Okay y’all are going to really rip me a new asshole for this one. Apparently me and the mommies/wives are at war this week because there’s very few that I’ve come across that haven’t pissed me off! A couple of my college friends (WE ARE!) and I are suppose to being getting together for a reunion weekend. One of my friends, the only mommy and wife in the group, contacted me a few weeks ago with the confirmed date and host hotel information. Typically when we use to meet at Penn State, one of my boys would plan the trip, book the hotel for us, and then we all pay him when we get there. Since this is the first year WE ARE choosing another location than PSU, I listened to my mommy friend and booked my own hotel room…first at a cheaper hotel next to the host hotel (which was suggested by my mommy friend) and then at the host hotel when I realized the amenities there was worth the extra money! I told my mommy friend this and even asked if she was bringing her husband along…to which she said she wasn’t sure. I even thought about bringing the Ex Factor, which if you haven’t guessed by now….this is what our big blow out argument was about! Of course, he’s only interested in his friends and his life. SELFISH! But it’s cool because I’m no longer inviting him to even piss in my toilet!✌?️ Over it! But I digress. ? Yesterday my mommy friend contacted me to ask me when I was driving down for our trip. She invited me to her house in Cherry Hill, NJ so I could hang with her as she took her kids to soccer practice and then head to the hairdressers the morning of our trip! I quickly shut that down! Auntie Kingston love the kids but designates niece and nephew weekends for just seeing the children. She does not make time for children on ADULT ONLY weekends!✌?️ Better yet…where the fuck is Cherry Hill, NJ as my friend was acting as if it’s next to NYC. I grew up in NJ my whole life and can name all the cities right outside of THE CITY (NYC) and no damn Cherry Hill rings a bell. Matter of fact…one of my coworkers, who use to live in Cherry Hill, informed me that it’s 10 minutes outside of PHILLY and 1.5 hours out of my way for the reunion trip! That’s right!!!! My mommy friend wanted to make my 2 hour drive…3.5 hours! 2 hours to the host location OR 2 hours to Cherry FUCKING Hill and then another 1.5 hours to the host location!!! Okay I’m trying not to flip my shit at this point! How insensitive?! Because I don’t have kids, I got time to drive up and down the fucking parkway/turnpike! No ma’am!!! Oh but it gets better. My home boy, who usually plans our Penn State trips, contacted everyone in a group chat later that day and in that chat he asked if we were all staying together in the same hotel room?!!! I said no because I was told to book my own room by our mommy friend. To add insult to injury, our mommy friend chimes in to say she thought we were all staying together and pretended she never had any of the previous conversations with me!? Okay this is where I lose it! I remind her of all our previous conversations (she lucky I had a short lunch break and didn’t have time to take photos of all our conversations and send it to the guys). She apologizes and blames it all on MOMMY BRAIN! Now she does have two kids ages 2-5. Their exact ages escapes me now because once one of my friends starts having multiple kids don’t expect TWO things from me 1. For me to remember all their ages and 2. For me to buy each child a gift on birthdays/holidays!✌?️ Yea my pockets ain’t that fat so one gift for all the children ages 0-17 to play with because Auntie Kingston ain’t got time for it!!!! Now here is where I get dumb stupid! I tell my homeboy I can cancel my hotel and we can all stay together! I actually compromise!!! The hold up…you ask?!!! My mommy friend still does not know if she is bringing her husband…almost a week before the trip!!!! What the fuck?! Mommy brain my ass!!! I get being a mom is hard work, overwhelming, and depressing at times but y’all can’t blame plain stupidity and insensitivity on your damn kids all the time?! But if I say something…I am a bitch because I don’t have children and no mommy brain to blame things on!!! To my mommy friend I say….SAT DOWN! You have irritated the fuck out of me and if I even thought for a moment that crossing over and joining your club may be cool…you have just made me lose the taste out my mouth. I don’t have children but my time AND money are just as valuable as yours! You don’t get to fuck with people and blame it on being a mom! Hold yourself accountable for being a ditz!!! Auntie Kingston just ain’t here for it! I’m not even excited about this trip anymore!!!! She’s ruined it for me! I am so sorry if I’m being an asshole! Blame it on Bitchy Brains! Things that make BITCHY BRAINS explode: 1. The only man I love (the Ex Factor) won’t commit! 2. I cut his SEX off a month ago! 3. That means I’m not getting any either because I’m trying so hard to not be THAT HOE OVER THERE(THOT) that so many of you mommy friends accuse us singles of being…forgetting some of your pasts! 4. I have TWO demanding jobs! 5. I work 6-7 days a week…yearly for 10-12 hours a day along with a 3 hour daily commute! 6. On average, I get 3 hours of sleep a night…if I’m lucky! Yea insomnia is a bitch too! 7. I have student loans and no husband with a great job to help me out with that! 8. I am a SPINSTER! And oh yes…9. I am currently PMSing and am running behind in picking up my birth control prescription. So I better do that late tonight when I get home from work…for fear of getting mommy brain when dick finally falls out the sky!✌?️??~KJM on Flashback Friday saying I warned y’all from the jump that I was going to be ignorant as fuck today? 

I have been meaning to write you sooner but I am ashamed. Ashamed of what I’m about to blog about. Seems like there is no better day to share this than Serenity Saturday. In my last blog, “He Will Stand There And Watch Me (The I Am On My Own Edition),“ I mentioned that the Ex Factor and I had a terrible fight. I cried through writing that blog but knew there was something I was keeping for you. During the argument, I saw a side of myself emerge that I’ve never seen before when having a conflict with a CURRENT romantic partner! While I felt like the Ex Factor was hurting and disrespecting me, where I took the argument was humiliating for me. You see, I grew up in a home where the Michaels had no issue with cussing each other out in front of us children. I vowed never to call my romantic partner out of his name (to his face) and to never take things to the point of no return but after years of not doing that…the day came Wednesday night! Now let me be clear, ex romantic partners will get cussed out in a hot minute if they cross the line! But even with ending things with Julio and Elijah, I gave them more respect than I gave the Ex Factor! It’s ironic that I’m arguing with him about him disrespecting me (unbeknownst to him) and I decide to retaliate and disrespect him in an earth shattering way. The only time I’ve ever seen myself this mad (or more) is arguing with my immediate family! No man has ever been able to take me there. But as he remained calm and did not return the favor of calling me out my name….I wondered if he took me there or if I took my ass there! I am by no means a cake walk. Kingston is a hot tempered Jamaican woman. And I don’t fucking play! But if you remember what I said in my “Alpha Female” blog….a true Alpha Female does not purposely emasculate a man she cares about and that’s just what I did to the Ex Factor. It’s like the rage in me took over. The worst part is I discussed the argument with Mama Michaels, who generally loves that I am a strong woman, and I told her EVERYTHING I said to the Ex Factor. First, a look of horror came over her face and then she told me that there are certain things a woman must never say to the man in her life (even if true) because he may never recover from it…and that I said a couple of them!? It’s rare I ever talk to my parents about my personal life but this was one time I felt like I needed my mother. And thank goodness she was there! Then the tears started to flow! I am so embarrassed by my behavior!!! Now I won’t say the Ex Factor doesn’t have responsibility in this whole mess but my growth is dependent on learning from MY actions not his! He has to go to sleep at night living with his issues while I tackle mine! To paint you a graphic picture….I will give two examples of things never to say to a man that DOES NOT apply to this situation but gives you an idea of the level of shit that came out my mouth: 1. The child you have been raising is not yours and 2. I have been fucking your brother/best friend! ? Now none of these apply to us but the things I said are just as spirit crushing! What the fuck is wrong with me?!! The Ex Factor was hurting me but it’s like he was slowly cutting me and I opened up the firing squad on him! Not a proud moment for me at all!!! Even with all I said (more like screamed into the phone) the Ex Factor kept his calm and still wanted to work things out! I said I would think about it but once we hung up I text him that it was over!!! Then all hell broke loose part two! Was there a fucking full moon Wednesday night because I was on one and not in a good way!?I couldn’t stop! But after my “Iyanla Fix My Life” moment with my mother, I immediately sent a heartfelt apology to the Ex Factor. He is speaking to me but with each interaction I just want to cry about all that went down. Yes the Ex Factor has left me “naked and uncovered” emotionally (see blog with that title) but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t hold my head up high and handle each situation with class! I stepped outside of myself for sure! Only the people that mean the most to me could ever unleash this ugly side of me but dear God they deserve the most respect! Meeting disrespect for disrespect isn’t the way to go! I want a deeper commitment from the Ex Factor and he isn’t ready to give it!!! I think this side of me emerged because I have never wanted a deeper commitment from any guy!!! So in my mind, if I want it….I damn sure better get it! Smdh. Not my finest moment but I am holding myself accountable! Sigh….I am forever a work in progress! ~KJM on Serenity Saturday saying never forget the golden rule: when you hurt someone you love…you hurt yourself ten times more. Pray for me!? 

Last night….really early this morning, I had the worst argument I’ve ever had with the Ex Factor. The conversation started innocently enough over text. I had been somewhat distant from the Ex Factor in the last week. Even though I spoke to him almost daily….I never told him I was off from my day job. Wait let me back it up a bit…prior to this conversation…yesterday afternoon I heard from Elijah…again! He sent me two messages and as usual neither of them said much. I’ve been read receipting him all summer…not to be mean but because Elijah is 39!!! If he has something serious he had to say to me..he could have picked up the phone and expressed himself. These little boy games of texting and what’s app messages all summer filled with Hi’s were just pure juvenile. This time, however, I asked Elijah why he was contacting me all these months and he instantly said he still “wanted me!” I got so fucking turned off! Not an I miss you nor an I love you (not that either of those phrases would change how I feel about him but at least I would have respected how he came at me). Even the Ex Factor’s young ass know better than to do such things. Who are raising these boys?! Because they sure the fuck come across as WEAK! Men, if you have something to say to a woman…and you have one chance to tell her…you better have more to say than what this fool had prepared! Does this shit work on other women?! Cause it left me dry! Dry! Dry! I replied to Elijah and told him I don’t want him and he ended the conversation rather abruptly! What’s wrong boo? Cat got your tongue? Feelings got hurt? Next time step to a woman…like a man! This is one of the few things I am sure of in life! I DO NOT WANT ELIJAH! ??Life is too short to go through shit with some man you don’t love….or even a man you do love and he don’t respect you! Back to the Ex Factor! As I’m writing this….I am bawling my eyes out. I LOVE HIM (the Ex Factor)! But early this morning….I had to take back my power from him and let him go!!! This blog is dedicated to all the women I know (and don’t know) that’s going through something similar! LET ME BEGIN: He will stand there and watch me give more love than he does. He will stand there and watch me as I sacrifice my inner peace for him. He will stand there and watch me fall apart time and time again…without ever trying to catch me. He will stand there and watch me as I raise our children with no help from him (whether we live together or not). He will stand there and watch me fight the world to preserve our love…with no help from him. He will stand there and make me feel like an option…in dating…and even when we are married. He will stand there and watch me cling to my sanity when life gets hard for our family yet not lend a true hand to be there for me. He will stand there and destroy me while convincing me that I am the one destroying myself! In a sense, he is right. I have to take some of the blame because I allowed him to stand on the sidelines of our life while making promises that I could be there for us even when he checked out! Not only did he check out but he broke every promise to me…and our family! Worst part is….I let him off the hook! I allowed him to STAND THERE AND WATCH me as I self destruct! I, with my actions, indirectly told him that his love was worth more than mine. That he is worth saving while I’m drowning! Speaking of drowning….did I mention that I can’t swim? I taught myself when I jumped in the ocean and he promised to come in after me…but never did! I am a survivor so you damn right that in midst of those waves…I taught myself to swim! Hell I can fly too…that I learned for my children! They should never have to pay for my mistakes. Mommy will swim AND fly….I’m not JESUS but I believe in HIM and I believe if need be…HE would teach me how to walk on water! Because GOD is always able….even in the most dire situations! GOD IS ABLE!?????? I want to say that I’m so surprised that he…just stood there and watched me. But there were signs…from the beginning, I’ve had to bend over backwards being super woman for us…sometimes forgetting myself in the process. Yea….he just stood there and watched me….and I let him…. ~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying we women…single and married…have to always set our standards high in our situationships and relationships. These men would run all over us and deplete us of everything if we didn’t stop sometimes and say….“motherfucker…not today!“✌?️