Yesterday, Tamar Braxton released a statement on her Instagram about her upcoming divorce. Typically, I don’t follow celebrity gossip but since it was coming from the horse’s mouth…I figured I would read it because there was sure to be a lesson in it. ?Okay…let’s dive into that lesson. According to Tamar, despite a united and happy public front, she was unhappy, abused, and cheated on in her marriage….at least this is what her post alludes to. She said she was saving face for many years to show the world her and Vince were happy. Now I don’t know them personally so I can’t even begin to access their divorce. My guess would be..it is going to be messy as hell but I’m hoping for the best. Tamar’s post brings me to an interesting question…why are we (as a society) always trying to sell perfection?! Now you know I don’t. Career a mess. Relationship a confusing mess. Life…still trying to figure it out. This, of course, does not mean I sell unhappiness at Kingston Expressions! I definitely do not! But in order for me to grow…I dive in…not only on the good days but also on the bad. I think I can do that successfully because I’m in the dating phase of my relationship and I’m no longer married to my career! However, if I was at the top of my field and married to the Ex Factor…I would have to tread lightly in what I share. But here at the bottom (“started from the bottom now we here”?), I can be as real about my shit and still breathe clean air…not too worried about who is judging me.?? So back to this perfection in relationships (cause careers are another beast in themselves)! People sell happiness, even when they are not, because happiness is a sign of success! Like your marriage made it! Woot woot! ?? And because of this…you are now an expert on love and relationships! ? Can I tell you how much I hate the people who sell that their spouses are their best friends and that being in a relationship is easy when it’s the right one?! Loathe those folks!!! ✌? You know why? It’s not that it’s not possible for your spouse to really be your best friend…but if that’s the case…I’m guessing you don’t have too many real friends! ? I mean come on! We love them but we also need a break from them just like we need breaks from our parents, siblings, and children! ?? Lets keep it all the way real…many friendships out lasts most relationships! That’s why I cherish my friendships so much! Many of my friends go way back with me “like babies and pacifiers!” ? No significant other will ever know me to the degree that my friends do! I mean my BFF, Zack, and I knew each other when we were still virgins! ? Some friends knew me before I had breasts! No spouse can know you like that! Chances are you been through decades with your friends…while some boyfriends/husbands don’t last a good five years! ? Once again, I’m just keeping it all the way real…well my version of real. ? So yes it is possible for your spouse to be your best friend but this is probably a rare instance and that’s okay! To be together we don’t need to shit and eat together every second of every day! ?? Let me play devil’s advocate for a minute. Since I don’t sell perfection and I’m pretty open about the many issues the Ex Factor and I face…I get folks giving me unsolicited advice all the damn time! ✌? If you aren’t my brother, Junior, or my friends, Grace and Nicole, I’m probably not asking you shit. Just need a listening ear. You see…none of the above sell perfection but they support us and make it clear that relationships are fucking work and they are HARD! Living with someone, growing with someone, and building with someone will take strength you never knew you had! So don’t believe the hype or the perfect Facebook posts…shit is real and shit is hard if you are aiming for forever! If you aren’t ready to roll up your sleeves and do the work…WHILE WORKING ON YOURSELF TOO…don’t even try to be about that forever journey with someone. ?? This is why I just tip toe on the sidelines. I am just not all the way ready and while some of you can get ready while you dive in…there are many of us who need to complete the journey of working on ourselves before we can bring another person into our eternity! ?? So what should you get from today’s blog? Perfection simply does not exist.✌? The more we try to portray perfection…is the deeper into the land of despair we get. ? Be real about your good AND bad days. This doesn’t mean that you should share everything with everyone (definitely protect your union) but please don’t be out here selling fairytales. ?? Before I went off to graduate school, a dear friend of mine who had already gone through my rigorous program sat me down and told me it was going to be hard, my body would fall apart, and my mind was going to leave me at times but I would get through it!!! And she was fucking right…only it was worse than what she described! Now she wasn’t discouraging me from going…she just wanted me to be prepared…and you know what? When those tough times came, I stuck with my program! I had committed myself to the ups and downs and went in knowing that especially as a minority…I was going to have to fight for my degree!!!! ?? And by the grace of God…I did just that! ?? Relationships are different from educational programs but the theme of putting your blood, sweat, and tears into something you committed to…rings true..just the same! ?? ~KJM on Hump Day! Tamar Braxton, I wish you love, light, and peace as you step into your new reality! ? An authentic life is the only life worth living! ??
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