Blocked Blessings Equal Self Inflicted Unhappiness

It’s been a couple days since I’ve blogged and I’m not sorry for that. Sometimes life is so beautiful that you have to just LIVE it and be in that moment. And that’s where I am right now. The men in my life (my Father, my brothers, and the Ex Factor) have been making me extremely happy lately. I don’t question it. I’m just praising God for it! ?? So now back to you and I….and this process. I have several friends online dating and meeting some pretty great guys. The few single friends I have…have something big in common with me: commitment issues/scared of a deep and everlasting commitment. Now I don’t ever give married advice but I can shine a light on the singles…at least with my experiences. My friend, Ingrid, met not one but TWO amazing guys online: one older than her and one younger. I don’t know about you but when is the last time you can remember meeting two good looking and apparently sane guys at once?! The last time for me was in 2001! And it was quite the scandal (for a couple years). Sigh…guess this is a good time to shout out the birth control and condom companies!??? And I digress…back to Ingrid. She’s been DATING (I have to stress that word so you guys don’t make the wrong assumption) both guys for the last month and IN HER MIND has broken up with them a million times for NO REASON!? Fear of commitment is one of the ultimate blessings blockers…no matter your gender. That fear of being loved completely and openly for the mess we are…is…scary. You mean he will love me even when I go bat shit crazy and maybe gain 10lbs?! That’s some real love right there! So why do we block ourselves from the possibility of that kind of unconditional love: 5. FEAR OF MAKING THE WRONG CHOICE! Choosing a life partner is no joke. Some people leap and just hope for the best while the rest of us need some assurances! But making no choice is making the wrong choice. No matter what people tell…no one is 100% sure that they are staring the love of their life in the face until eternity comes with that person. I think one can be 99% sure but 100% is God’s work! 4. THE SOMEONE BETTER IS OUT THERE TRAIN! Even more smelly, overcrowded, and time consuming than the NYC subway system is the “someone better is out there train!” I’ve traveled this shit up and down to be certain enough to say…it’s a fucking illusion. Unless you find yourself bored and buying time with a partner…try not to board this train. You may lose the love of your life riding through the land of the pimps and hoes looking for a wife or husband. Don’t be surprised if you ride this train long enough to marry a deceiving pimp and/or madam (as in head of house of whores)!?? Better learn how to recognize and respect real love while putting in the work! Losing the love of your life because you assumed there was someone better out there, finding out they were IT, and then watching them ride off into the sunset with a life long mate that values them is excruciating…so you better get right quick and board that train to commitment while trusting in the Lord to guide you!?? 3. YOU LIKE PLAYING GAMES AKA YOU HAVE HIDDEN INSECURITIES! Elijah, who is rounding 40, loved to play games. Seriously it was 7 months of being mind fucked instead of happily dating. He had these ridiculously high standards that made me laugh (well not at the time). His woman has to do this and be this. It never once occurred to him that he came up short on what I was looking for but I understood that human beings are flawed so I accepted him as he was (until he hit one of my deal breakers). I believe that like so many of us, Elijah played games because there was something within himself that made him feel unworthy of an honest, open, and loving relationship. Only Elijah can know what he was insecure about. I’m not going to pretend to understand him. However, the one thing I’m certain of is I’m over my game playing phase. If someone is playing games with me, I remove myself from the game. That’s the thing that the game maker never anticipates…that you will get fed up and move on to someone better. And that’s where I am. “Living my life like it’s GOLDEN!“? 2. FEAR OUR PARTNER WILL HURT US! In the words of Grace, “LOVE with all your heart KNOWING the other person has the power to hurt you but TRUSTING they won’t!” Deep! How many of us can take that risk? If you want your love to be forever…you have to try. This is where I currently am. I wake up every morning with a huge smile on my face and then I thank GOD for how full and happy my heart feels! I fall asleep easily in his arms and my phone has him listed as “Love Of My Life.” The things I use to be terrified of…I’m slowly letting go of. He has my heart and I’m trusting him to not break it again. Had I known this feeling would be the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt to date…I would have released my fears long ago and jumped…deep in love instead of slowly dragging my feet. I’m 99% sure I am staring into the eyes of the love of my life. And I got this sure….not from happy moments only…but mostly from all the obstacles we got through over the last 6 years and the fact that we are still currently choosing each other. I’m no longer scared to say this is the greatest love I’ve ever experienced! ?? 1. NOT BELIEVING YOU ARE DESERVING OF LOVE! Deep down inside, some of us don’t believe that we deserve love. This unhealthy feeling could have began in childhood or learned in other relationships. However we got here…we have to pull ourselves out of it and find ourselves deserving of a true and everlasting love. Run to therapy if you have to but get to that place of self love where you can freely give and receive unconditional love! ~KJM saying that LOVE is for the fearless on Hump Day!?