Well I’ve been holding on to this one until the coast was clear. What better day to relive a fairly recent traumatic experience than Flashback Friday?! Yesterday I spoke about how dirty talk could enhance the communication in a relationship. I introduced the pros and cons of talking that nasty yet respectable talk in the bedroom. It’s a beautiful thing. Today’s blog is headed in a far darker direction. This is the ultimate FUCK NO when becoming intimate with a new partner. Flashback with Elijah and I to November 2015…I had just gotten back from celebrating my brother, Junior’s, birthday in Vegas with my family. Shout out to Harmony for making that trip AMAZING! Now back to the freak show I call my life! Elijah and I had only been intimate twice and had only spent the night once together. We both worked such crazy hours and then I was in Vegas…so I thought it was time for a staycation. Typically the Ex Factor and I plan these things out together but Elijah was a different beast. Unbeknownst to me at the time…Elijah is cheap as fuck so the only time we would ever do a staycation is if I was paying for it but I digress. I rented a hotel room in the Theater District of Manhattan. I took him to “Night” which I later found out was set up kind of like a sex den. I chose “Night” for its decor not realizing what we were in for. If you ever want to try it out, you must go to the one in the Theater District because the Times Square location appears to be more family oriented. “Night” in the theater district has a sexy dark decor. The karma sutra is kept in the table draws…not the Bible. And the decor throughout the entire hotel? I could climax just off of those photos! But I digress…when we arrived Elijah was impressed. He had no clue where I was taking him and I suppose he thought it would be like a Super 8 since anything in midtown Manhattan is super expensive…even the low star hotels. The plan was for us to check in and then go have dinner. It was strangely warm that evening (the day after Thanksgiving) so I was in a leopard cat suit from American Apparel. Shout out to them! When I seduce a man…I plan out every single detail. Elijah was new territory so I was setting the scene and also letting him know how I want to be courted. I like things exotic, different, and well thought out. I execute. And when I shoot…I never miss my mark. When I want a man…I get him. But I digress…again…back to this freak show. Once Elijah saw the decor of “Night” he got excited and started foreplay. Now I’ve said this before…the Ex Factor and I are sexual soulmates when our communication is great. He shares the power with me in the bedroom and many times will just submit to me. I FUCKING need that to get wet. I…need to know…this is MY dick and I shall do with it as I please. Elijah, on the other hand, is also a huge control person but shit went left when I went against my norm and allowed him to have power over me. First he told me to close my eyes because he had a surprise for me. I decided to play along. Big fucking mistake! Earlier in the day, Elijah had told me that his cousin gave him a gift that he was going to bring to the hotel. I thought it was a bottle of wine. I was expecting to open my eyes and have my new man hand me a glass of wine. Sigh…with my eyes still closed, I felt his hand enter me…then….oh wait for it…I felt something else. Big…hard…not human. I opened my eyes and to my horror…Elijah had inserted “THE RABBIT,” an infamous vibrator that is for external and internal pleasure, into my fucking vagina. And no I wasn’t turned on…matter of fact I started FUCKING yelling. My stance on vibrators when I owned one (haven’t bought one since I started dating the Ex Factor in summer 2010) is I do not get the ones that can be inserted. I used them for stimulation of my clit only. My tight pussy is just for my man. Not some toy. Now I’ve the fucking rabbit being rammed into me! If I could have spat in his face I would have! I kept reminding myself that Elijah wasn’t the Ex Factor so he didn’t know my sexual preferences and didn’t FUCKING think to ask! So I instructed him to quickly take the rabbit out of me and never have it return!!! But wait….it gets better! I should have ended any sexual contact from that moment but since we were new to each other, I proceeded to try to take control before I completely got dry. It’s not over yet. Elijah and I struggled for power and then this asshole decided to backdoor me! Is this motherfucker serious?! He should have had a brick thrown in his face at this point. Let me explain MY backdoor (anal sex) policy: ONLY shit comes out of there and nothing goes in! The only other man that had ever ventured to my backdoor (besides to toss my salad) was Phoenix and he was always smart enough to work several areas at one time so it was a pleasure meets pain feeling. But even Phoenix, I warned not to venture to my backdoor again. It’s like frozen yogurt. I tried it and I don’t like it. Now I’ve some friends that LOVE anal sex and I don’t judge. To each it’s own. Now back to this hot mess of a night. When Elijah backdoored me…he was quite rough with it…to the point I felt a pain I never had before. He quickly exited my backdoor when he saw me bawling my fist. Soon this sexual mess was over and then we went to dinner. When we got back from dinner, I took a shower. As the water fell on my skin and I lathered up, I felt a burning stinging feeling. Earlier when I went to the bathroom, I swore I was spotting blood but I wasn’t on my period. So I ignored it. Burning…stinging….no this motherfucker had not ripped my asshole?! I mean this has to be in my top 3 worst sexual experiences! Elijah typically dates women in their 50s and always said they fuck the best. I don’t think he had dated a younger woman in a decade! No disrespect to mature women but…fuck it I’m just going to get raw with it. If their dried up pussies haven’t seen a penis in a decade or two…I’m sure they would have been cool with Elijah cuming in their ears! I AM NOT THE ONE! I got out of the shower heated. Elijah was sleeping and I flipped the lights on and went in! I don’t think there was a curse word that didn’t leave my mouth!!!! When I told him he ripped my asshole…he looked mortified! I really thought about choking his ass…that’s how pissed I was!!!! So if you are wondering from yesterday’s blog why Elijah got a less than stellar geriatric hand job that he had to assist me with…this is the fuck why!!! After that I never let Elijah touch me again. We dated for 7 months…6 of which was sexless. At first I thought, I didn’t want to have sex so I can develop feelings for him. I can only fall in love before having sex with a man…for I can separate sex and love. If we have sex before I catch feelings…I will never truly be in love. I will feel something but it’s like having bad gas and always thinking you are about to shit…only to sit on the toilet and realize you never had to shit! I cared for Elijah dearly and have no issue with him. When he told me he loved me in January 2016, I tried to reciprocate. But I believe neither of us truly loved the other one. He wanted to control me and my emotions and I wanted to receive the love I never felt from the Ex Factor. That openness…I wanted that. And I assumed because Elijah was almost 40 that he had to be husband material. Big fucking mistake! I believe there’s a woman out there that will be happy to be surprised by the “Jack Rabbit” and find the backdoor to be enduring but I am not the FUCKING one! I don’t know why I didn’t run back to the Ex Factor and admit I was wrong to leave him. Maybe my ego got the best of me? Maybe pride? Maybe I was FUCKING insane! Yes! Yes! Yes! I plead fucking insanity!?? When I visited Harmony in Vegas in May, we spoke about the entire “Night” of hell with Elijah. Harmony was so upset and asked me how I viewed the situation. I definitely felt violated but how I dealt with it is being vocal about it and not being quick to give Elijah another chance to invade my body. For whatever reason, I hid behind the “I want to develop true feelings for you so let’s wait to have sex.” But that was so unlike me. Even in our worst moments (with exception of one time) the Ex Factor and I don’t let a month go by without having sex. No matter how crazy our schedules are…we find time for true intimacy. For me…it’s not even about sex. I can go a long time without sex. I love the Ex Factor and I never want it to feel like forever before I feel his touch again!? I should have known Elijah wasn’t the one. It could have been a decade without his touch and I would have been fine! So to wrap this up Harmony and I came up with 3 simple rules for men when having sex with a woman: 3. DO NOT ASSUME ALL WOMEN LIKE A CERTAIN SEXUAL ACTIVITY! Respect a woman’s body and have a conversation about anything new you would like to try in the bedroom! If your last girlfriend liked you to toss her salad and then fart in her face…..PLEASE DO NOT TRY THAT WITH YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!! Matter of fact….RESPECT…you can never go wrong with enforcing that word! 2. TOYS: Harmony and I agreed that the only toys we would be open to using are the ones WE bring to the bedroom. Be open to a woman bringing her own props. That way we are in control of our own sexuality…as we should be! Don’t you dare insert anything in her without her FUCKING permission unless you want a brick to your face! 1. BACKDOORED! I’m going to say it again! Not every woman likes this! Communicate and find out if yours does. It took months for the rip in my asshole to heal! Ouch! Learn from Elijah’s mistake. ~KJM on Flashback Friday saying I’ve no issue with Elijah. I think he’s going to be a good partner for some woman…not me though! Best wishes to him!