Are You Afraid Of The Love Of A Good Man? 

I had an AMAZING weekend filled with partying and then…a FIRST date. As promised, I will share no details about this guy. My present dating life is now off limits but I did want to share some thoughts about dating. Let me start off by saying that I never expected this weekend to be as great as it was. I love unexpected fun days/weekends! It made me feel so alive to be partying it up in NYC with my girls while taking a few hours to experience a first. I’m not the kind of woman to ditch friends and family because of a man…this may explain why I’m currently single! Lol. But I have to be true to myself and I believe the man for me would want me to be free and love by choice not ultimatums! It was quite special to have the best of both worlds. Neither of those worlds collided with the other. When I was with my girls, I focused on them. And when I was with my date, I focused on him….closing the night out with my girls of course! First dates can be so nerve wrecking but this one left me feeling at ease and like myself. Right off the bat, we tackled a lot of tough questions. We come from two completely different worlds and are similar in almost none. Yet it was the best conversation I had ever had with a guy on a first date. No flirting…just talked about our life goals and even past relationships as we laughed. I think there were moments that I was a little too much myself! lol. Like discussing feminism right off the bat and my religious views. But what’s the point in hiding myself from someone? The older I get…the more I don’t have time for bull shit. We talked about what we were open to and what we weren’t open to. Elijah told me he was open to a lot of things…that in actuality he wasn’t! I want to learn from that experience and watch a man’s actions more than his words. Jesus, Commitment, and Pork are still my deal breakers. As our date went on, I ate what I felt like, drank what I felt like, and occasionally cursed like only a Jersey girl can…with finesse! And I thought…well if he’s turned off…life goes on. That’s when I had to stop myself. Why would I think I would be turning him off unless I was hoping to or even worse…trying to. I make no bones about being very comfortable in my single space. Single is who Kingston is even when she’s dating! I can only 100% commit to myself. Yet I try hard to push myself out of my comfort zone because no one in this world really wants to end up alone?! At least I hope not. Even if it’s in my 70s…the need for true companionship may be wanted or needed. At 34 years old, it certainly isn’t but life can change and people can change too…even me. So why the thoughts of pushing a good man away?! Maybe some of us say we want a good man but aren’t ready for one. Or maybe we have been so heartbroken that we no longer want to find true love. I honestly don’t know what the answer is for myself. I feel numb…completely numb. The ex factor and Elijah left me numb. When I’m numb I feel nothing. I can turn a 100 guys down in a month and not bat an eye. Now if I’m generally not interested, that’s fine. But if the goal is to push them away from fear of finding true love…I’m in trouble! One thing I can say is my date was the most respectable and nice guy I’ve ever been out with. In just one weekend, he did something for me that only one other guy I’ve dated ever has. And he went above and beyond. I don’t want to be afraid of the possible love of a good man so I definitely need to get my shit together. I can body slam (mentally/emotionally of course) a man who tries to break my heart but do I have what it takes to love without the games and pain? Only time will tell… ~KJM on Charm School Monday.