I have so much on my mind this morning but you guys follow my life everyday. Time to change pace and do something I do not typically do here at Kingston Expressions…discuss celebrities or reality tv people. I make the exception when there is a strong lesson for us all in their stories. This past Saturday’s “Iyanla Fix My Life” premiered the Marie Holmes episode aka the young mother of four from North Carolina who won 188 million…immediately spending 21 million in bailing out her drug dealing “fiancé.” First off, this was a very sad episode. Just a few minutes in…my heart was breaking and the episode felt like a car crash that I just could not look away from. Women go through so much in life but the plight of the black woman is particularly troubling. We are battling poverty, parenting fatherless children, the drug epidemic sweeping our neighborhoods, sexual assault/rape as a silent killer in our families and communities, our men being incarcerated in large numbers, down low men, chanting black lives matter while screaming on top of our lungs that the black woman should never be forgotten in that fight for justice and civil rights, and many other draining life circumstances. So when I looked at 27 year old Marie…I could see the weight of the world on her shoulders. Not once did she smile in the one hour episode. Her sadness swept me away and from the looks of it…it’s not going away any time soon. There is so much I want to say to Marie! As I watched, I tried so much not to judge her but found myself agitated with her because she was not provided a foundation of the strength that me…a black woman in America…had received from BOTH of my parents! With her father in jail for drugs and her mom virtually clueless on life herself…there was just no way Marie could be prepared for her new life as a lottery winner (not to mention she was ill prepared for her old life)! I sat there and watched….speechless. There was a woman down! And only God himself could come down and save her…along with some intense therapy! She sent her 4 children away to Seattle to live with her mother (who she does not have a great relationship with) just so she could stay in NC to stick by her no good man! Lots I can say here but the mess is self evident. What is even more crystal clear is that if there is not some serious life plan put in place that covers mental illness and repairing broken relationships…even with all the money in the world…the cycle of depression, sadness, lack of self love and self respect, and desperation to be loved…will continue with Marie’s children! What can we take away from all of this? I often sit down thinking…if only I had more money…this would be right…and if only he (The Ex Factor) loved me more…this would be right. If only! If only! If only! Money or no money…some shit cannot be fixed if we are broken inside! And forget about the measure of love others give us when we are cheating ourselves of the great amount of self love we deserve! And I’m in my right damn mind…educated…a businesswoman…childless…and financially not really wanting for much because I have all I need….yet I got my “if onlys” in tote and I’m dragging my baggage right along with me! Marie is a hot damn mess but she is my sister in the struggle of life! To judge her would be to forget all my mistakes and indiscretions! We as women need to speak life into the lost and abandoned! It’s so easy to say Marie girl you chose a man over your children and you tripping! Well she is! But what I really needed to say is sister you need help! You needed it long ago but now you actually have a platform to receive it and inspire others similarly situated! Enter Iyanla! Of course there was a lot of heat on how Iyanla handled the situation! Bless her heart for trying! I do not counselor folks because I have yet to learn the patience to not smack them upside their damn heads when they are leading destructive lives! ?I am a work in progress! But Iyanla tried! She is just a life coach…not a miracle worker! She cannot fix…in one episode…27 years of brokenness! 27 years of feeling unloved! 27 years of looking for love in the wrong damn place! Only thing Iyanla could do was alert Marie to her deep seeded issues and stand with her as she tries to figure it out! I pray Iyanla (and Oprah for that matter) is keeping a steady eye on this young woman! “While you can lead a horse to water…you sure cannot make her drink!” Iyanla lead her to water and whether you agree with her method or not…Marie called and Iyanla answered! People write in for help. Iyanla did not have to show up but she did…when many of us would have hung up the phone on Marie while whispering…“a lost cause.” I am just keeping it real on this one. What can we take away from all of this? There are times we all get lost…cannot find our way…clueless to get out of the hell we were either born into or created for ourselves. I am a strong black woman and there are still times I disappoint myself, accept less than I deserve, and need guidance finding my way back to core of who I am! Marie, I pray for you and your family. I pray you keep asking for help. I hope you start to work on self love. I pray you walk away from any love that no longer serves you. I pray you see the light. But let us not forget…one does not become enlightened easily…one must fight for every inch of that enlightenment! Walk barefoot on rocks, cry at night instead of sleep…and virtually stare destruction in the face before ever seeing a glimmer of the light. That’s called doing the work and actively walking into your enlightenment! Marie…the time is now. Fight sister! Fight! ~KJM on Charm School Monday?
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