This week I’ve caused quite an uproar with writing the blogs “Dear Girlfriend (The Fall of Phoenix)” and “The Aftermath of Dear Girlfriend!” The long term girlfriends around the world got their guns cocked and pointed in my direction! Lol. Whether you agree or disagree with my stance, I appreciate the exposure! Being a blogger isn’t an easy life and this was my first time being thrown into the lion’s den! I’m ready though and not backing down!?? Now to the real issue at hand with these series of blogs: the long term girlfriend is now the new side piece! Before I get into my countdown, I want to say that I’ve been in this position before. I’m speaking from a messy place I’ve once lived and passing on the painful lessons I’ve learned along the way. You can take it or leave it. My only goal here is to give you food for thought! Disclaimer: If you and your partner do not believe in marriage then this blog isn’t for you. It’s really for all them laying on their backs, constantly on their knees but never getting a thank you, waiting for a man to realize their worth long term girlfriends! Ok let’s get it! Here are 7 reasons why the long term girlfriend is now the new side piece: 7. HE NEVER MENTIONS A FUTURE WITH YOU! If you are 25 or older and have been seriously dating a man for 5 years or more yet he has never mentioned you in any of his future plans….you are the side piece! That man is keeping his options open until something better comes along! 6. WHEN HE CHEATS IT’S THE OTHER WOMAN YOU ARE MAD AT! My mother, Mama Michaels, always says never call another woman about a man that is NOT YOUR HUSBAND! It’s seriously a joke. With no one married to him, how do you know who is the side piece and who is the real girlfriend? Better yet why are you even focusing on the title girlfriend? You are a side piece! 5. THE ONLY REAL RELATIONSHIP STATUSES THAT THE IRS RECOGNIZES ARE SINGLE (AS IN NOT MARRIED), MARRIED, and DIVORCED! Uncle Sam aka the Internal Revenue Services does not have a box for girlfriends. If you want the government to recognize your relationship, you better aim for marriage! They sure give tax breaks for that! Especially now that everyone has the right to marry (gay and straight), “If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it” is about to be the new tax law anthem! Don’t expect a refund for having a boyfriend! Just go ahead and check that single status box while you pray for God’s blessings! No time to be delusional! You are a side piece! 4. YOU PAY HALF HIS MORTGAGE BUT YOUR NAME AIN’T ON SHIT! If he bought a house while you guys were dating or he owned one before and you two are now living together….guess who has no legal rights to that property?! That’s right! YOU! Financially you are contributing, yet you will never see the fruit of your labor! Girl, run! If you were a wife, this would be a different story. This long term girlfriend thing is really messing with your money! Sigh…need I remind you again that you are a side piece?! 3. YOU ARE HIS BABY MAMA! As the mother of his child, you are entitled to child support for that child. That man is not indebted to you for shit. Courts recognize your child, not that you are his long term girlfriend. No one cares if he is good to you. The focus is really on your child. Some of y’all baby mamas don’t get that and use the child against the man long after he kicks your ass to the curb! You are the side piece! No spousal support for that! 2. HIS MAMA, FRIENDS, AND ASSOCIATES REFER TO YOU AS MS. SO AND SO! Girl, I don’t know why you are mad?! That is your name right? MS. not MRS?! Truth hurts boo. Even if everyone in his circle knows who you are…it doesn’t mean that you are being held out to be anything but a long term side piece! If he is introducing you to his pastor as MS. for the last 10 years…forget it! Every time you walk away, pastor laying hands on him and praying that he find himself a good woman that he can make a wife! Lawd a mercy…you a side piece even in the eyes of GOD! ? 1. YOU HAVE BEEN “ENGAGED” FOR TWO YEARS OR MORE WITH NO WEDDING DATE SET! Now this one is a tricky one. I’m guessing you been whining the last 10 years so he finally purchased a ring for you and asked you to marry him….but that was 5 years ago and that ring is now turning green on your finger! You are still the glorified side piece! If he truly wanted to make that commitment, he would have! ~KJM on Flashback Friday! Disclaimer: this blog is for entertainment purposes only and no true legal advice was given. If you have questions about common law marriage, tax laws, or property laws in your state, seek counsel there. Best wishes on all of your journeys!

Yesterday I wrote a blog called “Dear Girlfriend (The Fall of Phoenix)” and it caused quite an uproar between me and my siblings. Junior, our local moral police, said the blame is on both parties for where their 15 year relationship has ended up. My response to that is I cannot tell a man how to be a man/husband. My message was for the girlfriend…woman to woman because no matter what a man feeds you…women control the status of the relationship. Even if Phoenix is leading her on so that he can be an active live in dad, at some point in the last decade or so, the girlfriend continued to believe these promises/lies (if they were made to begin with). I can understand her position because I use to be her…those 5 years and 3 months (on and off) that I stayed with the ex factor. At some point, deep down inside my core (about 3.5 months in to be honest), I knew that “situationship” was never going anywhere but I CHOSE to stay with him or go back to him. No one can steal almost 2 decades of your life (with exception of slavery) without you at some point giving them permission to. Like I said, I use to be her. I’m still pissed about the 5 years and 3 months of wasted time but I take responsibility for it. The Ex Factor could only take what I willingly gave. So my letter was for the woman because I am a woman. I can only address what I can identify with and understand. Brenda’s position was that she never wants to be a mistress because it’s not a feeling she’s comfortable with. Clearly my moral compass is different than my siblings. Let me be crystal clear on something…I don’t mess with people’s marriages. Women have taken my men and I’ve sometimes willingly or accidentally taken theirs. Boyfriend and girlfriend shit is just that…SHIT. Show me somewhere in the law books or in the Bible where it says respect a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship?! I’m not saying I was in the right but if you all remember correctly…I wrote “Dear Girlfriend” before actually committing the affair. I’m not always living right (but who is?). I gave the girlfriend some warning shots/advice. If you want your union to be respected then you need to come up with something better than girlfriend/baby mama. Aim high! As for anyone judging my past mistakes or my current stance, I practice what I preach. I’ve had women cheat with my man and guess what…I was angry with HIM! A woman who doesn’t know me, doesn’t owe me shit. She gonna get hers. And I can’t blame her since I was settling for girlfriend and not aiming for WIFE.?? My position is not about who is right or wrong. In the midst of an awakening, you will encounter the righteous and the unrighteous. You must choose your position. I just drop knowledge that comes from my truth. My naked truth! That’s what blogging is about. Every story I share, I get buck naked in front of you. After all, I am human which by definition means that I am a sinner. Our awakenings will never be cut and dry. It’s a journey where we are alert to the good and evil in our truths. I do not blog in black and white. I stay in the gray. ~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying I really appreciate my siblings, Junior and Brenda, for expressing their truths?

Dear Girlfriend, you are probably surprised to be hearing from me. Or are you? To be honest, I didn’t know I was going to write you until this morning. You see I’ve been friends with Phoenix, your boyfriend and father of your child, for almost as long as you have known him. We have a very strange friendship. Over the years, he has been that good friend that isn’t always in my life but is there when I need him most. He is sexy, intelligent, funny, and easy going. He’s got the biggest chocolate penis I’ve ever seen but then again maybe I should just spare you those details since you clearly know what his private parts look like. Let me be clear about something, this letter is really for YOU. It’s not for Phoenix…for he and I know where we stand. Things I say may come off disrespectful but I promise you, I mean no disrespect. It’s just that since he has been my mistress on and off for 15 years and I’m now being given the chance to be his….I had to write. I’m not in love with Phoenix nor do I want to take him away from you. I’ve seen pictures of you (on Facebook of course) and you are beautiful! Your daughter looks just like you! And while this sounds weird coming from me, you guys make a lovely family! From what I can see, he is an AMAZING father! But every time I ask him if he loves you…he replies that he loves his daughter. Over the years, I’ve been to almost all of Phoenix’s apartments….even before your daughter was born. For the most part, I would visit when you guys were on breaks. Though to be honest, I’m sure somewhere in there…you and I overlap. I tend to only stay for the night and then travel back to whatever state I’ve been living in. Phoenix was okay with me staying but I have always made it clear that I just want him to heal my broken heart for a night and then I’m on my way. Never on any of my trips did I see a picture of you or any remnants of a woman in his apartment…even when he was in graduate school. His place has always been a complete bachelor pad and even though I was never fearful that you would appear in the middle of the night (as nothing around us reminded me of you) I was never able to get a good night sleep next to Phoenix. In my mind, he has always belonged to you. I’m sure by now you are getting frustrated with me and are wondering why I am writing. Chill. Be patient. Actually patience is your problem. I’m trying not to judge but how could you be with a man for over 15 years, give birth to his child, and still just be his live in girlfriend?! Now I don’t know if the institution of marriage will ever be for me but I respect it. You see if you were his wife, I would never consider laying down with Phoenix again. Girl even if you were a fiancé coupled with the fact that you are the mother of his child, you would not be getting this letter…from me. Once again, I’m trying not to judge but how could girlfriend or baby mama (I cringe just writing that) be enough for a woman who loves herself?! It’s one thing if both parties do not believe in marriage but I get the feeling you do. I think you have been patiently waiting, since the birth of your daughter, for Phoenix to propose. Well it’s 2016 and he just told me…he has no plans to ever propose! Ouch I feel it for you! But then it crossed my mind that you just may know that he is not in love with you but just doesn’t want another man to raise his child. It occurred to me that you go to bed at night well aware of your situation but you settled. Now I know what you are thinking….how do I know that Phoenix isn’t lying to me?! First off, he and I have always been honest with each other because we are so similar in so many ways. I don’t have to pretend like I don’t got a man when I go see him. Second, Phoenix is well aware that if after seeing each other on and off for 15 years and I never stayed with him…I won’t. He got into this knowing my heart would always live elsewhere. One time, shortly after your daughter was born and while you guys were definitely broken up, Phoenix and I tried to give the relationship a chance. He was ride or die for me while I was facing the final challenges of my professional career. Phoenix held me down and I really appreciate him for that. He was there when my first love, Julio, was too selfish to be. I appreciate your man and clearly I respect him if I’m hesitating to join him in destroying his family. I’m sure by now you are wondering why I haven’t made the trip to your state and fucked your man? I’ve a few reasons why I haven’t: 4. My siblings, Junior and Brenda, aren’t about this life. I’ve been so reformed in loving and being with just one man (Elijah) and if I dip during our hard times and let Phoenix sample this good good pussy, I may never be able to be faithful…even in marriage and that scares me. 3. I do love Elijah. 2. I don’t want the karma from this affair. And my number 1 reason for writing and not agreeing to see Phoenix is…your daughter. You see I grew up around lots of domestic violence and infidelity. I make no excuses for my past mistakes but my childhood has a lot to do with the way I view love, marriage, and fidelity. Know that I would never want to put your daughter through any of that. I want her growing up believing in love and marriage. Parents sometimes forget that when you cheat on your spouse, you destroy your children in the process. I don’t think this has occurred to Phoenix because I know if it had, he would never be open to our affair. And I know he would not intentionally do anything to hurt his child. I’ve more experience in this area than he does…both as a child growing up around infidelity and now a grown adult that’s jaded. I don’t want that for your daughter. It is thoughts of her that makes me write you. Thoughts of her happiness that makes me stop in my tracks and wake up to what I was about to do. Question though…why hasn’t thoughts of your daughter inspired you to be more than a girlfriend/baby mama? Why doesn’t your love for her…increase your love for yourself?! Why haven’t you told Phoenix that he is a damn good father but if he isn’t trying to be a loving husband to you….you both must part ways except for when taking care of your child. I know you love him. You have to….you have been hanging in there for 15 years! Some of those years you were probably young and dumb but now you are a mother. What’s your excuse now? If you are patiently waiting for his love for you to return…you are going about this all wrong. From looking at your pictures, you seem sweet and caring. A professional man like Phoenix love challenges. I’m a tiger in everything I do especially in both my careers! I hustle hard and I make no apologies about how aggressive I can be when I’m going after a goal. I’m not afraid to leave nor lose a man. I’ve protected my womb and hope to only share a child with my future husband or have no child at all as I live as a happy single. No one knows what the future holds but a man like Phoenix knows that I patiently wait for no man but God. Now here’s where I get a little graphic. Before I let you go, I’ve to paint a picture so you really and truly understand how dire the situation is. Stop patiently waiting in life and in bed. Phoenix likes to be challenged. From his pulling my hair to him slapping my ass to him getting turned on when I pretend to almost call him another man’s name while I climax…Phoenix is a freak. He has been my sexual teacher. I’m not sure if sex really is your issue because he actually never bad mouths you to me. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t talk about you at all! Learn to be memorable and not a doormat who may have been easily forgotten had it not been for other life circumstances. Cheer your man on but don’t forget to let him know that he has to work for you! I may not be a wife but I’ve had 3 chances to be married so far in life and I’ve turned them all down. I could be married in 6 months if I wanted to. Men do love bad girls! My motto in life is I’m a good woman when I meet a good man until then…I’m a bad girl for life. The type that sat on your man’s face and isn’t afraid to play rough with him. I….patiently…wait…for…no…man. And if I want something I take it! Whatever your issues are…get couples’ counseling and see if you can make it work for the sake of you, Phoenix, and your daughter. There may be real love there but love is not much without work. I’m going to leave Phoenix alone for now but just know that there will be others! They may not write nor will they give a damn about the title girlfriend. Some hoes don’t give a damn about the title wife but if she has the ability to be a good woman, the word wife will stop her in her tracks! Wife is the goal here! Aim high! And if Elijah and I don’t work out, I may swing back around to see if you have been upgraded. Let me leave you with some words of wisdom (also known as the song I will strip to for YOUR man if you are still just a girlfriend in a year or two): “I was runnin’ through the 6 with my woes Yeah! I was runnin’ through the 6 with my woes You know how that should go You know how that should go You know how that should go Runnin’ through the 6 with my woes You know how that should go You know how that should go You know how that should go” Know Yourself by Drake! ~KJM on Hump Day saying girlfriends get your credentials up or no woman that isn’t your family member nor friend will respect you. If you are not a wife, your man is always up for grabs! 

I found this meme on Pinterest and fell deep in love with it. Why were we ever chasing Prince Charming?! The Wolf has so much more to offer! Moral of the story here is who you will  eventually love to the brink of madness will almost never be the person you dreamt up in your mind nor the person society expects. The Wolf is real while Prince Charming is who we try to get our men to be like. So fall in love with your very own Wolf and you will be his hors d’oeuvre, main course, and his dessert! Yum? ~KJM on Charm School Monday dropping knowledge as I learn them?

It felt like parts of me had died these last couple days and I just wanted to stop writing. If I could no longer inspire you…why write? Willow told me that I don’t have the luxury of taking time off. The most she was giving me was a week because I’ve “God given talent.” Her words…not mine. Willow and Jael’s mother, Nicole, have encouraged me the most to start this blog and keep it going. One of them usually lights a fire under me when I want to give up. But sometimes I just get so disappointed in how my story is turning out. I’ve been in bed for two days now…unable to move. I’m writing this fucking blog in my pajamas and looking like I gave up on life. That’s how broken I feel. I love Elijah a lot. More than I ever thought I could love a man after suffering heartbreak from the ex factor. But Elijah rips everything I do apart. We argue over the smallest things because we are both fighting for control. Some of the negative things he’s done reminds me of Julio and the ex factor. I don’t know if it’s our past or if we are just temporarily having a miscommunication but he’s left me feeling…emotionally neglected. I’ve spent 5 years and 3 months loving a boy (the ex factor) that could not and would not love me. If there’s anything I’ve learned from that painful experience is I don’t want to spend five minutes in a relationship where real love and trust cannot exist. So as I laid in bed…sick and feeling like the world was laying on my shoulders…I did what I had not done in 1.5 years….I text Phoenix, my ex lover and friend wrapped up in the shape and form of a soulmate from another lifetime. The iPhone is a weird yet magical phone. When I got my first 6 back in July, it did not have memory of Phoenix’s deleted number. However, when that phone malfunctioned and I got another 6 in September, Phoenix’s number magically appeared. I never dared to use it though. He’s always been there to hold me when I break things off with Julio, the ex factor, or who ever else is stomping on my heart. But my final break up with the ex factor, I did it all on my own. I loved the ex factor until he himself had sucked all the love out of my heart. No man took me away from him. He destroyed us. Once I started dating Elijah, I didn’t think I would ever need Phoenix’s number again. But there I was in bed…texting Phoenix. I didn’t think for a second that he would respond. By now I figured he would be engaged to his daughter’s mother. I knew how important it was for him to be an active father and the last time I saw him in September 2014…he was just that. Didn’t think he would respond but he did right away and knew who he was talking to. I will say it again…I’m in love with Elijah but when I’m emotionally abandoned…the old me comes out. Alone is my comfort zone so it’s not that I can’t be alone. However, alone in love brings me to a level of vulnerability that I’m terrified of. Phoenix knows me well enough to know I would only reach out if my heart was in trouble. Sexy, intelligent, ambitious, and easy to talk to…Phoenix is every woman’s dream. From his dark chocolate skin to his pearly white teeth to his huge big black penis…I’m not sure how I never caught real feelings for Phoenix. He has been my mistress since 2004 on and off. From the day I first laid eyes on him in a Red Lobster in Maryland…Phoenix has always taken my breath away. The thing is though…even when he was 18 and I was 22, I always felt that we belonged with different people but he was my best kept secret. Always there to catch me mid climax and make me feel like I was flying. That’s what just one text from Phoenix does for me. He is my drug of choice. I can crave him, taste him, drink him, and lay in his arms after any hurt feelings between me and a current or ex suitor. He’s one of only two guys I feel completely comfortable with sexually! If there is something I don’t know how to do…he teaches me and is so patient with me. I’ve put on weight over the years and grew slightly insecure when I got hurt in love…but when I’m with Phoenix…none of that matters. I am beautiful and I am to be worshipped. Even if it’s just for a night, Phoenix subscribes to the church of Kingston and there’s nothing he would not do to take me to Mecca….with his dick. That’s Phoenix baby! Still a question lingers in my mind….even though he is not married, Phoenix is spoken for (and probably always been)….can I really openly sign up to be his mistress the way he has been mine over the years? Stay tuned for Phoenix’s rising…~KJM on Serenity Saturday saying I so desperately need to be wanted and worshipped.