Happy Charm School Monday! I did not get any sleep last night but have a fire in my belly and a discussion on my mind that I have the energy to share on this rainy morning! Last night, I was catching up with a friend of mine. Suddenly the topic of Erica and Warren Campbell’s “Black Love” segment came up. My friend felt that they shouldn’t have been featured in the docu series because Warren’s long term affair along with impregnating a woman that was not his wife was an unforgivable disrespectful act that Erica put up with (and probably is still putting up with). ? In my friend’s eyes, a one night affair is more forgivable because she views it as a mistake. Good time to mention that there are many folks who think a one night cheat is still an unforgivable cheat. ? But I digress. While I have never been married, I watched that same segment and saw two people who went through hell and back but used their love for each other along with their faith to bring them back together!?? I felt nothing but positive vibes from it. The road to eternity is not easy and most people should know it as many are divorced and/or on their second marriages. No judgement here…just willing to point out the glass houses that many seem to be overlooking when discussing the Campbells, the Wades, and the Carters! ?? Who are we to tell a woman or man for that matter what the standards for their marriage and the level of their forgiveness should be?! I am going to repeat this again…UNLESS ASKED, DO NOT GIVE UNSOLICITED ADVICE! Maybe it’s just me but 99% of the time that I’m venting to friends and family about the Ex Factor, I just want them to listen. Not one of them have a relationship that would fit me well. I’m seeking a listening ear and I try my best to not overstep my boundaries and do the same for my friends and family when it’s their turn to vent. Even I forget and sometimes say shit I shouldn’t and have to get my shit together quick! ? But a word to the wise…the longer the couple has been together the greater chance they are going to still be together after you drop that unsolicited advice. ?? Not to mention…who the hell has a perfect relationship? It’s kind of mind boggling to me how folks in very messed up situations be the first to dish advice out! Once again, I have never been married so I stay away from giving married folks advice. My friend claims if Erica was her friend she would not tell Erica to leave Warren but my friend would think it. My response to that bull? KEEP THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AWAY FROM ME! As a spiritual person, I truly believe that only three people should actively be in a marriage: husband, wife, and GOD! I also believe that it takes a small village to support a marriage (THE COUPLE). Here’s where y’all come in…watch who you tell your business to. Even if they aren’t saying it but they are wishing it or thinking it…they are harming your marriage/relationship. ?? Words, deeds, and thoughts all guide the universe. You need folks praying for your relationship…not folks waiting to tell you they told you so! ?? Often times, those kind of haters (yes I’m gonna call a spade a spade because I clearly explained my position to my friend for 2.5 hours yesterday over the phone) are unhappy but think they have the answers to your lives. Without throwing her under the bus, my friend is not happy in the journey of her personal life. While she’s trying to get to a better place, I fear that her rigid views of dos and don’ts in OTHER PEOPLE’S MARRIAGES is a road block to her own happiness! And yes I got an opinion about that but only because she opened up her mouth. Two years ago, she told me that the Ex Factor is just going to use me up and that’s what men his age do. ?? There was so much I could have said to that but I let that shit rock because my number one focus was on my life!?? I never asked her opinion (she would have been the last person I would have asked) and I certainly would have never thought of saying some shit like that to someone else! ? A happy and secure person does not spout out such negativity. From that point on, I hardly discuss the Ex Factor with her unless it’s on a positive note. If you have noticed, I have now decreased how much I blog about him. For two years, I opened up our lives to you all. I have learned so much but now it’s time for us to grow. If I blogged about him, you have every right to comment on how you feel because I’ve opened it up to the public! However, if you have dished out unsolicited advice based solely on his age….I’m always gonna see you as a bitter hater! ✌? While long term relationships may not be marriages…not everyone believes in marriage so you got to watch your step when giving advice. If I asked, I welcomed whatever your opinion was. If you agreed with my frustration, I hold no grudge. But if simply because of our age difference you came at me…well let’s just say it spoke volumes of where you were/are in life. UNHAPPY! ✌? So now I’m more careful who I share our ups and downs with. It’s okay to say that our situation….or any other couples’ for that matter…would not be a good fit for you but it’s not okay to judge those folks for working it out! My friend thinks that too many people stay in bad relationships because of all the years they invested and did not want to lose. I beg to differ! The high divorce rate seems to tell me that many folks weren’t serious about marriage in the first place. The first storm came and they crumbled! This is not to say that some folks who are divorced shouldn’t be! I have a long list of friends that got divorced and are now happily married to a better spouse or even a better version of the same spouse they married years before! ?? It is these folks I seek when a small wind is blowing me and the Ex Factor away from each other. Once again, who said eternity was going to be easy? Forever is more of an action than it is a vow and check it…no one knows they can get to forever with their spouse until they actually make it! ?? Before I leave you, I want to give you one example of a celebrity couple that I could not help but have an opinion about…T.I. and Tiny! ???? The way he had her business out in the streets when they were separated was disgusting! Like I had to unfollow him! ✌?But never did I judge her for wanting to work her marriage out. It’s THEIR MARRIAGE! It would not be right for me but I support whatever they decide and I send them nothing but positive vibes and thoughts…because that’s how I want to be treated. ?? ~KJM on Charm School Monday! Be careful who you share your story with! I am learning you are either riding with your man or you are riding against him but you can’t be in the middle! We all need positive vibes no matter what we decide. ? Pray specifically, act intentionally, and guard not just your heart but also your thoughts. You never know who is secretly not wishing you well. ??
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