It’s close to the end of the year and like most of you…I am taking stock of my life in the final days of 2016. I have heard many say that 2016 was a terrible year and it wasn’t until around August that I realized it wasn’t really a good year for me. 2016 wasn’t as bad as May 2009-April 2013 (Yikes…I cringe just thinking about those years) but I still cried a lot and got bad news after bad news…consistently trying to keep my head above water. Many things I have shared with you all…but my deepest sadness…I still carry around inside of me. To lighten up my mood…I started to focus on my love life because let’s be honest…it’s always fucking comical! In January Elijah said “Love You” and in May, the Ex Factor said “Love You too.” While they weren’t bold declarations of love…I started to rehash how many guys had said some form of “I Love You” to me. Once again…a comical rehash. To my recollection…there have been 7 guys that have told me they love me. In my opinion, none of them ever truly loved me. Those words or some sentiments of those words were spoken to me out of control or as a place holder for a girl/woman they use to know or yearn to know. That’s sad to say but it’s MY truth! Hell it may be many of our truths and some of us just don’t know it! I believe…when a woman is truly loved…she knows it, depends on it, blossoms in it, and feels secure in it. I’ve never had that…romantically! Even with my oral surgery…I never told the Ex Factor when I was having it. Didn’t trust him to be there because I knew he would gladly let me down! So I depended on the men in my family and they have been there! Waiting on me hand and foot! There’s no man I’ve cared for romantically that I could depend on for shit. My men specialize in let down city…so I don’t trust them with much. Hence always traveling by myself or with my family all the time. I’ve never known a romantic love to be strong enough to be by my side. To be honest…I don’t know many women who have either. Even my “happily” married female friends (if they actually had an honest conversation with themselves) do not put all their trust in their husbands! If one is smart…they will always remember human beings are flawed! Nothing but God is good, true, and forever! But hey that’s just me! lol. So what was my love life like in 2016? Well first off, my Penn State friend’s dog, Solomon, was my first kiss at midnight going into 2016! I have never been kissed by a dog before much less at such a special time and had only kissed one guy, my Penn State Football player college sweetheart, when the ball dropped New Years Day 2003 in Orlando, FL. What did this all mean? Would it be a loved filled year? 2016 turned out to be another year of love trials and tribulations but I never ran out of having someone to kiss! ?Elijah wasn’t the one and the Ex Factor turned out to not be the one either. But for the moments that my heart soared and I truly believed in our love (the Ex Factor and I) I will forever be grateful for the risks my heart took. He came back for me. Maybe he didn’t come back for all the right reasons nor did he fight for me…but he came back for me and for a split second…I saw his HEART! It was a glimpse worth waiting for. ? ~KJM on Flashback Friday saying I pray 2017 is filled with real romantic love! ?
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