There was a time in my life when I was living in Washington, DC and would frequent porn shops with a female childhood friend of mine. If you grew up with me…you know exactly who I’m talking about! She had a very high profile financial job so she would never use her bank card at any porn shop and would have sunglasses on with a scarf on her head looking like Mary J. Blige in the “Not Gonna Cry” video…as I swiped away freely!? You learn a lot about people when in a porn shop with them but I digress. This blog isn’t about her. Just wanted you to get an understanding of my sidekick during this era of my life! Lol. Coincidentally, we were together as teenagers, along with my closest childhood friend, when we bought our first pack of condoms at a CVS! That’s when Mary J. Blige Junior was created! ? But I digress…again…back to the topic at hand. The first time I ever entered a porn shop…I was blown away by the video and toy selections. Like who thinks this stuff up?! Anything that looked like it would have me dangling in the air…I bypassed!? Skipped whips and chains because I’m definitely not participating in “Roots 2!“✌?️ And from my experiences of dating men of different races….I’ve never met a black man that would lay down for a good ol’ ass whooping even if sex followed! Now I’m not saying there isn’t such a black man…I’m just saying I never dated one. So I happily skipped the “50 Shades Of Grey” aisle unless I wasn’t dating a black man!? Some are okay with being blindfolded and handcuffed but you better warn them if there are heights involved! Phoenix never did like heights.? But I digress….again. I think the key to the first time experience of buying a toy is knowing yourself. I knew I never needed a main course toy like the “The Rabbit” (boy I wish Elijah would have asked me before he pulled that thing out). I’m more of a snack kind of person. Meaning a toy for external pleasure NOT internal! That damn Elijah!? Anyways, now that I’m so beyond that stage in my life I do like to shed a little light on it…especially for women. Get to know your body first. Explore it with your hands, find out what sounds you like to hear and what gets your pallet wet…what you like to taste during your self exploration, and then start to test toys out and see what you are comfortable with. NEVER let any man talk you into using anything you aren’t down with. Elijah is still lucky he didn’t get a brick to his face for trying me! Sigh… The interesting thing about getting older…even if you don’t have a family…is you start to lose your sense of adventure. Or you have to fight to explore more. Your heart has probably been broken, trust thrown out the window, and a possible loss of a sense of self! Yes this can all still happen even without a husband and children to distract you. I miss visiting these shops with my friend and laughing about all the craziness we saw. I miss having a libido that wasn’t buried in student loans, heartbreak, and mistrust. I miss the freedom of saying I’m up for a new challenge and that I’m open! You are probably wondering what the fuck does any of the above have to do with buying sex toys and my answer is…EVERYTHING! It’s not always the polite and appropriate things that create aspects of our earthly DNA. Sometimes it’s about the impolite yet legal things we did with an open heart and mind. It’s been years since I’ve shopped for a toy and I think I threw my last one (Gold Member) out when I had to move back in with my parents after graduate school! I can go months and even years without any kind of sexual stimulation. I’ve done it! Just closed shop with no possible opening date! But it’s the moments I had with myself that gave me hope about the future. That let me know that it’s okay to be me and to express myself whatever way I wanted. I had the FREEDOM to just be…safely. That’s what I miss the most. Stress free, all about me, and freedom! No expectations but to live life to the fullest…safely! I can’t stress the SAFELY part enough. Don’t be out their risking your lives for a sexual experience. So much more fun to be safe and feel safe. Do me a favor? Whether you are 50 years old or 25….if you have never gone to a porn shop nor bought a toy…and you are curious…please go ahead and do it! Then write in and tell me all about it! Don’t forget your scarf and sunglasses…if need be!?~KJM aka Miss Kingston if you nasty? on Flashback Friday. Blog originally written on Hump Day of this week but this sure shows that you can make any day hump day!???