Well here we are again on this beautiful Serenity Saturday! Have you been good to yourselves this week? Have you had moments where you lost AND found yourselves? ME too! Glad we are in this together. Now let’s get to what we came here for: SERENITY. This week has had so many ups and downs…especially dealing with Elijah’s odd behavior. After thinking it over, I’m sure Elijah never had real feelings for me. I’m just a possession to him. I wonder if he realizes that I belong to no one but GOD and myself?!?? All of his antics are that of a dog sensing someone is peeing on his tree. Sir, have several seats! You have no property on this lot so please take you and your ego…and keep it moving! This brings me to a topic that’s been plaguing women since the dawn of time: how to keep a man. Now let me be clear here…I don’t ever worry about keeping a man because I learned early in life from Papa and Mama Michaels that you cannot keep someone who does not want to be kept! You can fuck a man front ways, side ways, and go both ways and he will still leave your ass! What makes a man truly love, respect, and commit to a woman…only that man knows. I’ve been left and I’ve done the leaving…even more so. Shit happens. I’m not selling my soul for someone who was never down for me to begin with. Matter of fact, I’m not selling my soul for anyone! From this point on, the references I make in this blog go to specifically “dating” a man because I’ve never been married. I can’t speak on what I do not know and marriage is one area I do take seriously and am careful not to make any assumptions. Now back to DATING A MAN! The entire 7 months I dated Elijah, he fucking complained that his woman/future wife should be doing this and that. He was mad I wouldn’t cook for him. Um…you want dinner?! Where the fuck is my ring bitch?! BOTH Papa and Mama Michaels taught me to be independent and to cater to my fucking self. If I told them I was cooking for a boyfriend because he DEMANDED it…my papa would hold me down while my mama gave me blows to my head! We did not come to America for all of that! I’m no servant! Now ladies if YOU WANT TO COOK for your man…by all means do! My point is in the dating world (I will bet money here in the marriage world too but I got to check in with Toi, Grace, and Willow on this) nothing domestic nor otherwise should be demanded. You do things for each other out of love…not control! While Elijah was reciting his list, he never thought about how he came up short in my expectations for a partner. I’m spoiled as fuck by Papa Michaels! When I travel, my daddy picks me up from the airport with curry chicken and rice waiting in the back seat for me! He knows I’ve been eating junk in whatever country/state I have been traveling from and am now desperately in need of a good home cooked meal! Now STOP THE PRESSES! I know no man will ever treat me as great as my father does. There’s nothing like a father’s love! But if a man wants to marry me…he better be able to step to my daddy with a set plan on how he will take over as my protector and my provider like my daddy has for 35 years! And I’m fucking serious about that! Feminist, I am but Queen, I am as well! Now Papa Michaels also raised me to not just get catered to but to also cater to the right man…not just ANY man! Some of y’all out there like a woman scorned because you laid on your back, paid all his bills while he CHOSE not to work, washed his dirty draws, destroyed your bodies for him, and he still left you! Baby girl, you ain’t got nobody to be mad at but yourself! ?? You bought into this you must “keep a man” poisonous thought process and got burned. This is a good time to remind you that a husband is very different than a boyfriend. If you get nothing else from all the blogs I write…take that point with you! Who is worried about keeping you? Who is putting in the work for you? Who truly loves you? Better worry about keeping YOURSELF FIRST! So no I never made Elijah dinner nor gave in to his crazy way of thinking and now look whom is chasing whom?! No man respects a doormat! I learned that from the men in my family! Doormats are only for getting walked on! No one gives them a second thought after they have been stepped on. So don’t allow some man to set your standards for what kind of girlfriend you want to be. Don’t let him “tame the shrew!” If there is any taming to be done…that’s for you to do by choice. I don’t think I could have loved the Ex Factor anymore than when he said…he will not even try to tame me! That was his way of saying…he loves me as is! And let me tell you a secret…the other day the Ex Factor was coming home from the gym and I got his bath wash out and was waiting at the door with his wash cloth and towel. And no I wasn’t prompted to do it. He’s done more than that for me in the past. So I have learned that I can cater to a man…only it has to be one that also caters to me. I’m not sure what the future holds for us but I’m trying to listen more, love more, and learn how to communicate better than I ever have before. And while I’m scared of the hard times that are sure to come our way, I’m preparing myself to “love him even harder and forgive him more easily through it all” as my good friend Grace recommended. Shit ain’t easy. It’s never going to be. But the only person I can work on is myself! And only I can decide what changes need to be made for me to be a better woman. No man sets the standards for that. Don’t ever let one fool you into thinking so. So the next time an Elijah-like man (or even worse a broke down dude) approaches you with a laundry list of how to keep him…tell him to put some “RESPEK” on your name and then tell him to go FUCK off! You ain’t his mama! ~KJM saying in my Birdman voice…“Put Some RESPEK On My Name” on this Serenity Saturday! Y’all feel serene after all those fucks I dropped?! Representing JA and NJ to the fullest? 

My new season started off with a bang! And I currently feel like I’m soaring in the sky. It’s this amazing feeling that I haven’t had since summer 2010…when I first started dating the Ex Factor. Currently thinking of a new name for him…as he is my PRESENT.? Baby, if you are reading this blog…try not to judge me for writing down my past hurts. That was me then. I was being true to my pain but you have this extraordinary ability to heal what you have hurt and for that I’m forever grateful. The answer was always within US. I am loving this moment (even though I’m terrified). Track shoes down…heart open. Now to wrapping up some final business. I really want to thank that dude named Elijah for keeping me deeply in love with the Ex Factor. I would never have been so willing to listen to what the Ex Factor had to say if you hadn’t drained me with negativity and control. I’m free and I feel fucking great!?? Thank you for the 7 months of almost sexless relationship filled with arguing. My pussy was marinating for the love of my life. Thank you for the indirect put downs as if you were King Ding A Ling. I laughed and took all my good loving to my man. I don’t got to cook for him…I can just wear the food. But best believe I will cook him a meal without ever having to be asked because that’s how much I love that man. Thank you Elijah for showing me that 40 is the new 12 for men. Yes my eggs are happily ready to take hold of all that extra young sperm (26 years old to be exact). You will be the reason why we will multiple. So thank you! My man thanks you too for barely touching the merchandise and for keeping his spot luke warm. Also, he wants to thank you for all that “extra weight” I put on that you complained about. To him, I have a Coca Cola bottle shape that he loves. Did I mention he’s super fit?! Yea…guess you not the gym expert in your “mature” age. Thanks for pretending though. We laugh about that. And because of you…I run into his arms so passionately as if he had been at war for years….EVERY TIME I SEE HIM! ??The hunger I have for him…the thirst he quenched in me…well we couldn’t have gotten here without you! THANK YOU! Insert CLIMAX here.? Oh before I go, one more thing. Please stop trying to make me jealous on social networks and in our professional setting. Don’t care who you are sleeping with. I have my heart’s desire back. Who can worry about old dick when they are riding a pretty young stallion?! Not me sir. Not me at all. Grow up and act your age. Thank you for not being who and what you claimed to be. I now know older is not necessarily better. My future family is so grateful. I am now certain that the Ex Factor is my future and I will do the thing I never knew how to do until I met you…FIGHT. I will fight for the Ex Factor and I. I will not run. I will not cheat. I will breathlessly hand over my heart to him. I will live in passion and pain with him…knowing that we are still choosing each other every day! This month makes it 6 years of us dating. Won’t you congratulate us, Elijah?! ~KJM once again giving you a different vibe on Serenity Saturday. Hey I’m madly in love but I didn’t say I’m reformed from my pettiness! Lol?? I am a work in progress! 

Many of you have been wondering for months…what happened to Phoenix?! I want to say I purposely left you hanging…leaving you at the edge of your sexually thirsty seats but no that really wasn’t it. As I’ve always said, Phoenix steps in to fill a spot…WHEN I CHOOSE. He doesn’t own a spot nor was he ever asked to fill out an application for one. Something about Phoenix made me never want to stay more than one night. I’ve known him since 2004 and I’ve never ever been able to fall asleep next to him. The last time we saw each other, in September 2014, he asked me if I thought he was going to kill me in my sleep as he smiled at me with those pearly whites while his dark chocolate skin glistened in the moonlight. I don’t know what made me keep him at a distance until the weekend of April 1st when I let Elijah go. Then like a lightning bolt, I saw Phoenix’s true colors. Typically, our friendship consists of us supporting each other on everything. He lends me a listening ear and has a reassuring voice but not on this particular weekend. Phoenix and I spoke about me ending it with Elijah and he seemed supportive UNTIL I hit a nerve. I’m not sure how I got under his skin. I ran down a laundry list of reasons why Elijah and I just won’t cut it. Amongst it, I mentioned that I hated Elijah’s cheapness and the fact that he was almost 40 years old yet still playing mind games! Now I’m not the best in relationships and lawd knows many people want to cast a stone at me for my past indiscretions but I really tried with Elijah. That dude straight up wanted a woman to be bare foot, pregnant, serve him, make all his meals, bathe him (I’m sure), and yet still hold down a job (or 2) 7 days a week! Elijah was NOT the gentleman he pretended to be. I’m not even mad about it. Wouldn’t we all want to see the warning signs in the dating phase so we can bolt?! Well I got my chance and that’s what the fuck I did! I told Phoenix because I’ve gone younger, dated in my age group, and now gone older…I’m noticing there are some common themes with black men! Like serious commitment escapes them! Now not all black men because I damn sure don’t want to start receiving hate mail from y’all! ? So hear me out: I’ve dated the fake Shabba Ranks to the Imposter Waka Flaka’s…I need a fucking break! ?? I announced that I’m going back to dating men of different races like when I was younger and once again…that’s what the fuck I’ve been doing! My bed is MY business and nobody else’s. Yo this dude Phoenix lost it…but….wait for it…I’m about to pick it back up! Out of the entire list of things I mentioned about how Elijah treated me…Phoenix took one thing personal. He took issue with the fact that I was pissed when Elijah said the most he would ever spend on my (or any woman for that matter) engagement ring was $1,500. Now let be clear here like I was with Phoenix. I make my own money and in my entire life the only men I went to for money when I didn’t have it were the men in my family…mostly Papa Michaels and my brother, Junior….so I ain’t no motherfucking gold digger but that’s how Phoenix handled me…like a hoe in the street with greasy lips, money grabbing hands, and ashy ankles!!!! I can’t believe he did me that way! We have been down for each other for a very long time. I went to visit him when he was in graduate school. Brought him food and wine while never bringing up money! That’s just not my style in relationships or affairs for that matter but when people try to flip the script on me…I ask them to come correct! Phoenix informed me that he now makes $160,000 a year (ouch hurt my feelings to find that out because my career isn’t that lucrative) and he would buy his girlfriend/baby mama a $1,500 dollar ring in a heartbeat (if he wanted to be engaged) and she better be lucky to receive it. He said it’s about the marriage not the ring. Now wait a minute….most of my friends are happily married with nice rings. I don’t need a $50,000 ring but why would you go out and get me something that I can easily buy myself (or get in a Cracker Jack box fuck hole) with no thought of what I may like. Men, many engagement and wedding rings are passed down to children from their parents. So I asked Phoenix if $1,500 was good enough for his child and all I got was DEAD SILENCE. See that’s the issue for me with Elijah (and now Phoenix), it’s the attitude that a woman should be happy with whatever the fuck they do….hence Elijah’s cheapness and demanding ways and Phoenix’s cheating ways (yea I know I use to kick it with him once in a while but I’m still going to call a spade a spade). If you remember clearly, I said it’s the person who is in the dating relationship that should honor whatever they have…not a person on the outside. And when married, the stakes are even higher and that’s why I don’t fuck with married men. It’s pissing off God and married women at the same damn time. I ain’t got no time for that drama! ✌?️Now back to Phoenix’s manifesto. If I was engaged and buying my future husband’s ring….I would have a budget but my main goal is to find a ring he will like and want to wear until eternity. Some black women profess that it’s about the marriage and accept the Cracker Jack Box ring easily just for the sake of saying they are married meanwhile he just bought his mama a Porsche! Some of us ain’t even being offered a ring (Phoenix’s girlfriend) while women of all other races have requirements financially, emotionally, and physically to settle down with a man! I took a poll from my male married friends of all other races and they whole hearted disagreed with Elijah and Phoenix! They thought a $5,000 ring (that’s the number I threw out when Elijah brought the subject up and asked me how much I would want him to spend) was getting off way too easy from what was required of them when they got married to their wives! Now I’m not saying all black men feel this way and I’m not saying all black women take what they can get. I’m not even saying all women of other races make their financial value the number one priority in their marriages. What I am saying is: “NO ROMANCE WITHOUT FINANCE!” The old skool people got it…I don’t know what the fuck this new generation is about but it’s cold out here in these streets to be playing “the you better be happy a man wants you” game! If the Ex Factor could have only afforded a $1,500 ring, I would have happily accepted it because we ride for each other and he’s a giver. He is the type of man (faults and all) that wanted to provide all my wants and needs. And if he couldn’t do it today…he had a plan to do it when he could. I’m not about the coins but my pussy mileage, love, and understanding are worth more than $1,500 from a man sitting on almost $200,000. Notice these men aren’t limiting the amount of the ring because they want to save the money for a house…they are limiting it because that’s all they feel a black woman deserves. Trust and believe if they left our race…that shit wouldn’t fly! “Becky with the good hair” has not lost sight of her overall worth. Vanessa Bryant (Kobe’s wife) is a prime example of that. Kobe was messing up all over the place, she dropped another child, and her ring just kept getting bigger and bigger. I’m not even mad at her…Ivana Trump said in the movie “First Wives Club”…”don’t get mad…get everything!” So I’m not saying Vanessa Bryant’s way of thinking is right nor wrong (I am making an assumption as an outsider) but I will leave this right here…”I ain’t saying she a gold digger but she ain’t messing with no broke…” Well you get where I’m coming from. This may be a good time for me to wipe my lip gloss off, put my money grabbing hands in my own pocket, and get to lotioning my ashy ankles! Wtf. These motherfuckers must have fell and bumped their heads! So Phoenix, Elijah, and I must part ways. Stay tuned! ~KJM is dropping some juicy tidbits on Serenity Saturday! Sometimes it’s great to switch things up! Be well! Be kind to yourselves! And know your worth!?? Now where that lotion at?! ✌?️

My eyes fell on his almost 7 feet stance. Breathlessly, I was a goner when my gaze found his brown eyes. Never meant to fall in love…especially so deeply. The Ex Factor was young….20 years old to be exact. I had just turned 29. This was the summer I was suppose to get my feet wet in the dating world. I made up my mind that Julio and I after 10 years of dating on and off were DONE! ?? Phoenix was on the scene doing what he does best….ME. LOVE was not on my mind. I had escaped it most of my dating life minus Julio. And even then…it was puppy love because Julio and I were teenagers when we first met. BULLET PROOF FROM FALLING IN LOVE…that’s what I would tell all these guys on our first date. I repeated the same to the Ex Factor…never realizing that he literally had me at HELLO. For 5 years, I would be on a roller coaster ride that all my friends and family would watch in a disgusting awe as I fought to save my independence and self esteem while loving a man that just didn’t love me or so I thought. My brother, Junior, once told me that people don’t always show love the way we want them to. They love in the way they know. Junior was the first to tell me that he thought the Ex Factor loved me to destruction. I couldn’t see it because I always went by what the Ex Factor said and reminded myself that we had no future. But we did have inside jokes and laughed a lot. WE DID HAVE EACH OTHER but I wanted and needed more. First two years of us dating, we made love anywhere and at any time. That’s the passion we once had. Even though our communication was off on so many levels…even sexually at times…he had become my deepest friend and lover in one. I just didn’t realize it…until now. Junior said the Ex Factor did not know himself well enough yet as a man in love. He was still at a stage in life (the early 20s) where being in love wasn’t really cool or widely accepted amongst his peers. And even though Junior is the one person that supported us as a couple emotionally and financially at times…I still thought my brother was trying to spare my feelings. How could the Ex Factor love me? He never said it! And while I had never said I loved him in person…there were at least 5 times in the 5 years that I text “1 4 3” or “Love You.” You see, I too was afraid of being transparent with my heart. What I truly felt no words could ever express. There were times I was sleeping with a broken heart with the Ex Factor right next to me. I had never experienced anything like this. Julio loved me first and professed it. There has been numerous guys who showed me love and tried to reform me from “my feminist independent I’m not trying to marry your ass ways.” Still…I chose to move on. With the Ex Factor…I could run but I never got far until June 2015. I turned cold. But since the Ex Factor was down with me when I was financially on my face…spirit broken…I had to stay down with him until he got a new job in September 2015. He held me down and I did the same for him. I could have wasted my entire life waiting for him had my spirit not turned cold when my friend Michele died unexpectedly in June 2015. Her death pushed me into rebirth mode and in September 2015…I didn’t need to run because GOD taught me how to FLY. ?? And so I flew to my new destination without shedding a tear while knowing I could not take the Ex Factor with me. Elijah boarded my plane that same month and I thought my heart would get a chance to warm up and heal. At almost 40 years old, Elijah was very different from the Ex Factor. The games became more psychological and something always seemed missing. It wasn’t until I heard from the Ex Factor this week and finally decided to respond to him that I figured out what I could not find in Elijah: a laid back guy, my friend, my lover, and the only man I would have married on the spot and given birth to any number of his children without complaints. I RODE for the Ex Factor…mentally, emotionally, and sexually. I was a MAD SCIENTIST in a lab and he was my specimen to mold, to turn into my heart’s desire. My ULTIMATE CLIMAX. ?? Fast forward to present day and I think he’s finally realizing what Beyoncé told him…“Hold up…they don’t love you like I love you…slow down…they don’t love you like I love you.” So he’s in my life…whispering those sweet nothings that only took 5 years and 11 months to hear. I teared up a bit because I believe he means it. The Ex Factor doesn’t ever speak of love unless it’s of his family and his dogs. I’m no longer angry so I reminded him that HE WAS LOVED by me. I don’t know if he purposely missed the past tense of if he just decided it was now or never to put himself out there but he uttered “Love You Too.” It took 5 years and 11 months to hear him say those words. At this point in my life…it was understood. I wasn’t loved the way I needed to be by the Ex Factor but I walked away last September knowing that even with all his fuck ups…he loved me the best way he could. And I accepted that and chose to move on. Just like when I noticed some major changes the Ex Factor made in his life the last 9 months, I accepted the fact that those changes are for a future woman in his life…perhaps his future wife…but they weren’t for me. Maybe I’m wrong about this but once a man knows the depths of how much a woman loves him…some will unwisely take her for granted. If I ever decided to take the Ex Factor back, I could see him reverting back to his old self within a month. His love…in a sense…is a day late and a dollar short. It belongs to some other woman and I’m okay with knowing that I was the catalyst for it all. I’m okay with knowing that she will not have to go to sleep with a broken heart while laying next to him. I have accepted that we have gone as far as we can. And while I know soon…I will have to cut off communication with him again so we can both have healthy love lives…it feels great to have my heart and my friend back. We laugh at our inside jokes and reflect on our favorite places to spend time together. We…love…from afar in our own special way. It’s been a beautiful feeling to go from Kelis’ “I hate you so much right now” to Beyoncé’s “Sorry…I ain’t sorry!” For anyone going through it out there…broken hearts do heal. ~KJM on Throwback Thursday saying I’ve no clue if I’m still in love. I actually don’t want to find out. Right now, I just want to enjoy our laughter.? 

I am on Temptation Island. You ever been there? It looks like being up shit’s creek without a paddle only you have ONE opportunity to swim to shore! Yesterday was a crazy day. I ran into Elijah and then later that evening the ex factor text me. The ex factor and I had a good conversation where I made it clear…things are how they should be. We don’t belong together. Yes I loved him with everything I had in me and more but it’s been almost 9 months since we broke up and I’m over it. Now to that damn Elijah. Why am I still attracted to him?! It’s not like when we were dating…I no longer feel a spark but there’s still attraction to all of his over 6 feet dark chocolate self. My vagina stood up to greet him but good thing I’m a woman…I can easily tell her ass to stand down too! The vagina does not control the woman like the penis controls the man. “She” is a separate entity for which the woman and only the woman can hit an on and off switch. So I quickly clicked the OFF switch. Elijah broke my faith in him and that’s something that entering through the vagina can’t fix. I don’t think there could ever be a remedy to how Elijah treated me. Still for the next couple of weeks I will occasionally bump into him. Fuck my life. Lol. During this time, I will have to strategically figure out a way to be polite and professional without getting caught in the male siren’s cries. Didn’t female sirens eat the men at sea?! Oh my…this can’t be good! I wonder if the universe is trying to purposely test me as I’m days away from my new season! I hope not. Avoiding temptation has never been my thing! Now Elijah has text me “Nice to see you!” No apology for being a cheap rude asshole. Nope! He thinks good looks and a big dick can get him out of anything. Not this time honey! Pussy shop is currently CLOSED! ?? As a matter of fact, I get more and more dry every time Elijah speaks! This is why I prefer my men CUTE and MUTE! That’s why I stayed with the ex factor for so many years. He only spoke when he had something sensible to say. So somebody please tap Elijah on the shoulder and tell him to shut the fuck up! ✌?️ ~KJM on Hump Day asking if anyone else’s exes got cuffing season mixed up?!