Kingston Expressions

Writer, Editor, & Lifestyle Blogger: Sex, Lust, Love, Celibacy & More 🥰 A woman not afraid to walk in her truth....in style of course 👠 💄

The Case Of The Lonely

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It…that is…loneliness…never visits me when I am truly alone. You see…I find comfort in myself. For some reason…it surrounds me and begins to drown me when you are in my life. Head deep underwater as I struggle to launch myself above the surface. I have been teaching myself how to survive death by drowning in loneliness since I started dating…at the age of 15. Only rely on yourself, Kingston. Let them fall in love but don’t you dare fall in love, Kingston. Never truly open up to any of them, Kingston. With each stroke in the water…I swam…holding my breath and diving underwater only during the times I felt like I was ready for adventure. This case of the loneliness was never a thing until I laid eyes on you. The more I hear from you is the more lonely I get. I forgot to teach young Kingston this one…never beg them to love you, Kingston! Up until this point, I never had to. Their “love” came easily and freely. And if they ever left…I held the door open for them. That was me…until I caught the case of the loneliness. This sudden sadness comes over me and I am suddenly disgusted with the thought of us. I long to swim freely again. This never ending cycle consumes me like nothing before. Love has forsaken me and all I’m left with is a false memory. I long to break away. This cannot be love. This is a hostage situation. I can’t breathe. Water is filling up my lungs. The one I let my guard down for is secretly drowning me…with a smile! I…am…trying…to launch myself above water. I am trying to break free. I am trying to make the case of the loneliness a faint memory…. ~KJM on Charm School Monday.

Sometimes You Have To Break Your Own Heart

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It was July 14, 2010. We were by the Tappan Zee Bridge. Sun showers surrounded us and in that moment you took my hand as we ran for cover. I felt safe. I felt protected. I felt at home. And it was in that simple moment that I fell in love with you…the Ex Factor. It took exactly one month of us dating for me to be sure I was in love. I didn’t plan it. Lord knows I would never have purposely put myself through all I have endured in these last nine years if I could have helped it. I fell…never thinking I could ever fall so deeply in love with anyone. Who you showed yourself to be then…wasn’t who you turned out to be. Yet I was in too deep to turn back around. Summer 2010 flowed effortlessly. We laughed. We talked. We laughed some more. We made love everywhere and anywhere. I had never wanted to spend so much time with a guy before. I think…that summer…we were together at least five out of the seven days of the week. Most weeks….it was six days. And I basked in all that was you. I watched you sleep. Something I would not do again for another eight years! Each breath you took….my heart skipped a beat. I didn’t have it all figured out….how could I?! This was just suppose to be a summer thing until I worked things out with Julio and you with your first love. That was the plan! But within one month of knowing you…my heart scratched the plan and began writing an unknown song. So much around me was going wrong…yet I clung to you and we laughed. We made love….for hours…sometimes days. You were mine and I was yours. So I thought. Love actually doesn’t give one enough time to think. Love is a FEEL thing. I felt! And I hoped we could work things out. Then all of a sudden, the summer was ending and I got a job in DC…which gave me 48 hours to relocate. This changed everything. You didn’t want to do long distance. That made sense because none of us knew if I was ever coming back to Jersey. Turns out…I would hate my job and return to you…fully…in two months. The first real thing we had to deal with threw off the course of our summer affair. Yet I loved! And I hung on. I never ever held on to anyone so tight…before you. We fought Labor Day weekend 2010 and decided to split. Yea….I’m backing up here a bit. Your family threw a bbq that weekend. You laughed with your friends while I was home packing and crying. Still I could not let you go. I laugh so hard at this thought now because all I’ve done ever since then was let you go. Some how…though…you always found your way back to me. Up until I started making Vegas my home for Labor Day weekends, I use to dread the anniversary of Labor Day 2010. I should have broke my own heart right then and there. I should have forever walked away!!! I regret. I regret. I regret but how can I…when I made a decision with my heart for the very first time in my life! I did the best I could. I tried! And no matter how many times I tell this story…remember that I was once happy and I was once deeply in love…with you. To all who are reading this….I say…sometimes you have to break your own heart to be free. If I had had the courage to let go Labor Day weekend….I may have found my forever love by now. A guy that can communicate. A guy who knows how to love. A guy who appreciates me. Nine years later…I want to slap myself in the face but what good would that do? Hearts want what they want. And it took me 29 years to listen to my heart. ~KJM in Charm School Monday. And so the saga continues. ??‍♀️

A Protecting Your Peace Kind Of Summer With A Yoga Twist

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I know we are in the middle of some kind of damn retrograde but am I the only one where ex lovers and ex friends are popping up like a new set of cockroaches the exterminator didn’t get?! I have heard from some folks that I haven’t spoken to in like 6 or 7 years! Truth be told….all of this “reunited and the shit don’t feel good” mess started for me in June! Yet I feel so much better blaming the circus show that is currently my life on the damn retrograde. We going backwards for real! Money funny, lover estrange (don’t act like y’all don’t know who I’m referring too??‍♀️), and eccentric associates with crazy ideas! As I am trying to bob and weave through this circus ring (literally…even bumped into Elijah a few times…fuck), I cannot help but hold on to my peace like our church grandmothers would to their good wigs and church hats during a wind storm! ???Hanging on for dear life! Who told these people that their presence was warranted?! Did someone send them a telegram…reminding them to shake my Summer up?! ??‍♀️ I have no clue who let some of these folks out of the zoo! All I am trying to do is enjoy my #hotgirlsummer (even though I have been living a #hotgirllife all up and through my 30s?) and stay hydrated while I pray for money to start raining down on me. That’s it! I am just trying to be great! Why won’t they let me be great?! No matter what I SHALL CONTINUE TO BE GREAT! ? People are always going to try to interrupt our peace! Some out of spite and some in the name of “love.” Take a deep breath and refocus. Don’t let them rattle you. Breathe in and out. Downward face your dog. Have your heart rising forward no matter what! And if you are lucky….NAMASTE on some GOOD DICK that loves you (or at least respects you). Get that orgasm sis! ? Replenish your body with some water. And then upward facing dog on any trick trying to bring you down. Protect your peace at all times! ?? I don’t care if your retrograde folks are family, friends, or foes…get their asses in check! And if you can’t do that…cause some shit ain’t worth your energy…just leave them the fuck alone! ~KJM in Charm School Monday! Namaste ??

My 38th Trip Around The Sun

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Happy Temptation Tuesday! With almost the first 6 months of the year behind us…it’s time to do some reflection. A few weeks ago, I was blessed to celebrate the beginning of my 38th trip around the sun (my birthday) in Las Vegas with Harmony!!! And it was glorious! We partied, saw Janet Jackson in her limited residency, and watched Magic Mike Live (our third year). In between the drinks and sweet desserts, I could not be more grateful that the Good Lord chose me to live this imperfect but blessed life! Sometimes I feel challenged and like obstacles are always in my way but in the midst of celebrating my birthday….I am reminded of how far I’ve come! ?? Now that I’ve started my 38th trip around the sun, I want to share some wisdom! Here are 5 things that I have learned on my journey into my late 30s: 5. YOU CANNOT MAKE HIM LOVE YOU!!!! Whoa Chile….say that again for the folks all the way in the back…in the cheap seats! ?? There is no wearing a man (or any person for that matter) down when it comes to true and genuine love! If he don’t love you…he just don’t! Go out and be open to meeting a man who can love you the way you desire! Took Kingston 8.5 years to realize this!!! Don’t be Kingston! ??‍♀️ 4. SET BOUNDARIES FOR EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE!!! If you let some folks, they will run off with your self esteem and your draws! ??‍♀️ No matter who the person is…family, friend, spouse, coworker, boss…set those boundaries!!!! And if they aren’t being met…get out of there! Toxic folks love to bring others down! I don’t care if it’s your own mama or papa…don’t allow that negative energy to seep in. Cut ties if need be! ?? This sounds crazy but you will thank me one day for dropping that little nugget on you!!!! 3. WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US! To piggyback off of number 4, when we do not set boundaries in our own lives, folks will continuously walk all over us! Every day, how we interact with and react to others….directly and indirectly…teaches others how to treat us! ?? Whoa! This is something I wish I had really paid attention to in my 20s. The more shit you take is the more shit you gonna get! ? Folks watch how much of yourself you are willing to compromise for their company and they dish mess out accordingly! ??? No ma’am! This is not the way to get love and respect. The way you love and respect yourself, your time, and how you manage your life will guide others on how to treat you! ?? 2. SOME FRIENDSHIPS EXPIRE! Some friendships expire like spoiled milk on the damn sell date!!! Meaning you aren’t expecting stank curdled milk (yet) but that’s what you got! Every now and then we all need to take inventory of our friendships! The longer you have been friends with someone is the more you need to ASSESS if this friendship is STILL a positive one for you! I’ve had tons of old toxic friends try to hang on to our friendship under the guise of they have been my friend forever! News flash…some folks don’t know the meaning of real friendships or they suddenly forgot! Friendships are like any other relationships…they are a two way street that should serve as a positive, supportive, and inspiring force! If you are feeling like you need to get to another level in life….tweaking your immediate friend circle just may do the trick! We may have been down for 20 years but I’m evolving and so should our friendship!!! GROWTH! ?? 1. STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE AND TAKE RISKS!!! Remember that growth I spoke about in number 2….well it doesn’t happen when we continuously play life safely. In my 20s, I felt like I could do anything! As I approached my 30s, I noticed that society started limiting me. All of sudden my professional accomplishments did not matter if I was not married with children. First, I kind of accepted that the 30s are going to suck and started to question my entire being. Then I snapped the f*ck out of that negative feeling, started shedding negative friends who supported low self esteem and self doubt, and started to take some major risks in my life! ?? I continued to date a guy 8.5 years younger than me!!!? No matter how that shit turned out…it was a ballsy move that I got judged for left and right. ??‍♀️ In my 30s, I continued to randomly move around the east coast until I realized that Jersey was and is always home. I started to solo travel, dress even more sexier than when I was in my 20s (tastefully of course), and brag about my vibrators along with all my daily orgasms! ??? And my friends now match my life goals. I like my friends to be ahead of me in every area of life! No need to be the smartest one in my group…nothing to gain from that. And lastly, I am trying to find my career niche….the thing that’s going to define me as the growing empire I know I can be! It’s never too late for growth in all areas of life!! ~KJM is spitting knowledge on Temptation Tuesday! The 30s are the give no f*cks decade! ?? Shout out to HARMONY for out doing all the previous years she’s been hosting my birthday celebrations in Vegas! This journey of my 38th year around the sun started like no other!!! Love you girl! ?

The Vivid Dream (The 2am And Very Personal Version)

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I’m having the most vivid dream. I….just jumped out of it to use the bathroom but it’s the most vivid dream I’ve ever had. My immediate family (mother, father, and siblings) AND extended family (sooo many of my uncles are in it and one aunt…p…and my closest cousin and his daughter are in it). My family is supporting me on a night that I could not get through alone. She’s (his mom) hearing my accomplishments through them and looking at pictures and while she’s hesitant about my age…she is smiling. She’s giving me her approval. He’s even in some of the pictures that my sis gave me to show her. Some of his immediate family (siblings) are there too. Yet he’s in the dream indirectly. She says “when I first saw you…you looked so young but then you said you were 37.” And I replied “I just turned 38.” She says… “oh wow!” Yet still smiles. She’s nodding and i am relieved. Then I jump out of this vivid dream. That was the issue….I was afraid she would hate me because I’m older. He is not ready for kids but he wants them for sure! Since I was 5, I knew they would not be part of my life plan. I’m Auntie and i like that! But for him I would have had 3! And not just to please him (not my style). I’m 38 now and I don’t have the desire to have children at all. What if when he’s ready…I can’t? My lack of desire means I won’t poke and prod myself (no judgement here to all the women who tried hard to have a baby…just pointing out here that my lack of desire matches your desire but in the opposite direction) to have a baby. And you have to give a Jamaican man a biological child. So I let him go…not just because he’s an ass that won’t grow up (lol) but because one day when he does…he deserves to have the children he so desired. I love kids and have raised children (most of you know my life story thus far) but I don’t believe they complete a woman. She has to do that for herself. Give herself meaning first and then decide if she wants to biologically (or in any other way) pass that meaning on. So for everyone who thinks it didn’t work out because of the age difference (some of you can go fuck yourselves for the things you have said to me over the last almost decade….yes I remember)…that’s not really the reason. Life is so much deeper than a number. However, things like religion and children are huge dealbreakers that are ingrained in many of us. Sometimes the best gift you can give someone is letting them go. One day…maybe not today…he will thank me. Oh and for those “you may change your mind folks” (I won’t ever say never)….but I’m 38 now and felt this way since I was 5. There isn’t a baby picture alive that makes me want a baby. Love being Auntie. And there was no man before (and if I know my Gemini self)…there will be no man after…that would make even think once about baring his seed. Only one guy did. Just that one. THE EX FACTOR!!! ❤️❤️❤️ That’s why I stayed all those years. He did the unthinkable without ever really knowing it. I don’t believe children nor husbands complete a woman. Never have. Never will. I just was not raised like that and according to my parents…I came out the womb like that. Knowing what I want. I’ve never even checked up on my fertility. Not once. Been on birth control my entire adult life and walk with condoms too. You can get to 38 without ever being pregnant. Just ask me how and I can guide you! Lol. My motto is dick can fall out the sky at ANYTIME (with consent) so I always got to be ready! Lol. ~KJM is dreaming at 2am, Sunday, June 09, 2019. ? #keepingitreal #mysubxonsciousisbusytonight #icriedthroughwritingthis #iamhuman

Oops! There Goes My Shirt Up Over My Head…Oh My (Man vs. Vibrator Edition)

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I don’t think I was purposely trying to….well. Perhaps I had just not thought that far ahead but here I am…5.5 months into being celibate. I know! I know! Celibacy is not a word most folks like. Every time I take time off from sex, it has always been MY CHOICE! Remember….one of my mottos is “dick always falls out the sky.” ? Any woman can get laid any time. Matter of fact…we get laid more easily than men. Women don’t have to caress nor convince men to have sex. We don’t need to ply them with liquor nor whisper corny lines in men’s ears. All we women have to do..is simply be ourselves…to get laid. Now to get a true and meaningful relationship is another story! ??‍♀️ Trust and believe though…that guys are such horny creatures that just a woman’s sneeze could turn them on. ? Don’t ask me why men are so simple…I think it has something to do with the law of physics or some shit like that. ??‍♀️ Men are just basic horny creatures that typically masquerade as something or….someone else. Now I know my male readers are side eyeing me but please be honest with yourselves. At one time or another…until you decided to mature…that is…if you decided to mature…y’all were all basic horny creatures. ?? The truth shall set you free! Oh crap…I digress. Where was I? Oh yes…my own celibacy. I wish I could say I am celibate because I am on a journey to find my husband. ??‍♀️ But no. I don’t believe in that unless my future husband is out there celibate and waiting for me too. I have told y’all time and time again…to say NO to community penis. ✌? I hope to never call community penis my husband. I know he would have been around the block…but his mileage still matters to me! I refuse to be at praise and worship at church on Sundays knowing most of the female (and in this day and age…possibly male ?) congregation done had my husband. ??? I am just…not the one. ✌? Anyways, back to why am I celibate. Truth be told, I have just been preoccupied with other stresses and been playing way too hard with my mini Shibari vibrator! Ohhhh…Chile…that thing is the truth. Makes me cum 30 seconds or less every time.?? I don’t even have to have a nasty dvd on (like I did with my old vibrator, Gold Member). Thanks to Amazon’s fast shipping and handling…Bullet (the mini Shibari) keeps me well satisfied. All these months though…got me to thinking. How does sex with a man measure up to screwing yourself with a vibrator? Hmmm….for a long time Bullet was winning the race. I mean…a vibrator making me cum faster than a speeding bullet is everything a woman could ask for. On the other hand, nicknaming a man…Bullet….well…I don’t need to tell you what that name possibly says about your current sex partner. ? Bullet, the vibrator that is, cannot lie, cheat, nor mislead. Bullet’s only intentions are to relax women and make them climax HARD and LONG! ?? Now a man…generally…comes (no pun intended) with lots of disappointments. ??‍♀️ I think this is where love comes in. A vibrator cannot love ever…but then neither can some men. ??‍♀️ Hmmm….okay so far the vibrator has 4 points and men got 2 (the possibility of love with a climax). But can love alone outdo a vibrator that cannot lie, cannot cheat, cannot mislead, and its only job is to relax women as they achieve their ultimate orgasm?! This is a difficult analysis. So many women bury the need for an orgasm in love. We typically put men’s needs and sexual desires ahead of ours. Don’t believe me? I had a hard time finding a masturbation meme with a woman on it!!! Most masturbation memes (on Pinterest) were filled with pictures and quotes about men. On the flip side, when I was looking for a celibacy meme….all I saw were pictures and quotes about women! Oh the double standards! My sexual pleasure is not just for a man. It is for me first! I am invested in each one of my climaxes! My body should please me first before ever pleasing him. Yet society still tries to sell women as virgins and men as sluts who cannot help themselves! ??? With all that being said, there are some caring men out there who are capable of love and giving a woman a little tossed salad every now and then! ?? If you are lucky enough to find a man who loves you, respects you, eats the box, and puts your pleasure before his….this type of man will always out climax the vibrator. For the rest of us unlucky bitches….the mini Shibari it is! Better to fuck yourself than get fucked by a fuck boy! ?? ~KJM on Throwback Thursday! I don’t quite have it down to a science but there you have it….my social experiment of man vs. vibrator. ?

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