sometimes you have to give people the same fucking energy they put into you!✌?️ And I’m still open to meeting other guys! The one thing I’m changing is I don’t want one to choose me like Mister Toss Salad and Elijah did…these men are predators looking for a broken wing! I’m stronger than that! I’ve been choosing my men since I started dating! Daddy says I should always be choosing them…not waiting to be chose…so that these boys know that I’m the prize because I’m in the position to choose anyone I want!?? Yasss! And I think I know just where I’m going to start too…? I am the master of my own destiny! Old Kingston is back and in full effect! Lawd knows I never had an issue keeping more than one boy/man at a time!?? And I truly believe when the right one presents himself and has done the work on himself…Old and New Kingston will merge and soar at being a great spouse!?? Until then…it’s back to Kingston 101! No need to love like a wife when I’m not one. I’m just in a situationship that at times seems promising and other times seems devastating. I cannot tell you what’s next for the Ex Factor and I! I am a Gemini so what that means is today I could be speaking to him and tomorrow I could finally pronounce him dead in my heart (like I did Julio in 2007) and move on! Either way I’m going to be happy because my happiness has me at the center of my universe! I want to take a moment and shout out that dude named Phoenix! While we have parted ways…from 2004-2014, Phoenix (hopefully single most of that time but I don’t know for sure. Lol) gave me a sense of freedom that I think every woman should have before she marries! No matter what state I lived in, I could jump into Desire (my car), get on 95 S or 95 N, and drive 3-6 hours to see Phoenix! He was my doctor…he could patch me up from any heartbreak and just be this awesome, funny, and sexy friend! Then I could leave him and spend years…if I wanted…discovering myself and not being tied to anyone. My heart was free at times and enslaved at other times but Phoenix would wash my feet and make me his priority for however long I needed him to! So grateful for my number one side piece…Phoenix! Don’t judge me? ~KJM on Charm School Monday! Love you Harmony! You are a boss chick and I admire that about you! Thanks for being there to catch me!?