Whether you interpret BOAZ as being someone worth waiting for or someone that Ruth settles for after her first husband and true love died, we are on an amazing journey of self discovery. BOAZ represents so much more but Ruth’s story doesn’t mean much if you don’t find a positive way to apply it to your life. In my life, while I miss the Ex Factor, over the years he has made it easier to live without him than with him…especially when his word isn’t his bond. So let’s keep on this journey…no matter what BOAZ represents to you. ~KJM on Hump Day!?
Archives for October 2016
The fact that he can sleep peacefully when I’m hurting…lets me know he can’t be the one. ~KJM is still on the road to BOAZ…even in the midst of temptation.
I find myself wondering what it would have been like if I woke up every day for the last 6 years believing in you…even on the days you failed me. If I took your word that you meant no harm…when your actions say otherwise. If I held on…even when every thing in me wants to let go. Thoughts fill my mind of all our happy times in between our unhappy times. The thing is you never felt I had a reason to be unhappy. You dismissed all my cries and sadness and probably pinned me as some crazy emotional woman…instead of realizing that you brought me to this point. No sense of responsibility for your part in everything. Yes you had a huge role in my walking away…every time…but you also had your part in some of the AMAZING moments we shared. Even now…when I’ve pulled away…my heart misses you. Even now when I’m faced with the fact that you may never be the man I need you to be…there is a temptation to stay…with you. For some people…getting lost in time for love is worth it. I’m just a little too rational for that. My mind rules me almost always. I never learned to believe in any man without proof of his resilience, strength, and faith but Jesus and my Daddy! Though walking away from you has never been easy…even if I was running into the arms of another man. The temptation to stay lost in time with you will always be there. The temptation to love you even when you aren’t loving me…the temptation to steal those happy moments and overlook the sad ones…the temptation to hand you my present without any assurances of the future…the temptation to breathe you…the temptation to need you…and the temptation to walk around as if I’m void of all my senses…remains. It’s the silliest thing…to me…I had no clue the heart was so strong! Even when one’s universe is shattering…the heart keeps beating…keeps wanting…keeps yearning. ~KJM is missing the Ex Factor on Temptation Tuesday.???
Remember me? Yea it’s that same chick that is all about herself….her…SELF LOVE…that is. ?? Often times, I’m so misunderstood. Most times, I don’t really stop to correct folks either. Lol. I’m not perfect but I sure do live in my own world almost all of the time. And that ain’t a bad thing for a non married woman with no children! It’s exactly where I should be actually. Focused on me. As I’m growing, however, I’m starting to realize that there are times that one must put others first. As a single woman though….those times are few, far, and in between!?? Here’s my top 3 MISS ME WITH THAT list from Oh Picky Selfish Me: 3. THE HE UGLY AS FUCK AND SMELL LIKE SHIT BUT HE’S A MAN WHO WANTS ME SYNDROME (The Oh Picky Me Mini Edition): I know that some men feel like a woman should just be happy to have a man but um…hell naw! Life is about more than limp dicks who want to beat women down physically and emotionally!?? Sad to say that some of us women buy into this theory too! Got an abled bodied man in the house not working and/or not helping to raise the kids! MISS ME WITH THAT! I would rather live alone in a house full of real dogs than have a man dog living off of me and only providing dick! When did dick get so good that all our damn common sense went out the window when we saw it? Did I like miss the memo?! ? 2.THE LOVE HIM MORE THAN ME SYNDROME (The Oh Selfish Me Mini Edition): yea okay…never! Lol. I know they say never say never but um…I highly doubt it. Even though I’m so disappointed in myself for all the chances I gave Julio and the Ex Factor in my life…I am human and I do love. However, any man that I love should love and respect me for always loving myself a little bit more than him…if not a lot more! ?? We as women set the standard for what we are worth and while I will entertain the man I love saying he’s trying to do right…the minute I see he isn’t…you can expect my ass to go LEFT!✌?️ I love hard but I love myself even more. For those of you who love to destruction, are there not times that you can’t stomach looking at that man that’s driving you to the insane asylum and back?! Cause that’s where I was with Julio 7 years ago (never came back from it) and where I am currently vacationing with the Ex Factor!?? Like disrespecting myself and settling for less (in love) literally leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I can no longer look at myself in the mirror when I’m stomaching the bullshit. So yes I’m quite selfish when I exit with the quickness. Ain’t nobody got time for that! MISS ME WITH ALL OF THAT! Get your shit together or don’t step to me at all!?? 1. THE NEED TO PLEASE EVERYBODY AS THEY SUCK THE KINDNESS OUT OF ME SYNDROME (The Oh All About My Own Feelings Mini Edition): why does society tell women especially to be kind and nice no matter what?! Has anyone ever told you that not everyone deserves your kindness? Or that some folks deserve the cold shoulder and silence? Or that some folks earned that good old fashioned cussing out coming their way? Sistas…we will lose our minds trying to please everybody but ourselves! Like who puts you first? Who is staying up at night trying to figure out how to make you happy? Before you even answer those questions, are you doing those things for yourself? Who makes you a priority if you don’t? Girl…I hear your silence and it’s deafening! MISS ME WITH THAT! Oh Picky Selfish Me is more than a title…it’s a way of life and survival! And it damn sure is a necessity if you ever plan on finding and living your happiness! My love life may be in the toilet but my life is good! Oh Picky Selfish Me picks up the pieces of a hot damn mess I create when I leave myself behind! And then a rejuvenated me steps forward with strength, works harder at my two careers, and books a damn trip FOR MYSELF and BY MYSELF! You see…I can always count on ME!?? ~KJM on Charm School Monday saying that some folks need a class in Oh Picky Selfish Me! Love thy self the most, often, and with everything in you!?
Happy Serenity Sunday! I hope and pray that you are all having a very relaxing weekend! If you are like me and are working all weekend, I hope and pray you have found at least a few minutes to meditate and take stock of the direction you want your life to go in. It’s our new season and I truly believe it shall be a season of FAVOR and BLESSINGS! ?? However, we have to put in some work! For the last couple of years, I’ve been saying I need to lose some weight! Every year, it feels like, I’m 10lbs heavier! Between my stressful personal life and my hectic work schedule…I’ve made excuses after excuses of why I haven’t loss weight. Now here’s a funny thought most folks might have not had unless you fall into this category. I’m neither petite nor plus size! So for those of us in the middle…while the petites are being praised for their tiny waistlines (or glared at for their lack of eating “real” food) and the plus sizes are either being body shamed or celebrated for loving themselves at any size…those of us in the middle are eating a donut praying it drops us on the petite side! ??? Now I would love to lose 40lbs within the next year! I’m going to start on the first 20lbs by tweaking my daily diet and adding exercise into it. Starting tomorrow I will completely drop soda drinking unless it’s a holiday (like Thanksgiving and Christmas) and stop excessive snacks that I eat throughout the day….because I’m bored not because I’m hungry. I don’t believe in diets but I do believe in lifestyle changes! Because of my long NYC commute…I walk about 3 miles a day anyways (I’ve an app that tracks my movements). And I love running outside with Papa Michaels…it’s just been hard to do since I’ve been working 7 days a week with the only days off being when I’m laid out sick! My good college friend and owner of TEEM Performance Training, LLC, Derek Arledge (http://www.teempt.com/)…made me an online workout video that’s less than 15 minutes to work on my target areas…awhile ago. ? Sad to say that I haven’t used it yet! Oh the shame! ? But starting this week…I will aim to do the video at least 3 times a week. Check his site out no matter what state you are in! He’s located in the DC Metro area now but creates online workout videos for clients anywhere. ?? Thanks Derek! Now back to the matter at hand…I truly believe in lifestyle changes…NOT diets! So I’m taking baby steps to build a more healthy daily lifestyle. Now I know some of you are looking at my weight loss goals and saying I can do them faster if I was more disciplined with my daily eating habits….and that is very true…but in order for it to be a lifestyle change…it’s got to be ingrained in me. Everyone is different so do what feels rights for you. I’m starting my journey slowly. Weight gain can affect so many things. I’m a beautiful woman with a pretty good body but with not feeling good in it and the Ex Factor doing nothing to make me feel special and beautiful…I don’t even have a desire for sex with him! Yes guys…the emotional can screw the physical up. I was warning him for a while but he just didn’t get that I didn’t feel wanted by him. And while the men in NYC shout me out daily (mostly in a respectful manner)….it didn’t matter if the man I love left me feeling unwanted. And that truly put him in the friend zone!? Men, never forget to make the woman in your life feel special as she takes on life’s journey! Ladies, please do the same for the men in your lives! ‘Tis a new season! Let’s love on ourselves and one another lots! I don’t know what it is but I’m super excited about October!?I have a feeling it will be a beautiful catalyst in our new season. Get ready and get excited too! ~KJM on what is now Serenity Sunday saying no matter what goals you have in your new season…start putting them into action!??