Yesterday this feeling snuck up on me out of no where. I was just driving and saw two places that reminded me of you. In the last 8 months, I never let myself go there. I read your texts…numb. I ignored your Facebook requests…numb. I blocked you a few times via phone so I could stay numb. Then something happened…life went on and I felt very alive. You were not the source of my happiness…only I could bring myself happiness but at times you were the source of deep sadness. I felt free of you and our dead end relationship. When I walked away, I began to heal my own heart. Holes you had left there with the intentions of keeping me in pieces were actually easily filled. They were filled with happy hours, family events, and travels. It was like I was seeing the world for the first time but without baggage. I could dream again without anyone trying to hold me back. And though my life is not perfect, walking away was the best decision I ever made. Oh I watched the sun rise with hope in my eyes and watched the sun set with faith in my heart. Everything felt like the first time. A new chapter that could be written anyway I wanted. Yes it was freeing. That was my last 8 months without you. I never had a moment where I wanted to turn back but I’ve surly had moments where I asked myself why I didn’t leave sooner?! Recently, I read a quote that says “people leave our lives when we have learned all we can from them.” For some reason, I needed to date you for 5 years to learn what I want out of a man. Yesterday, I thought love was enough. Today, I realized that I want a man who can say sorry sincerely and work on himself as I work on myself. One who can own up to his mistakes and learn from them. Yesterday, I thought my love could get us through anything. Today, I now know that we needed faith, hope, love, trust, and respect. Love alone cannot survive without being watered by faith, hope, trust, and respect. Yesterday, I thought laying in your arms and trusting you to lead us was enough. Today, I see that a man cannot lead if he has no idea where he himself is going. Yesterday, I heard people say love is blind. Today, I know that is simply not true….that’s why it was so hard to get over you these last couple years. My eyes were open and I realized I signed up for heartache the first 3.5 months into us dating. I did that…stuck around for dead end promises…knowing damn well there was no home here for me. Yesterday, I was ashamed of what I endured. Today, I take the lessons learned and apply them to my current dating life. I can love and be loyal to a man…that’s what Elijah taught me! My past indiscretions usually occurred after yours were brought to light. When there’s no you in my life, I’m no longer broken. I’m free and flying! Yesterday, I did miss some of the life we had together. Visuals and imagery can do that. But today, I’m filled with so much hope and faith…that there’s no gift Yesterday brought that Today cannot produce…and more! ~KJM on Temptation Tuesday saying never settle for less than what you are worth!?
Recent Comments